Songfic to: Blue Rodeo-Bulletproof
Ok, so I heard this song on the radio today, and thought this was the perfect Kai song. I looked it up on but no one had it so I decided to make one of my own. And I also love Kai/Hilary stories. This will be set in V-Force. Well, here goes.
Tell me one more time again
Just like I didn't hear you
Like I don't know what's going through your mind, I do
I play the same game too
I know it's hard to stop
Even when you want to
"C'mon Hilary. Just tell me what's going on. You've been acting strange lately and everyone's worried. Even Tyson's having a hard time cramming down food, and when that happens you know something's wrong. So cmon, what is it?" Kai asked concerned.
It was out of character for him, but there was something majorly wrong with Hilary. She hadn't been coming to any of their practices; in fact he probably would have not seen her for another week if he hadn't gone to the park to practice.
"Oh cram it Hiwatari. Everyone knows that you don't care about anything and are so strong so what's up with this sudden attitude change?" Hilary retorted.
"No attitude change at all. And I'm not as cold as I seem." He looked up and she could see a bit of hurt in his eyes.
"Oh? Are you looking hurt? How cute…not. Ugh…I'm sorry but this it's really nothing."
"If it's nothing, why are you avoiding everyone?"
"Look. I said it's nothing ok? Don't try and help 'cause you can't!"
"Just tell me. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Just tell me what's going on. I would understand a lot better than you think."
She sighed. She wasn't trying to push him away or anything; it was just that she thought that he couldn't help her. Besides, could he be trusted? Her mind went at full speed trying to figure out a solution until finally she decided that she would tell him.
"Alright, fine. I'll tell you."
Kai, though a little surprised at her sudden change of heart, still gently pushed her into continuing. Not that it was needed, of course. You may all be wondering…why was Kai so concerned about her? Well he liked her, even if he wouldn't admit it. She was the last thing he saw at night and the first thing he thought of in the morning. She always somehow could make even his worst day brighter.
"Well, it started after 6th grade. My parents went through a heavy divorce and the death of my sister right after that. They thought it was my fault that my sister died, they had always favored her, and now, to take their pain and stress out of them, they take it out on me. I mean I've done nothing but be a good kid, but they just can't let go of anything. Especially after they start drinking."
She pulled up the sleeve of her jacket to reveal several cuts and bruises on her arm. Kai gasped. How could anyone do this to his or her child? Especially to 'his' sweet, caring Hilary? The girl who cared about everyone but herself?
It was getting dark and Kai could see that soon there would be only the moon. But he didn't mind. Suddenly, he heard a little sniffle beside him. It was Hilary. She was crying. Even though he couldn't see it, he could tell she was trying to hide from him, hide the fact that she was crying. It made him feel bad, that she thought that he was going to think less of her. In fact, he was no better at not feeling hurt. He wasn't insensitive or inhuman or anything. He just hid it better than others did. Soon, the moon came out and his suspicions proved true. She had been crying.
Now the moon lights up your face
And I can see you're crying
You never liked me to see you cry, it's true
I've done some crying too
NOW the hardest part about it
Is trying to hide it from you
It was hard for Kai too. He remembered about his past and about every other thing in his life that was imperfect. The fact that he had missed nearly all of his normal childhood due to the cruelty of his grandfather and Biovolt. Even the fact that Hilary would probably never like someone like him, especially with Tyson as his competition. It's hopeless, he decided but still, a little part of him wanted to believe that he had a slight chance.
Now, both teens were in a hurting silence that got louder with each passing second. They both wished they could be stronger, even though Kai already was.
It would be great to be so strong
Never needed anybody else to get along
But we're so scared of the silence and the tricks that we use
Oh We're careful and we're cunning, but we're easily bruised
I don't want to lie about it
I'm not bulletproof
"I'm sorry, Hilary." He said after a while. "I never knew."
"It's not your fault, but I guess, it's ok. Just stay with me a bit longer, I don't feel like going home, not yet anyway."
"You sure that you want to go back home after all this? I mean, not that it's any of my business and you probably wouldn't want to, but I have a place of my own, you could come stay with me. I-If you want, that is." He finished, blushing. Thank goodness that it was dark. He tried to hide the blush. He felt that it was visible even through all of the darkness.
Well I finally found the way
To hide from all your glances
'Til the waiting game we play is through
I can, but what's the use
When all I really want to do is hide out with you
It would be great to be so strong
You never needed anybody's help to get along
We're so scared of the silence and the language that we use
Yeah we're careful and we're cunning, but we're easily bruised
I don't want to kid about it
I'm not bulletproof
"Umm…really?"
"Yea! Sure! No problem! I wouldn't mind at all. Plus, I know what it feels like to be in a place like that, where no matter how hard you try, you're always not good enough and punished for it."
"What happened? How can you know what I'm going through?"
Kai then told her his entire life story, from Voltaire to Biovolt, to how grateful he felt that he had the Bladebreakers, and even her around him now. That he was finally in a place where he belonged, a place just for him, where he felt more acceptance and love than he had ever felt in his life. He admitted that was the reason he seemed so cold to people, that he felt scared of these new feelings that he had never felt before. But he did really care about them, all of them. He didn't know why, but whenever he was around her, he just felt like pouring out his soul and telling her everything.
After Kai had told her that, she no longer even questioned his attitude problem. She understood what it was like and felt grateful that he felt able to tell her all this. That meant that she was his friend too, and it wasn't one-sided. She felt happy. You see, she always had a small crush on Kai, I mean can you blame her? She was just like every other girl her age, with the exception of a few things and just like every other girl, she liked Kai Hiwatari, even though she would never admit it.
She also now understood for his need to appear strong all the time and even partially insensitive. They both now understood.
Tell me one more time again
Well I guess I didn't hear you
I don't know all the secrets that you keep inside
I tried the same thing too
But they all come pouring out of me when I'm talking to you
Well it would be great to be so strong
You never needed anybody else's help to carry on
But I'm not waking up each morning with forgiveness I can use
No I'm careless, and I'm cruel, but I'm still easily bruised
Hilary stood up and sat down next to him on the bench in the park. Before either knew what they were doing, Kai had given Hilary a brief but sweet hug, which she returned a little startled.
"Uh…Hilary, I'm not exactly the best with words, I mean I don't quite know how to say this but, well, I guess I really like you."
"I really like you too, Kai."
" No! I mean, no Hilary, I REALLY like like you." He finished sounding and looking like an 8-year-old again. He looked down at his blue shoes, the ones with the Dranzer laces that Hilary had gotten him for his birthday that year.
She looked up at him, grinning. "Well…you know Kai, I think I just might, REALLY like like you too."
He smiled. He now understood what people meant when they said that everything was going to be just ok, even if the world ended tomorrow, everything would be JUST fine.
" So does that mean you'll stay with me?" He asked timidly.
"Yes," Hilary said still grinning, "It means I'll stay with you.
I'm so tired of lying about it
I'm not bulletproof
No, and I'm not going to lie about it
I'm not bulletproof
'Yeah,' Kai thought, 'I may not be bulletproof but maybe not being bulletproof, isn't so bad after all.'
