Disclaimer: I dont own anything with Buffy. They all belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The title 'This Is My Letter To The World' is the title to an Emily Dickinson Poem (Please when reading the poem, read it and try to understand it the way it can go w/ the fiction, not really the way Ms.Dickinson meant it to be... yes I know that sounds stupid, but bare with me). The poem 'Acceptance' is by Robert Frost I only own the character Cora.
Summary: After Buffy's death Spike feels responsible for not being able to save her. While the Scooby gang find a way to get Buffy back, Spike tries to deal with his guilt. Will the gang be in time to save Spike from the unthinkable?
Rating: PG-13 for language
Spoilers: I will go through everything in "The Gift"
Distribution: I dont see why not, but please tell me first-- FlpDivA126@aol.com
Author's Note: This picks up RIGHT where the finale left off. The words that are in astrics (ex: *blah*) are said emphatically... or... you get the point. Thoughts are in double astrics (ex: **blah blah**). Oh and I really crave feedback! Please please do review and email if you want! =o)
Special Thankies: To my GREAT spankadelic beta readers-- Amy and Adrianna!! =o) Thanks to you guys for the outstanding feedback, and suggestions to make this story better! Adrianna, thanks sooo soo much for helping me find songs and stuff! Thank you 80! Thank you fellow begger! =o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is my letter to the world,
That never wrote to me,--
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.
Her message is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me!
~~ Emily Dickinson (This Is My Letter To The World)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"W-where am I?" She whipped her head around frantically, carefully observing her surroundings. At her feet, the floor was pure white marble. Hints of grey and black accented the cool floor, and the walls around her seemed to have the same design. Walls of pure marble... 20 foot columns of pure marble, and white silk curtains draping over a window. She carefully walked to the window and noticed that she was wearing a toga-like dress made of the same white silk as the curtains. It fell over her feet gracefully as the back was a few feet longer, following her like a train. She stared intently at the window, trying to find an image, but all she got was a white glow.
"Slayer," Buffy turned around quickly and noticed a doorway that hadn't been there before. A low fog began to pour into the room from the glowing entrance. She couldn't see anyone there, but her senses told her to stay alert.
"Who's there? Where am I?" She called out confidently. Suddenly a bright flash blinded her eyes, and within seconds her eyesight came back. Before her eyes were two beings, 'a shade of blue'- she noted, one female, the other male.
"Slayer, welcome." The male spoke first, gesturing his hands to a chair that had appeared out of no where. She looked at it quizzically and preceded to the chair slowly.
"Wh--" She was cut off by the female's sudden voice.
"We," she emphatically started, putting her hands out to her sides, "are what you may call the Powers That Be. And as my brother stated before... welcome."
"I-" Again, she was cut off, but this time it was the male.
"You don't know what happened." The being gazed down at her, waiting for her response. Like a little child Buffy only nodded. "Well, you jumped into the hellmouth, and you died."
"Well that was blunt." Buffy grunted out. Her attention went back to the two superior beings in front of her as the male cleared his throat.
"What my *impassive* brother meant to say was you sacrificed yourself for all humanity. Summers' blood was the only way to close the gates of the the portal, so instead of your sister... *you* went instead. Now... you're here, with us." The sister gave a triumphant nod, as if she was superior to her brother for giving a more elaborate explanation.
"Okay..." Buffy's voice drawled on as the two beings looked down at her semi-confused expression. "So what you're telling me is that I jumped inside the portal and died... *but* instead of going to heaven, or wherever the hell it is I'm supposed to go, I'm stuck up here with *you* two? Now can you explain to me WHY?" At this point she was standing with her arms crossed, expecting an answer. The two beings looked at each other as if silently asking each other 'do you want to take this question, or should I?'.
Buffy let out a long sigh and walked towards the glowing window. "And why the hell do you have this thing here anyway? There's nothing to see... just some white glowing stuff, some mist and fog." She threw her hands up with another long sigh.
"Buffy, you're here with us because you can't go to heaven. You're not done with your duty yet." The male being looked at her expressionless, which made it hard for Buffy to read his face.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT DONE WITH MY DUTY YET? I'M DEAD! WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY DO NOW?" she exploded.
"You may be dead, but you're still the chosen slayer. You will remain here until we know what we can do with you." The brother gave out a long, exasperated sigh and turned to the doorway. He walked out and left his sister to tend to the slayer.
