Needless to say, I was completely floored by Max's acting in Prom Queen. And I'm so, so happy with RIB right now, because the growth of Dave's character between Born This Way and now is just astounding to me. I never thought they'd let Dave be so remorseful and vulnerable, at least not this season. And Max just took their writing and ran with it, blowing my socks off and from what I've been reading, converting a significant segment of the fan base over to Karofsky (if not Kurtofsky) love.
This is Dave's POV on what happens in Prom Queen. I think there will be approximately 3,546,546,365,875,465 fics with exactly this premise written. So who am I to not throw my hat into the ring? XD The title is from Natasha Bedingfield's song, "Unwritten.
The weeks leading up to prom were certainly a departure from Dave's usual routine. Hurricane Santana had blown in, forcing Dave to do quite a few things he never pictured himself doing. Apologizing to the glee club. Requesting a meeting with Kurt, in order to secure his triumphant return to McKinley. Spearheading an anti-bullying task force. Wearing a beret. It really was amazing how effective blackmail was, when the secret as risk was so terrifyingly huge. When it all first started, Dave was beyond pissed and even more miserable than he'd been before - a state that he didn't think was even possible. But slowly, strangely, things began to change for Dave on the inside as well as the outside.
Having a fake girlfriend, especially one known to put out so often and enthusiastically, was the best thing that had happened to his reputation since winning the football championship. The other guys were always commenting on what a stud he was to have such a hot girlfriend. For the first time, Dave's constant state of vigilance in regards to his sexuality relaxed a little. He didn't feel like everyone was wondering if there was a specific reason he didn't date or get laid. The stress and fear of discovery had been a part of him for so long, he didn't realize what a relief it would be to not have it constantly dogging his every move.
Then there were the unexpected positive effects of being in the Bully Whips. For one thing, his new duties made it very easy to stop throwing hateful words like "homo" or "faggot" around. Every time he had used those words, he felt like he was screaming them at himself much more loudly than at whomever his target was. And even better, he could tell his friends not to use them around him either, all under the guise of making his smoking hot girlfriend happy and sexually receptive by following the Bully Whips code to the letter. For another, Dave had always been conflicted about his attacks on McKinley's less popular students, not that anyone would have ever suspected it. Dave didn't lie to himself; it did feel good in the moment to throw a slushie in someone's face, push them aside roughly, or intimidate them with his bulk and deep voice. It made him feel better, bigger, more important. It was fleeting though. After it was over, the shame would come to him, making him feel lower than ever. Which of course led to more bullying to make him feel better again, the whole cycle on a mind-numbing and continuous loop. But now the cycle was broken, and the shame that burned within so often him was suddenly gone. Instead, he helped people, and was astonished to find how great it felt to have someone look at him admiringly, and with gratitude. To have his dad tell him every day how proud he was of him, as Dave related over the dinner table the incidents he'd intervened in.
But there was one other thing that being in the Bully Whips did for Dave. It gave him the brief but intoxicating opportunity to walk side by side with Kurt in the hallways, to lean in a little and discretely inhale the smaller boy's sweet scent as he informed him of when and where to meet him for protection duty. He was able to look Kurt straight in the eye, and for once not see fear or loathing reflected back at him. Most of the time Kurt looked irritated, bored, or occasionally, amused (that was Dave's favorite, because those lips would quirk in a small smile that made his heart nearly leap out of his chest). But three days before prom, he saw something in Kurt's eyes that he never, ever imagined could possibly be there. It was what caused the tears to come, even more than Kurt's words about he saw Dave's pain so clearly, and wanted things to be better for him.
In Kurt's eyes, he saw concern, and a deep sympathy. Seeing those unexpected emotions in Kurt's beautifully expressive green gaze, Dave's bravado and control eroded in an instant. He couldn't let Kurt feel bad for him, or care about his feelings. Not when Dave had never really said he was sorry to Kurt for how he'd abused him. His apology in Figgins's office had been highly scripted by Santana, and even though he was sorry, he was much too concerned about projecting the right image to really connect with the words coming out of his mouth. It was an apology for form's sake only, and he was pretty sure Kurt (and likely, Mr. Hummel too) was as aware of that as Dave himself was.
