Chapter one
"Gosh! 7:30 already," I muttered to myself as I walked out into the brisk September air straight from work. I knew I was going to be late for the stupid house party that Tom, my cousin was having, but to be honest I really did not want to go for I had too much work to do. However, since Tom wanted to celebrate his landing of a recurring role on 'Black Sails' while simultaneously announcing his engagement to Laura, I did not want to appear as churlish as I most certainly felt. So what if everyone else was moving on in their lives with their significant others? I was perfectly content to keep my romantic interests well moulded into the literature I taught like Mr. Darcy who could do no wrong for me! And yes, I am a teacher, more like a lecturer still working on my doctoral thesis. So I really, truly had no time for romance. No siree! None at all, especially since my only foray into that left me with a permanent black hole. But no! Let's not think about that, not when I cannot afford another bout of debilitating depression. So I kept walking, mentally selecting my wardrobe for my evening out.
Yep I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror. This simple black number always does the trick, highlighting all my curves, which thankfully I had plenty of. (Laura would literally drag me upstairs and force me to wear one of her less conservative numbers if I didn't show up looking like a human being for a change [considering how I dress for work according to her].) Just the lightest bit of makeup to make my eyes pop and some cherry lip gloss and I was done and not a moment too soon for I could hear the doorbell ringing. Time for an evening of pretence, smile and wave, listen to and make inane conversation that kills the few brain cells I have left! I know I should stop being such a drama queen but I hate when people take one look at you and chat you up because of your physique rather than your intellect and if they do try to engage me in an intellectual conversation, I often find their remarks pointless. No one really challenges my mind or gets my humour, well no one anymore but we don't want to think about that, not now. Honestly, sometimes I think I should have gone into acting too. Lord knows I do enough of it at social events like these!
I opened the door to let James in, such a sweetheart, he really is; absolutely clueless of my disinterest, but easy on the eyes. Hey, if men could do it, why can't I? And so the night begins...with James nattering on about something while I smile and nod giving the non-committal grunt when necessary. "Murder me!" I screamed inside. It's a good thing I made my intentions clear, friends, only friends, nothing but friends, not ever! Sigh...this was going to be a long night.
We pulled up to the flickering disco lights and dull throbbing base booming from Tom's house twenty minutes later. Looks like the party was well underway which was a good thing. I could make my rounds; ensure that I met everyone who needed to see me before I made a dash for it. With that hope in mind I braced myself, put on an angelic smile as Tom opened the door. "Kris! Finally, I was just going to send out the search party," he exclaimed, crushing me in a bear hug while leaning down to whisper in my ear, "And don't even think about running off, I have the exits manned." Drats! There goes my plan. I just rolled my eyes at Tom, flipped him the finger to which he let out a booming laugh and followed him inside with James bringing up the rear.
I quickly manoeuvred James to a section of people who were engrossed in the latest sporting debate, leaving him there as I knew he wouldn't mind. To say that he was a sporting fanatic would be a gross understatement. I made a beeline for Laura embracing her from behind whispering "How's my besty managing with the weight of that rock on her hand?" Laura just squealed spinning so fast I was surprised she didn't get whiplash. She looked me up and down, her eyes glinting wickedly and said, "Well it's a good thing I don't bat for the other team, or you would be in trouble tonight!" We shared a good humoured laugh, I really was happy for her. Tom was a teddy bear, and she such a sweetheart, they were perfect for each other.
Laura grabbed my hand and led me to the drinks table. For some strange reason I felt a wave of apprehension rush over me; that feeling you get when someone is looking at you, but I brushed it off, unconsciously rubbing the goose bumps on my arms. Laura gave me a drink which she knew was going into the first potted plant I came across, rolling her eyes as she pressed the glass into my hands before surprising me by halting our steps and peering intently at me. Once again that feeling washed over me and I looked up to her narrowing my gaze as I saw her start to fidget. "Laura" I began cautiously, but could not get another word out as Tom materialized at her side. "Laura, come meet my agent" he said while attempting to pull her, his gaze also intense. Laura looked at me in this morose sort of way that made my heart thump. "You know I love you right Kris, and I..we would never do anything to hurt you right?'' she enquired. I could feel the burgeoning of a panic attack quickly commence, my heart speeding up rapidly as I took in the guilty looks flickering between the two. This is ridiculous I thought, I have no reason to panic, and as I opened my mouth to chastise them both for pulling my leg, I saw both their gazes fixated on a spot directly behind me, Laura's stare panicking while Tom's seemed resigned. Before I could even turn, I smelled that scent, one I thought would never assail my senses again. The roaring in my ears took on epic proportions just as I felt a firm masculine hand snake around my waist drawing me into a delicious warmth. He gently brushed my hair away from my neck before planting a soft kiss just beneath my earlobe. And that damn voice like the devil himself husked "Hello Kris" right against my ear, causing more goose bumps to erupt all over.
