Don't Click Random Pop-Ups

~*~Alexandra~*~

I twisted around and propped my chin on my hands while I continued scrolling through the Hetalia fanfiction page. I was bored. So bored. I was bored while online, which was odd but there you go. My tumblr page was open, as was my e-mail account and several other miscellaneous sites that were mostly random pop-ups or cookies that I hadn't bothered to close.

I was actually supposed to be writing a five-page report on mitosis and meiosis for my biology course, but I had gotten bored after the first page and had started checking my fanfiction account to see if any of my favourite stories had been updated recently.

Ugh, I cannot do this all night, I groaned and glanced at the clock on my laptop. It's past 11, I should probably turn off my laptop and go to sleep.

Oh yeah, you have no idea who I am, do you? Well, my name is Alexandra Clare, age 18, currently in college and working. I lived with my twin brother, Eric, in a relatively large house given to us by our grandfather in his will. The house was actually near our college, and was rather large for two just-legal kids.

The plumbing was a bit whack, but Eric and I had been trained in the skilled art of DIY by our dad. The two of them believed that, female or not, I should be able to do basic tinkering at the very least. I can work a car engine, change motor oil, light bulbs and other stuff. Due to that, it didn't take too long or too much to fix everything up again. Yay for DIY skills!

I yawned. The door of my room opened and Eric walked in holding two mugs of hot chocolate. As my twin, he understands our shared love for chocolate in any form. He and I look a lot alike. We both have curly black-brown, dark brown skin, and coffee brown eyes with flecks of gold. We look like male and female versions of each other. If I was about a foot taller, and more muscular, and if he had way more hair, then we would look pretty much the same.

As it is, I'm stuck at five ft five, but at least I'm cute. "Here you go, darling," Eric climbed on my bed and passed over my mug. It was my favourite mug, the black one with the dark pink hearts all over it. I pulled a face at the endearment. He calls every female in his life that, except our mother. The first time he tried it she stared at him with such a deadpan expression that he had to withdraw it.

"Thanks Eric," I took a sip of my chocolate, and then squealed quietly when he suddenly leaned over me and stared at my laptop screen. "Could you not?" I demanded. "I am not a pillow!"

"Aw, but my baby sister is so soft!" He snickered at me.

"I'm your twin," I rolled my eyes. "We were born at the same time, you idiot." Oh for the days when I could actually cream him in a fight. Now I can only rely on grown nails, pinches and dirty tricks to win fights, and I love him too much to do anything too bad to him. "So whatcha doing?"

"Shutting down," I closed my fanfiction and tumblr pages, and began closing the million-and-one pop-up ads that managed to crop up whenever I opened the site that I normally used to watch anime. Eric and I read the claims on the ads curiously, even though we would never click one (except for kicks), we wanted to see what sort of weird claims people tried to use to lure people.

I won a million dollars in some random lottery? Awesome.Close.

I can make $3000 in one month just by clicking this ad? Nice.Close.

New health tip to lose twenty pounds in just a week? Brilliant. Close.

Win free Hetalia Units? Great, wait, what!? I paused with my mouse hovering over the tempting offer. It was a cute pink and yellow banner, with an image of Chibitalia and chibi Germany and Japan on the front. I read the words next to them curiously. Congratulations, you are our 100thvisitor and have won Hetalia Units! Click here to claim your reward!

"Oh look," Eric said. "It's that weird, historical anime show you like so much."

"Hetalia," I told him crisply. "It's called Hetalia."

"Yeah, yeah," he smirked. I rolled my eyes, and then cocked my head to the side as I stared at the ad on the screen. On the one hand, most of these things were hoaxes and I could be giving these people access to my computer among other things. On the other hand, it had Hetalia on the front. I lovedHetalia! And besides, how many hackers used anime to lure people anyway? Not that many, I bet.

Still, I figured. Better safe than sorry.I clicked the 'x' in the corner to close the window. Instead, a tiny image of an envelope being carried by a small Flying Mint Bunny appeared and the words: Thank you for accepting this unique offer. Your free Hetalia units will be chosen randomly and shipped to you within three to five business days!