Buffy plopped down on the chair, not even trying to talk to the sister. **You may be dead, but you're still the chosen slayer.... wah wah wah** she mocked inside her head.
"My brother can be quite a pain." Buffy was surprised by the statement of the sister. She had almost forgotten the being was even still in the room. She looked up to see her looking out the window. "But about your other question... the window," she turned around to make sure she had Buffy's attention. "This window will allow you to check on your loved ones." She gracefully touched the window pane and Buffy was startled by the picture.
She slowly got up, approaching the the window carefully. "Th-that's me...," she whispered out.
The sister moved out of her way and let her study the whole window. "Yes... that's true. And there... there's your friends, your family. The scene before your eyes is what's happening right now. *This* is where your life left off." Buffy only caught parts of what she said, the important parts of coarse. She was so shocked at the sight before her eyes-- in the center was her pale, limp body on top of a pile of bricks and debris; all her friends crying in shock around her; Anya unconcious in Xander's arms... or at least she hoped she was unconcious; Dawn standing on the stairs tears streaming down her face; and... Spike... Spike was crying.
"I-I can't believe this..." She gently placed her hand on the picture of Spike's face when suddenly there was a close-up of him displayed on a square on the right-top corner of the window. She stepped back, startled, and saw his expression more clearly. Her heart sank at the sight.
"If you touch the face of one of them they get a separate box... you get to see their life when they're seperated from the group." Buffy looked around at the window as tears threatened to fall. She placed her hand softly on Anya's face. The close-up on her looked so serene, so innocent.
"Is sh-she... dead?" Her eyes never came off of Anya's peaceful face. The silence was so long, it seemed like an eternity. A single tear trailed down her face.
"She's... knocked out. But I do believe she'll stay unconcious for a long while. Her time has not come yet."
Buffy let out a sigh of relief, and touched Tara's face. **She's back to normal now** she thought with a weary smile. In the close-up Tara's cheeks were stained with tears, but Buffy could see her holding Willow with so much strength. The female being stepped back and let Buffy look at the rest of her mourning friends and family. "There are only eight lives you can look upon-- Willow's, Tara's, Anya's, Xander's, Dawn's, Giles', Spike's... and well... we dont know about your last friend just yet. If you want to have the larger view of the group together again, just pat on the face or faces you dont want to see anymore twice." Another step back. "I'll leave you now... if you need anything, dont be afraid to call." Within moments another flash of light went off behind Buffy and she was gone.
"But who do I call..." Buffy turned around to see an empty marble room again, but this time no doorway, "...for?" She let out yet another long sigh and sat down on the chair to watch her friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Dammit Spike! Help us out. We can't just leave her here!" Giles called, struggling with Buffy's limp body. Spike was curled into a tight ball, sobbing, trying to believe what just happened, and trying to block out the sun all at once. His sobbing subsided, and he uncurled letting everyone see his blood-stained face.
Giles and Willow carefully moved Buffy to a shaded area so Spike could come and get her. Spike watched their every move. The sun glinted off of Buffy's hair and made her look like an angel. He looked heaven-ward and closed his eyes tightly. **Wherever you are pet, you've always been an angel to me** With that single thought he crawled low, careful so he wouldn't start the Barbeque effect, and stood up to where Buffy was lying. He crouched down and cradled her like a baby.
"Watcher, get the car... or the bulldozer, or whatever the hell it is we took. Let's get 'er bloody out of 'ere." They all dispersed-- Tara with Willow, helping Xander take Anya to the hospital; Giles and Dawn left to find Spike's car. Spike was left alone with Buffy's cold body in his arms. Her hair hung down from her drooped head, and some strands lay in her face. Spike gently brushed the hair away and lightly kissed her cool forehead. "You were brave slayer... always were. You made me promise to look after the lil 'bit... be brave for 'er. I jus' dont know if I can keep that promise with the nibblet... what if... what if I mess up 'gain, eh? I-I jus' wont be able to live with m'self. I dont really know if I can live with m'self now... I.. I..." He trailed off with his soft whispers when Giles pulled up with the car.
"Well then... let's get her home. Willow can... Willow can fix her up before burial." His voice was muffled and his head hung down low as he cleaned his glasses.
Within minutes they were running inside the Summers household with Buffy's body. Smoke ascended off of Spike's duster as he layed the frail body down gently on the floor. "What now, mate?" His eyes never left her tranquil face.
