Title: The Outcast
Rating: pg-13 (maybe R-ish)
Pairing: none yet
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or such, please don't take any
legal action, if you are interesting in selling then feel free to contact
my attorney.
Author's note: This is the first fic I am posting to the group, so be
gentle with me, this is sort of an inner monologue, its very dark, so if
you don't like that sort of thing you don't have to read it. If anyone
likes it I might start a series or something. Feedback would not be
shunned. Anyway i'm babbling again.
Inside I hurt, my feelings are torn. I see red, it filters through my eyes. Should I say how I really feel, will they make me an outcast, with forbidden feelings clawing at my fragile heart, with voices screaming inside my head, dying to be heard. I want strike them, to hurt them, to bring them to violent deaths for the pain they have caused me, the ways they have hurt me in my own prison, I cant even hide. I'm scared, I'm terrified, anger and rage claws at the loneliness. I have thrust this solitude upon myself yet I tried to resist, but like a plague that had to be smothered they forced me into my cocoon of hatred. I want to lash out, to strike everything and everyone, to ease the pain, the anger. Sometimes I can taste the blood; I realize it's my own, biting my lip, fighting for control. The calm in my heart is like a raging storm, out of control, with no grip, no chains, nothing to bind my sanity; I wonder if it was ever really there. Holding the emotions deep inside, I can't let them see, what is really inside, they would leave me, they would lock me up to protect them from the monster they see, but the monster they fear sits deep inside me, laughing. If they put me away, would it really end? I sometimes think I should end this life, would that be better for me, for everyone, to ease the burden of my existence. I fear the rebirth, like a dark phoenix, rising from the ashes with a hatred and violence that never ends, cursed to live out a life of never ending pain, never to find peace. The cycle of chaos never ends, the darkness is everywhere. Am I the only one stumbling around, looking for the light to brighten the abyss in my soul. It consumes me like a black hole that will never be filled. I want to love someone, to have someone love me in return, but at what cost? Would I suck the life and light from my love, like the water and life bleeding from a rose, wilting and dying? It is better if I don't love, because I am doomed to murder all I hold dear. I don't know sometimes why I try, to hide behind a smile, a joke, a fleeting fond memory. I wonder when the change happen, when did I start to feel this way, when did the happiness start to fade. I want to understand, but it will not make a difference, I can never be saved, the anger and pain has consumed me, my soul is lost. All the lines of right and wrong, the laws and justice, have blurred and faded. I have found someone whom I could love, someone to fill the void, but I would only destroy her. In the end I am what I feel, hollow.
Inside I hurt, my feelings are torn. I see red, it filters through my eyes. Should I say how I really feel, will they make me an outcast, with forbidden feelings clawing at my fragile heart, with voices screaming inside my head, dying to be heard. I want strike them, to hurt them, to bring them to violent deaths for the pain they have caused me, the ways they have hurt me in my own prison, I cant even hide. I'm scared, I'm terrified, anger and rage claws at the loneliness. I have thrust this solitude upon myself yet I tried to resist, but like a plague that had to be smothered they forced me into my cocoon of hatred. I want to lash out, to strike everything and everyone, to ease the pain, the anger. Sometimes I can taste the blood; I realize it's my own, biting my lip, fighting for control. The calm in my heart is like a raging storm, out of control, with no grip, no chains, nothing to bind my sanity; I wonder if it was ever really there. Holding the emotions deep inside, I can't let them see, what is really inside, they would leave me, they would lock me up to protect them from the monster they see, but the monster they fear sits deep inside me, laughing. If they put me away, would it really end? I sometimes think I should end this life, would that be better for me, for everyone, to ease the burden of my existence. I fear the rebirth, like a dark phoenix, rising from the ashes with a hatred and violence that never ends, cursed to live out a life of never ending pain, never to find peace. The cycle of chaos never ends, the darkness is everywhere. Am I the only one stumbling around, looking for the light to brighten the abyss in my soul. It consumes me like a black hole that will never be filled. I want to love someone, to have someone love me in return, but at what cost? Would I suck the life and light from my love, like the water and life bleeding from a rose, wilting and dying? It is better if I don't love, because I am doomed to murder all I hold dear. I don't know sometimes why I try, to hide behind a smile, a joke, a fleeting fond memory. I wonder when the change happen, when did I start to feel this way, when did the happiness start to fade. I want to understand, but it will not make a difference, I can never be saved, the anger and pain has consumed me, my soul is lost. All the lines of right and wrong, the laws and justice, have blurred and faded. I have found someone whom I could love, someone to fill the void, but I would only destroy her. In the end I am what I feel, hollow.
