Disclaimer: I don't own Integra, Alucard or anyone else from Hellsing.  I am currently just borrowing them for my own perverse entertainment.

AN:  This hit me about half an hour after I finished reading Dracula by Bram Stoker.  No real connection to the book, that's just when the inspiration fairy decided to bash my head in with that wand of hers…

"In Enclosed Spaces With Vampires."

"Oh God, please tell me this is not happening!"

"Come on, it's not that bad Master."

"Shut UP!!  This is your fault to begin with!"

"How is it MY fault?"

"Who decided to try and scare me because he was bored and then slipped himself?"

"Well of course it seems that way when you say it with that kind of attitude."

"…Move"

"Ow!  What are you doing?"

"Trying…to find…the inside release."

"Is there one?"

"I don't know.  I've never had to look."

"You're slow, let me look."

"What did you say to me?!"

"I can see in the dark, you can't Master."

"Then you should be able to see it from there."

"Not with your hands fumbling around like that."

"You don't even know what the latch looks like!"

"Well neither do you, you said yourself that you'd never looked."

"Wait a minute!  You can pass through solid objects!  You do it all the time."

"Uh-Uh."

"What do you mean 'uh-uh'?"

"I haven't eaten yet tonight.  You'd be surprised how much energy that takes!  …Are you growling Master?"

"Just SHUT UP!!  FOR FIVE BLOODY MINUTES JUST SHUT UP!!"

"No need to get all huffy, geez…"

"What I wouldn't give for an aspirin… Okay, now what is that?  It feels like a lever…  I think I've got it! …  I can't turn it…"

"Here let me try.  …Where is it?"

"There, on the left.  Here, give me your hand, I'll show you."

"Aww, you want to hold my hand Master?"

"…Do you want to die a slow, twisted and painful death involving Care Bears?"

"No ma'am."

"Good, now its right here."

"Ah, okay.  Now which way do I turn it?"

"I don't know, just try it."

"Here goes…"

*BANG*

"Oh Hell…"

"What?"

"It broke off."

"What broke off?"

"The release lever."

"You broke it?!"

"Not on purpose Master!  Damn British craftsmanship…"

"Hey!  What's wrong with British craftsmanship?"

"Well look!  The dumb thing just broke right off!  Should have gone with German, or Italian… Hell!!  Even American is better than this crap!!"

"You are vampire, you probably just used too much strength."

"Oh, so now its my fault again?"

"Isn't everything your fault?"

"Just because I'm dead doesn't mean that everything is my fault."

"*Groan* Please don't remind me that I'm stuck in here with an animated corpse!!"

"At least I don't smell like it."

"That's debatable…"

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

"So what are we going to do now?"

"How should I know?"

"Do you think Walter will find us?"

"He's away for two days remember?  His sister is sick."

"Oh, that's right."

"What about Seras?"

"She never comes in here, she has no reason to."

"That's true."

"Well, you know Master…"

"What?  Finish what you were going to say."

"I can slip through here once I eat so why don't you-"

"No!"

"No what?  I haven't even finished yet."

"You are not getting any of my blood!"

"Aw, come on Master it won't hurt.  Here look-"

"No you don't!!  Don't come near me-"

"Integra, quit being childish-"

"Who the hell gave you permission to call me that? And no, stay away-"

"Watch ou-"

*CRACK!*

"OWW!  GOD-"

"Are you alright?"

"Do I bloody look alright?!?"

"Here, come here."

"Wait!  What are you doing?!  …  Alucard let me go this instant."

"Nope."

"Alucard, if I have to be stuck in the trunk of my car with you, I'll deal with it, but not with your arms around me so…so…intimately!!"

"Well, you're stuck with it.  Because you just proved that if I let you go, you'll only hurt yourself again…  Are you growling again?"

As it was, Walter came back early from his sister's to discover that Lord Hellsing and Alucard had been missing since the previous afternoon.  The troops and Miss Victoria had searched the entire mansion and nearby barracks and had found no sign of the missing 'couple'.  Upon discovering that Sir Integra's car was still in the garage and that the keys had been in the ignition, Walter decided to check it out.  There was nothing out of place inside the car, nor on the outside except for an odd scuff near the trunk.  Out of curiosity, he popped it, and nearly toppled over when he saw the contents.  Inside, slightly curled up, was Alucard and Integra, with the latter hugged tightly to the former's chest. Both sleeping soundly.  Walter smiled softly to himself and propped the trunk open with the tire iron, having decided to let them sleep.

AN:  I like the dialogue better than the ending piece but, oh well.  PLEASE R&R!!