(Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything associated with it. And after college debt kicks in I won't even own myself. )
This is my first time posting a fanfiction anywhere, let alone a Naruto fanfiction, bear this in mind please.
Ah yes, and flames, flames will never cease to amuse me, so posting one is just wasting your time, I'm not going to cry myself to sleep if you don't love what I write)
Dreaming and waking, there was never really any difference for him. Dark nightmares haunt the sleep of someone who could kill without remorse. At least that's what he told himself, he forced himself to believe that there wasn't any remorse. The reality, he knew, was that every ninja he killed had a team that was going to miss them. He knew that pain first hand, but that didn't stop the killing. And so, the nightmares didn't end either. But even the nightmares couldn't hold a candle to waking up and dealing with a life he wasn't sure was worth living anymore. There's something to be said for nightmares, at least then you can tell yourself that it isn't real.
Waking up after that fateful had been like waking up in a dream and praying that it was a nightmare. The mind has a horrible way of promising you that the worst you've been through isn't real, but that doesn't make it easier when reality finally kicks in.Sleep didn't come easy for him for a long time after that day, he usually wore himself out, expending chakra learning how to master his 'gift' and passing out. The medics told him that passing out didn't count as sleep, but he didn't really care. Unconsciousness is easier to face than sleep, because the mind can be so cruel when allowed to take over what your mind's eye can see. Passing out came without dreams, but sooner or later the chakra control and the skill required came to him and it took too much to pass out, and he had to try to sleep again.
The nightmares were horrible, the rocks and the blood and the tears that always obscured half his vision. It took time for him to really sleep again, but like all things time could apparently heal that wound as well. The scar healed, everything healed but his mind and his heart. Seems like there are some things maybe time can't heal. He left ANBU when never really knowing why, maybe it was because he couldn't kill someone else's teammate anymore, or maybe he was bored. They never really asked him, some of them were probably mad that he didn't die, some happy that maybe he was going to try to live. He hadn't decided into which category he fell just yet.
They gave him teams, he just gave them back. They weren't ready to watch one of their teammates die, he told himself, so they couldn't possibly be ready for the world. It never occurred to him that he hadn't been ready for his teammate to die either. He went to look at his newest team one day and he began to wish that he was dreaming, because then at least he could tell himself it wasn't real.
