Fate, in many cases, can be inconvenient. The development of certain events beyond a person's control means that one has little choice but to concede to whatever the consequences.

We interpret these instances of fate as coincidences: remarkable occurrence of events with no apparent causal connections, which take us by surprise unexpectedly.

For shinobi, that could mean the difference between life and death. A simple, unaccounted wind drift could mean a missed kunai. Or the chance of being infected with an unknown virus could hamper a team's effort during a mission.

Or in this case...

Naruto stared at the two S-ranked missing-nin impassively, unsure how to act at his misfortune.

Itachi and Kisame gazed back with their own respective stoic looks.

*Plop*

...doing a poop when two evil kidnappers come and break down your hotel door.

"Uh..." Naruto said, "I am currently in the middle of a crisis right now. Could you leave immediately?"

"No." Itachi answered

"..."

"..."

"..please?"

"No."


"Well, after sleeping shirtless with the air conditioning on, my poop is coming out at terminal velocity. I don't think it's going to end anytime soon." Naruto decided to share his poop problems in hopes to gain some sympathy.

"We will wait for you to finish."

"..."

"..."

*Plip*

In case you didn't know, pooping in front of two kidnappers was a difficult business to go about.


After ten minutes of painful cramps and butt burn, Naruto finally managed to release the last of his waste with a sigh.

Meanwhile, the missing-nin practiced zen-level patience with two clothespins clipped to their noses.

Naruto turned to grab some toilet paper, only to stop short. The feeling of dread crept up onto his very soul. His heartbeat sped to impossible levels as he panicked at the increasingly catastrophic disaster. Anxiety shot through the roof as Naruto processed and comprehended the absence of what would have been his greatest ally.

The toilet paper was gone.


What was he to do now?

...

...

...

Shakily, Naruto turned to his to-be kidnappers.

"Um..."

Itachi and Kisame snapped their attention to the blonde.

"Would one of you perhaps be able to procure some toilet paper for me? It would be much appreciated." he put it as nicely as he could

Itachi nodded and teleported away.

Naruto sighed relieved.

Perhaps missing-nin weren't as bad as everybody made them out to be?


He took it back. Missing-nin were the devil's incarnate.

Naruto stared with a darkened expression at the one piece of sand-paper he held in his hands.

"I was unable to find what you asked for. Therefore, I obtained the closest substitute available." Itachi explained

'Closest substitute' his destroyed ass! This sadistic Uchiha! He couldn't wipe with this!

Maybe Kisame?

"Kisame right? You're good with water justu right?" Naruto asked

The shark-man nodded.

"Perhaps you could show me a technique? To clean with?"

Kisame shrugged and turned to the sink. He opened the faucet and slowly showed Naruto the hand signs. At the final sign, the water from the faucet shot up in a gentle motion.

Naruto nodded gratefully, committing the jutsu to memory.

Itachi and Kisame left the bathroom and closed the door to give Naruto some space.


What Kisame didn't mention, was that the technique required finesse and utmost control to be properly used.

Naruto's scream sounded throughout the entire Fire-country when water traveling 267 miles an hour jetted into his hole.


Naruto stumbled out the bathroom door, before collapsing at the feet of the Akatsuki members, defeated.

"Bastards..." he groaned


Moral lesson: The hero does not always win.

Tragic indeed.