Not Goodbye- Part 1

It was nearing 10pm when Lucas climbed into his bed wearing his traditional lounge pants and tank top.

Since choosing each other at the Ski Lodge, he and Riley had settled into a nighttime routine. Every night at 10pm Riley would call and they would talk about everything and nothing. It was their time. No outside interruptions...no friends butting in. It was just them. They would talk until she gradually dozed off, it was later than 10 after all... Lucas would listen to her breathe for a few minutes just to make sure she was really asleep (sometimes she would nod off just for a minute or 2) he would then whisper "Love you Bean" as he ended the call. It was a tradition that they both loved and looked forward to.

Little did he know that tonight's call would send him into a nightmare and leave his heart at his feet. After he answered with his customary "Hey Bean" his heart stopped when he heard her crying. In a broken whisper, she told him that she needed to see him now.

He jumped out of bed, threw a hoodie & sneakers on, grabbed his phone and ran down the stairs, yelling for his mom, pure panic etched into his features.

Lizzie Friar was enjoying her nightly cup of tea when Lucas flew down the stairs.

"Lucas! What is it?"

"Something's wrong with Riley Mom! I have to go!"

"Slow down. Tell me what's going on"

"She's hysterical crying and she told me that she needs to see me now. I'm going"

He crossed his arms in front of his chest as if he was expecting an argument.

"Do you want me to drive you?" Lizzie asked now on edge herself.

"No thanks Momma. I can get there faster if I run" Lucas leans in to kiss her on the cheek.

"Be careful my boy. Call me if either of you need me. I'll be waiting for you to come home. Give Riley my love."

"I will." Lucas exclaims as he runs out the door.

Lizzie sits back down in her recliner and gets lost in her memories of Lucas, before he met Riley and after. As she shakes herself out of her reverie, she offers up a silent prayer that everything is OK. She's quite fond of Riley and her family. She knows that Lucas loves Riley and she can admit to herself that she's scared that whatever is happening is going to throw her baby boy into a tailspin. He barely made it through the "triangle" with his sanity intact. The only thing that kept him going was knowing that it had always been Riley.

It was well after Midnight when she heard the front door open and quietly close. She waited for Lucas to come into the living room, anxious to find out what was happening. After what seemed to be hours of agonizing silence, but was only a minute or two, she heard something fall to the floor. Rushing into the foyer, she stopped in her tracks when she saw Lucas, sitting on the floor, back to the door, head in his hands.

"Lucas?" She asked quietly trying to keep her worry at bay.

Lucas lifted his head and in that moment Lizzie knew that something terrible was happening. The last time she saw that look on her son's face was when they told him that they were leaving Texas. Her heart in her throat she called his name again.

"Lucas? What is it? Is Riley ok? Talk to momma son. What can I do to help?"

Her heart broke for him as he looked up and said "She's ok mom but I'm not."

Lizzie interrupts frantically "What does that mean? Did she break up with you?" There's no way they broke up... especially after everything they have been through.

"Yes...no...maybe... it looks like she's moving mom" Lucas explains in a tortured whisper.

"Moving? To where?" Puzzled as to why her son looked so devastated she was taken aback when he answered "London"

"Oh Lucas" she whispers as she walks to his side.

Lucas looks up at his mother, pain evident in his eyes and asks the question guaranteed to break her heart. "Why is this happening to me mom? Is this because of who I used to be? Is this my fault? Waiting until we were ready, the triangle and now this... why am I being punished?"

Lizzie sinks to the floor and pulls his head to her chest... "No son. This is not your fault. None of this is. You are so much more than your past. And almost everything that's happened with Riley is because of your feelings for her. Until now, everything has happened because you wanted to protect her...because you love her. You're not being punished baby. Punishment would have been never meeting Riley at all or losing her because of what so many thought was your "indecisiveness"... now tell Momma everything that happened at Riley's and we will figure out what we need to do."