"Now... we wait. If we dont hear from Xander or Willow in an hour I'll go to the hospital and check on them." He wrapped a fatherly arm around Dawn, and knelt down so they were both at eye-level. "Dawn, why dont you go upstairs and get some rest. It's been a long night, okay?"
Dawn obediently nodded, but never took her eyes off her sister. She stood still a few minutes, and slowly inched backwards to the stairs... not once looking at anything else but her sister. Spike watched Dawn's every move and slowly got up. "C'mon Dawnie, I'll go with you." He cautiously turned her around and kept his hand on her shoulder, leading her up the stairs.
As they got into Dawn's room Spike handed her some white pajamas and turned around while she got dressed. They made their way to her bed, and slowly Dawn slipped inside her sheets. "Spike... thanks for helping out." Spike was tucking Dawn in bed, and was surprised by her comment. His only response was a sad smile. Dawn slipped out her hand and placed it lightly on his cheek. "Buffy would be so proud of you." Soon her eyes were glassy and a single tear streamed down. Spike looked deep in her eyes and saw a twinkle of gratitude for him. With that he gave another sad smile.
"I-I could've saved 'er...I..." He hung his head low in disappointment.
"No Spike... you tried, you tried and that's all that matters." She tried to smile, but she was too tired and it was too hard. Spike only nodded and stood up. He bent down and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"You go to bed nibblet.... you need some rest." He walked out of the room and silently closed the door behind him. He leaned backwards against the door and slid down to the floor. He put his head in between his legs and silently sobbed. **I could've saved her... I could've tried harder... It's all my fault** The thoughts were endless. Every voice in his head told him he was at fault.
Giles carefully put a pillow under Buffy's head... as if she were still alive and he wanted her comfortable. "Oh dear...," he whispered out sadly and started to clean his glasses once more. He just sat next to her body for what seemed like 45 minutes. "I... I've gotta go... I can't stay here...." He quickly got back on his feet and walked to the bottom of the stairs. "Spike... Dawn, I'm going to check on Xander... stay here." He didn't wait for a response; he just left and slammed the door behind him.
"SPIKE! SPIKE HELP!" Spike quickly got up and opened Dawn's door. He was mortified at the sight in front of him. Her white pajamas were stained with blood and a crimson trail led to an open window. Spike ran and caught her before she collapsed on the ground. Her wrists were slit open up to her elbows and her pajamas had slits in the stomach area.
"Nibblet, Dawn what 'appened?" He searched her face for an explanation, but all he got were gasps for air and coughs of blood. "Dawn... Dawn!" He shook her softly, hoping she'd start to speak.
"D-doc... he came... knife... he had.... he had a knife." She could only choke out a few words.
"Doc? Doc was here?" He looked around frantically and saw the open window. "No... no, this can't be 'appening!" He was jerked down by Dawn's blood-stained hands.
"Spike... why didn't you save me? You... you could have saved me..." She coughed up another glob of blood and gasped for more air. "You could have saved me... you could have.... at least tried... why didn't you try." She trailed off as Spike started to cry.
"No no no no no.... no...." His eyes were shut tight when he heard her voice drift off. He slowly opened his eyes and to his surprise Buffy was in his arms... not Dawn.
"You could have saved me Spike.... Why didn't you save me?" Her eyes expressed so much pain, then in seconds... they had no expression at all.
"NO!" Spike screamed and jolted right up. He frantically looked around and found himself outside of Dawn's room. "Must've fell asleep..." He looked around and opened Dawn's door a crack so he could peek inside. **All is well.** he thought with relief as he saw Dawn soundlessly sleeping. Silently he closed the door and headed downstairs to the kitchen. **"You could have saved me Spike.... Why didn't you save me?"** The haunting words echoed in his mind. **"You could have at least tried** Dawn's pale face flashed in his mind, then suddenly Buffy's slowing heartbeat filled his ears. "Dammit... DAMMIT. I could've saved 'er! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I SAVE 'ER?" He yelled ferociously, as he kicked a giant hole in the center of the bottom cupboard. Little bits of wood shattered on the ground next to his foot. **End this, end this now you pansy** He knelt down and ripped a larger piece of wood out of the broken cupboard and pressed the point against his chest. **Can't mess up if I'm dead.** He squeezed his eyes shut as he grasped the the wood tight. **I failed...**
TBC
A/N: Some people thought it ended there.... but It has only begun! dun dun dun!! lol, ummm..... I'll be back with more by the end of the week!
