Getting more comfortable in the bench, I ignored the signal of little battery in my console and kept playing. I could perceive how my surroundings were getting darker and my console screen brighter. After a while just when I was about to win this round the screen shut down. I frowned. I knew I didn't have much battery left but I still thought that it would last longer. Letting out a sight I looked at the first stars appearing in the sky. It was getting late. Impatient, I searched around for Kuroo's characteristic smile and bed head. He was nowhere to be found. I saved my console in my backpack. Then, fishing out my cellphone from my pocket I called him, but it sent me directly to voicemail. I frowned again. What was taking him so long?
We were on our way home from volleyball practice. I was tired and sticky from the sweat, nowhere near a good mood. All I wanted was to get home and take a long relaxing bath. As usual Kuroo and I were walking home together, we are neighbors after all. But to my dismay He remembered that he had to buy eggs, three blocks after the last convenience store in our way. So, after a quick sorry, he told me to wait for him in this bench. I could've accompanied him, but I´m too lazy, plus is not the first time we've been through this.
Desperate, I looked at the hour again. What was so difficult about buying eggs? I stood up with the intention of leaving Kuroo behind. It´s not like our homes are far away from here, we are pretty close actually, about 5 blocks away. However something stopped me. I couldn't help feeling a little guilty. If it was me the one who forgot, he would've come with me. He's always nice to me. I on the other hand act as if he's not there half of the time, and the other half he has to deal with my moods. I groaned quietly at my thoughts. For some reason, I had the feeling that I would regret being nice, but I shrugged it aside and made my way to the convenience store.
As soon as I entered I was hit by the cool air of the air conditioner, making me chilly. Ignoring the sensation I quickly scanned the store looking for him. Puzzled that I couldn't spot him. I got further into the store checking the aisles. While checking the second one I could hear his distinct loud laugh. A laugh that has many times make my heart skip a beat, and butterflies revolt in my stomach. However, this time It made frown. Was he talking to someone? Did he forget I was waiting? Annoyed, I made my way to the next aisle with the intention of telling him that we if he didn't hurry I would go. However, I stopped in my tracks the moment I caught a glimpse to who he was talking so animatedly to. I felt my stomach drop, and my heart beating more loudly. Suddenly breathing was getting more and more difficult. My hands started sweating. And I could feel myself getting more upset the longer I watched. I forced my legs to move and got out of the store as fast as I could.
I knew the girl. Heck, I would recognize her anywhere. Takahashi Rin, a pretty girl in my grade of long auburn hair and big dark brown eyes. Known for her bubbly personality and ability in the piano. I still remember how upset I was when Kuroo told me he liked her. After that, I couldn't help stalking her a bit. But after while I calmed down, after I realized that Kuroo had no relation with her whatsoever or so I thought.
I laughed at how pathetic I was. Trembling and in the verge of tears just because he was talking to her. It wasn't like they were dating or anything. It could even be their first time talking! But my insecurities were overwhelming. I knew this would happen, but I never expected to be so soon. It didn't matter if I was his best friend, I knew, I couldn't be by his side forever. Sooner or later he would find a woman he would love. A woman he would like to marry and start a family with. Something he could never have with me. The worst of all is that even though I have that fact crystal clear I couldn't help yearning for it. Waiting that one day he would wake up and realize he is gay for me. Confessing his feelings and embracing me in his arms. But things were not like that. I felt my cheeks getting wet. It´s the first time I cried about this in years. After four long year I thought I had come in terms with it, but maybe I was just suppressing it all. Avoiding my feelings, ignoring the fact that they were slowly accumulating. Waiting for a moment of weakness to burst out. Suddenly aware that Kuroo could come in any moment, I realized that I didn't want him to see me like this. He wouldn't leave me alone until I told him why I was crying. Knowing him he wouldn't hate me for it, instead he would blame himself for not being able to correspond my feelings. He would try his best to act normal but little by little we would drift apart until we become strangers. Life without Kuroo would be miserable. Just the thought of it made me cry harder making it more difficult to breath. No, I wouldn't let that happen, I would take this secret to grave with me.