Kurt looked a little startled by the tears in his eyes. "What is it?" he asked Dave gently, and the almost tender note in his voice caused a sob to catch in Dave's chest. Within seconds, the hot tears in his eyes flooded over, and he collapsed against the wall of lockers. Dave grabbed the beret off his head in a failed attempt to compose himself; it was humiliating enough to cry in front of Kurt, without doing it in a stupid hat. He squeezed his eyes closed and looked down, unable to bear looking into Kurt's beautiful, kind face as the words he'd kept trapped in his heart for so long finally, finally broke free. "I'm so freaking sorry, Kurt," he had said. "I'm just…so sorry for what I did to you." As he said the words, images flashed rapidly on the backs of his eyelids. He saw Kurt wincing in pain as he went flying into a locker; cringing with his hand to his mouth after Dave had forced the kiss on him; white as a ghost, frozen and terrified when Dave touched him so intimately after stealing the cake topper... Dave sucked in a shuddering breath. He had so many regrets, so very many things to be sorry for; especially when it came to Kurt. It didn't matter what he did, or didn't do, going forward. He would never be able to make up for being such a coward about his feelings towards Kurt. He'd turned his longing and desire into violence, instead of just dealing with it like a normal person. It was sick...he was sick, and he didn't deserve forgiveness.
But when he opened his eyes, that was exactly the emotion shining from Kurt's eyes. "I know," Kurt said, nodding slightly. Dave thought he must have looked like he didn't believe Kurt, because he repeated himself, voice slightly choked. "I know."
Dave felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted off of his chest. Kurt hadn't used the word specifically; but the ones he did use, along with his facial expression and tone of voice conveyed only one thing. Kurt had forgiven him for all of it. He tried to ask Kurt if it was really true, but he just couldn't make words the words come. Then he tried to smile, not sure that he was really accomplishing it. Dave felt everything in him compelling him to make physical contact with Kurt; to just touch his hand or shoulder softly, and actually see Kurt accept it and not flinch away. But just when he had worked up the courage to reach out, he saw a flash of pink as a classmate strolled by and entered Kurt's French classroom. Suddenly it all came back to him; where they were, and what he was doing. Crying like a baby and pouring his heart out to his former number one bullying target, who also just happened to be McKinley's outest and proudest gay student. He brought himself off the lockers to a standing position, and attempted to put his confident mask back on. He thought he might have gotten about half of it on to cover up his raw emotions before he dared to speak. "Cool," he tossed out, trying for casual but aware from the look on Kurt's face that he was failing spectacularly. "Thanks." He knew the mask was coming up to cover more, but before it obscured his honesty entirely, he made one last attempt to speak his true feelings to Kurt. But because at the end of the day, he was still the scared little boy that Kurt had accused him of being so long ago, he spoke them in a sort of code that he hoped Kurt would be able to understand.
"Remember…wait for me here," he said. "All right?" Underneath, his heart was bleeding out in his chest. Why can't you say what you really want to? he asked himself. Wait for me, Kurt. I can't come out now, I just can't. I'm not brave and strong and amazing like you. But I will, someday. I promise. Maybe even why we're still in Lima together. And if I can…if I can find the courage to do it, please be here waiting for me. Because I'll be with you then, openly and proudly. If you give me a chance, I'll be the best boyfriend you could ever dream of having. He wasn't sure if Kurt got it, but under the circumstances, it was the best he was capable of. And considering how far he'd come this year, he decided to be generous to himself for once and consider it some kind of success.
The next few days were a blur. He'd asked Santana to take all of Kurt's escorting duties for the remainder of the week. She didn't bitch about it, or ask why. While Dave hadn't come right out and confessed his feelings about Kurt, he knew she knew he had a thing for Kurt. The same way he knew that all this beard craziness was nothing more than a way to win Brittany's heart, even though she'd hardly ever mentioned the blond girl in his presence. Denial recognized denial, quite clearly. Dave had planned to rent a tux, but just before he ran out to the formal wear store at the mall, his dad had asked him he'd like to go with him to buy a real suit. When Dave had demurred at that kind of expense for one night, his father pointed out that a quality three-piece suit would come in handy for both college and job interviews in the future. So instead of the scratchy, sweated-in-over-a-hundred-times-and-poorly-fitting tux that so many of his classmates would be sporting, Dave showed up at Santana's third floor walk-up in a charcoal grey suit tailored specifically to his broad-shouldered and barrel-chested physique. Santana had reported that Kurt had accompanied her prom dress shopping, and had referred to her as a "devil in a red dress". So Dave picked out a crimson silk tie, along with matching wrist corsage and boutonniere for them at the local florist. When his prom date came down the steps, even as gay as he was, he couldn't help the catch in his throat as he took in how stunning she appeared. Brittany, you are a total moron, he thought. If I was straight and "Santofsky" was real, I'd be hitting that non-stop until neither of us could walk. Santana never let on that the moment she'd seen Dave in his suit at the bottom of the stairs, she'd had a very similar thought. Enjoy the pretty boy for now, she thought. But one of these days, Dave's going to get up the balls to come out. And when he does, he's going to rock your world, Kurt Hummel.
