Shiro sat in front of me, mere inches away, but I couldn't touch him. I couldn't smell him. I couldn't hear him. I only saw. I only watched. His face was pressed up against the non-existent glass. His fist pounded on the barrier. This was the time that I truly studied his face.

He had a very square jawline, chiseled into perfection. His eyes were small, but his eyeliner was perfect. I could go on and on about his eyeliner, how I watched him do it once, and it was the most amazing thing to watch. He lined his lash line, then with a mere flick of the wrist, he was done. His eyeliner was sharp enough to kill a man. His large nose was halfway obscured by the strangely symmetrical scar, starting at his cheekbone, widening at the nose, then tapering off at the other side. He had thin lips that were almost always chapped. His hair was one of the most prominent features. For being in space for so long, he was really keeping up with the trends on Earth. He had the sides of his head shaved, then short, but not buzzed hair on top. Partially covering his forehead was a stark white poof of hair, something that he loved dearly in his heart.

My eyes wandered down to his muscles, and how they stretched his shirt. He continued pounding away at the barrier, but suddenly disappeared, as was the non-existent glass. I gasped, my lip quivering. My brother. Is gone

I wake up to Lance's arms around me. My throat feels like it is closing. Lance's arms are way too tight, constructing my breath. I'm in a cold sweat. Tears had welled up in my eyes long before I was awake, but now, said tears are running down my face as a choked sob leaves my throat. I've had this nightmare many times, but this time, it was so realistic. The first time I had this dream was when Shiro "died" on the Kerberos mission, but ever since he disappeared the second time, the dreams have been getting worse. I feel Lance sit up beside me, I feel his hands on my skin. I can't breathe. The room is spinning. I'm gasping for air. Then suddenly, the floor, the bed, the room, even Lance is gone. I'm falling through hazy darkness. I yell. I can't feel the warmth of Lance's body, I can't hear him, I need to save him from this hell. "Lance!" I can't have him disappear like Shiro did.

Lance smiles at me flirtily. He's been trying to bug me all day, using his pickup lines. I turn around to where he's chattering away behind me, grab his shirt, and pull him in, smashing my lips against his. He gasps into my lips, and I can almost hear the gears turning in his head. At first he's hesitant, but then he kisses back with full force. I pull away first, walking towards my room, face bright red and heated. I leave Lance in my dust, stuttering and blushing. I didn't talk to him for a week, but he cornered me and forced me to talk. That's when we got together. You'd think he's the clingy one, but I swear, once someone tells me they love me, I'm on top of them the entire time. I don't even know how long we've been dating, but all I know is I'm never letting him go. If he were to leave, I wouldn't be able to go on. I'm too attached.

Shit. Why am I thinking about this now?

I'm laying on my bed in my barracks back on Earth, watching TV. Shiro's face pops up on the news, and the newscaster says something that I can't even understand. I'm too busy wiping away tears at his first words. "The members of the Kerberos mission are presumed dead." My breathing gets ragged. My brother? Dead? No. No, it can't be. I drop out of the Garrison and move out to the desert, where I start studying an energy source. Then suddenly, Shiro is back, and honestly, I can't think. Everyone is at my house, and we're all going out to find this...this blue lion. The year without Shiro is the hardest I've ever had to endure.

Wait. Why this memory?

Now I'm in the black lion, gaping at the empty seat. He's gone again. How? Why? Next thing I know, I'm kneeling on the floor, emptying my stomach through the tears. Pidge is being held by a sobbing Hunk. Lance is holding my hair back as I heave. Silent tears are running down his face. Allura is crying into Coran's shoulder, making tiny whimpers. Coran is patting Allura on the back, shakily breathing. How could he have left me again? I can't go through this torment again.

"Keith, baby, it's okay. Breathe with me. Shh," A familiar voice says.

Color starts to come back, as do my other senses. I take a shaky breath, and I'm surprised to find air flowing into my welcoming lungs. I take note of my surroundings, focusing on each sense for 10 seconds. It smells of sweat, citrus, and sugar. I feel a warm hand rubbing my shirtless, sweat-covered back. I taste the salty tears and the bile that had risen in my throat. I see our shared bedroom, slightly messy, but homey. I hear Lance's voice singing a soft song... my favorite song.

I'm waiting for this cough syrup
to come down, come down.
Life's too short to even care at all, woah
I'm coming up now, coming up now
Out of the blue, woah.
These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart, woah
A dark world aches for a splash in the sun, woah

I cough, making him stop abruptly. "Keith, how are you? Are you okay?" He whispers, his hand pausing for a moment before continuing. I shake my head no, then continue trying to catch my breath. He starts singing again, slightly off-pitch. Lance was never the singer of the group. I remember once, I was singing to Red and he caught me. He fawned over my "smooth as hell" voice for days. He hands me a glass of water while he sings, and I gratefully drink all of it, shuddering at the feeling of the cold water going down my esophagus.

If I could find a way to see this straight I'd run away
To some fortune that I, I should have found by now
I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down.

I listen to the lyrics, smiling slightly. He knows I love this song. When he finishes, I'm almost fully calm. His hand still slowly massages my back, and he plants a kiss on my head, using his free hand to hold mine. "Are you okay?" he asks again, softly. This time, I clear my throat and say "Yeah, just had a bad dream, no biggie." I'm very obviously lying; I'm shaking and exhausted, eyelids drooping, but, he didn't quite pick up on it. Lance is confused. "No big- You just had a panic attack!" I shrug blowing it off as nothing, even though it took a huge toll on my body. He sighs, dropping both of my hands. I grin.

I lay my head back down, curling into his warm body. "I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too."