Having Reasons

Written by PaperKat

Owned by Starhawk

She couldn't believe that she had done it and staring at the unfamiliar gray ceiling wasn't making it any more real for her. After years of building an empire completely under her control, she tore it all down in one grand finale and handed it over to those that she had vanquished to make it. They never knew what hit them, either side, hers or theirs. How could they? How could they have possibly known that the Queen of Evil herself was plotting the end of the Evil Empire? After all she had been the one to take down the rebels.

With a little help, she thought with a tight grimace remembering whom she had destroyed to do it.

Feeling the uncomfortable rise of distress grow inside of her, Astronema knew that if she didn't quell it she would not be the only one awake and worrying. So with much focused effort she blocked the emotion and concentrated on her current situation.

She didn't feel any different being a civilian verses a villain, unless you counted the uneasy turn of something inside her chest. The sensation itself wasn't new, but the reason behind it was. No longer was it a result of anticipating of an attack or assignation attempt. Now that slightly out of breath feeling was caused by the thought of having breakfast with The Team and having them find out about her secret. What was one suppose to do, or how was one to act in a group of people that you had tried to destroy countless times before?

Andros, her brother, had assured her that things would work out and his lover was even more insistent that she wasn't being blamed for her past deeds. Would they have been so confident if they knew whom her companion was, and how she had come to be as she was?

It was morning now, she could tell by the sluggish tug of an internal clock. Not her own, her body no longer needed one, but the one of the girl beside her. Astronema rolled to her right and propped her head on her bent arm to look down at her partner. A whisper of a warm smile flowed across her lips.

Ashley was the real reason that the Empire had fallen. It hadn't been because of anything that she had done directly, in fact, up until a few days ago Ashley had had no idea that the Empire had even existed or that her Astrea had ruled them. No, the Evil Empire had been sabotaged because Astronema had been terrified that Ashley would find out what her friend and partner did when they were not together and leave her.

She liked that word: partner. It felt right to describe their relationship as such. They had been together for two years now, though the first few months had been in mind only as Ashley's body had been confined to a cryo chamber. Two years of sharing, learning, growing and finally for Astronema remembering.

That split second decision to save the Ranger that had stepped in front of a blast meant for her had changed both their lives and that of all those around them forever. In that moment, when Ashley's body had given its last effort to live, Astronema had 'pushed' herself inside the dying girl. She had used her magic to keep Ashley living long enough to get her into a chamber, never realizing the consequence of her actions until much later.

At the time, Astronema hadn't stopped to analyze why the Yellow Ranger had contacted her and had invited her to her apartment. Oh, she had been told it had something to do with her past. The Ranger had even described her locket's contents down to the smallest detail, but that hadn't mattered to her. All that she could see then had been an opportunity to bring down the last of the resistance, and then that guard had come. In an instant all of her plans had been ruined, but with quick action she had salvaged some of it.

Now that a great majority of her memories had returned, Astronema now realized why her and Ashley were now bound to each other. Just as her magic that flowed through her now had changed her physically, so had it changed Ashley. The difference being that she was still alive while the sorceress that had given her, her power was not. A piece of the former Queen was residing within her. Ashley wasn't a magical being by any stretch of the imagination, but she had a sensitivity to Astronema that bordered on mind reading and the reverse was even stronger.

Astronema hadn't been aware of Ashley's presence in her consciousness at first having a resistance to destroy and all. Of course she had been perfectly aware of reaching into the Ranger's mind and scraping out the information she had needed to conquer Eltare and the last of the resistance. The indelicate procedure had destroying Ashley's memory and forged the connection between them.

It took Astronema months to realize that the small utterances inside her head were not her own. At first Astronema had thought that someone had been attacking her telepathically. She had tried everything that she knew to get rid of the voice that told her that her actions were not guiltless, but in the end she had failed. In desperation she had contracted a third party to at least identify the source and had found to her astonishment that the human that she had had in storage had been the cause.