I forced myself to move and after the first steps It became easier, and faster than I thought I would, I ran with everything I had. Avoiding everything and leaving it behind. Before I knew it I was taking my keys out of my backpack to open the door to my house. My hands were shaking making the simple task seem impossible. After struggling for what it felt like hours I made it inside. The darkness welcomed me home. Not bothering to turn the lights on, I dropped my backpack on the floor. Took my shoes off and went directly to my room on the second floor. The moment I got to bed I let myself cry to sleep.
When I opened my eyes, I felt like shit. My head hurt from crying, my eyes were puffy and my throat sore. What made it worse was the fact that I didn't bath last night. I felt clammy, dirty and I was sure I stank. The last thing I wanted to do was to get up. But then I remembered Kuroo had this bad habit of barging in to my room to make sure I´m going to school. If I let that happen, I´m sure he´ll notice something is wrong with me. Taking a deep breath, I finally found the strength to stand up. Took some pills for my headache and drank 3 glasses of water because I sure was thirsty. Then, I took a long shower and put some pants on.
When I looked at myself in the mirror, I was surprised to see that I looked normal. I felt ten times better It was as if the water washed my worries away. I took my towel drying my wet hair when the door suddenly opened reveling an enthusiastic Kuroo with a silly grin plastered in his face. He stopped suddenly seemingly surprised of not finding me in bed. He looked around until he spotted me under the door frame of my bathroom. He looked at me curiously If I didn't know any better I would even think he was checking me out. But I was realistic and I was perfectly aware that's not the case.
"Hey" I greeted him like any other day
"Hey" He answered. Then grinning at me like the idiot he is, he came closer to me and putting his hands over mine startling me with the sudden contact. He rubbed my hair with the towel. "It's a nice surprise to see you awake."
My heart skipped a beat at his actions and I could feel myself enchanted by the sweetness in his voice. I desperately wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him senseless. I pulled my hands down letting him dry my hair. "For some reason I woke early and couldn't get back to sleep"
He hummed at my response and after a short pause he asked "Did you have a nightmare?"
I shrugged at his question, I didn't have a nightmare but yesterday sure felt like one. He smirked at me and in a teasing voice he added "You know, you can always ask me to sleep with you if you are scared."
"Shut up"
He chuckled at my answer. Suddenly he got serious "Yesterday I didn't see any lights on. Is your mother here?"
"She is coming back tomorrow"
He looked at me disapprovingly "Why didn't you wait for me yesterday? We could've have dinner together"
I looked at him directly and answered "I was tired and you were taking too long. My console even died!"
He seemed taken aback and then I could see his cheeks getting an adorable red tint. A little flustered he avoided my eyes. "Sorry, I lost track of time"
"I noticed" I huffed
"Sorry about that. I should've call you. It's just-"He paused, as if he was unsure on whether to tell me or not "It´s just that I met Takahashi yesterday." His face got redder as he looked away "I asked her out"
I thanked God that Kuroo was embarrassed and looked away because in that exact moment I felt my world fall apart. I felt sadness and anger consume me little by little. But more than anything I felt the need to hide my ugly self from Kuroo I was so upset that I knew that I couldn't hide my expression so I looked down and brushed Kuroo's hands off my head. Turning my back to him I made my way to my closet and grabbed my shirt. I took a deep breath and killing myself slowly I let the lie out in a slightly teasing tone "Then I guess leaving me was worth it. You sure were productive."
"It sure was"
I didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling. A crushing feeling overcame me by the fact that he just admitted that it was worth it leaving me behind. It felt like slap into a reality. He really likes this girl, and little by little I´ll become less and less important to him. But as long as I´m able to keep our relationship through the years I´ll endure it. "You can wait for me downstairs if you want I'm almost ready"
There was a long pause for a moment I thought he would ignore my passive-aggressive way to tell him to leave, but he agreed and left my room. As soon as he closed the door I felt myself collapse. Even though the last thing I want to happen is for him to find out I wasn't sure I could keep acting as if nothing is wrong with me.
