To all you readers out there, this is my first Inquisition fanfic but not my first Dragon Age fic, I have already written one for Dragon Age 2 about Fenris and Fem Hawke, which is on my fanfiction account and not DeviantArt. This is a retelling after the events of speaking with Solas before he leaves through the Eluvian, some of the plot will be altered to tailor to my story but not too much. I'm writing it in first person as to give the reader a more personal feel, Cullen will never refer to the Inquisitor by the name I chose for her, and will instead address her according to canon, with the addition of 'wife'. As you can tell this story is centred around Cullen x Dalish Fem-Inquisitor, so I hope you enjoy and maybe drop a review or two.
Thank You & Enjoy!
Dragon Age: Inquisition
I Will Not Die
Chapter 1,
Love and Fear,
It couldn't end like this…why must it end like this…had I not endured and suffered enough from the threat of Corypheus, had I not been forced to make decisions that I should not have had to make, did I not sacrifice those I wished I didn't have too for the greater good, was that not enough? No, fate had deemed it that I would have to endure much more than that. Now the cost of saving the world yet again was my life, why had it come to this? I wasn't worried for myself, I had resigned myself to my inevitable death long ago, but I was worried…for Cullen.
Not long ago we had been joined in marriage, a quick stolen moment to pledge ourselves to each other despite the turmoil of the exalted council that threatened to destroy us after all the good we had done. So long had I waited for the moment when we would become one, I loved him more than I thought I could. He was the only man I had ever been with and truth be told I never thought I would find myself falling for a shem of all things, but he was so much more than an elven word laced with disgust, he was the love of my life.
I had pledged myself to him in my own words, a promise of my people, when he had proposed to me, I was overjoyed but scared at the same time, I knew Cullen was an Andrastian. Despite how much I hated living as the Dalish lived, and didn't care for my own gods, that I barely believe in, I couldn't promise myself to him with words that rang hollow. He had told me that he wanted my promise to be true, and I was glad when he accepted that I was going to use a promise of my people.
I had never felt as much joy as I had when I spoke those words, because even though he would probably never know, that promise was the most meaningful thing to me. Hearing him say the same made my heart soar that much higher, Maker I loved him. But what was it all for now, I was going to die, that promise wasn't going to mean a thing, I was going to leave him alone in the world when he needed me most. When we were in our makeshift meeting room my mark had flared up, everyone who was arguing soon moved to stand before me as I almost broke down in tears. I was scared to die, I didn't want to die, not when I knew the world needed me to save them, not when the man I loved needed me most of all.
Cullen could see how scared I was, and Maker, I could see the sorrow in his face as he realized our marriage wasn't going to last long. Despite how Josephine and Leliana were watching, he walked forward to embrace me, that embrace was something I sorely needed, I clung to him as if my life depended on it, for all I knew this was the last time I would feel his loving arms of safety wrapped around me. I slipped my fingers into his perfectly maintained hair and pulled him into a kiss, which he returned with more passion than I believed I had ever felt from him. We separated and he brushed the tear that had begun to run down my cheek away with his thumb and smiled at me, that smile tore at my heart more than I thought possible…he was saying goodbye.
We turned back to the spymaster and diplomat, even though Cullen left his arm wrapped around my waist, needless to say that after that display my cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. Leliana left to alert the council of what had transpired, and Josephine had left to sort out her papers, it was just me and Cullen that remained after he informed her he was going to have people watch the eluvian in case Qunari came through it.
I perched myself on the table we were using to discuss strategies, and Cullen stood in-front of me holding my hands in his, was this going to be our last goodbye I wandered, I prayed to the Maker, the Creators, and whoever else might be out there and listening to make it so that I would live. My forehead rested on his as I tried to control my breathing from the searing pain that radiated in my left arm on occasion so that he wasn't aware as to the full seriousness of the threat that the mark posed.
"Cullen I…" I made to speak but he raised a finger to my lips, I searched his eyes, and all I could see was grief which in turn caused my own eyes to well with tears,
"I know you're going to try and apologize for the situation my dear wife." He began as he cupped my cheek with his large hand, and I leaned into it as a tear slide down my cheek and slipped off my chin,
He lovingly brushed it and many others from my face as he continued to speak, "I meant what I said, the moment you became my wife it made everything we had done worth fighting for, you completed me. And I have no regrets…when you return, we will find a way, I will find a way, to save you." He had a determination in his voice that was not unlike him,
"Cullen…if I don't make it back, if my mark kills me before I can see you again…I'm sorry, I should never had pursued you knowing that the mark could have done this at any time, I never wanted to leave you…"
He cut me off abruptly as he once again pressed his lips to mine in an attempt to silence me or reassure me I don't know, he pushed me back against the table as he leaned over me, his weight pinning me down. He continued the assault for a few moments more before he paused for breath.