She still remembered the day that she had marched down to the storage area where she had kept the Yellow Ranger's body intent on ending Ashley's life. Astronema had kept her in case she found farther use for her. She found that while Ashley was still in a cryo coma there was a strong core of her own magic within the girl healing her. It had been hindered by the Power that still existed in Ashley, but it had made progress in the months that she had spent in storage. Somehow, subconsciously, Astronema had allowed that to happen, and at the time she had not been pleased by it.

Not knowing how this was affecting her magic, or if it could be a weakness to be used against her, Astronema had secretly moved Ashley to a well-hidden pocket dimension where she could watch what would happen.

It had been months before Ashley could leave the cryo chamber, but once she had the slight mental connection that had existed between them had flared to a blinding intensity. There had been not one thought, one emotion that Ashley had not projected to her.

At first it had been curiosity that had kept Astronema from killing the girl that had obviously not been a threat to her. Then things began to change and Astronema found a part of herself that she had never known existed. Before long she began leading two lives. One as the Queen of Evil, Ruler of Darkness and the other as Astrea Ashley's friend, partner and only companion.

During her time in the pocket dimension, Astronema never told Ashley the truth about herself, or even who she was. As far as Ashley had know, her life had started when she had awoken from her coma and Astronema would have kept it that way if it hadn't have been for Ashley's Ranger powers.

As her magic had healed her wounds, Ashley's need for them lessened. Gradually their connection began to diminish and Ashley's connection to her own Powers began to assert itself. That's when Ashley's visions started, showing her the world outside of their protected and perfect pocket. Visions that compelled the young Earther to find her teammates that she couldn't remember and free the universe of the tyranny that suppressed it.

"What do you think they'll think of me?"

The question was so unexpected that it actually startled Astronema into blinking. She hadn't even known that Ashley had woken up. There use to be a time when she could hear Ashley's thoughts before she was even aware that she was thinking them. Now she had to actually concentrate even to know if she was in the room. It was just another sign of their growing detachment from each other.

"It doesn't matter what they think of you, only what you think of them." Astronema told her with all seriousness.

Ashley grinned and opened her eyes to stare that the ceiling. "So, if I don't like them you'll beat them up for me?"

"What do you think?"

The other girl smiled at the deadpan tone, then sat up to fold her pillow under her sleep tasseled head. Once done Ashley's eyes were almost level with her own as she looked at the sorceress beside her.

"Do you really think that seeing them in person will help me remember?" Astronema sighed and materialized a brush so that she could work the tangles from Ashley's long hair.

"That is the theory. Human memories are highly susceptible to triggers such as sight, smell, sound and touch. We will just have to wait and see if this is true for you."

"What was it like for you when your memories came back?"

Astronema stiffened and stilled her hand. She had hoped that Ashley would never ask her that question. She looked past Ashley's head to the rumbled pillow.

"I do not think that our situations can be compared Ashley."

"Why not?" The girl asked, taking the brush from her and working on her hair herself. "Your memories were taken from you too."

"No, my memories were suppressed by physical and emotional trauma. Yours…"

"Mine were taken by accident." Ashley finished for her, dropping the brush and taking her hand, Ashley stroking her fingers until they unclenched. "You know that I don't blame you for what happened."

It was a statement that Ashley had made often and effortlessly since being told the truth, but Astronema couldn't help but wonder if that would change if Ashley truly remembered who she had been.

"Then I'll just have to forgive you." Ashley told her brightly just before she popped up, kissed her soundly and then rolled out of the bed.

Not knowing if she had spoken aloud or had projected her thoughts, Astronema stayed in her propped up position and watched Ashley move around the room collecting her supplies. It was a smaller room than what they were use to. Andros had insisted that his sister stay at the new Kerovan Ranger complex with him on KO-35. She had not been too sure about the idea, but Ashley had proclaimed it perfect and so they had stayed.

"I'm going to go take a shower. You want to come with?"

Astronema only shook her head, and with a promise to hurry back and another quick kiss, Ashley left. Opening herself to the awareness she and the ex-ranger shared, Astronema monitored Ashley's progress and was relieved when she arrived at her destination without encountering anyone.

