Title: Worth Dying For
Author: Edie Zee
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Robin/ Regina, Robin/Marian, Regina/ Dr. Whale
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: spoilers up to "There's No Place Like Home"
Disclaimers: I don't own anything.
Summary: After Maid Marian's appearance in Storybrooke, Regina takes a memory potion to forget her feelings for Robin Hood…or at least, that's what everyone thinks…
Note: The title comes from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Azeem asks Robin, "Is she worth it?" and the title is how Robin responds.
Chapter One
Regina stood at the window of her office, staring into space. While it was reminiscent of how she felt before the curse was broken, the loss and pain she felt now was not related to Daniel at all – something she would never have thought possible even a short time ago. Her heart was breaking now for a different man, and there was no curse or magic that could help her.
Once again, she had been defeated by true love.
The sight of Robin, Roland and Marian embracing at Granny's last night was playing over and over in her mind, causing a stab of grief in her heart each time she remembered it. Regina clenched her fists, pushing down the anger that had so long been intertwined with grief. This couldn't be like after Daniel. She wouldn't go back to being the Evil Queen. Just because she lost the man she loved – again – she wouldn't allow herself to succumb to the darkness again. She had Henry to think of.
A son's love would have to be enough.
She briefly wondered what the others were saying about her right now. They may have been friendlier lately, but somehow she couldn't imagine that Mary Margaret and Emma wouldn't find some sort of enjoyment out of the fact that Regina had lost her chance at happiness. Karma, and all that. The slight gloating would be mixed with pity, she was sure of that, and that pity would be even harder to stomach than the acknowledgement that she was only getting what she deserved.
Despite that, she'd rather see them than Robin right now. In a way, she never wanted to see Robin again. Regina could picture it now: he would be gallant and nobly apologetic, explaining to her how he didn't want to hurt her, how he would always care for her… even as he never quite said but obviously implied that they could no longer be together.
And obviously, they couldn't. Regina understood that. Marian was his wife. She couldn't even blame him.
But, strangely, at the same time, she longed to see him. Even if she couldn't have him, she couldn't not have him in her life either. She couldn't lose him completely. Maybe…just maybe…seeing him happy would help ease her own pain.
A throat cleared behind Regina, and she didn't even have to turn around to know it was him. She could feel him, in a way that went beyond magic. Steeling herself to not be affected by the surreal mix of grief and desire, she took a deep breath and turned to face him. This moment would have happened sooner or later, so she may as well get it over with.
Their eyes met and held, with the sudden silence making Regina wonder briefly if a spell had been cast to stop time. Robin broke the spell by dropping his gaze, and she felt a momentary surge of spite at his obvious discomfort. She may not blame him for leaving her for his wife, but she couldn't help but enjoy the fact that he felt guilty about it. Anything that showed that he still cared…even a little…
"Regina…" Robin was clearly at a loss for words. Regina couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes again, afraid that she would see pity there too. Pity from Mary Margaret and Emma…that would be horrible enough, but she would not allow him to pity her too. That would be unbearable.
"I am very happy for you and Roland, Robin," Regina spoke up to fill the uncomfortable silence. She was somewhat shocked at how sincere she sounded, but was even more shocked when she realized she actually was sincere. Underneath her own pain and grief, underneath her anger, she was happy for him. Having lost Daniel – and now Robin – she knew the hole that was left behind by the loss of true love. She could only imagine what it would be like to get a real shot at a second chance, and she would never deny that to Robin.
And that is what she would have to draw on to find the strength she would need to go on without him.
"I…I," Robin started again, holding out his hands to his sides. "Regina, I don't know what…"
Regina moved swiftly to stand behind her desk, seeking the symbolic protection of putting a barrier between them.
"Regina, you have to know," Robin sighed, rubbing his brow with his hand. "This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. Marian…I…Regina, I lo-"
Love her? Love you? Regina could not hear how that sentence ended, not knowing which version would be the most painful to hear. She interrupted him before he could finish it.
"Please, Robin. Let's not make this any more difficult than it needs to be." She took another deep breath. "I have a potion that can make us forget. Perhaps that would be the best for everyone."
Robin was so silent for so long that Regina finally had to look up at him again. She fell into the depths of his eyes, but she was unable to – or maybe unwilling to – read the emotions swirling inside them. Now it was her turn to clear her throat and drop the eye contact. Confusion and pain clutched at her heart, and she almost wanted to pull it out of her chest again so that she didn't have to feel it – but she no longer had anyone to give it to for safekeeping…
"No." Robin finally said firmly – almost angrily. "No, I don't want to forget."
Regina wouldn't let herself even think about what that meant.
But she would let herself think about the fact that this was the most painful, uncomfortable conversation she had ever had in her life. And it wouldn't be the last time. Every time she saw him, he would treat her this way – as if she was some sort of fragile flower who he had to handle with kid gloves. Eventually he would begin to resent her for preventing him from truly feeling happy again with Marian. He wouldn't be able to move on completely, always wondering whether his relationship was causing Regina pain. That was the very last thing she wanted. If she was going to lose him, then she was going to make sure he wasn't held back by some misguided, stupidly chivalrous notion that he had to protect her.
She was the Evil Queen, after all. No man had to protect her!
"That is your choice, Robin, but I choose differently." The words were out of Regina's mouth before she could even register them. As if it was someone else's body, she turned to the table behind her desk and reached out toward the bottles of potions. She regained control of her wits and her body at the last moment, purposefully reaching for a specific bottle and pouring a shot of the liquid into a tumbler.
"Regina!" Robin shouted, but it was too late. She downed the liquid in one gulp.
A moment later, Regina shook her head, set the glass back on the table, and turned around. Robin was staring at her, his face drawn and distraught.
"Robin Hood," Regina drawled, a bit of the Evil Queen's venom dripping in her voice. "And what can I do for you today?"
Robin hesitated for a second, then visibly deflated. "Nothing. I…I'm sorry." He turned on his heel and left the office. He left so quickly that he didn't even see the flash of pain that crossed Regina's face at his words.
As soon as he was gone, Regina dropped heavily into her chair, burying her face in her hands. I don't want to forget, Robin had said. And at the very last minute, Regina had decided that she didn't want to forget either. She had lost him – she couldn't lose her memories of him too. The potion she had drunk was ultimately harmless, but it had done his job. He would never know that she remembered. He wouldn't have to worry about her hurt feelings, and she wouldn't have to worry about putting up with everyone's pity…with his pity especially. They could all go on as if it never happened.
To think that not using magic could be the solution to all her problems…
