Giri: This is a humourous AU story about Zoro and Nami, hope you enjoy!
The girl next door
If there were three things that made her life hectic, stressful and almost unbearable, then mowing the lawn was definitely one of them, followed closely by work and study. She had been in her new and first house for only a lonesome week and already the front garden was wrecking havoc by somehow managing to creep up the concrete path and clamber through the kitchen window.
Outside, an orange haired woman was screaming.
Nami couldn't give a damn if they were weeds or flowers, either way everything was going to be uprooted and given a number one shave. She wanted to see dirt. Her short fuse had been extinguished five long minutes ago and her temper was escaping by any means possible.
Nami looked at her ride-on-mower in utter vile. She hated this thing. Hated it beyond words. She grabbed the key once more and jammed it mercilessly into the ignition. For a moment the engine whirred weakly to life, it wanted to go it really did but…Nami kicked its front wheel angrily and let out another howl of swear words that had the closest neighbours peering out from behind the curtains to see what in the world was screaming at six o'clock in the morning.Zoro rubbed the sleepy grit that had accumulated in the corners of his eyes and sat up with a grin. He rubbed his large palms through his sleep roughed hair and rolled off his futon. He stumbled to his bedroom window and peered through the blinds into the morning light. His grin broadened when he saw the new neighbour outside, swearing like a trooper at her ride-on-lawn mower. Her face was red and it was amazing to hear that her voice hadn't yet gone hoarse.
Zoro left the window and headed down the hall. He was going to laugh at the poor kid and add more fuel to the spitfire that was raging outside.
He pulled the door across and stepped onto his lawn, the morning air was slightly chilly; he thought momentarily to go back in for a shirt but instead walked across the brittle grass and up to the small four foot wooden fence that separated his yard from his neighbour's.
The kid hadn't noticed his presence and he was able to amuse himself for another few minutes. After a while he thought the machine had earned itself enough abuse and he laughed at his new neighbour.
Nami looked up, the danger in her eyes going from the machine to the shirtless man making a scene by the fence. He was laughing a haughty laugh, wide mouthed and broad toothed. She couldn't find any humour in which to laugh along with him, her eyes turned icy and she patiently waited for him to stop.
Zoro felt the air freeze around him and slowly the sight he was seeing didn't seem as funny as it did when he first saw it. "Ahhhh," he sighed, catching his breath and rubbing his stomach. "Honestly, kid, girls don't mow the lawn for a reason."
"Kid?" she snapped back murderously. "Girls? What the hell is the reason?"
"Well," Zoro replied coolly, running his fingers along the fence, "they can't operate a mower for one. You live on a really tiny block, hardly any grass and it's a bloody ride-on-mower. And with all the energy you seem to have, you may as well get a pair of scissors and do your lawn like that," he yawned. "I'm going back to sleep, keep it down won't you or else I'll tell your parents." Feeling really good about himself, Zoro turned and headed back towards his house.
It was then he heard the mower roar to life.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU CONIFER MAN!" Nami howled.
Zoro turned back towards the orange haired kid in time to see her, atop of the now functioning lawn-mower, mow down the fence and come racing towards him. It all happened arthritically slow. He felt himself slide beneath the machine, its bladed whirring fast; he was looking up at its crazy driver, her auburn eyes burning demon-like into his until he went fully under and the oil spilt into his eyes.
Everything went black.Nami stood outside the white door biting at her nails in both anxiety and frustration as the doctors on the other side busied themselves around the body of the man she had, two hours ago, mowed down. Vivi wasn't making the matter any better.
"Does it look like he's still breathing?" She asked her temperamental friend quietly.
"Vivi," Nami snapped quietly back, "you'd now when his heart monitor goes flat."
Vivi swivelled her eyes to the heart monitor where it beeped away, making peaks, as she liked to call them. "I still can't believe it…"
Nami grinded her teeth and ripped off the top of another finger nail. It was a bad habit.
"You actually mowed the poor man down," she pulled back her blue hair in awe and fright.
"Poor?" her friend growled softly, "that bastard had it coming. Calling me a kid. Telling my parents…bastard. Hope he dies."
"Hope his hot body doesn't scar," Vivi murmured absently.
Nami frowned and ignored her friend's comment, concentrating on emitting all the death vibes she could into the room where the surgery was being performed. She watched the blue and white people with no distinguishable features bend over the body, stand up, move to another position and bend back down. Their once white gloves where tipped with red and they seemed keen on flashing them around to everyone – her in particular. It felt like that, they weren't really doing it on purpose. She sighed, perhaps, as Vivi already mentioned, she had let her anger go too far. Now she was actually trying to kill people.
It was a pity that her anger management classes pissed her off.
At long last the surgeons cleaned up and wheeled the patient into a room, a concerned Nami who was hiding the fact and a curious Vivi following behind. The two stopped outside the room.
"Umm, Vivi," Nami said innocently, "do you think I'm normal?"
Vivi tried to get away but the hands that grabbed her wrists was iron strong and she ended up answering, "I think you are."