"Wait, what did you do?" Eric stared at me with wide eyes.

"I don't know! I clicked the x, I swear I did!"

There was some small print at the bottom that I couldn't have read, even with the eyesight of an eagle, but that wasn't important. What did I just do? I clicked no you bastards! Ah well, at least they were free and my computer didn't seem to be acting up in any way. I sighed and shut down the machine.

"This is going to come back to bite us in the butt, isn't it?" Eric stared at me.

"Most likely," I agreed. "Now, get out of my room. I want to sleep, and you're messing up my feng shui."

"How dare you? My very presence makes your room ten times more awesome!" He sounded like a very familiar character right now. I threw my pillow at him, and he caught it. "I'm taking this!"

"No, that's my favourite mochi pillow!" I whined, but I was too tired to actually get up and fight for it. Luckily, Eric took pity on me and threw it back to me, whereupon I began to cuddle it. "Thank you! Goodnight Eric!"

"Goodnight Allie!"

Oh well, I figured as I closed my eyes.What's the worst that could happen?

A 3 Day Time Skip brought to you by Flying Mint Bunny Corporation!

I was in the kitchen trying to cook breakfast for Eric and myself, and simultaneously jot down points for my biology report in my notebook. I twirled my pen in one hand, while keeping an eye on the bacon I was making.

Bacon, if you must know, is my life and my comfort food. Did you know that it has the same addictive properties as crack? It is the stuff of gods, and probably what all pigs aspire to be (apart from, you know, being dead). Eric can't cook worth shit, so I do all the cooking, and he does the washing up. It's the deal we have, and he has to agree otherwise he would starve to death.

I'd already made three bacon and cheese sandwiches for myself, and I was making more bacon and some sausages for Eric. As I stood up to turn off the stove, I heard the doorbell ring. I frowned in confusion. It was way too early for guests, unless it was one of his friends come to drag him out for the day. They did that a lot, although when Eric came back from their last outing he looked pissed off and he wouldn't tell me what had happened.

Occasionally, one of his friends (usually Charles) would try flirting with me but I would shoot them down like a bison during hunting season.

At any rate, it wasn't any of his friends at any rate. Instead, it was some delivery guy. He was dressed in a green uniform with a logo of a familiar-looking Flying Mint Bunny on the left side. He also had a Flying Mint Bunny hat, which I would have stared at had I not been staring at the huge crate beside him.

I stared at it blankly, and then I stared at him. "Um, I'm sorry, but what the hell is that?" I pointed at it.

He grinned cheerfully. "I'm Shawn. Are you Miss. Alexandra Clare?" I nodded warily. "This is your new Hetalia unit, courtesy of Flying Mint Bunny Corporations," he handed me one of those electronic…signing…thingies, which I signed in a loose scrawl. "Would you like me to wheel it inside for you?" I nodded dumbly, and stepped back as he wheeled the crate into the house.

It's big enough to hold a person!I marvelled as I followed him into the house. Wait, it's not a person is it? Because isn't human trafficking illegal?

"Here, this comes with each unit. Read it carefully, you'll need it for this one," he then handed me a brown manila envelope. "Well then, I'll see you in a few days when your next unit comes! In the meantime, good luck and try not to die!"

"Try not to whatnow? Oi, Shawn, Shawn wait! Explain this!" He never once looked back. He got into the truck (which had a giant, plastic Flying Mint Bunny on the top) and drove away. I half expected the wings on the thing to start flapping and for the whole truck to just sort of fly away into the sun.

Instead, of course, the truck just kept driving until I couldn't see it anymore.

Once he had gone, I turned and stared at the box. "Ugh, useless mail service," I grumbled and opened the envelope. Inside was a small, star-spangled booklet with the words Hetalia Unit Manual printed on the cover. "Now, what the hell is this?" I opened the manual curiously.

Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of an ALFRED F. JONES Hetalia Unit!

