Don't own Fable or its characters, items, haircuts, tattoos, and all the other crap in this game, and if I did they would be a lot better!
PWNAGE!
Review or surrender to Sweden (and that would REALLY suck)
Life in Albion Sucks!
Anonymous Nameless woke up one morning sitting on a step. What a loser. I'm sure half of you are wondering who that is anyway. He's whoever your fable dude is. If you've never played fable, get off the computer! If you don't own it buy it! If you can't buy it, steal it! (Not really) If you can't steal it, just die now and save yourself 80 and a half fable-less years. You don't deserve it anyway. So then, Anonymous woke up on a step in front of his house to his dad complaining about his sister's birthday…
Dad:…………and for all of your good deeds, I'll give you money. Like 1 friggin' gold piece. You can get three and buy candy that will later cost about $300 due to inflation and the "Save the Balverines" fund. Now go run around in your tiny shirt and big 'ol gloves and do good stuff.
Anonymous:………………
Dad: I thought you might say that.
And so the boy set off for about two steps when a little girl came up and said…….
Annoying midget demon: WHERE MY BEAR? I WANNA! I KEEL YOU! I KEEL! I DO I DO!
Anonymous:……………….
Annoying midget demon: GEMMY BEAR! IT STITCHED! SHE NEEDS NEW STUFFING SHOVED UP HER TINY……
Asssssss I was saying, very, veeeery annoying.
The boy wandered on when he heard strange noises coming from behind the nearby home of his friend's father, Neil. Looking around the corner he was shocked to see Neil doing…….doing………….
Anonymous: ………….!
Neil: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Other random fag: Ooooooooooooooo! This is getting better by the minute.
Neil: Look boy, if you don't tell my wife about this, I'll give you one flipping gold piece. Can you keep your mouth shut about it?
Anonymous: ……………………
Neil: I knew I couldn't trust you! You brat!
And so the boy ran down the hill toward Oakvale's town square in a mix of terror and homophobia. It wasn't long before he met up with Neil's wife, Kelly.
Kelly: Have you seen my husband?
Anonymous: …………………..
Kelly: HE WHAT!
Anonymous: ………………………
Kelly: WHY THAT……………
And soy Kelly and the boy ran up the hill and started yelling at Neil who as you can imagine was incredibly P.O.'d. The boy watched as Kelly's brain broke and she became stuck in a continuous loop. (Every married man's worst nightmare) The boy ran on to see what else he could do when a man whose pants were soaked and smelled like crap approached him.
Walking toilet with a faggy voice : Hey Lad, can you do me a faaaaaavor?
Anonymous: …………………..
Walking toilet with a faggy voice: Thanks Lad! I gotta pee! Watch these empty boxes and when I get back I'll tell your dad to give you a stupid coin equal to less than a modern penny!
Anonymous:……………
And so the man walked off to ………..well…………you know. A little annoying kid showed up who thanks to cheats off the Internet was never seen in Oakvale again. When the man returned he thanked the boy and telekinetically sent the good deed to his dad.
When the boy returned to his dad he got like three coins because on the way back he found one on the ground and avoided caring about the bear or the kid being beaten up (though he did watch). Soon he met the trader of the town.
Trader with lisp: Hey wittle boy! I'm a twadah! I wandah da wowld buying and sewwing wares to you snivewing munchkins.
Anonymous: ……………..
Trader with lisp: My fwiend who is white and mithing his nose tewws me you have a sistah! He onwy wikes wittle 'boys'. Anyway take dese undahpwiced chocowates cause I'm an idiot who has aww my money to wose.
So the boy took the chocolates and ran, swiftly kicking a passing whitey with a missing nose in his would-be nuts and dodging a flying chimp named bubbles. He met up with his sister and gave her the chocowates, (sorry,) chocolates.
Sister: I knew you'd bring me chocolates! Miss Cleo told me! She also senses doom so duck while this guy gets shot in the back!
At that moment, a guy got, well, shot in the back.. Bandits were raiding Oakvale. The boy ran, everyone died. All of a sudden ? appeared.
: Give me your hand…..
Anonymous: …………………
:…………….
Anonymous: ………………….
: O.K., that's it.
Just then it cut to an awesome cutscene of ? shooting lightning and totally murdelizing some bandit.
Later……….
Anonymous: Hey! I magically became able to talk! I never felt so……… BLECH!
He puked.
Anonymous: …………………….
: I'm Maze.
Anonymous:………………….?
Maze: Yes, my parents were drunk when I was born.
Anonymous:……………………
Maze: Anyway, let's go to the big boring place to meet baldy, I mean the guildmaster.
And so, young anonymous was brought to the heroes, guild where he met the guildmaster.
Baldy: Your training begins………………….now…………no……….I lied………..right aboooooooout…………now!………….no…………..okay in 5,4,3,2,1,1 ½, 1 ¼, 1 1/8? 0.5, 0.4, 0.3, 0.2, 0.1, ………………………pi……………………NOW!
To be continued……….
Please review!
My first story, so be honest. I f you have to be mean to tell me it sucked, go ahead. Sugar-coating it won't help me improve. Say WHATEVER you thought, good or bad.
I am at one with nuggets!
