Unbalanced Love
Umi was a really charming girl. She was just like the prince in every fairy tale story that Kotori read when she was a little kid, with that beautiful and gentle face, a pair of beautiful brown eyes that shimmering into golden color when sunray shine on it, dashing and charming smile, straight and compose posture and good manners and not to mention she know kendo, kyuudo, traditional Japan dance, and her grade was always above average. Umi was a perfect package.
But that is not why Kotori love her.
No, Kotori had spent more than ten years together with Umi to know that the midnight hair girl was not a perfect girl that everyone thought she is.
Umi was a shy and nervous girl who always cowering when they had to watch romantic movies, Umi could never seen any PDA without shouting 'shameless', she always had a panic attack whenever she attend kyuudo or kendo competition, and she love to write a fluffy poem that people could never imagine that someone like Umi can do that. There're many other things that Kotori can list to show people about how imperfect Umi actually is, so it was safe to say that Kotori love Umi not because how perfect she is like people picture the latter for.
Kotori love Umi for the entire different reason.
Kotori love the perfect and imperfect part that Umi had, however the one thing that Kotori really love from Umi that made the ashen hair girl fell for the girl is because of her kindness.
Umi was a really kind and selfless person that Kotori had ever met. She always put someone else first before her, she without any doubt will offer her hand to help people who need help no matter who he/she is and she would never complain even if the task is almost impossible for the midnight hair girl. She will lend people her things, even her most favorite one and if somehow the other person forget to give it back or lost it, Umi will just smiled gently and said it's okay.
Even when Umi need to be act harsh and strict, namely when she teach the students in her family dojo or her underclassman in club, people can see that it was all because she care which lead many people like her even more. She even tried her best to reject people love confession to her without hurting the other.
Yes, Umi was that kind.
But at the same time Umi was mean, she's a really mean girl.
Because of Umi's kindness, she always stirs up misunderstanding. She makes people fell for her even harder, makes them believe and hoping that they actually had a chance with the midnight hair girl and just to get crush in a second later when they realize that Umi was never attracted to them and simply just being Umi.
Kotori know it really well after all, spending more than ten years together with Umi as her childhood friend taught her everything that she need to know about the midnight hair girl nature.
And yet it still couldn't stop Kotori to fall in love with the midnight hair girl.
Kotori found herself keep falling harder and harder towards the midnight hair girl as time goes.
And Kotori didn't know if she can handle to hide her feelings towards Umi anymore longer.
It feels like her heart keeps torn apart as she always hiding her true feelings.
XXX
"Have a nice day, okay?" Umi said with a small smiled as she looked at Kotori.
Kotori heart beat faster than ever when she saw that smiled on Umi's face and with so much difficulty, she finally managed to said without stuttering or embarrassing herself, "You too Umi-chan. Have a nice day."
Umi nodded her head, gave Kotori one last smiled before turn around and walked to her own class direction which is a few class away from Kotori.
Kotori gave a small smiled as she watched Umi's back before turn around to enter her own class just to startled when a pair of eyes already looking at her intently.
"Are you really sure you and Umi didn't date each other?" one of Kotori's friend, Mika asked as she looked at Kotori curiously.
"Mika-chan!" Kotori shouted in surprise.
"So are you?" Mika asked once again.
Kotori let out a small smiled as she shook her head, she already predicted that people will ask her that when she and Umi once again came to the school together and the midnight hair girl walked with her to the class despite the fact that they are in a different class.
"I am sure, Mika-chan." Kotori answered as she walked inside the class while Mika followed her closely behind.
"But it was so weird! I mean Umi always walked with you to the school if she didn't have club practice and she always accompany you until you arrive at the class eventhough you both I a different class."
"She always does that since we were kid." Kotori answered as she put her bag on her desk, "Beside she's not doing that just for me, when we're in middle school and Honoka-chan was there she always do that to the two of us."
"But now you're the only one."
"That is just because Honoka-chan decide to go to UTX Academy so she can be with Tsubasa-chan." Kotori said, chuckling as she remember how Honoka suddenly declared that she will go to UTX so she can be with her girlfriend Tsubasa when they graduate the middle school, surprising not only Umi and Kotori but also her family and Tsubasa as well.
Honoka always so spontaneous like that.
"Talk like what you want, Kotori but I believe that you had a special place in Umi's heart."
Kotori shook her head, "If only you know how much I want it be true."
XXX
It never occurs inside Kotori's mind that she will be trapped in the most unpleasant time when she decides to take the different route to go to the alpacas cage. She thought that using the usual empty route will be a nice change of pace instead of using the usual route where many students walking around.
Oh how wrong she is because right now instead of reach the alpacas cage like she planned, she stuck behind the school wall while her heart beating in a low painful thump.
"I love you, Sonoda-senpai!"