Summary: After Buffy's death Spike feels responsible for not being able to save her. While the Scooby gang find a way to get Buffy back, Spike tries to deal with his guilt. Will the gang be in time to save Spike from the unthinkable?
Rating: PG-13 for language
Spoilers: I will go through everything in "The Gift"
Distribution: I dont see why not, but please tell me first-- FlpDivA126@aol.com
Author's Note: This picks up RIGHT where the finale left off. The words that are in astrics (ex: *blah*) are said emphatically... or... you get the point. Thoughts are in double astrics (ex: **blah blah**). Oh and I really crave feedback! Please please do review and email if you want! =o)
Special Thankies: To my GREAT spankadelic beta readers-- Amy and Adrianna!! =o) Thanks to you guys for the outstanding feedback, and suggestions to make this story better! Adrianna, thanks sooo soo much for helping me find songs and stuff! Thank you 80! Thank you fellow begger! =o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is my letter to the world,
That never wrote to me,--
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.
Her message is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me!
~~ Emily Dickinson (This Is My Letter To The World)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"W-where am I?" She whipped her head around frantically, carefully observing her surroundings. At her feet, the floor was pure white marble. Hints of grey and black accented the cool floor, and the walls around her seemed to have the same design. Walls of pure marble... 20 foot columns of pure marble, and white silk curtains draping over a window. She carefully walked to the window and noticed that she was wearing a toga-like dress made of the same white silk as the curtains. It fell over her feet gracefully as the back was a few feet longer, following her like a train. She stared intently at the window, trying to find an image, but all she got was a white glow.
"Slayer," Buffy turned around quickly and noticed a doorway that hadn't been there before. A low fog began to pour into the room from the glowing entrance. She couldn't see anyone there, but her senses told her to stay alert.
"Who's there? Where am I?" She called out confidently. Suddenly a bright flash blinded her eyes, and within seconds her eyesight came back. Before her eyes were two beings, 'a shade of blue'- she noted, one female, the other male.
"Slayer, welcome." The male spoke first, gesturing his hands to a chair that had appeared out of no where. She looked at it quizzically and preceded to the chair slowly.
"Wh--" She was cut off by the female's sudden voice.
"We," she emphatically started, putting her hands out to her sides, "are what you may call the Powers That Be. And as my brother stated before... welcome."
"I-" Again, she was cut off, but this time it was the male.
"You don't know what happened." The being gazed down at her, waiting for her response. Like a little child Buffy only nodded. "Well, you jumped into the hellmouth, and you died."
"Well that was blunt." Buffy grunted out. Her attention went back to the two superior beings in front of her as the male cleared his throat.
"What my *impassive* brother meant to say was you sacrificed yourself for all humanity. Summers' blood was the only way to close the gates of the the portal, so instead of your sister... *you* went instead. Now... you're here, with us." The sister gave a triumphant nod, as if she was superior to her brother for giving a more elaborate explanation.
"Okay..." Buffy's voice drawled on as the two beings looked down at her semi-confused expression. "So what you're telling me is that I jumped inside the portal and died... *but* instead of going to heaven, or wherever the hell it is I'm supposed to go, I'm stuck up here with *you* two? Now can you explain to me WHY?" At this point she was standing with her arms crossed, expecting an answer. The two beings looked at each other as if silently asking each other 'do you want to take this question, or should I?'.
Buffy let out a long sigh and walked towards the glowing window. "And why the hell do you have this thing here anyway? There's nothing to see... just some white glowing stuff, some mist and fog." She threw her hands up with another long sigh.
"Buffy, you're here with us because you can't go to heaven. You're not done with your duty yet." The male being looked at her expressionless, which made it hard for Buffy to read his face.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT DONE WITH MY DUTY YET? I'M DEAD! WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY DO NOW?" she exploded.
"You may be dead, but you're still the chosen slayer. You will remain here until we know what we can do with you." The brother gave out a long, exasperated sigh and turned to the doorway. He walked out and left his sister to tend to the slayer.
Buffy plopped down on the chair, not even trying to talk to the sister. **You may be dead, but you're still the chosen slayer.... wah wah wah** she mocked inside her head.
