There was a time when I thought I was betrayed, that I was the one who was wronged, that I was the victim; bittersweet memories stained with betrayal and overwhelming anger, which settled within me as I fought with myself from different fronts. Could I kill him, could I save him, could I even rise to place myself in a position of responsibility? What had happened for us to become him and I? Was there any hope to repair what have shattered between the two of us? Could I even begin to see the cracks, do I dare take off the odd-coloured lenses that marred my vision?
Could I handle the shift in perspective? Is that what happened to him? Could I handle it? Did he handle it?
I sighed as I stared up towards the encompassing span that stretched above me. Morel with gleaming stars that flashes against the backdrop, forming into configurations that were found only if you knew what you were looking for. I didn't. I never had to, I always depending on him back then. Stretching my hand up, I glanced through the gaps between my fingers hoping to find an answer but knew I'd never find one. Letting it hang, I felt the slight breeze on this windless night before I dropped it beside me from where I laid on the roof.
Was I looking at it all wrong?
Am I the one that really betrayed him? Did I become too dependent on him? Or was I too independent? Was he tired of me, wanting me to leave or what, I just… don't know? I'm not smart like everyone else, so just thinking about was giving me a headache. Was it my fault, or was it the circumstances? Sighing, I turned onto my side, pillowing my head in the crook of my arm. Gazing out in front of me, my eyes followed the concrete that formed a hedge around the edge of the roof.
A thought curling at the front of my mind, I get up slowly wincing as my back cracked sharply from the length of time I spent on the hard ground. Stretching out the kinks in my body, I soon trailed to the raised ledge that fenced the roof. No one was able to be here in the first place, but making quick work it was no hassle to find myself up here. Grinning wryly, I hopped up onto it and discarded the shoes. Standing at the edge, my socked toes curled off as I tilted my head back.
Watching the expanse of the night sky again, I remembered those nostalgic memories flash by, trying to view them from before the betrayal from one to another. Although I couldn't tell, not at this point; perhaps I will never know. Maybe our relationship was meant to be like the different layers of the stars, stars that were long dead before the light flashed out. Maybe that is what happened to us.
Maybe, but he really hoped not.
He never he could never be the deciding factor that will end them for real. Although he may curse at the other, called him a traitor, he never said, never will say the words to end it all. And with the other always riling him up to fight to kill, he knew he could never land that finishing blow. A dry chuckle escaped his lips, what good was he if he couldn't even figure out what had gone wrong in the past. Maybe he was deluded, stupid, or naïve; but it didn't matter anymore.
He was a right fool.
An emotional one, one that maybe saw the signs but couldn't read them for shit; maybe he was going crazy, but what's crazy in an already mad world? Where did he even stand, was he even standing, did he even have ground to cover? He was deluded, rightfully so. Was it time to quit, was it time to burn bridges, was it time to do something?
But wasn't he doing something? Finding murderers to avenge the senseless killing of Tatara, finding Mikoto, and other unimportant details that were needed… They were important. Not tonight, he thought closing his eyes and just listening to the night bustle of the city, and the breeze that slowly blew through the buildings.
Sighing, he decided that he couldn't figure anything out if he didn't ask. But…
No.
He needed to understand Saru, he needed to understand himself, and he needed to understand the circumstances. Why was it so difficult, he thought as the bitter taste of frustration rose up blandly. Taking one more glance at the sky, he whipped around with shoes in hand, and boarded off the roof in a flash of fire.
Who cared if he was boarding in black socks, he had more important things to figure out that couldn't be done sulking on a roof in the middle of nowhere.
Spur of the moment, not beta'd. Regardless I hope you enjoyed it. Might be OOC, but... Haha.
