Disclaimer: None of the characters, etc, belong to me.

Kurosaki Ichigo, seventeen year old representative shinigami of Karakura town, thought he had seen enough bizarre entities populating the world for a lifetime. Human lifespan. Although he really didn't need to think exceptionally hard to know that he shouldn't be one to talk. He belonged to the family of the supernatural after all, one of the most curious one at that, neither dead nor alive, neither shinigami nor hollow. He was a human, shinigami and hollow all at once. These beings contradicted the other's existence, living on different planes on Earth. The orange head couldn't tell if he was lucky or horribly cursed even at this point in time.

Putting his case aside for now, Ichigo was currently and completely flabbergasted. Wizardry?

Being a hybrid of three kinds was seriously pushing it, even for Ichigo, who was relatively open-minded. Now, the piece of yellowish paper was stating he had wizard blood in him? God seriously needed to get a new hobby, like watching balls of Marimo grow, instead of screwing with his already screwed up life.

Ichigo contemplated, hard. It was definitely a joke. April's fool day was coming up and he had heard of word going around soul society. Renji was planning an entirely original and escape-proof hoax. This wasn't exactly Renji's style, as far as Ichigo knew, but it was a possibility he wouldn't be so quick to dismiss. The letter (Ichigo hadn't the slightest inkling as to how Renji got a hold of such paper. Soul Society didn't use parchment. Parchment was even rare on Earth, much less Japan.) was even delivered by an owl. There should be a limit to how obvious a supposedly-inconspicuous joke can be delivered.

Ichigo smirked. Nice try, bastard. He was going to shove this parchment up Renji's nose on the first of April. Stuffing the envelope roughly into his back pocket, he extended his other arm, reaching into the letter box to retrieve the morning paper. Sparing the owl, perched on top of his letter box, another glance, he gave a half-hearted snort before attempting to shoo it away.

Instead of hooting in alarm at the huge hand that swiped threateningly at him, the owl merely looked at him expectantly. Ichigo stared back.

"What? You want a cookie or something?"

Fluttering his wings, the owl settled on top of Ichigo's orange nest of hair, hooting its agreement.

… Scratch that. He was going to shove the piece of parchment up Renji's ass. Immediately after breakfast.

Damn owl was practically driving its talons into his skull. Ichigo grimaced. It was impossible to dislodge the brown hooting avian from his head, so the teenager took a deep breath and stalked back into the house, making sure his entire family heard his ire in his footsteps.

God, he looked like an idiot.

Ichigo twitched when he thought he heard his hollow cackling away deep in the recesses of his inner mind.


Unbeknownst to the shinigami youth back in the land of the living, a certain accused red head was suffering a fate worse than Ichigo.

If Renji wasn't so busy at war with a russet owl, which possessed an uncontainable amount of attitude, he would have been able to sit down with brown envelope in hand, drink tea while he thought about it and howl indignantly at the fact that somebody had beaten him to this year's April fool's joke.

Early in the morning, when he entered the sixth division barracks, ready to face another day of paperwork, the hellish fiend for a bird had all but flew into his face, giving him a mouthful of feathers for breakfast.

He swore and cursed at the arrogant bird who had simply hop off his face to perch on the window sill, preening.

The nerve of that bird brain!

Renji's short fuse burnt out and he lunged at the owl with killing intent.

All hell broke loose.

Needless to say, the sixth division enjoyed their after breakfast entertainment as their vice captain scuffled wildly with a flying animal for the rest of the morning.


While her best friend was romping about in the sixth division barracks, Rukia was graced with a peaceful morning. She sipped tea with trained elegance while taking in the tranquility of a surreal sanctuary that was the garden of the proud Kuchiki household. At her side was a snowy white owl with a personality comparable to the ambience of the garden.

Together, they sat quietly, basking in the warm morning sun while the chilly morning breeze gently caressed their cheeks.

The envelope, placed in front of her pot of tea, fluttered slightly on the wooden floor.

Her afternoon tea with Renji was long overdue.


Kurosaki Ichigo was thrown into a state of confusion for a second time in the day.

Owls.

Lots of them.

There had to be at least a few thousands.

Circling in the air, perching on roof tops, window sills or anything 'perch-able'.

To tell anyone the truth, the situation was almost laughable. (If not for the same brown owl that was still intent on clawing his brains out with his talons)

Sereitei was awfully chaotic for a place meant for the dead to rest in peace.


A few hours ago….

After emerging victorious from his tussle with the owl, just barely avoiding having his eyes ripped out, Renji tossed the tired oversized bird into a cage his captain had so kindly provided for him. His taichou must have gotten impatient when his second-in-command failed to subdue an animal four times smaller than he was. The owl gave a feeble hoot of indignation at being so roughly manhandled. Renji ignored the nocturnal animal, preferring to turn his attention to the small fragments of paper strewn all over the floor.