All that the Rangers in the complex knew was that Astronema had a companion that she refused to be separated from. She had teleported Ashley directly to their room last night so that she would have one last night with Ashley before everything changed. She didn't know what history Ashley shared with her old teammates, but it was hard to picture Ashley being anything but close to those she had trusted her life with.

Even with all the enthusiasm that Ashley projected about being here and remembering her past, Astronema knew that underneath that Ashley was scared, and so was she. Unaccustomed to melancholy Astronema didn't know what to do as her doubts assaulted her.

She had given up everything so that Ashley might have a chance to rid herself of the dreams and visions that had plagued her for months. The Power was calling Ashley to reclaim her place among the other Rangers. It had become painfully obvious to Astronema that if she didn't release Ashley to follow her calling that she would lose her. The problem at the time of the first visions had been that the world Ashley had been called to had been ruled by evil, and to release her into that world, one amnesic Ranger against an Empire, would have been the same as murder. So, Astronema delayed Ashley's departure until she could 'fix' things.

She had displaced Dark Specter herself a year prior because he had been too interested in her activities, but the rest of the Empire had needed dealing with. It had taken her months to plan the take over. While the universe was mostly conquered there had been a handful of Rangers that had gone accounted for, one of whom had been her brother. Through tricks, lies and illusions she conspired with Andros to overthrow her Empire. With great effort she had found the hidden planet Aquitar and with their reluctant help they destroyed most of the overlords and freed Earth, KO-35, and Eltare.

The knock at the door startled Astronema and she quickly checked on Ashley. She was still occupied with her shower and not likely to return soon. With a turn of her head, Astronema cleaned and cleared their room and 'changed' into the jumpsuit she had been provided to ware, before opening the door. She wasn't too surprised to see her brother there though the sight of Zhane yawning and rubbing his eyes did spark a small grin.

Neither Zhane nor her brother were in the best of health. They had been on the run for over a year with food and rest being hard to come by. Neither one were the warriors that she remembered from Eltare in that final battle. For an instant a flash of her old memories surfaced. She saw them as the young couple they had been on KO-35, before the war when she had still been Karone and it sickened her to see how far they had fallen, and to know that she had been the cause. If Ashley knew how much her memories tortured her, it was likely that the girl would never ask her questions again. The silence stretched uncomfortably between them until Zhane apparently had enough.

"So, are you coming to breakfast or what?"

Andros turned to give his lover a withering look that was returned with a grin. She had already told them that her requirements for food were nearly non-existent, so the invitation was most likely an excuse to check up on her.

"Is it not a bit early?" Astronema questioned, looking for the response.

"Yes, but we thought that you would be more comfortable if there wasn't as many people around."

"And we didn't want to give everyone a heart attack seeing the Queen of Evil eating cereal."

Zhane was promptly elbowed and the Silver Ranger grunted and pushed back. The one good thing about her memories returning was that she was far better at reading Andros and Zhane's behavior than she had been as the Queen of Evil. While Andros seemed to be very genuine in her overtures, Zhane's humor, while appropriate for him, did seem to be forced and pointed. Astronema also didn't miss the way he kept scanning the room. She knew that the best way to get rid of them was to comply.

"We will be down in a moment once we have dressed."

Both boys looked at her attire questioningly, but that wasn't all that was on their minds.

"Speaking of 'we', where is your little minion anyway?"

Astronema felt herself bristle as she stood straighter and squared her shoulders before Zhane, a maneuver that she had done many times on the Dark Fortress. "She is not my minion and it is of no concern of yours where she is at."

"It is our concern if she's dismantling the security system for an invading force."

Astronema looked to her brother to see if he felt the same as Zhane. Andros looked uncomfortable but did not stop Zhane from continuing.

"We know nothing about this girl that you've brought with you. How do you know she isn't a spy?"

Clenching her jaw, Astronema turned around and walked to the bed. She tried to control her anger. "She is most assuredly not a spy and you know her better than you think."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Zhane demanded as she heard him entering the room. Andros soon followed.

"You will see when you meet her."

"When will that be? When she's escorting us to our prison cells?"

A spilt second too late, Astronema felt the presence in the doorway. The anger and the protectiveness that rolled off of the girl was staggering, being both Ashley's and a reflection her own.

