A/N: ERMAGERD. I have WRITTEN something. Doth your eyes deceive you? Nay! Perhaps it will turn into something worthwhile. Mistakes be abound, my fellow readers. This fiction hath not been beta'd or reread! *le gasp* But fear not, for I have 1/4 of a plot formed! Let us hope it will save us all! Kay, I'm done now and I can hear the Wonder Twins raining destruction down in my kitchen so I have to go now. Farewell, sweet readers!-Kraken

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I don't even own the plot, but that's mostly because there really isn't one yet. Thoughts?

Summary: Because she deserved the respect of her teammates, goddamnit. Even if she had to parade around in tiny red lingerie to get it. Female empowerment, the Konoha Kunoichi Association, and the story of how a pair of bright red lacy undies changed Konoha forever. "It means so much to me that whenever I need to go out, get trashed, and talk bad about people, you're always there for me."

She was breaking bones today.

Not in the desperate high of battle, but in the hospital. Her shiny new (new!) hospital.

She had to break a little boy's leg to reset it, to let it mend the right way. How they let him avoid the hospital long enough for it to set wrong was a mystery to her, but thus were the ways of children.

He sat in the hospital bed, covered in scratchy blankets and dwarfed by the surrounding machinery, lips quivering and shoulders set. He looked scared and small beneath the few layers of protection the hospital blankets could offer, but his little shoulders were set and his chin was up. He was definitely a little fighter.

She smiled.

Such a brave boy.

With his soft grey eyes and his dark brown fringe no doubt getting in the way of his vision, he looked nothing like her asshole of a teammate. But it was in the way his eyes stared steadily into her own, daring her to call him out on his fear that made her heart twinge in an all too familiar way.

"He says it's good practice. That shinobi don't have time for anesthetic in field. I think he's been reading his father's journals when I'm not home."

Sakura nodded in understanding at the young mother in front of her. She didn't bother letting the other woman know how ridiculous that sounded because being stranded in the field with your organs falling out of your body was so much worse than breaking a bone.

Sakura firmly grasped the small developing calve in her hand and breathed in slowly, channeling her Medic Mode.

"One."

out

"Two."

in

"Three."

out

000

Head Nurse Misaki been hovering around the nurse's station after being paged about the awful screaming coming from room 305 ten minutes ago. She had been at her job long enough to have permanent frown lines and an even worse tolerance for idiocy. As the small pink haired doctor left the room and rounded the corner Misaki managed to work herself up to a full Disapproving Loom.

"That was irresponsible."

Sakura shrugged, reaching around the taller woman to grab the next chart. "It's what he wanted."

After all, Haruno Sakura lived to please.

No sarcasm there or anything. Nope. She just loved rat bastard council members sneaking bumbling, ignorant spies into her hospital so they can tell her what she, the best medic in Konoha and head of the hospital, was doing wrong.

Yeah.

Loved it.

000

One tracheotomy and one kidney transplant later, Sakura found herself scowling at the bottom of her empty coffee cup. What was the point of caffeine if it kept running out?

She meandered her way to the fifth floor staff room (fourth floor coffee sucked) in daze of exhaustion-induced zombie-like behavior. She certainly looked the part, her once-white coat splattered with blood, her eyelids drooping, shoulders hunched, and deep purple circles around glazed emerald eyes. Sakura saw her reflection in a window and tried not to despair over the poor state of her matted hair-no doubt somebody's bodily fluids, though she couldn't say what or who's, exactly.

Yeah, she thought with the nonsensical humor that usually came with a half-hour nap in between two 30 hour shifts. Definitely a zombie. All I need is to adopt cannibalism and I'm set.

Unfortunately she worked in the hospital and therefor knew how unsanitary her peers were. Sakura wouldn't put her mouth anywhere near that mess.

As she reached for the coffee pot, her ready hands found nothing but air. Scowling, she turned on the man behind her holding her life-blood, the only thing that made her job bearable, high over her head.

"Give it back."

"Now, now, Sakura-chan. Don't you think it's time to stop hiding?" He smiled that damned stupid smile that made his crows feet crinkle obnoxiously.

Sakura snarled. "I am not hiding. I am doing my job. Give. It. Back. Kakashi." Sakura made to jump for it, but he used his free hand to keep her where she was and moved the coffee pot further out of her reach.

Nice try, midget. He's like an entire foot taller than you.

Ah, the ever comforting words of Inner Sakura.

Relenting (and sending a silent shut up to her Inner), Sakura stepped back against the counter, her hands clenching the brand-freaking-new tabletop so hard Kakashi thought it might crumble away beneath her. As far as Sakura was concerned it was either him or the counter, and she didn't think the Hokage would let her get off without a lot more paper work if she strangled her sensei to death and ruined a perfectly perfect just-installed counter.

"You are to hiding. Don't you think it's a little silly to hide from your own teammates?" Kakashi said, giving her The Look. The one that said "come now, foolish children. I know exactly what you're thinking and where you want to put that sharp, pointy object, but I alas, I am the Great Hatake Kakashi and you are less than nothing compared to me." She hated that look. It haunted her from her genin days well into her chunin career until she was able to use her jounin status as a shield.

"Why on earth do you think I would hide from my own teammates? Certainly not because of their talent for very publicly embarrassing me in every single social opportunity they can manage."

Kakashi ignored her sarcasm and patted her head placating. "You know that's not true. We value you very much Sakura-chan, and we would never intentionally hurt your reputation intentionally."

Sakura snorted and mimicked him internally. "We value you very much Sakura-chan." Yeah, right. This coming from the man who helped Naruto and Sasuke with the White Day Pantie Debacle of '83. She got retaliation when she'd replaced all of the cash in Naruto's wallet with glow in the dark super ribbed condoms when he took the Hyuuga cousins out to lunch. Sakura could hear Naruto's screams all the way in her office when Neji finally caught up to him. While she had no proof that Sasuke had helped with the pantie streamer (of course), his non-stop smirk fest for days after didn't help convince her otherwise. The fact that he had somehow ingested a small enough amount of poison to give him three days of stomach upset had absolutely nothing to do with Sakura and her brand new lab equipment.

"Stop trying to antagonize me and tell me what you want."

Kakashi pouted.

"Nothing, Sakura-chan. Just your lovely, radiant presence is enough for me. Won't you grant an old man what might be one last favor?"

"You're as close to dying as Naruto is when he gets back from his mission. Which is to say very, unless you get out of my hospital." Sakura cracked her knuckles in a threatening manner, trying to convey her seriousness to her increasingly un-serious sensie.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to send those naked sketches to the Kazekage."

"He commissioned Sai to draw them!"

"And they were very flattering, weren't they?"

Kakashi tried very, very hard not to notice the chunk of plaster that his student had ripped out of cabinetry.

Perhaps he should rethink his hobby of pestering his cute little student when rowdy, less-cute ones were away.

But probably not.

A/N: I fell up the stairs at my university today. Everything I was carrying exploded in every direction and all of the people on the ground floor were staring at me. I kept hoping no one I knew saw it, and that hope was like a bright star, shinning and new! Until I checked Twitter and saw my BFF retweet this status made by some random person: "Just saw some girl face plant walking up the stairs. Day=made."