If spontaneous combustion was even possible, I swear it would have happened. I found myself stepping out of time and space going into a mind palace as his character on the Tele would have called it. No this couldn't be happening; I can't let him do this to me, not again. As swiftly as the panic, then longing came, so too did the anger and rage and finally calm. I could see in that moment suspended in time that Laura and Tom were worried I might go off my rocker, again. But no, I am a different person from who I was a year ago and I would not ruin this special day for them. Taking a deep breath and schooling my features into one of practised calm I slowly swivelled to face Ben taking in every inch of perfection before smiling slightly. "Well there's hello and now there's goodbye," I replied smoothly while attempting to manoeuvre out of his arm which had clamped down on my waist with a vice like grip.
The intense stare he pinned me with shifted to something slightly less terrifying, his amusement, and with this he released his hold on me and inclined his head regally. Before I could reach a safe distance away from him he drawled in that damnably sexy voice, "I always hated to hear you go but loved to watch you leave." Damn bastard! He knew what that line would to do me, obviously judging by the dark chuckle he gave as he overtook me, barely brushing my shoulder as he passed but leaving a tantalising trail of his aftershave in the air.
It was like all the oxygen was being drained from the room while I stayed rooted to the spot, not a clue of how much time elapsed as I stood bearing the onslaught of memories that I hoped I had locked away for good. Ben's voice laughing as he hauled me over his shoulder while I mock struggled as he spanked my ass, laughter taking us up to his room...Ben staring at me intensely from the bed as I bent to retrieve my scarf walking out...Ben hollering back for me to give one goodbye snog which turned into a hell of a lot more... Ben cradling me in his arms while our heartbeats reset after his agonizingly slow, sensuous, lovemaking... Ben slowing whispering how he hated when I had to leave but he delighted in watching me go...my heart fit to bursting with the joy of having him, of loving him, of being loved by him, or so I thought. It was as though I was doused with cold water, immediately, I was pulled back to the present aware that the music was playing once more, that laughter was bubbling around me, that Laura and Tom were in front of me now anxiously awaiting some sort of response. I lifted eyes that were unknowingly bright with unshed tears, gave them a wonky smile and made a beeline for some fresh air.
Ben's P.O.V.
For the first time in ages I felt hope course through me when Tom and I met for drinks. Tom and I were good friends from University, and it was through his network that I met the most astounding woman of my life. Yes she was gorgeous, bestowed with a figure to make a saint loose his sainthood, but it was her sharp wit, morbid sense of humour and quick sarcasm that enthralled me. She was brilliant. She could cut to the crux of a problem in half the time that negotiators took. You couldn't help but crack a smile when you heard her begin to wax warm about literature, characters, authors, the works. You couldn't stop yourself from drowning in those eyes that challenged you, or even become infuriated with the little smirk she sent your way when she had won an argument. She was in short perfection, and I made the mistake of fucking up and letting her walk out of my life, but, if this meeting was what I hoped it to be, I was going to make damn sure that I got another chance no matter the challenges.
Tom assured me that he did not believe the photos especially considering the age we lived in. He understood why I behaved the way I did when Kris refused to believe me. It was not my finest moment but I could not change the damage I had done. When he asked me how I felt about Kris, I responded without hesitation, "the same way I have always felt. I doubt that will change. Believe me, I tried," I replied a bit dejectedly. Tom regarded me for a few minutes while we drank our beers before he texted his girlfriend whom he wanted me to meet. When I asked him why he said a bit mischievously, "Because she is Kris's best friend." A look of comprehension must have dawned on my face for he said, "we are giving you a chance to fix this." The bear hug that Tom found himself enveloped in was very manly I assure you.
Kris made a bee line for the patio doors leading outside, quickly manoeuvring through the crowd. Her breaths came in short sporadic pants, as though she ran a mile. James, who took this opportunity to follow her outside, was stunned to see his friend dry heaving over the banisters. "Kris! What the hell is wrong?'' he anxiously enquired while coming up behind me, immediately taking the liberty to rub my back. I was so out of it that I barely registered his motions. I kept chanting to myself; just breathe, over and over until I calmed down somewhat. When I managed to straighten up it was to the sound of a stifled gasp by James who started dabbing my face ever so gently. I didn't even realise that I was crying! "Kris," he began again but I just shook my head, not wanting to talk. Being the good ole chap he is, he brought me in for a tight bear hug which made me want to cry even more. Before I could turn into a blubbering mess I asked him if we could leave to which he immediately acquiesced. Neither of us noticed Ben on the other side of the patio, clenching and unclenching his jaw, a murderous scowl plastered on his face nor the restraining hand Tom had on his arm. "Just give her tonight. Seeing you unexpectedly like that...I probably should have found another way for you to meet her," sighed Tom while rubbing a weary hand over his eyes. "Laura's gonna kill me" he groaned. "Come on Ben, let's get a drink. We both certainly need it.'