I blinked at the booklet several times, and then looked back at the box, and then I looked back at the manual in my hands. As calm as I looked on the outside, on the inside I was actually panicking because, holy frick-frack that shit was real. THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING REAL! And I just ordered America and HOW THE HELL DOES SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPEN? I'M A somewhat NORMAL PERSON!

Once I was done freaking out internally, I sighed and stared at the crate. Well, I can't just leave this thing in the middle of the room.I opened the manual and read through it curiously.

As I was reading, Eric came downstairs with half-smoothened bed hair. He must have gone to the kitchen first because he was holding one of the slices of buttered toast in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other. "Good morning Allie!" He walked into the front room when he saw me, and then he stared at the giant crate standing right there. "Uh…okay…what is that and why is it in the house?" He pointed at it.

"I think this may be one of the Hetalia units from that ad I clicked on," I went back to reading the manual. "According to this, we got America."

Eric cocked his head to the side. "Is that good or bad?"

"Well, it's both, really," I turned a page. "You should probably go bathe and stuff. You look like a homeless troll." I ignored the look of mock hurt on his face and finished reading the manual.

"So, there's an actual person in there?" Eric asked after his usual ten second shower time. "Isn't that illegal?"

"Maybe that's why they decided to send them to us," I sweatdropped as I stared at the crate hard. "At any rate, we have to wake him up now. We can," I consulted the manual page. "Play the national anthem, but apparently his singing sucks. We can put on a superhero show, but I don't know if any are showing this morning. Neither of us can do a proper English accent, and I don't want him act mean to me. I also don't want to be insulted by the alien."

"The what?"

"You should have watched all those Hetalia episodes I showed you," I sighed. "Well, let's see if any superhero movies are showing!" I skipped over to the TV and turned to Cartoon Network. "YAS, BATMAN BRAVE AND THE BOLD!" I loved that show! I forgot about what we were supposed to be doing and arranged myself on the couch to watch Batman take down the Joker (who is really my favourite DC villain).

Suddenly…

BOOM!"IS THAT HEROICNESS I HEAR?" Eric yelped and ducked out of the way just in time as the crate exploded, literally exploded right in front of us, sending shards of wood and glass flying in all directions. Luckily nothing was broken, as there wasn't much in there anyway. We had only just moved in a few weeks ago. "SWEET, BATMAN!"

There, right in front of me, was a genuine America lookalike. It looked exactly like him, from the obnoxious but ultimately heart-warming grin, to the strange curl of hair that was supposed to represent Nevada or something.

Without waiting for introductions, or for me to say anything, he vaulted himself over the back of the couch and landed beside me. "Oh, hi there!" He beamed at me cheerfully. "I'm Alfred, the HERO!" He punched a fist into the air. "What's your name?"

I was still a bit rattled from the explosion, the sight, and the fact that his jumping on the chair had caused me to bounce half a foot into the air. It took me a few seconds to answer him. "Uh…I'm Alexandra, but you can call me Alex or Allie…"

"No he can't!" Eric suddenly tackled me in a huge hug, and glared at Alfred. "As her twin and only brother, only I get to call Allie that! You are not that special to my sister!"

Alfred blinked, clearly confused. I sweatdropped and pointed to Eric. "This is my twin brother, Eric, being overprotective and weird," I introduced. "Eric, Alfred. Alfred, Eric. Yay, now you know each other and Eric can let go of my head now."

"But Allie..." he whined.

"Now. I can't breathe properly." He released my head and I gasped for air. "Okay, I made coffee, eggs, bacon and sausages, along with a shitload of toast. Who's hungry?"

"ME!"

"THE HERO!" They both dashed out of the room in the direction of the kitchen. Distracting Eric with food has always worked, and I was glad to know that it worked on Alfred too. While they were raiding the table (thank God I'd eaten earlier) I went to look at the remains for the crate for Alfred's stuff. I found the box with his clothes, the McDonald's gift card (which was really going to come in handy) and Tony.

I stared at the alien, and it stared back at me. And then it spoke. "Bitch."

"I'm glad you know," I picked up the pieces of crate and tossed them outside to be thrown into the garbage later. "Go do your shit elsewhere," I waved a hand at the alien and went to meet my sibling and new...uh...houseguest in the kitchen.