Santana and Dave had arrived at the dance right on time. None of this fashionably late crap, they needed to be visible for as long as possible to garner any last-minute votes that they could. Dave was standing by the punch bowl with his date when Kurt made his entrance. And what and entrance it was; Kurt walked proudly into the gym with Blaine on his arm; his lean body, as usual, clad in an outfit that had Dave marveling at his bravery and nearly drooling with arousal. A kilt, thought Dave. It's perfect for him, for this night. Outrageous, but flatteringly fitted and appropriately formal. He took in Kurt's long, shapely legs covered by black leggings and knee high boots, and had to take a swig of punch to try and cool himself off. At least Kurt hadn't gone the bare legs with knee socks route; that would have led to Dave doing nothing all night but wondering if Kurt had even bothered with underwear beneath the kilt. And Santana would have killed him if he had spent half the evening in the men's room jerking off. As it was, Dave could feel himself firming up, and tried to shake the desire off.
To his complete surprise, Dave had fun at prom. A ton, actually. Santana loved to dance, and as candidates for King and Queen, it seemed perfectly normal for Dave to be out there working the dance floor enthusiastically with her. Dave had been dragged to the occasional school dance, and had studiously avoided dancing at all of them, lest he seem in any way less than manly. But rocking out to "Friday" (he was positive that he hated that stupid song until he'd heard New Directions sing it. They somehow made the unlistenable not only listenable, but truly awesome), he felt the same rush of joy and pleasure as he'd felt dancing to Thriller. There was nothing like the feeling of your body becoming one with the music, and he'd never realized how much he'd missed it since the championship game. He even boogied obligingly while Kurt's boyfriend sang some retro song on stage with Tina and Brittany; though to be honest he couldn't figure out what the hell the dude was doing up there, since he wasn't in New Directions and didn't even go to McKinley. But you know, whatever. He was in such a good mood, he popped his ass energetically to Blaine's vocals, and laughed as Santana playfully spanked him while he did so.
It wasn't perfect, of course. The slow dancing was a awkward, especially when Santana kissed him and nibbled on his ear or neck from time to time to prove how absolutely straight they both were. He wasn't nearly as good of an actor as her, and he could only hope that Kurt wasn't watching him in disgust at his pathetic phoniness and cowardice. It also killed him a little to see Kurt holding hands and bouncing along to the music happily next to his boyfriend. Dave had no idea why Blaine wasn't tearing up the dance floor with Kurt; God knew if he was out and proud he'd have been all over that like white on rice. And most upsettingly, a few times he'd heard murmurs and whispers about what Kurt was wearing, and that he'd come to prom with another boy. He heard the words fairy, fag and homo more than once, and each time he'd given the person who spoke it his best Bully Whips glare and said, "This is a school event, and as you probably heard, there's no more bullying at McKinley. Now shut up before I bring Santana over here and we both kick your ass."
But in the overall scheme of things, it had been a pretty great evening. He and Santana were starting to think they might really have a shot at the coronation, because a lot of people were coming up to them and assuring the couple that they'd voted for them. Dave wasn't sure when he'd actually started giving a crap about becoming Prom King, but it just seemed like a natural progression from the other approval he'd been getting from his fellow students lately. He'd already been popular and liked by the in crowd for being a jock, then had gained the respect of many of the rest for his anti-bullying efforts. He felt like being voted Prom King would be the pinnacle of high school acceptance and approval, which was something Dave had craved for years. He wished he didn't need it so badly, that he didn't care what everyone else thought. Because if he didn't, coming out in Lima would seem a lot more possible.
When Figgins announced that he was King, it was honestly one of the best moments of Dave's life. Not as great as when Kurt forgave him (like anything could ever top that), or when he temporarily performed with New Directions. But it was definitely somewhere around third place. He waved his scepter and smiled broadly as he waited for Santana's name to be announced. Their romance may have been as fake as Santana's boobs, but they had both worked so hard for this, and Dave was excited to see her triumphantly take her place as Queen of McKinley High School. When he saw Figgins's face fall and the long pause before he announced the winner, though, he knew something had gone terribly wrong. To his shock and horror, Kurt was announced as the 2011 Prom Queen, and for a moment Dave thought he might actually throw up on stage, right in front of everyone. He looked out and saw Kurt's humiliated, devastated face, and could only hear the sound of his own heart pounding in the shocked silence of the gym. Suddenly, but not unexpectedly, Kurt tuned and ran. God, thought Dave, who wouldn't?