"How about you meet me right now, Ranger?" Ashley growled, sneering the last spitefully. The ex-Queen was impressed.

All of them turned at the same moment, to find the almost comical sight of Ashley wrapped in two towels, one about her body and the other around her head, glaring at the Ranger invaders as if she could incinerate them with her eyes. Ashley stormed past a shocked Zhane and Andros to throw her bathing supplies on the bed.

"I had thought that Rangers would be, I don't know, more courteous to their guests," she told them tightly as she whipped the towel from her head and began to dry her hair furiously.

"You know, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe we should have toured around the universe on our own Astrea and found this stupid Power that calls me on our own instead of having to deal with ungrateful and rude Rangers."

Ashley stalked over to the statue like pair. She threw her towel at Zhane, which he caught out of pure reflex. Ashley didn't stop there. She put a flat palm against each of their chests and started pushing them to the door.

"If you two gentlemen will excuse me I'd like to get dressed before I conquer your puny planet."

With a final shove, Zhane was out the door, but Andros couldn't be moved past the opening. Ashley looked up angrily. The scathing look didn't affect the Red Ranger, but the tears in his eyes made Ashley stop. Astronema had never seen her brother look so vulnerable. She clearly heard Zhane's voice in her mind hiss at Andros to say something to Ashley, just before Andros seem to realize where he was.

"Do you need any help?"

Clearly as confused by the question as she was, Ash tried to step away only to find that the hand that had been pushing Andros was now trapped in his.

"Getting dressed or conquering the planet?" Ashley asked back when Andros didn't explain himself. Astronema could sense Ashley's anger was slowing draining out of her and being replaced by a strange discomfort that Astronema was unfamiliar with.

It must have dawned on Andros what his question had sounded like, because he began to blush and shuffle his feet.

"I meant, do you need any help finding your way down to the kitchen?" He looked down at their joined hands and then back up at Ash. In that short span of moments, Astronema could hear faintly Andros and Zhane communicating to each other, but too softly for her to understand.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

Ashley only shook her head at Andros' helpless question and before she could speak Andros raised her hand up and kissed the back of it in what Astronema remembered as a very Zhane like gesture.

"Well, there will be plenty of time for reminiscing at breakfast."

The door had been shut for several minutes before Astronema felt forced to say something.

"Do you remember Andros?"

Ashley didn't answer right away. Almost blindly she made her way to the bed and sat down.

"I don't know. At first I thought I did, but then I was so angry at them." She smiled ruefully and Astronema responded in kind and pushed Ashley's wet hair behind her shoulder. "That felt familiar too somehow, like it wasn't the first time that Zhane had said something that upset me."

Astronema tried not to show it, but the mention of Zhane's name startled her. She had been extremely careful in what information she had given Ashley before coming here, and she was sure that she hadn't told Ashley Andros' lover's name.

"But then he kissed me," Ashley continued, oblivious to Astronema's withdrawn posture. "I know it was only the back of my hand, but I'm sure that never happened before, and it felt wrong like it shouldn't have happened, or like I felt like it shouldn't have happened. I'm I making any sense, Astrea?"

"No more or less sense than you ever have." Ashley gave a watery smile and hugged Astronema to her, placing her head on the blonde's shoulder.

"We can't go back, can we?" Astronema knew that Ashley knew the answer to that so she only stroked her wet hair. "I don't want things to change, but they're going to, aren't they?"

When Astronema still didn't answer Ashley pulled away and focused deep within their connection so that all of her emotions were laid open.

"I always want to be with you. Promise me that we'll always be together, no matter what."

"I promise," Astronema told her, taking Ashley's face in her hands, "that I will always think of you as a part of me, and I will never stop loving you no matter what changes may come."

She knew it wasn't exactly what Ashley had wanted to hear, but it was what she could give. Astronema could feel the other girl's disappointment and a surge of renewed urgency. Ashley drew her into a kiss unlike the kind they had shared before. Whatever response Ashley was looking for she must not have found it, because she crumbled in her arms and cried.

End