Kotori let out a small sighed as she closed her eyes, she know that Umi was really popular and occasionally if not always, receive love letter and love confession. However, hearing and witnessing it was a different story. Her heart now beating ever so painful as she wait Umi for giving the first year girl answered.
"I'm sorry." came Umi low and apologetic voice. "I can't answer your feelings. But thank you for gathering all your courage and tell me about it."
"But why?"
"I just can't."
"Please give me a better reason." The first year student insists and by then Kotori concludes that the girl must be really persistent, usually the other will be walked away with dejected heart after hearing Umi's answer.
"It's…" Umi voice sounds a little bit nervous, she probably thinking the same thing like Kotori and right now trying her best to answer the first year girl question without hurting her.
"You always so kind to me, Sonoda senpai! You even always help me when I was in a trouble!"
"That's-"
"That's how Umi is…" Kotori thought.
"Is it because you already have another person in your mind?! If that's true then why you always act so nice to me? Is that person Minami senpai?"
"NO!" Umi suddenly shouted, startling the first year student and yet at the same time Kotori can feel her heart breaking in pieces. "I never think about Kotori in that way." Umi firmly said. "We are childhood friends, and only that. Nothing more."
And that is all that Kotori need to heard before she run away from that place with tears keep flowing from her eyes.
XXX
"Kotori, are you okay?" Umi asked as she slide the curtain opened, making a 'shreek' sound from it. "I heard from Fujimiko-san that you're feeling unwell and since the third period you've been resting in the infirmary."
"I'm fine." Kotori said with a muffled voice as she buried her face in the infirmary pillow and covered herself with a thick blanket up to her head.
"Kotori?" Umi asked now with a voice that filled with worried.
"Please Umi-chan… Please stop being like this…"
"Do you want me to go and tell your mom or teacher?"
"You make it really hard Umi-chan."
"Do you want to go home?"
"Please stop being this nice to me, you just make everything more hard."
"Do you want me to walked you home?"
"…."
"Kotori?"
"Please stop Umi-chan." Kotori said as she finally get up from the bed and looked at Umi with intent stared but puffy and red eyes which make Umi more worried.
"Kotori, what happened to you? What's wrong?!" Umi asked worriedly as she tried to reach and touch Kotori's face just for her hands to be slapped away by Kotori. "K-Kotori?"
"Umi-chan, I'm sorry I can't handle it anymore." Kotori said in a whispered voice but Umi heard it clearly.
"What do you mean, Kotori?"
"Stop being nice to me Umi-chan." Kotori said with a firm voice as she looked at Umi.
"What are you talking about?"
"Umi-chan I'm begging you, just please from now on just stay away from me. Please stop care and be nice to me, please stop smiling at me, please stop nearing me because all I want now is for you to stay away from me."
The hurt looked on Umi's face was enough for Kotori to feel her heart once again torn apart but she need to do this, she had to do this so she can move on and forget about Umi and her love for the midnight hair girl. She need to do this so her heart can finally be at ease.
"Koto-"
"It's really painful for me to keep staying by your side, Umi-chan." Kotori said, cutting Umi's words and when she saw how hurt and dejected Umi is, by that time Kotori realize that she did it.
She succeed in pushing Umi away.
But why her heart beating much more painfully when she heard Umi's hurt and trembled voice saying, "I understand."?
XXX
"It's been three weeks." Honoka said as she looked at Kotori worriedly.
Indeed, it's been three weeks since Kotori heard what Umi said and saying those hurtful words towards Umi and Umi really did stick with her words. She never once waiting for Kotori in the front of Kotori's house like she usually did, she never walked Kotori to school and class anymore, she never even meet Kotori anymore and even if they accidently met, Umi will do her bet to stay away from Kotori.
Kotori too of course doing her best to avoid Umi, she always stop herself from messaging Umi or call the girl like she always did before, she never stay late in the school anymore to watched Umi's kyuudo practice and she even never come to their usual Sunday meeting where the three of them (Umi, Honoka and her) will met at their favorite café and talked for hours to catch up, although she just learn it from Honoka that Umi actually do the same thing and after three times cancelling their meeting, Honoka grown suspicious which lead it into the situation where Honoka right now interrogate Kotori in her room.
"What actually happen Kotori-chan? And please don't say it's nothing since it's obviously not nothing."
"Nothing, Honoka-chan." Kotori said, shook her head.
"Kotori-chan!"
Startled as Honoka never looked so desperate and fuming at the same time like that, Kotori let out a sighed and finally give up. "I… I don't know."
"Tell me what happen then Kotori-chan, and then we will figure out together what actually happen like we always do." Honoka said, smiling brightly and before Kotori know she already hugging Honoka and cried.
