"Berrynose!"
"Whassamatter."
"Berrynose!"
"Wha… wha…"
"Berrynose?"
"Shuddupporimgonnakillyou."
"Berrynose!"
"Agh!"
With a grunt, the cream colored tom heaved awake and stumbled to his paws. Grumbling, he staggered towards the door and exhibited a display of such drama, he couldn't help but wake up his beloved mate.
"Oh, my sunglasses!" he screeched. "They got all sideways when I slept. Oh, my beautiful leather jacket. It's covered with moss! And oh, my motorbike. Cherrykit! Molekit! Get the foxdung off of my motorbike before I come out there and kick your fuzzy behinds!"
Squeaking, the kits tumbled into their mother, Poppyfrost, who gazed up at Berrynose.
"Oh, Berrynose, where are you going, sweet darling lovey dove?" she cooed, causing the warriors sleeping nearby to wake up and run into the bushes. Sounds of retching followed.
"Tell the kids to get off my bike," he snapped.
"Will do, sweetums," she said in such a sweet, high-pitched voice that all of the cats within a mile got a disease called Poppyfrost-itis (which involves nausea and Poppyfrost-phobia). She then proceeded to pick up the kits in her gums (her teeth had rotted because of the sweetness of her voice) and carry them into the nursery. The kits were immune to Poppyfrost-itis, having experienced it since they were concieved.
Berrynose watched her go, then resumed shrieking about the state of his sunglasses.
"Berrynose!" came that whining, nasal voice from the medicine den. Berrynose grunted and swaggered into the den.
"Waddaya want, Jayfeather." Ending all of his questions in periods enforced his coolness.
"Go collect more catmint. Stick wants it!" Jayfeather screeched, shoving the pointy end of his stick into Berrynose's face. Berrynose stumbled backwards, protesting. "Okay, okay. I'll get the catmint. Wait, do you want catmint or catnip?"
"Catmint," snapped Jayfeather.
"'Kay, 'cause the Erins call it catmint in the first book when we weren't born, but then they started calling it catnip."
"I know," Jayfeather retorted. "But catmint is the most recent version. Did you hear? Catmint V.3 is out today!"
"I know!" Berrynose snapped back, forgetting to end all his sentences in periods. "My mom's gotten her Twolegs got the most recent version because she's insanely rich and doesn't care about saving up for retirement!"
"Shut the foxdung up and get the catmint!"
"You shut the foxdung up!"
"No, you!"
"Foxdung head!"
"Foxdung breath!"
"Boys, boys," came a breathy voice from the entrance. Berrynose felt himself get dizzy. Blossomfall's beautiful face lit up the den, sucking out the air and filling the den with light, and Berrynose began to pant from lack of oxygen. Jayfeather breathed in the scent of his stick and stuck his head out of the den to get a breath of air.
"Liek, stp saying teh f word in front of teh kits!" Blossomfall breathed.
"What F word, foxdung?"
"Shut up," snarled Blossomfall, turning into a scary black furball with red eyes.
Jayfeather backed away. "Okay, okay. Fine. Can I say mousedung?"
Blossomfall shrunk back into a cat. "Whatevrz," she tossed over her shoulder. "I'm, like, going to drool over Lionz wiz the rest of the young female warriorz."
Jayfeather snarled at Berrynose, who had fainted from lack of air, and began artificial respiration. Berrynose came flailing back to life, hitting Jayfeather in the head with a paw. Jayfeather screamed in pain, then pointed his stick at Berrynose. "Watch it, kid," he warned. "I've got a stick and I'm not afraid to…"
"Get back to work, you mousebrain cats!" screamed the authoress from the heavens. "I told you to stay on the storyline! Do you want to lose your jobs?"
"… Go get the stupid catmint!" Jayfeather changed the subject in the middle of the sentence. Berrynose didn't seem to find this strange. He stuck his tongue out at Jayfeather before going to get the catmint.
"Why do I haaaaaaave to?" he moaned, waking up the apprentices as he stumbled past their den. "I don' waaaaaaaaaaaaaanna!"
"Berrynose, mah trainee," rumbled Thornclaw, swaggering up to Berrynose. "Ya can't furget to be cool. Cool peeps don' whine, kitty. Cool peeps mumble."
"'Kay," Berrynose mumbled.
"And how many times have Ah told ya. Ya gotta end all yo' sentences in periods, or ya ain't cool. Cool peeps don' exclaim, Berrynose. Cool peeps don' question. Cool peeps go wit' the flow."
"'Kay," Berrynose mumbled.
"Berrynose! Go get the catnip!" Jayfeather was at Berrynose's throat instantly. "Remember, I've got a stick, and I'm not afraid to-"
"Get back to WORK!" yelled the authoress again. "Do you want me paying into your 401(k) or not?"
"-get the stupid catmint!" Jayfeather continued as though nothing had happened, although he glanced nervously at the sky as he said it.
"I am," mumbled Berrynose, pushing Jayfeather off of him and slouching towards the exit.