"You're not leaving me." He said almost breathlessly,
"Cullen, you know I might not make it back." I said, his optimism was strange but comforting,
"I know you're going to make it back, I regretfully sent you to Corypheus and you made it back to me, this time is no different, but…I want you to know I have no regrets, marrying you was the best decision I've made in my life, I will never regret that. You know I don't have time to say goodbye to you properly, so you're just going to have to come back so I can." He gave me a cheeky smirk as he pushed himself onto me further, despite the situation, causing me to smile,
"With that kind of inspiration, you know I will." I joked, but then returned to seriousness, "Pray for me my love, so that I may feel your embrace one more time." I said cupping his face that was mere inches from mine,
He studied my face searching my eyes for any sign that would assure him of my return, he held my wrist and slid his hand under my back lifting me up he set me back on the floor and pushed me against the wall his hand at my head still prohibiting my leaving, his face still mere inches from my own, he was making use of any moment that he could steal.
"Not even death could keep me from you." He said as he leant down to kiss my neck,
"Then I won't disappoint…if you can wait for me at the eluvian when I return…I don't know how long I will be but…"
"I'll be there." There was no hesitation, he would wait for me as long as he had to, he moved the hand that was beside my head to hold my hand, "Come I'll get you geared for the fight to come."
"You're very helpful Cullen, perhaps I should almost die more often." I joked,
"Any more than now and I'll have grey hair before my time, Maker I think I'm already changing just from our fight with Corypheus." He brushed his hair over with his hand returning it to the swept back look he always had,
Cullen had proved to be very helpful indeed in helping me gear myself for the coming battle, I couldn't blame him, though it did make me smile and blush sometimes. He kissed me one last time before I left in front of The Iron Bull, Varric, and Dorian, I was pretty sure I heard Dorian make a comment to Varric about how cute we looked but I couldn't be sure, I was distracted with other things.
The battle was a lot more hectic than I had thought it would be, we even had to face a freak'n Dragon, although Bull wanted to kill it I wanted to free it from the torture the Qunari were putting it through so I freed it, it flew off killing several more Qunari as it went. The Vidasala I had gone to kill had tried to turn Bull against me, she had even called him by his Qunari name, Hissrad, but he had flatly refused her, he was considered Tal-Vashoth now, he had no intention of betraying me for them.
Which I am grateful for because I am not sure I would have been able to strike him down, not after everything we had been through. I had finally found out from the Vidasala that Solas had been betraying me the entire time he was the one who had given the orb to Corypheus, without him none of what I had been made to endure would have been necessary. I was going to kill him, I had never liked him, sure I had helped him save his spirit friend but there would be no hesitation now he was going to be a very dead elf.
Once I had defeated the Vidasala's Saarebas my mark had become significantly worse, I followed her through the eluvian, but my team hadn't followed me perhaps they were sent to another eluvian instead of being sent with me, I didn't know. I was startled by the frozen Qunari just outside, but I navigated my way past them and found Solas talking to the Vidasala warning her not to pursue him. She tried to kill him when his back was turned and he froze her like all the rest.
Once that was done, I called out to him, he was surprised to see me but ignored that and assumed I had questions, which I did, after our talk I found out that he was not only an agent for Fen'Harel he was the damned Dread Wolf! He told me how he wanted to destroy the world in order to return the elves to their former glory. Perhaps there was one day a time when I would have given anything to have the elves restored to what they used to be, but not now, not after learning the truth about them.
He also assured me that I was going to die, the mark was killing me and he was the only one who could have used the mark and lived, he said he was going to help me, that he lured me here so that he could. He did something to the mark on my hand and told me to live well while time remained…By this time the mark had already consumed my arm to the elbow, I really didn't have much time left.
All these thoughts had rushed through my head in the span of a few moments, as I dazedly tried to comprehend everything that had just happened, but in my state it was a lot more complicated than I would have liked.
The pain was getting worse there was no denying that, it was crippling now, my energy was spent, and there was a long road back to the winter palace, finally my team made it through the eluvian to me, I could hear them, I called out to them and they finally made it by my side. They all saw that my arm was engulfed by the mark and were all worried for me.
"Maker's Breath…Herald you can't die on me now, not after I made you a Comtesse, that and if you die, Curly might as well just join you." I got to my feet and stood shakily,
"Varric…Dorian, tell Cullen what happened…Iron Bull…I…" I almost passed out and collapsed as the Iron Bull caught me just in time,
"I got ya Boss." He said assuringly as he positioned me in his arms to carry me more comfortably,
"I'm sorry…I can't help you back…"
Dorian hovered over me from what I could see through the slits in my eyes as they refused to open, "Don't worry my friend, I know the way back, you just hang in there until we can find a way to help you."
I let out another loud shrill of pain, "Come on Sparkler what are you waiting for lead the way." Varric pressed,
"Follow me everyone and no delay, Bull carry her as gently as you can but keep up pace." Dorian instructed,
"I know what I'm doing, just get a move on." Iron Bull retorted,
The mark was causing so much more pain than I thought it could, but with ancient elven magic I realized that I should always expect the unexpected. I'm not sure how they were navigating their way back through the eluvian's, perhaps Dorian knew what he was doing after all, I didn't know, but I trusted them, after all I didn't have much of a choice.