When I walked in, they were both fighting over the last bit of bacon on the plate. "It's my house!"

"I'm the hero!"

"My sister made it!"

I watched them bicker for a moment, and then walked in, picked up the plate of bacon, and ate it. "There," I smiled at them. "Problem solved. Alfred, do you want to pick a room now or should we go back and see if there's going to be another Batman episode?"

"WHOO! BATMAN!" So I suppose I had my answer. Eric frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but then his phone began to ring and he flipped it out to answer it. "Hey, you know," Alfred grinned at me happily. "Since I'm the hero, you can be my super-cute sidekick and help me fight bad guys and stuff! 'Cause that's what heroes do!"

Super-cute? "Yay I get to be a sidekick!" I held up my hand for a high-five, which was both a painful and exhilarating experience. "Do we get costumes and a lair?"

"HECK YEAH!" America shouted, and we both punched the air excitedly.

"WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP!?" Eric yelled at us. "Ugh..." he snapped his phone shut and groaned. "Apparently Derrick spent the night in jail and I have to go pick him up," he grabbed the keys of the car, which was a small blue jeep in slightly-used condition. "I should be back soon. You sure you'll be alright with…him?"

I sweatdropped at the way he eyed Alfred, like the guy was a rapist or something. He really should have watched all those Hetalia episodes I gave him. Alfred would never do anything like that, unless I accidentally knocked him into Cracked or Postal mode.

I waved a hand at him. "Yeah, Alfred and I will be fine. We'll watch cartoons and run around the house wearing capes and acting like dorks. Go bail out Daniel."

"Derrick."

"I don't care about your friends," I smirked. "Be safe! Don't let them detain you for something stupid!"

Eric sighed, and then leaned forwards and kissed me on the forehead. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be back soon Allie. You," he glared at Alfred and made the universal I'm-watching-you sign. "Take care of my baby sister. If I come home and she has so much as a scratch on her, I will kill you."

Alfred saluted with a wide grin. "Leave it to the hero!" A few minutes later, the car rumbled away down the streets. "Your brother's cool," he remarked, jumping to sit beside me again. The TV was now showing something about the Fantastic Four. DC was all good, but Marvel was the shit and would always be the shit for me.

"Yeah," I told him. "You know we're actually twins, right? He just likes to call me his baby sister because he was born ten minutes before I was."

"Whoa, you're twins?" America stared at me. "Everyone always thinks my bro and I are twins."

True. In nearly every fanfic I have ever read, Alfred and Canada are always described as being twins. But Canada's birthday was a good three days before America's, or was it different for countries? I don't know. "So what's your brother like?" I asked, even though I already knew. I wanted to see what Alfred thought of him.

"He's pretty cool," America said. "But he isn't as heroic as I am!" He was like Gilbert, only with the words 'hero' and 'heroic' in the place of 'awesome'. Ah well, America was better than the BTT at the moment. Eric would never have agreed to leave me alone with any of them. Except Spain. Maybe.

We spent about an hour watching superhero/superpower-themed cartoons, and then we played Mario Kart for another hour. "HOW THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS?" I yelled at the screen as he won for what had to be the fifth time in a row. "I KICK ERIC'S ASS IN THIS GAME!"

"IT'S BECAUSE I'M THE HERO!" America crowed as the words You Win flashed on his side of the screen for the fifth time. "AND HERO'S ALWAYS WIN! Besides," he smirked and poked my forehead. "The hero always has to be better than the sidekick. It's the rule."

I pouted and tried to bite his finger, but he whipped it away quickly. "Stupid rule," I threw my pad at him, and it nailed him right in the chest. I giggled when he pretended to fall over like I'd shot him. "It's almost lunchtime," I noted. "What do you want to eat?"

He sat up immediately. "McDonald's!"

I shot him down immediately. "No."

"But whhhhyyyy?"

"Because it is unhealthy, and will probably give you heart disease and thrombosis."

