Note: This is inspired by a short text called "Eight Ways To Say 'I love you'" by R. McKinley. Enjoy xx
I. Spit it into her voicemail, a little slurred and sounding like the shot whiskey you downed for courage. Feel as ashamed as you do walking into work in last night's clothes. Wake up cringing for days, waiting for her to mention it.
"Ooh, look Chandler, ten o'clock!" Joey pointed out to him excitedly.
The music of the bar was unbelievably loud and the lighting absolutely terrible. Still, Joey seemed to be very enthusiastic about whatever girl he noticed to his right so Chandler indulged him.
"Yeah? Well go for it, tiger," Chandler encouraged him, sipping on his margarita. He briefly glanced down at his watch. Uh. 11:49. He hadn't noticed how late it was and internally winced. He had promised Monica he wouldn't be out too late but it seemed like the night had stretched on.
He'd have to come up with an excuse for Joey of course. He'd been fooling around with Monica since they got back from London and surprisingly, none of their friends had found out about them yet. He would like to keep it that way and was not about to blow their cover tonight.
"No," Joey laughed and shook his head. "For you silly! C'mon, you haven't gotten laid since you broke up with Kathy. I mean, sure, you're probably used to not be getting some as regularly as I do," Joey teased, while taking a gulp of his beer. "But still, I'm starting to feel bad for you buddy."
"Wow, you really do, huh?" Chandler bit back, and he would have been offended had he truly been in that situation, but Chandler had his own thing going on and he was… satisfied with it.
"Yeah, what are you waiting for?"
The girl was not bad looking. She was short, with wavy dark hair and clear blue eyes. She did have a pretty laugh and every time she smiled, two cute little dimples appeared in her cheeks. She was not bad looking, but she was no Monica.
"You know, she's just not my type," Chandler lied.
"Oh, c'mon, she's exactly your type!" Joey argued. " Except when she laughs, I don't feel like blowing my brains out!"
"You know what?" Chandler faked a yawn. "I think I'm tired maybe that's why. Oh well, better luck next time."
Joey side-eyed him. "Alright, what's going on? Are you afraid she's gonna shoot you down?"
Chandler rolled his eyes.
"Because I could go out there with you, maybe flirt with her friend a little, seduce her and get us a double date," he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "What do you say, huh?"
Chandler bit his tongue. He obviously couldn't tell Joey about him and Monica but he had to say something, otherwise his friend would not stop bugging him.
"I'm, uh, I'm already kinda seeing someone Joe," Chandler admitted.
There was a pause, where Joey kept giving him this weird look before he burst out laughing. "Good one man, you almost had me there," he said, clapping Chandler on his shoulder.
"It's true, I've been seeing this girl ever since we got back from London," Chandler pushed on, his hands shaking, his heart pumping. Much to his chagrin, he started sweating.
"No, no, no, that can't be right, you're always around. I would've noticed if you were missing," Joey pointed out and man, he was right. That made Chandler even more nervous. He ran his shaking hand through his hair.
"It's a woman from work!" he grinned, mentally congratulating himself for this quick answer. He knew Joey had no idea what he did for a living and wasn't curious at all about the people working for him.
"Really? What's her bra size?" he said, nodding contentedly with this alluring look on his face.
"Joey!"
"But seriously, do you like this chick? You've been going out with her for months!" Joey noted.
Chandler thought about it. This was probably the longest relationship he'd been a part of, and strangely, for the first time, he was not terrified about it.
"Yeah, I really do like her," Chandler admitted with a sappy smile. "She's funny, she's confident and she's so beautiful. Plus, the sex is amazing," he added and smirked at Joey's low whistle.
"Wow, sounds like someone is in lo-ooo-ve," Joey teased.
"No, I'm not," Chandler half-heartedly denied.
He thought about Monica, back at the apartment, waiting for him to come home. She'd probably be washing the dishes Rachel let in the sink before she fled for her date. Chandler would come up behind her and wrap his arms around her slender body, hug her tight and smell her hair. He'd apologize for staying out so late and kiss the spot where her shoulder became her neck. Monica would forgive him and turn around to grab his face and bring him down into a passionate kiss and caught in the heat of the moment, Chandler would swore he'd never spend another minute away from her.
And just like that, Chandler realized that, out of all people, Joey was right.
"Oh no, you're right," Chandler panicked. "Oh no, what do I do, what do I do Joey?"
"Well, you gotta tell her. I hear chicks love being told we're in love with them. And hey, I guess it's even better when it's true!"