He heard someone shout, "Kurt, wait!" and watched as Blaine ran after his boyfriend. As soon as the gymnasium doors slammed closed behind him, the music came back on and people started to talk and even dance a little. Dave retreated to the King's throne, still stunned. How can people be so fucking cruel? he thought. But who the hell was he fooling? He was well aware that even a few months ago, he could have been easily convinced to slip a ballot with Kurt's name on it into the Prom Queen box. But dammit, that had been before. Before he had realized that a single nod of acceptance from Kurt felt better than a million compliments or shoulder slaps from his so-called friends. Dave was crushed to realize that he'd been right after all. There was no acceptance here, no "embracing of the gay". There was only the same ignorance and malice that kept him and Santana so stubbornly in the closet.
Speaking of his beard, he had no idea where she was. He knew he should probably go look for her, try to comfort her. That's what a real boyfriend would do. But he wasn't her real boyfriend, so screw it. He couldn't think about anything but Kurt; what he was doing, how he was feeling right now. He couldn't even find it in him to be jealous; instead, he hoped that Blaine was comforting Kurt, that he was giving him everything that Dave was too scared and ashamed to. Holding him in his arms, stroking his soft hair. Telling Kurt over and over again, until the slender boy believed it in every corner of his soul, that he was beautiful, wonderful, and so much better than those mean, nasty people who had tried to bring him down. He hoped that Blaine kissed Kurt's soft lips, and told him that he was taking him away from all the pain and embarrassment. That Blaine would be Kurt's hero; that he would ride in on his white horse and rescue Kurt from the Carrie-esque nightmare that his prom night had become. If anyone deserved a hero, it was Kurt. And since Dave was too cowardly to do it himself, he was glad that someone was stepping up to the plate.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, lost in thought. But he was startled into awareness by movement on the stage. Dave gawked openly; he just couldn't believe it. Kurt had come back, and it sure as hell looked like he was going to accept the Queen's crown. How can he be so brave? Dave wondered. What's inside of him? What does he have that I don't, that he can believe in what he really is, so much more than what people try to tell him he is. He watched as Figgins placed the crown on Kurt's head, then Kurt made some kind of sassy quip that had the audience laughing and applauding in moments. He doesn't need a hero. He doesn't need anyone to rescue him, or protect him. Kurt Hummel can take care of himself, and everyone else can just back the fuck off. Dave closed his eyes, breathing deeply. I wish I could be with him, he thought. But even more, I wish I could be him. Because he is a million times the man I could ever be.
Dave heard Figgins announce that it was time for the King and Queen to dance together, and nearly groaned with disbelief. Figgins was such a moron. It was bad enough that he'd actually read Kurt's name off of the card, instead of saying there'd been a mistake and giving the crown to the runner up. But in addition to that, he was going to carry through with the normal schedule of prom activities, as if the most messed up thing ever had not just unfolded in front of him? Did the guy not understand that Kurt was already humiliated, and that this was just going to make it worse? And oh my God, what about me? he thought, panicking. I'm going to have to dance with another guy, in front of the whole junior class. Put my arms around him, around someone I've been crushing on and getting hard over for years. They're going to know, they're all going to know as soon as I touch him, as soon as I look into those gorgeous eyes. He risked a quick glance at Kurt, and saw how serious, how composed he was. He wasn't happy about this either, Dave could tell. But he was going to go through with it anyway, because Kurt Hummel was apparently the living embodiment of the phrase what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And in that moment, Dave decided that he was going to be strong too. He was going to have this dance with Kurt, and suffer the cruel whispers and scathing glances right along with him. He could always explain that it was just an extension of his anti-bullying activities; because if this prank wasn't bullying, he didn't know what was. That by dancing with Kurt, he was standing up to the bullies the same way he did when he saw one shaking down a student for their lunch money in the hallway. And he still had Santana; who would ever believe that someone as sexually insatiable as her would date a guy who wasn't interested in boning her? No, he could do this. There might be some talk, but the person he was now could deal with that, and at least try to act like he didn't care. It would be a drop in the bucket compared to what Kurt had to deal with every day of his life, after all.
But when they started walking down the steps, he heard Kurt say something that made his whole body go cold. "Here's your chance," he said.
"What?" No way, he could not be suggesting what Dave thought he might be suggesting.
"Come out," Kurt said simply, as if it would be the easiest thing in the world to do. "Make a difference."