XXX
Honoka was never a patient or a listening person, which is why it almost surprised Kotori how Honoka waited and listened patiently as Kotori pour out everything in her mind and her heart about how she actually eversince a kid always in love with Umi, how she tried so hard to push away her feelings but each day she keep falling harder and harder to Umi since the midnight hair girl is nothing but nice and really care towards her, how she heard Umi and the first year student talked and finally how she couldn't take it anymore and said those hurtful words towards Umi as she hoping that with Umi stay away from her and be mean towards her she can finally moving on.
"It's okay, Kotori-chan." Honoka said, smiling as she hug Kotori after Kotori finished telling the ginger hair girl everything. "It must be really painful for you to held in everything inside and never even once letting it out."
Kotori sniffed.
"But Kotori-chan, can I ask you something?"
Kotori pulled away slightly from Honoka's hold and looked at Honoka confusedly while titling her head slightly.
"Do you feel ease when Umi finally stay away from you? Do you feel happy and feel less burden when Umi finally stop being nice and care to you? Does your heart stop breaking apart? Do you, Kotori-chan?" Honoka asked in a soft voice.
Not waiting for an answer, Honoka continues as she looked at Kotori's widened and surprised eyes, "Kotori-chan, you're not only hurting yourself but also Umi-chan if you keep doing this."
XXX
"Kotori, will you watch Umi competition today?" Mika asked as she looked at Kotori.
Kotori shook her head as she keep packing her things inside her school bag, "No."
"Why?!" Mika asked, almost shouted in surprised as she looked at Kotori. "It's a really important competition for Umi as if she win it she will be chosen to went into the regional kyuudo competition!"
"Umi-chan will do just fine with or without my support."
"You're still fighting with her?" Mika asked, "It's been a month and people start talking about it how you and Umi are never together and how they finally had a chance with Umi."
True, it's been a month and eventhough Kotori's little talk with Honoka, Kotori still can't found the courage to start talking with Umi again. She even didn't know what her heart wants in the first place, she thought that by stay away from Umi she can be finally by ease but then why…?
"Do you feel ease when Umi finally stay away from you? Do you feel happy and feel less burden when Umi finally stop being nice and care to you? Does your heart stop breaking apart? Do you, Kotori-chan?"
Honoka words ringing once again in Kotori's mind but Kotori ignored it and gave a small sad smiled towards Mika, "Umi-chan and I are never together in the first place."
"You and Umi better patch things up, Umi had been a wreck you know?"
"Umi-chan did?"
"Yes, eventhough it's not showing in the outside, everyone can see how wreck Umi is." Mika said.
Kotori shook her head before putting her bag strap on her shoulder, "I need to go now."
"Did you bring your umbrella? The sky looked really dark right now and I bet it's going to be rain heavily very soon."
Kotori looked up throught the window into the sky and sure enough the sky looked really dark, she gulped down, Kotori never a fond of thunder. As childish as it sounds, Kotori hate the thunder, she always found it really scary with a blaring sound and how it can strike and burn a tall tree just like that.
"No, I better go now before it started raining." Kotori said quickly as she bid good bye towards Mika and started to run as fast as she can while praying that the rain won't pour down until she reach her home.
Kotori's prayer however was not answered as the rain starting to pour down when she was still in half way to her home.
The low grumble in the sky alerted Kotori as she quickly covered her ears and eyes, ignoring the fact that by doing so she let her bag fall into the wet ground, and a second later a loud thunder voice came and makes Kotori tremble in fear. She quickly scotch down with her hands on her ears while her eyes tightly closed.
Her body now wet as the rain keeps pouring hard into her and yet Kotori couldn't care less as the thunder keeps coming. Her body trembling in fear and cold all the time as the thunder keeps roaring around. Kotori didn't even know for how log she's been in that position scotching with ears and eyes covered tightly under the rain until suddenly the rain stop hitting her.
Confusedly, Kotori tried her best to opened on of her eyes to peek out why the rain suddenly stop hitting her just to be greeted with a pair of brown eyes looking at her worriedly.
"U-Umi-chan?!" Kotori shouted in surprised momentarily forget about her fear as she looked at the girl in front of her.
Umi standing in front of Kotori looked a little flushed and slightly uneven breath, probably because of all the running that Umi did and giving Kotori a small worried as her eyes looked at Kotori worriedly. She was wet from head to the toes, her midnight hair was dampened because of the rain and her kyuudo uniform too and stick on Umi's skin. However she still managed to look as charming as ever as she offered her blue umbrella towards Kotori, sheltering the girl from the heavy pouring rain.
"H-How? I-I thought you had a competition today?" Kotori asked, slightly with trembling voice.
"It's nothing." Umi said, "The competition was delay because of the rain."
Kotori frowned, there's no way the competition was delay because of the rain. There's an indoor dojo at there, so the weather won't be matter too much.