"But how, when… how?" Apparently, Chandler's brain decided to stop functioning. What an unfortunate timing.
"You should tell her now! Yeah, you could call her up and confess your undying love to her! Oh, you gotta do it now, I wanna be there!"
"Joe, I don't think-"
"Bartender, we need shooters," Joey called out.
All of a sudden, three little glasses with clear liquid were placed in front of Chandler and three identical ones in front of Joey. "Drink up man, I know you. You're gonna need it."
Chandler wanted to argue with that but came up empty so he decided to man up and drink the damn shots.
"Oh, I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow morning," Chandler moaned to which Joey simply laughed.
"Okay, now you're ready."
Chandler took a deep breath and fished out his phone out of his pocket. He dialed Monica's number as best as he could with his vision getting a bit blurry and hoped that Rachel was not home. Chandler looked over at Joey while the phone rang and gave his friend an uncertain smile when Joey raised both thumbs up.
When neither Rachel or Monica picked up, Chandler shot a quick, panicked look at Joey. "It's the machine!" he hissed.
"Leave a message!"
A message. Yeah, he could do that. That wasn't such a bad idea.
"Uh, hi Mon-" Chandler suddenly remembered Joey was sitting right beside him and listening to his every word. "Hi, mon amour."
"Nice, chicks dig French," Joey commented.
"I'm, uh, I'm sorry I'm out so late but I'm thinking about you. Actually, I'm always thinking about you because you're always on my mind. Not, not literally on my mind 'cause that would be a bitch of a headache, right?" he giggled and chanced a glance at Joey who gave him a disapproving look.
"Right, right, um," he cleared his throat. "What I meant to say is that I'm crazy about you and every moment I'm not with you, I'm miserable. You make me so happy Mon- mon petit coeur," he nervously shifted his eyes to Joey.
"Okay, enough with the French." So he was oblivious.
"And I love you, I have for quite a while now I think," Chandler was smiling to himself. After a moment of silence, he added, "you don't have to say it back!"
"Dude, it's her machine," Joey reminded him.
"Right, right," Chandler sighed in relief. "I guess I just needed it to get it off my chest you know?" he bit his lip, at loss for words. "Well that's it, I'll see you soon." He paused. "Love you," he said again and finally hung up.
"That was awesome!" Joey cried. "You are definitely getting some once she hears it."
Chandler rolled his eyes.
"But honestly man, I'm happy for ya," Joey said sincerely and Chandler smiled warmly at his friend.
"Wouldn't have happened without you Joe."
"And the shots!" Joey added and Chandler simply groaned in response.
The truth was out there. And he could wait until tomorrow to deal with it.
(Chandler barged in the girls' apartment the following morning, holding his pulsing head between his hands.
"Mon, I need you to make that magic hangover cure. I am a dying man and this is my last wish."
Monica looked up from the couch, grinning and set her book down. "Well, good morning to you too, sweetie."
"Oh," Chandler groaned as he sat at the dining table and watched as Monica got up to make her way to him. "I'm getting too old for this. I'm never going out with Joey ever again," he wallowed.
"Sure you are," Monica smiled and pressed a quick kiss against his temple. "I'll get right on the magic recipe, just let me go to the bathroom first."
"'kay," Chandler replied miserably.
"Oh, and I think I have a message on my machine, can you check it out for me?" she yelled from the bathroom and Chandler reluctantly got up and walked the three painful steps to the machine and pressed the button.
Suddenly, the memories of the night came rushing back to him and Chandler felt as though he was gonna fall down, or throw up or both at the same time.
"Mon- mon amour," he heard the machine spit his words right back at him and before Monica could even flush, Chandler had erased it. He felt so stupid for having listened to Joey. He obviously wasn't ready to say it Monica yet and even if he was, he didn't want to say it over a stupid machine.
"Who was it?" Monica asked as she stepped out.
"No one!" Chandler answered, way too quickly. "It, uh, it was Rachel's dad, he wants her to call him back whenever she gets a chance," he lied, a nervous smile playing on his lips.
"Okay," Monica simply replied, peering into her fridge. "You like your eggs turned, right?"
Chandler smiled. "Yeah that's how I take them."
"Well mister, you may not be eighteen anymore but you can kiss that hangover goodbye!"
Chandler smiled once more as he sat right back at the table and engaged in a playful conversation with his girlfriend. He didn't have to say it yet.
It didn't mean he didn't feel it.)
