Disclaimer: Not mine.

With Or Without You

by gracelessheart

Chapter 1

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

U2

There was no way denying that their unfinished conversation put a slight damper on the rest of the evening, much to their frustration. Emily felt horrible for letting her mind wander on a night like this. It was JJ's wedding day. Their extended family finally got to make some good memories together, to go along with the awful ones they already shared. It could probably not get any better than this.

Yet, her thoughts were elsewhere. Briefly distracted by the beautiful ceremony, a lovely dinner filled with light conversation and laughter and later on, dancing, Emily now found herself surrounded by too much darkness and silence to have the strength to push those nagging thoughts away. It was well into the early hours and only the team remained at Rossi's mansion.

They were all gathered around the same table, the men nursing tumblers of The Old Number 7. Jack had lost his bet with his father to stay awake until sunrise and was now sleeping soundly, draped across Beth's lap. Conversation was slowly fading and regular yawns made them all reluctantly realize that the perfect night was coming to an end. Looking around the table, Emily once against felt the guilt building up in her chest. They have no idea.

Meeting Derek's eyes across the table, she managed to offer a tired smile which was returned briefly before he turned to Garcia, taking in her drooping eyelids.

"Come on, baby girl. Let's get you that cab, shall we?"

The party slowly broke up, the newlyweds along with Henry and JJ's mother left with repeated expression of gratitude towards Rossi for arranging such a perfect wedding. Reid agreed to share the cab with Garcia and quietly followed Morgan into the house to call for one.

"First thing tomorrow, Emily," Hotch said in a low voice as he relieved Beth from a sleeping six year old.

Emily nodded. "First thing."

Then they also disappeared down Rossi's driveway. She watched them pull out in their cars one by one, before retreating back into the house to say her remaining goodbyes. She found Rossi in the kitchen, putting away the remnants of Jack Daniels and rinsing a couple of glasses in the sink.

"You alright?" he asked almost suspiciously. Emily briefly cursed the man for knowing her so well. Much like the father figure he was, he really didn't need to be told. He just knew.

"I don't know. I think so," Emily breathed out after a moment of thought.

Rossi nodded at her answer, sensing that it was all he would get for the moment. Noticing her eyes drift towards the windows facing the front yard, he followed her gaze as it landed on Morgan hugging Garcia goodbye and helping her and Reid into the cab.

"You two okay?" he offered.

The look he got from Emily told him clearly that she had no idea at all.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Derek, I swear, whatever it is, you won't be able to keep it from me," Garcia swore, recalling the conversation between him and Emily she'd stumbled upon some hours before.

"I know, baby girl. I know."

"Good. G'night, Derek"

He shut the door behind her, waving to Reid who already sat slumped in the back of the vehicle, leaning against the window and yawning tiredly. Morgan watched the cab disappear out on the street before turning back to the house. He knew Emily was still around somewhere and part of him wondered if there was a reason for that.

"I don't think it will be possible to keep it from anyone after I talk to Hotch tomorrow. Or, late today..." Emily's gentle voice broke through the eerie silence. Turning, Derek spotted her on the front steps, shawl wrapped tight around her shoulder.

"I guess," he replied. "So...you're gonna do it?"

Hating the lack of question and the obvious statement, Emily turned her eyes to the ground. She thought she knew what she was going to say, since she was well aware of the inevitability of this particular conversation.

"You mean leaving or accepting Easter's offer?"

"Isn't it the same thing?"

"I'm gonna leave the BAU no matter what. Doesn't mean I'll go to London."

"But you're curious about it, aren't you?" his tone was almost accusatory, causing Emily to glance up at him.

"I don't know. Maybe... I just know that I can't keep going on like this."

Sighing, Derek shoved his hands deep into his pockets and eyed her intently.

"Well, you said it yourself; I think you should stay. It could get better," he said almost hopefully. "Maybe it's just a phase."

Looking at him wistfully, Emily couldn't blame him. If he was the one dropping a bombshell like this, she would probably act the same.

"It's been almost a year, Derek," she pointed out carefully, seeing how the memories of what he'd referred to as "seven months of hell" wash over him.

"I still think you should stay. Let us help."

"I can't. I think you know that. And as I said, it's not you. You've been so...great. All of you. I probably don't deserve it after all those lies. It's the job. I guess there's only so much you can handle before you have had enough."

Studying his shoes intently, Derek almost seemed to come to decision himself. As he looked up again, the intensity of his gaze almost made Emily stumble backwards. She could practically see the resolve set, and suddenly she felt nervous.

"Stay anyway. Leave the BAU but please, stay in D.C."

Despite knowing what would come next, she voiced the question out loud.

"Why? And for what?"

"Emily," he almost pleaded. "You know why. And for what."

And yes, she did know. The past year had consisted of nothing but changes for them. The initial confusion and mistrust in the beginning had soon vanished to be replaced by a stronger connection and quickly mended relationship. And in some moments, hints of something more beneath the friendship. Tiny steps in a new direction and now, all of a sudden, he had decided to take a giant leap.

Derek Morgan was indirectly asking her to stay for him. Her partner who outside of work easily fell into the role as her best friend and confidante. Compared to the last few months of maybe's and intense moments, this was nothing but a heartfelt confession.

From his kitchen window, Rossi discreetly watched his friends deep in conversation. Apart from being a good profiler, he knew both of them very well. Those aspects combined had made it an impossibility to not notice. After saying her goodbyes and trying to prolong the inevitable, Emily had finally walked with slow steps through the front door. Watching them now, Rossi wished he was better at lip reading. He could only make out Morgan's face, being face with Emily's back and slumped shoulders.

Seeing the raw expression on Morgan's face and the emotion clouding his eyes, Rossi knew for a fact that tomorrow would indeed be a very interesting day. For all of them. Casting on glance at the pair still in his driveway, he turned off the lights and went upstairs to catch some sleep. He figured he could use to handle whatever Monday morning was preparing to throw at them.

Bit of a slow burner maybe. But necessary for upcoming chapters. Reviews are appreciated, as always.