They had finally reached the center of the dance floor, and Dave turned to face Kurt, looking into his eyes for the first time since this cataclysmic clusterfuck had begun. Come out? He really wants me to just announce to the entire junior class that I'm gay? Dave wasn't sure what Kurt's coming out had been like; he'd been assumed to be gay for so long, Dave really couldn't tell when it had even happened. But he sure as hell knew that Kurt hadn't done it by making some grand announcement in the cafeteria, or over the school's PA. For the first time, Kurt was asking him to do something that even he hadn't had the guts to do, and Dave thought it was a pretty fucking unfair thing for Kurt to ask of him. But when he looked at Kurt, part of him wanted to do it. Not because he thought that it would actually be a good time to leave Narnia; but simply because Kurt wanted him to, and Dave didn't want to let him down. He had been able to be closer to Kurt than he'd ever thought possible since his return to McKinley. He knew that they had connected emotionally with each other the day he apologized to Kurt. If he could do it, he knew it would impress the other boy, who obviously loved and appreciated a grand gesture. If Dave came out tonight in front of everyone, it would make Kurt respect him…maybe it would even make Kurt like him.
And just when he thought he might be seriously considering coming out in front of all of his classmates, he heard the sound of a finger being dragged down a piano keyboard, and female voices began to sing to a disco beat. Dave felt like he'd had a bucket of cold water tossed in his face. Because just to guarantee that this would forever remain the most mortifying experience of his and Kurt's entire lives, of course the 2011 Prom King and Queen theme song had to be "Dancing Queen." Only one of the gayest anthems of all time. Despite the hopeful and almost expectant look on Kurt's face, and the realization that he would have to further embarrass Kurt by leaving him all along on the dance floor, that particular song was the final nail in the coffin. He sighed, feeling like the miserable failure he knew himself to be, and finally responded to Kurt. "I can't," he said, voice breaking and feeling the tears well up in his eyes. He took off, not looking back to see the Kurt's reaction to Dave's abandoning him. But when he got to the doors he paused for a moment, squeezing his eyes closed and fighting the urge to run back to Kurt and throw himself at his feet, apologizing. He turned around, thinking that he would see Kurt still standing there, humiliated while people laughed and pointed at him. But instead, he was smiling. Because his boyfriend was standing in front of him, also smiling, with his arm outstretched in an obvious invitation to dance. He watched the relief and pleasure wash over Kurt's face, and his lips mouth the words "Yes. Yes you may."
Dave felt emotion squeeze his chest as he watched Blaine gather Kurt into his arms as they began to sway to the music. Part of it was jealousy, and part of it was sadness that he couldn't be that guy for Kurt. But another part - maybe the biggest part of all - was a kind of poignant joy at seeing Kurt happy. And that's when Dave knew that he didn't just have a crush on Kurt, or only want him physically. He was absolutely, totally, unrequitedly head-over-heels in love with him. He thought the realization would make him despair, but maybe because of all the changes he'd made this past month, he actually felt the opposite. Optimistic, even. Infatuation or lust was one thing, but love? Love was worth fighting for, worth moving mountains for. He didn't know if he could come out in high school just so that he could stop lying to himself and everyone else. Or because it would maybe help Santana and the other gay students at McKinley to be less afraid knowing Dave had had the courage to do it. But for love; for the love of someone as incredible as Kurt Hummel, he thought he might just be able to do it before graduation.
It wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be sudden. But he could start the process, maybe by coming out to his dad over summer break. To reward Dave for turning things around so well, his dad had promised to take him on a father-son camping trip to Lake Winona, something they hadn't done together since Dave was in Middle School. He thought that in such a quiet, private place, he could look into the face of someone he loved and actually say the words, "I'm gay." Dave was surprised that instead of fear and apprehension welling up inside of him, he actually felt relief and even a little bit of anticipation at the thought. It would be a start, at least. And maybe he could even message Kurt on Facebook or something when it was over, just to let him know. He thought of how Kurt might react upon hearing about it, about the possibility that Kurt might even be proud of him for finally taking that not-so-small step, and it made him smile a little. He took one last look at Kurt dancing happily with his friends, and watched as a shower of multi-colored balloons fell on the crowd. Then he turned and left, the small smile still firmly in place.
I wanted to end this story in a positive, optimistic place. Because after Prom Queen, that's how I feel about Dave and what could happen to him in Season 3 now that RIB have followed through with the redemption of his character. Plus, the last time I did a Dave POV one shot (the post-SLS "On Top"), it was totally depressing. I think Dave has come so far since even the Superbowl episode, so this time around it wasn't hard at all to give him hope.
Speaking of hope, I hope you liked this, and will leave a review if you did (or even if you didn't).