But just when Kotori opened her mouth, wanting to said what inside her mind about that, a roaring thunder voice came once again and instantly make Kotori closed her eyes and ears in reflex while her body trembling in fear.
"It's okay, Kotori." Umi whispered softly as she hugged Kotori with her left hand while her other hand was still holding the umbrella sheltering them both.
Inside Umi's warm embrace as if she was protecting Kotori away from the thunder, making Kotori's body feels warm and finally Kotori can feel how her heart beating in peace after a month beating painfully.
XXX
"Umi-chan, why?" Kotori asked softly as she looked at Umi.
The rain finally started to slowed down and they finally moved away from the street and taking a shelter under the big tree in the small park nearby all while Umi holding Kotori closed in her embrace as the ashen hair girl keep trembling each time the thunder roaring.
"I'm sorry, Kotori." Umi said with a sad voice as she looked at Kotori with an apologetic smiled. "I know you said that you want me to stay away from you and everything, but please just this once forgives me?"
Kotori's heart wrenched in pain as she looked at the hurt and dejected looked Umi had on her face. "Umi-chan…"
"I will try my best to stay away from you again after this but at least," Umi offered Kotori the umbrella on her hand, "Take the umbrella with you okay?"
Can't held it anymore Kotori throw herself towards Umi, embracing the girl tightly and at the same time startling the midnight hair girl with her action as she quickly drop the umbrella and held Kotori, afraid that the latter will fall if she didn't properly hold her.
"Kotori?" Umi asked softly with a confused and worried voice.
"I'm sorry, Umi-chan…" Kotori whispered as tears slid down from her eyes.
How can she be stupid? The reason why her heart keeps beating painfully eventhough she was away from Umi is because she can't do it. She can't stay away from Umi, it was hurting her more than when she was stayed beside Umi and holding in her feelings. It's really hurt her heart when she saw how Umi distant herself from her.
Kotori feel really stupid now, she was hurting herself more and yet at the same time she was hurting Umi too and yet eventhough she was hurting Umi so much, the midnight hair girl still there and worried about her, still care about her that she even went to her despite the fact that she had an important competition today.
She shouldn't let her feelings when she heard between Umi and the first year student taking control on her, she should have known for a long time that Umi will always saw her as a friend and it should be enough for Kotori.
Now she was not only hurt Umi, she also makes Umi lost her chance to enter the regional competition.
Just how selfish Kotori is?
"I'm really sorry…" Kotori said between her sobs, "I shouldn't say that to you, I shouldn't let my feelings taken toll on me when you've done nothing wrong."
"Kotori…" Umi rub Kotori's back reassuringly, "It's okay, I forgive you."
Kotori shook her head, why even at the time like this Umi still really kind when she hurt the girl a lot?
"No it's not okay! I make you lost your chance to enter the regional competition!"
"Kotori… the competition is can-"
"Please don't lie for me!"
Umi sighed, knowing that her lie is already seen through, "It's okay Kotori, it was just a competition. I can still make it next year."
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry Umi-chan…"
"I told you it's okay, so please stop crying and blaming yourself." Umi said softly.
"I lied to you Umi-chan…" Kotori said as tears keep flowing out from her eyes, "I lied, I don't want you to stop worry and care, I don't want you to stop smiling at me, but most of all I don't want you to stay away from me Umi-chan."
"I'm sorry too Kotori…" Umi whispered as she pulled away slightly from Kotori's hold and wipe the tears on Kotori's face. "I shouldn't stay away from you, I should have asked you what's wrong and keep trying to reach you. As your childhood friend, I failed you."
"No, I'm the one who is in the fault here." Kotori said.
Umi smiled a little, "We're both wrong then. So friends?"
Kotori replied Umi smiled with her own smiled.
Yes it should be enough for Kotori like this.
Even if Umi didn't realize her feeling and keep treating her like friend, it was better than once again stay away from Umi.
It was enough for Kotori, at least as her friend Kotori can keep stay by Umi side forever.
Right?
"Yes, friends."
A/N: A little angst anyone? XD Hahahaha, I tried to make some angst and I hope you guys like it. It's KotoUmi angst and later I will publish some NicoMaki angst, although I probably wait until Nico's birthday is truly pass. Like next week or something? Lol XD
Forgive my grammar and typo M(U_U)M
Please tell me what you think, review and fav are really appreciate! XD
Thanks for reading guys, and have a good day! XD
Btw, I make tmblr and please add me if you like. I'm practically still new in this tumblr business so yeah, I still don't know lot about it but I will try my best to learn it! XD There's two blog I made it was jbfsignal and jbfshiro. Whichever you prefer! XD (Although I probably will use the shiro one to publish my stories or my stories plot before I publish a story if I made some later but I will always check both my blog so). Feel free to add me and ask me anything if you want to! XD