"Psh, I'm the hero! I'M TOO HEROIC FOR HEART WHATDJAMACALLIT!" I sweatdropped because now he was standing on the sofa and doing a superhero-like pose. "Please Alex? Pretty please? I'll upgrade you to super sidekick!"

I snickered. "Tempting, but no. Besides, Eric is going to come back soon anyway, so I'll make steamed rice and chicken sauce." America pouted like a five year old that had been denied a lollipop. Aw, so cute."How about I give you your McDonald's gift card and you get as much as you want tomorrow, okay?" I said to placate him.

He cheered up instantly. "OKAY!"

I left him playing Into the Deadon my iPad and made my way to the kitchen to get started on dinner. By the time my twin was back, at around 6: 30 p.m., from bailing out whatever felon-friend he had gone to bail out (it had taken longer than expected), the rice was ready and America and I were debating on movies to watch.

Right now, it was a choice between Final Destination 2, The Ring and The Grudge. America was for Final Destination 2 while I was rooting for The Ring. "Allie, you hate horror movies," Eric pointed out.

"Yes, in fact I do," I nodded. "So that's why I want to The Ring, because I already know how it ends and there'll be no surprises to scare me." After all, the real root of terror is fear of the unexpected.

"The hero never gets scared!" America grinned down at me. "Don't worry super-cute sidekick, I'll protect you from any ghosts and stuff that attack you!"

You're cute.I smiled at him, but then Eric suddenly jumped in front of me. "Since when do you call my baby sister cute? You don't get call her cute! If anyone's protecting her, it'll be me!" I sweatdropped at him. I'm just gonna ignore the pointless show of testosterone and put in the movie. I popped in The Ringand settled down between them with my bowl of rice and a large blanket.

About halfway through the movie, Eric had fallen asleep. He had watched the movie several times already anyway. I was still wide awake, and I could feel someone shaking next to me. "Uh…Alfred?" I stared at him curiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm totally fine!" His voice sounded rushed and abnormally high-pitched. The movie got to the part where the girl was climbing out of the TV and I suddenly felt part of my blanket shift away from me. America was using part of my blanket to hide his face, only leaving a small gap for his eyes.

I smiled slightly, remembering the manual. America was deathly afraid of supernatural horror movies, especially those made in Japan. It was cute that he was trying so hard to act like he wasn't completely terrified out of his wits.

When a scene with a jumpscare came on, America yelped and buried his face in my mass of hair. I could feel him breathing heavily, almost as if he was hyperventilating. Finally, the movie ended. Alfred was shaking pretty badly, but he still managed to grin quite widely and pretend like he was fine. Eric washed up, although he tried pretty hard to get out of it, while I went up to bed and snuggled under my mochi pillows.

I let my mind wander a bit as I tried to fall asleep. I wondered how my parents were doing now that they had the house to themselves, I agonised briefly about my biology report, and then I thought about our new housemate and his origins. I should probably find out more about that...

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I heard the door of my room creak open slowly. I groaned and rolled over so I was facing away from the door. "Eric, what do you want now?" I smooshed my face into my pillow.

"Uh...Alex?" I blinked and rolled over again. Alfred was standing in my doorway with a pillow and blanket. He was wearing one of Eric's old shirts, and a pair of boxers.

"Alfred?" I stared at him curiously. "What's wrong?"

"No," he rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I just wanted to know if I could sleep here tonight! Since that movie probably freaked you out, I figured I'd be your hero and protect you!"

He's such a dork it's adorable. I find many things adorable. I fear for when Italy gets here, I probably won't let him out of my sight. Out loud I said: "Well...okay, just for tonight I guess..."

America grinned widely. "Sweet!" He hopped onto the space beside me on my bed. I scooted a bit more to make space for him, and closed my eyes. A minute later, America flopped down beside me. "'Night sidekick!"

"Goodnight hero."

I had never shared a bed with a guy before, other than Eric, and I found it odd that I didn't really feel too awkward about it. Alfred seemed like a blonde, more hyperactive version of Eric, but with a hero-complex.

My last coherent thought before I fell asleep was: Eric is going to flip when he sees this.