"My brother can be quite a pain." Buffy was surprised by the statement of the sister. She had almost forgotten the being was even still in the room. She looked up to see her looking out the window. "But about your other question... the window," she turned around to make sure she had Buffy's attention. "This window will allow you to check on your loved ones." She gracefully touched the window pane and Buffy was startled by the picture.
She slowly got up, approaching the the window carefully. "Th-that's me...," she whispered out.
The sister moved out of her way and let her study the whole window. "Yes... that's true. And there... there's your friends, your family. The scene before your eyes is what's happening right now. *This* is where your life left off." Buffy only caught parts of what she said, the important parts of coarse. She was so shocked at the sight before her eyes-- in the center was her pale, limp body on top of a pile of bricks and debris; all her friends crying in shock around her; Anya unconcious in Xander's arms... or at least she hoped she was unconcious; Dawn standing on the stairs tears streaming down her face; and... Spike... Spike was crying.
"I-I can't believe this..." She gently placed her hand on the picture of Spike's face when suddenly there was a close-up of him displayed on a square on the right-top corner of the window. She stepped back, startled, and saw his expression more clearly. Her heart sank at the sight.
"If you touch the face of one of them they get a separate box... you get to see their life when they're seperated from the group." Buffy looked around at the window as tears threatened to fall. She placed her hand softly on Anya's face. The close-up on her looked so serene, so innocent.
"Is sh-she... dead?" Her eyes never came off of Anya's peaceful face. The silence was so long, it seemed like an eternity. A single tear trailed down her face.
"She's... knocked out. But I do believe she'll stay unconcious for a long while. Her time has not come yet."
Buffy let out a sigh of relief, and touched Tara's face. **She's back to normal now** she thought with a weary smile. In the close-up Tara's cheeks were stained with tears, but Buffy could see her holding Willow with so much strength. The female being stepped back and let Buffy look at the rest of her mourning friends and family. "There are only eight lives you can look upon-- Willow's, Tara's, Anya's, Xander's, Dawn's, Giles', Spike's... and well... we dont know about your last friend just yet. If you want to have the larger view of the group together again, just pat on the face or faces you dont want to see anymore twice." Another step back. "I'll leave you now... if you need anything, dont be afraid to call." Within moments another flash of light went off behind Buffy and she was gone.
"But who do I call..." Buffy turned around to see an empty marble room again, but this time no doorway, "...for?" She let out yet another long sigh and sat down on the chair to watch her friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Dammit Spike! Help us out. We can't just leave her here!" Giles called, struggling with Buffy's limp body. Spike was curled into a tight ball, sobbing, trying to believe what just happened, and trying to block out the sun all at once. His sobbing subsided, and he uncurled letting everyone see his blood-stained face.
Giles and Willow carefully moved Buffy to a shaded area so Spike could come and get her. Spike watched their every move. The sun glinted off of Buffy's hair and made her look like an angel. He looked heaven-ward and closed his eyes tightly. **Wherever you are pet, you've always been an angel to me** With that single thought he crawled low, careful so he wouldn't start the Barbeque effect, and stood up to where Buffy was lying. He crouched down and cradled her like a baby.
"Watcher, get the car... or the bulldozer, or whatever the hell it is we took. Let's get 'er bloody out of 'ere." They all dispersed-- Tara with Willow, helping Xander take Anya to the hospital; Giles and Dawn left to find Spike's car. Spike was left alone with Buffy's cold body in his arms. Her hair hung down from her drooped head, and some strands lay in her face. Spike gently brushed the hair away and lightly kissed her cool forehead. "You were brave slayer... always were. You made me promise to look after the lil 'bit... be brave for 'er. I jus' dont know if I can keep that promise with the nibblet... what if... what if I mess up 'gain, eh? I-I jus' wont be able to live with m'self. I dont really know if I can live with m'self now... I.. I..." He trailed off with his soft whispers when Giles pulled up with the car.
"Well then... let's get her home. Willow can... Willow can fix her up before burial." His voice was muffled and his head hung down low as he cleaned his glasses.
Within minutes they were running inside the Summers household with Buffy's body. Smoke ascended off of Spike's duster as he layed the frail body down gently on the floor. "What now, mate?" His eyes never left her tranquil face.