The orange haired woman sighed. "Vivi…" she groaned. "If I go into that room do you think I'll get mad again?"
The blue woman made a face. "I hate these questions."
"Vivi..." Nami growled evilly.
"No!" squeaked her friend, afraid that a single spark will ignite the bomb. "No, you'll be fine – like you always are!"
That was exactly what she wanted to hear; Nami gave Vivi a grin and opened the door.
Zoro groaned softly to himself. What had happened this morning that put him into this state? He couldn't recall one thing he had done that deserved the punishment of hospital food. He forked idly through the gelatine gravy watching as the prongs made wavy patterns. He wasn't used to a fork; normally chopsticks fitted his hands nicely, shrugging, he forked down his gravy like a wolf. It wasn't ramen, but it would do. He had grabbed the bowl of custard when the door opened.
He felt his mouth fall open and the custard fall into the gap between his legs with a sensational squelch. It took a moment to replace his surprised face with one of his most horrible. He gave a lopsided grin, "Guess your murder attempt wasn't as clean as you'd hoped."
"No," said the ki…no, the demoness. "No it wasn't," she slammed the door into the face of the woman coming in after her and sat on the chair beside his bed. "In fact, I'm amazed you look so well after the operation."
Zoro shrugged it off coldly. "Pah, it was nothing."
"Really?" The orange demoness replied with a slight grin. "Well, I won't hesitate when another chance arises then."
For some reason, Zoro wished he hadn't said that. Something about this person made him believe that she would, if given another chance. "So," he continued, "you mow down all your neighbours do you?"
"You're the first," she responded with a flick of a wrist to pull back her straying orange fringe. "But I enjoyed it so much I'm going to do it again!" She gave a small, evil chuckle.
Zoro blinked in response.
Nami cut off her chuckle when she saw that the man she was talking to had no sense of humour whatsoever. He just stared at her like a startled rabbit…and she was the fox. That was fine with her, she didn't care; she was here to make sure he wasn't going to blame her. "Anyway, you're okay now, aren't you?" she asked as nicely as she could.
"Yeah," he snapped, "what gives you the idea that I'm not?"
Nami felt a flicker of something stir inside her. "I don't know," she cocked her head to one side, "maybe the fact that a ride-on-lawn mower on level one completely eclipsed you not more than four hours ago."
Zoro felt his blood boil, sarcasm in a situation like this? The woman should be bloody apologising for running him down like any other normal citizen would. Thing was, the moment he went into the surgery he had the feeling of lingering doom looking over him and now he was looking at the eyes of doom. This orange haired freaky woman…there wasn't something right about her. The hair colour, the voice that never grew hoarse…seriously, he was going to lodge a complaint to the police. He voiced this motive and was instantly pounced upon.
Nami practically felt the fine thread between her sanity and her insanity snap in a loud ringing echo that made her head spin and reality reel back and forth. The moment he issued his threat, the bastard, was the same moment she grabbed the man, be he muscular or weedy, by the collar of his hospital gown and hauled him to her face. She didn't need to rehearse her words, "You wouldn't," she snapped, breathing fire into his face.
"I would," the man was obviously keeping his ground, warding off her dark aura.
"And," continued Nami, "how would I stop you?"
"You can't."
"Scared, eh?" she hissed. "Want someone like me locked up?"
Zoro grinned, he liked this person. She was obviously an interesting person to suggest being 'locked up'. It might've been her first time running someone over with the mower, but it definitely wasn't her first time running someone over. "I won't, unless you do one thing…"
"Go on?"
"You have to take me out to lunch," he growled, feeling like he had handled the predicament like a man.
Nami felt a little sanity come back into her. "Lunch? Is that all? Where?"
"Riyoko's Sushi Bar," he replied coolly. "The one in the city. You know it?" he felt her let him go as she settled herself back a bit.
Nami nodded. "Yeah, sure. Just that?"
Zoro nodded back.
The two listened to the silence that lingered for a while before one realised, "I forgot, I'm Nami," she held out her hand for him to shake. "I moved in next door to you last Wednesday." Nami smiled encouragingly.
"Roronoa Zoro," he replied, taking the offered hand, shook it up and down a few times before letting go - it was cold. "Nami…hmm…its Japanese is it?"
Nami shrugged. "I don't know…could be. Why?"
"It's a…okay name," Zoro commented.
Nami thought she had better comment on his name too. "Zoro's Spanish right?"
"No. That's got two 'r's, I've only got one."
"French then?" She asked politely.
"Yuk, no! I hate French!"
"You sure?" continued Nami looking at the ceiling. "Roronoa sounds an awful like that man…"
Zoro could feel himself biting his tongue in dread.
Nami remained ignorant. "That French pirate, François l'Olonnais…except your first name has 'r's instead of the…" her voice trailed off as her eyes went to the place between Zoro's legs. "Your custard's melted."
Zoro looked down at the unpleasant looking yellow stain trickling through the sheets.
Giri: This is just a oneshot! Thanks for reading!!
