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Derek Morgan can't remember the last time he cried, but the tears are flowing freely now. He's spent days trying to be strong, trying to pretend that he can function without her, but he can't keep up the act anymore. He can't stand here by her casket, looking down at his Baby Girl's beautiful but lifeless face and pretend that he's okay.

Derek's shoulders shake violently as he thinks about the special relationship he had with Penelope and realizes that suddenly it's much, much too late to stop being scared. He's been happy dancing that flirty little dance of theirs for years, always assuming he'd have time to get serious with her when he was ready. They'd made it through so much - bombs and bullets alike - but were suddenly separated by a speeding car and the crash of metal on metal.

It was painfully unfair, he thought angrily, that the very same thing that had take her parents from her so young hand ripped her life away from her, too - a drunk driver.

Derek suddenly turned from her casket and stalked away, tears falling fast, choking back a sob, rubbing his hand over his head in agony. It could've been me. I could have killed her. Although he hadn't been the driver that had taken Penelope's life, as he thought about the way alcohol had slowly but surely began to saturate his life, he knew it sure as hell could've been. He'd driven drunk several times lately as he began to turn to the bottle to solve his problems, and shame began to permeate his body as he imagined how hurt Penelope would've been to know he had. He'd known about her parents, after all, and had still put other drivers' lives in danger the same way her parents' killer had - and now her own as well.

"God, I'm sorry, Penelope," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion and tears as he stepped back towards her body and took her small, cold hand in both of his and placed a gentle kiss on her skin. "So, so sorry."

As he held her hand one last time, he remembered something she'd said to him once, so long ago that it seemed like it had happened in another lifetime - "Everything happens for a reason." This woman, this sweet, funny, beautiful, amazing woman, had believed that with every fiber of her being, and Derek's heart surged with determination to make that sentiment ring true even in her absence.

He gently replaced her hand in its original spot and ran his dark, calloused hand down the soft, pale skin of her face, knowing suddenly that he was done drinking. A strange peace washed over him as he resolved to pour all of his alcohol down the drain the moment he got home. Getting himself sober didn't seem like nearly a good enough reason for his Goddess to be taken from him, but as a tear dripped from his face onto hers, he knew it was a start.