"Now... we wait. If we dont hear from Xander or Willow in an hour I'll go to the hospital and check on them." He wrapped a fatherly arm around Dawn, and knelt down so they were both at eye-level. "Dawn, why dont you go upstairs and get some rest. It's been a long night, okay?"
Dawn obediently nodded, but never took her eyes off her sister. She stood still a few minutes, and slowly inched backwards to the stairs... not once looking at anything else but her sister. Spike watched Dawn's every move and slowly got up. "C'mon Dawnie, I'll go with you." He cautiously turned her around and kept his hand on her shoulder, leading her up the stairs.
As they got into Dawn's room Spike handed her some white pajamas and turned around while she got dressed. They made their way to her bed, and slowly Dawn slipped inside her sheets. "Spike... thanks for helping out." Spike was tucking Dawn in bed, and was surprised by her comment. His only response was a sad smile. Dawn slipped out her hand and placed it lightly on his cheek. "Buffy would be so proud of you." Soon her eyes were glassy and a single tear streamed down. Spike looked deep in her eyes and saw a twinkle of gratitude for him. With that he gave another sad smile.
"I-I could've saved 'er...I..." He hung his head low in disappointment.
"No Spike... you tried, you tried and that's all that matters." She tried to smile, but she was too tired and it was too hard. Spike only nodded and stood up. He bent down and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"You go to bed nibblet.... you need some rest." He walked out of the room and silently closed the door behind him. He leaned backwards against the door and slid down to the floor. He put his head in between his legs and silently sobbed. **I could've saved her... I could've tried harder... It's all my fault** The thoughts were endless. Every voice in his head told him he was at fault.
Giles carefully put a pillow under Buffy's head... as if she were still alive and he wanted her comfortable. "Oh dear...," he whispered out sadly and started to clean his glasses once more. He just sat next to her body for what seemed like 45 minutes. "I... I've gotta go... I can't stay here...." He quickly got back on his feet and walked to the bottom of the stairs. "Spike... Dawn, I'm going to check on Xander... stay here." He didn't wait for a response; he just left and slammed the door behind him.
"SPIKE! SPIKE HELP!" Spike quickly got up and opened Dawn's door. He was mortified at the sight in front of him. Her white pajamas were stained with blood and a crimson trail led to an open window. Spike ran and caught her before she collapsed on the ground. Her wrists were slit open up to her elbows and her pajamas had slits in the stomach area.
"Nibblet, Dawn what 'appened?" He searched her face for an explanation, but all he got were gasps for air and coughs of blood. "Dawn... Dawn!" He shook her softly, hoping she'd start to speak.
"D-doc... he came... knife... he had.... he had a knife." She could only choke out a few words.
"Doc? Doc was here?" He looked around frantically and saw the open window. "No... no, this can't be 'appening!" He was jerked down by Dawn's blood-stained hands.
"Spike... why didn't you save me? You... you could have saved me..." She coughed up another glob of blood and gasped for more air. "You could have saved me... you could have.... at least tried... why didn't you try." She trailed off as Spike started to cry.
"No no no no no.... no...." His eyes were shut tight when he heard her voice drift off. He slowly opened his eyes and to his surprise Buffy was in his arms... not Dawn.
"You could have saved me Spike.... Why didn't you save me?" Her eyes expressed so much pain, then in seconds... they had no expression at all.
"NO!" Spike screamed and jolted right up. He frantically looked around and found himself outside of Dawn's room. "Must've fell asleep..." He looked around and opened Dawn's door a crack so he could peek inside. **All is well.** he thought with relief as he saw Dawn soundlessly sleeping. Silently he closed the door and headed downstairs to the kitchen. **"You could have saved me Spike.... Why didn't you save me?"** The haunting words echoed in his mind. **"You could have at least tried** Dawn's pale face flashed in his mind, then suddenly Buffy's slowing heartbeat filled his ears. "Dammit... DAMMIT. I could've saved 'er! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I SAVE 'ER?" He yelled ferociously, as he kicked a giant hole in the center of the bottom cupboard. Little bits of wood shattered on the ground next to his foot. **End this, end this now you pansy** He knelt down and ripped a larger piece of wood out of the broken cupboard and pressed the point against his chest. **Can't mess up if I'm dead.** He squeezed his eyes shut as he grasped the the wood tight. **I failed...**
TBC
A/N: Some people thought it ended there.... but It has only begun! dun dun dun!! lol, ummm..... I'll be back with more by the end of the week!