"When I got there, she was already crying in the window. As soon as I sat down, she climbed on my lap, threw her arms around me and started to cry even harder. I looked to see if she was hurt and when I didn't see anything wrong I asked her if she was hurt. She grabbed my hand and put it over her heart and said that's where she hurt. I was so scared Momma then she took a deep breath and told me about London. Her mom was named the head of her firm's London office." Lucas explains as he stares into space. "She told me that she is so proud of her mom and that as much as she doesn't want to go she must put on a happy face for her mom."

"What did you say son?"

"I couldn't say anything. I was trying not to break down myself. I just held her as she cried. Between my rubbing her back and the crying she ended up falling asleep. The last thing she told me is that she wants to pretend that nothing is wrong. That nothing is happening."

"Anything else happen or is that everything?"

Lucas looks at his mom bashfully and continues "After I placed her on her bed, I brushed the hair from her face, gave her a kiss and whispered I love you…. when I stood up, her dad was standing there."

"Since you have both shoes on, I take it he didn't freak out?"

"Funny mom. No, he didn't. He just looked at me and said "It will be OK Lucas." I didn't say anything in return. I just tilted my head and went back out the bay window. How can he say it will be ok mom? How can it be ok? She'll be in London and I'll be here. I wasted so much time mom. Time that we could have spent together…. instead I was stuck in the middle of that nonsense and for what? To lose her anyway?" Lucas rests his head on his mother's shoulder and sighs. She could feel the tension running through his body and wishes she could spare her child this pain. She let him wallow in his silence for a moment and then did what every mother must do to her child at some point…. she got real.

She needed to bring him back to reality and quickly...needed him to focus on what was truly important.

"Knowing what you know now… if you could go back in time and erase meeting Riley…would you?"

Lucas was deathly silent for a moment and then jumping to his feet he exploded... "Are you nuts? Erase meeting her? Hell no. She's one of the reasons I am who I am now. She's not just my girlfriend or some girl I love...She's my best friend..."

"And no matter where she is Lucas she will always be your best friend. Now mind your tongue... I understand that you are hurting but I won't let you sass me again." If she ever had any doubts about how her son felt about Riley, that quick glimpse of Texas Lucas erased them all. Lizzie knew that side of him only appeared lately when Riley was involved. She knows it's because he doesn't know how to control himself when it comes to her... she's the first person outside of his immediate family that he cares so much about that the thought of anything happening to her is enough to drive him insane.

"Sorry Momma. I didn't think before I spoke. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had never met her." Lucas falls silent again.

"Don't let it happen again. Lucas, I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I know how much Riley means to you. I know how much you agonized over making sure she wouldn't be hurt by anything you did. You know everything happens for a reason... and while we may not know the reason why at this point- we have to have faith that fate knows what it's doing. Neither you nor Riley believe in coincidences but do believe in something bigger. That's what you need to focus on. You need to keep your friendship intact and if fate wants you to be together again... it will happen. Since meeting Riley, your main focus has been on your friendship. Even after that blasted trip to Texas, your greatest concern was the thought that you were losing your best friend. Yes, there were more than friendship feelings there too but you said that as long as you didn't totally lose her, you would take whatever she was offering. No matter where she is in this world, she can still be your best friend. It's much easier these days with Skype, Face Time and every other app you kids are using these days. Talk to her Lucas. Let her know that no matter what happens, you guys will always be friends. Will always be each other's first real relationship."

"You're right Momma. It hurts but you are right."

"Remember when you came home from Texas and started playing the guitar again?"

"Yes"

"Remember how important the lyrics of a song became?"

"Yes"

"I want you to learn "The Dance" by Garth Brooks."

"I know that song mom…I think everyone does."

"Humor your momma for a second….think of the lyrics and tell me which ones I think will help you right now"

Lucas is quiet for a few minutes as he tries to think of the lyrics. Lizzie, sensing his struggle to remember the words softly starts to sing

"And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance"

Lucas chimes in for the last few words and he knows with absolute certainty that the lyrics are perfect. That night as he climbed into bed he knew with absolute certainty that he was blessed to have had her for a short time as his girlfriend but even more so for having met her at all.