1. I will not insinuate that Titans are more human because they eat humans. Levi's death glare was not worth the hassle.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during one of Hange's Titan rants. Doubly so when I actually have a new theory.
3. "I've heard every possible joke about Eren Jaegar's name" is not a challenge.
4. Doing graffiti of the 'Just do it!' slogan on Wall Maria is not decent. Even if no one suspect you. Note: Certain Titans 'Did it's a few days after it was put up.
5. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
6. - I will remind everyone who has a mental break which ends in laughter to remember this as well. Like Annie.
7. I will not break deals and covenants with people. Even if they are annoying little twerps.
8. I will stop referring to scouts dying by trees as "getting wood"
9. I will not insist to Sasha that eating grass is good for human consumption
10. If a fellow cadet falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the words, 'titan screwer' on their forehead.
11. - or anywhere else.
12. Starting a betting pool on the fate of the scouts going on the next expedition is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.
13. Despite Petra's hair color, she does have a soul. I will not suggest otherwise
14. - Same for Isabel
15. I will not mix up the colors and the whites. Again. Levi looked like he was going to have a heart attack at seeing the pink underwear.
16. I will not reenact Slap on Titans parody in the training corps
17. Or anywhere else for that matter.
18. I will not steal food from Sasha. If I am hungry I will kindly ask.
19. I will not refer to Sasha as the ancestress of the Akimichi clan. Even if it makes sense in my mind.
20. I will not write all my mission reports in red ink claiming it is the blood, sweat and tears of all those who came before me. It only was funny the first time.
21. I will not ask male Titan Shifters if it is their time of the month when they transform.
22. I will not provide Armin with an old and creepy looking book and claim it is the Necronomicon. Chances are it will end up being it just to screw with me.
23. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
24. - Given the track record of my kind, I will make sure that I never reach that point.
25. I am not allowed to refer to myself as Queen of All I Survey. Even if Krista finds me funny.
26. I am not allowed to call Marco "My Lord and savior". He does not answer to God, Allah, or any other religious title.
27. I am not allowed to steal Levi's personal items, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it. Again.
28. I am not allowed to have a Titan for a pet. Shifters are iffy.
29. I am not allowed to reference the gear and harness as bondage tools
30. Levi and Erwin do not want chains and restraining collars as a present.
31. I will stop spreading rumors of Levi x Erwin shipping.
32. Or rumors of Levi x Eren.
33. I will stop rumors of Levi liking anyone.
34. I am not allowed to transform into an animal humanoid during dinner and shout "Why are you eating my cousin," Just because I think its funny.
35. Any resemblance between the fate of Grisha and Zeus's cannibal Titan father is coincidental. I will not suggest otherwise
36. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable or adaptable ability, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve
37. I will not mock or encourage others to mock disarmed (literally) people with exaggerated limb movements.
38. I am not allowed to hypnotize my fellow cadets in training and force them to march/dance through Trost to the song of "Bad Romance"
39. Asking Eren if "He wants to burn the city with me?" while singing "City" will get me in with trouble Levi.
40. Especially if he one day snaps and take me up on that joking offer. Bonus if it is both people.
41. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my plans. For example, if my partner in crime screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at them, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling of theirs.
42. It is a bad idea to tell Levi he takes himself too seriously.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Mikasa she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to send copies of the Evil Overlord List, including all the additional cell blocks from TvTropes to suspected Titan Shifters. Or Levi.
45. There is a fine line between doing things for the laughs and being too stupid to live. I will learn this difference.
46. I will not say "Oh my god! You killed Kenny! You bastard," to Levi right after his uncle Kenny dies.
47. - even though the irony and dark humor is delicious.
48. I will not ask Titans if humans taste like chicken.
49. I will spare someone who saved my life or helped me in some way sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
50. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
51. I will not take out a life insurance policy or this world's equivalent on anyone I know will die. One the good side I mean. Putting up 13 year limits on enemy Titan Shifters is borderline fine.
52. I will not place a "kick me" sign on the back of Keith Shadis.
53. Mike does not have a sister named Magenta. Nor does he know what the time warp is.
54. I will not teach (force) the cadets and other scouts to reinact the awesomeness that is Rocky Horror.
55. I will not force Levi to be Dr. Frank N. Furter (even though he would be great), Eren as Rocky and so on.
56.I will refrain from wearing black leather gloves at all times and saying "Recon is mother, Recon is father".
57. The Titan Shifters do not control mechas made from flesh and I will not say it is.
58. - Especially within earshot Hange.
59. Training Corps does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease going after the students and staff with a sword.
60. - nor will I call Annie, Mikasa, or Sasha Anthy.
61. I will not call Levi "Mr. Clean," anywhere since it will get back to him. Somehow
62. Mike is (probably) not the ancester of the Inuzuka clan. While it would make sense, too many things could go wrong.
63. It is wrong to call any superior a 'bitch' for more than one reason.
64. Levi's actual first name in not Yoda.
65. I will not refer to horses as glue.
66. - Or emergency rations.
67. If I ever become a Shifter or monster and it becomes known, I will not lick my lips at fresh cadets or civilians and say, "Fresh meat."
68. - it's only funny the first time. Solitary confinement for each new slip after that.
69. I am not allowed access to Levi's personal funds.
70. -Nor am I allowed to order/buy items in his name
71. -I am not allowed to use any superiors money unless given explicit instructions
72. I will not replace Hannes's alcohol with same colored tea.
73. -I will not replace Levi's tea with same hued alcohol.
74. -It was not an honest mistake.
74. I will not scream "police brutality" and similar things the moment a military police officer approaches me.
76. - nor can I call out "Fuck the police". Knowing them they would expect that instead of me unleasing holy hell on them.
77. I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs according to the materials at hand so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "warp reality until my plan works".
78. I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.
79. I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory
80. It is generally accepted that Titans and Humans cannot interbreed (no proper sexual organs) and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.
81. I will not give Hange the idea of making claymores from Titan flesh/spine and infusing them with humans and theories on how it would work.
82. -Especially if I don't tell her that all claymores have a shelf life of a few years before they become monsters.
83. Courage does not come in bottles.
84. -i will not tell Eren and Armin otherwise
85. I am not allowed to eat during lessons
86. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.
87. -Emptying a bag full of snacks at Keith's feet to prove this last is unacceptable behavior.
88. I will not admit to being a criminal mastermind. Even if I am.
89. No matter what Hange may tell me to the contrary, I am not authorized to form press gangs.
90. Asking Oluo "what his drug of choice is and where I can get some?" is unacceptable.
91. -Even though he always looks stoned.
92. Crucifixes do not ward off Titans, and I should not test that.
93. -holy water and sacred books are equally as unhelpful.
94. I may not call Levi a yangire.
95. The proper way to report to Levi or Erwin is "You wanted to see me, Sir?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."
96. May not insinuate that beautiful and saintly looking woman are missing heirs to royalty, even if it's true.
97. I am not possessed by the ghost of Princess Ymir
98. -nor am I allowed to say that the current Ymir is her reincarnation, even if it might be true.
99. I will never, under any circumstances, reveal information to any of my enemies that could be used against me
100. I will always try to pretend that I believe in heroics and goodness. That way I can disguise myself as a well intentioned extremist trying to fight the corrupt society to make my own.
