Dear Joanne,
I am so sorry I didn't write sooner! I'm sorry for any inconveniences I've caused - yes I'm still alive… Our communication is almost done. This is the last letter I am allowed to write to you. Since life has been completely different and upside down, Riff and Frank have made an agreement with the Queen…
I'll be back on earth in a keyt! Wait. A month! Keyt is Transylvanian measurement, it comes out to just about a human month. We're taking the castle down to Earth so I get can my things. Since they except it to take more than a utail (day, or "24 hours") to do all of this (considering I need most if not all of my things). I'm going to take a quick trip to see everyone! Expect me soon!!!
Like I mentioned in my previous letter, there was this whole big meeting. Since I am (or was…) an earthling, I was made to speak at the gathering and talk about earth, customs, dress, all that fun stuff. They all seem very intrigued with the facts about earth, and I was in Transylvanian attire! Well… no, yes I was. I wore this HUGE red velvet cape that draped to the floor and it had a huge collar (I must have looked like "Dracula"), a very form fitting red corset, fishnets, and this gorgeous heels that I fell in love with. Frank bought them for me.
I guess I had fun. The whole outfit was slightly uncomfortable. The whole IDEA was slightly uncomfortable. I've lived on earth for 23 years, and then I get beamed up to a distant planet! No matter how much I love it here, and how I've always wanted to come here - it's really weird! They're aliens! The customs and dress and society are different! People from all over the GALAXY attended the meeting.
Anyway! I am comfortably moved in my house - CRM71286BJF. It's a very cozy house, oddly shaped, but I'm getting the hang of it.
I'm actually getting the hang of all of this. The makeup is important, yes, but only lightly when casual. It's really laid on for special occasions. Plus, it's the Land of Night. Light is of "low importance" here. There is electricity (I think that's what it is. Something like that) and light yes, but many, many candles. More candles that I've ever seen! But so romantic…
After I wrote the letter, I went to bed. With Frank anyway. Heh. I stayed in the castle for a while before I moved it. I'm technically not all the way moved in because it's… rather bare. Frankie lent be a spare bed (one of those things you'd except him to have lying around the castle) and we went "shopping", as I said before, for Transylvanian clothing.
We also went to the beach a few nights ago. Very popular place to go. "Teenagers" go to hang out with lovers or friends, lovers go for apparent reasons… and it's all very open. Very VERY open. It's like the world we used to dream of years ago, back in school. All the men wear corsets and high heels and stilettos, and fishnets… the women the same… Most of the men here are transvestites, but it's just… normal.
Finally, a world where freaky suddenly becomes a part of everyday life.
I must go. I'm writing this in the castle because I'm back here for the next few days. Frank and Mother are doing some tests on me. Fun. Nothing too bizarre, oddly enough. Wow. The originality and freakiness that we preserved on Earth is the normalcy up here, and nothing could be too bizarre. So much to grasp for someone raised in that society.
I should be home… soon. I have lost completely all track of time. I mean, I know what Earth day I got here, and they all think me mad for not knowing the days and months and years… I'm starting from scratch.
Can't wait to see all! Give Bunny a big hug and kiss for me!!
And yes. Tell dearest Mr. It's-Too-Much-To-Handle that it's true, and I WENT HOME.
Twizzler, Riffy-Baby and Pink-Red send their love. In other words - Frankie, Riff and Magenta. Okay, don't ask. Just don't… That's the four of us. Alone. In the castle. It got quite scary.
Your girl,
Maureen