Renji could barely just remember tugging at the envelope that was tied to the leg of the owl when the owl thrust its legs viciously forward in mid air, with full intent of clawing his eyes out. The sharp tug towards the side threw the owl out of balance and gave the fukutaicho enough time to swing Zabimaru down, accidentally ripping the envelope into shreds.

He knelt to pick up the bits and pieces of paper. The paper was like nothing he had seen before. It was leathery and rough, like it belonged to a book of ancient times. Renji knew he wasn't good at jigsaw. He gave up trying to do a hundred and fifty piece jigsaw puzzle at Ichigo's place last summer. Whatever the paper wrote, he hoped it was nothing important. The envelope had a seal that was miraculously spared from damage. Four animals, snake, lion, badger and eagle, surrounded a 'H' in an elegant design, bringing about the coat of arms.

He would ask Rukia about it later. That girl belonged to a noble family after all. If she couldn't recognize the crest, no one else probably could. He stashed the purple wax seal into the pocket of his shihakusho and trashed the rest.

Little did Renji knew, his actions would trigger a spell, bringing a catastrophe upon Sereitei later in the afternoon.

A wave of owls and envelopes.


After much thought, Ichigo decided he wasn't entirely convinced that Renji was guilty of setting an owl on him. The whole situation pointed all fingers to Renji but he just couldn't even begin to imagine the red hair, tattoo freak interacting with an owl.

Snakes didn't have an exactly strong affinity to birds. If Renji was near one, Zabimaru's tail would probably rip it to shreds.

When he passed through the Senkaimon Gate only to see a cloud of owls, his belief in Renji's innocence wavered.

As he entered the sixth division barracks, he was greeted by owls of different shape, size and colour. (Ichigo's owl hooted contently at his companions from the top of its orange nest) Ichigo couldn't even try to describe the locations of the owls. They were everywhere. Ichigo's instincts that had once place faith in Renji faltered as his brain reasoned, guilty as charged.

When Ichigo forced his way into Renji's office, he was assaulted by a wave of familiar brown envelopes, green ink scrawled elegantly to the addressee, identical to the one he had received in the morning. At that very moment, Ichigo's instincts threw aside all faiths and beliefs, agreeing wholeheartedly with his brain.

"RENJI!"

Ichigo waded through the pile of parchment blocking the entrance, holding his very own in his hand, all ready to shove it up Renji's ass. In his mind, he barely registered the neatly swept up hills of envelopes. He probably should apologise later for trampling over them. It looked like hard work.

A bundle of red hair poked out of a particularly large pile of letters. It was accompanied by a face, haggered and tired. A brief flash of relief crossed the vice-captain's face.

"Hey, great timing Ichigo! Could you help me clea-"

Abarai Renji wasn't as slow as people thought he was. However, today it took him awhile to reach a conclusion as to why Ichigo was sporting such a bad temper. He hadn't done anything to him recently after the last episode where he secretly changed the substitute shinigami's closet, replacing all clothes with those sporting teddy prints.

And then it clicked. He made the connection. From his recent brag about a new april fool joke, to the brown parchment envelope clenched tightly in Ichigo's raised fist and the owl on top of his head (Renji nearly doubled over with laughter) and finally to the piles of letters in his office.

Oh shit. He was screwed. Zabimaru was still stuck under a mountain of paper and he didn't know which pile.

"W-wait I-ichigo! I can explain! You're mistaken. I swear to you it wasn't me." Renji raised his hands in surrender.

Ichigo showed no inclination that he heard Renji and continued to march forward, anger evident on his face. His strong arm reached past his shoulder and gripped the hilt of Zangetsu.

"C'mon! I've been with you through thick and thin. The least you could do is to trust me on this one, please!"

Ichigo halted but the scowl on his face merely deepened. It was clear that he demanded an explanation. Or at least the fukutaichou's plea for innocence.

Renji breathed a sigh of relief. He was safe, for now.

"I know I said this year's april's fool joke was going to be spectacular but you know me. It's not my style and Zabimaru hardly agrees with any avian species. Blasted things just appeared suddenly at noon, carrying this wave of envelope into my office."

The scowl on the teenager visibly lessened. Sensing Ichigo's wavering intention to kill, Renji continued to reason, in hopes he would appease the boy.

"Writing is not even my thing. Paperwork bores me. I'd do something more exciting, like switch someone's wardrobe. You know, replace everything with cartoon prin-"

Sometimes, Renji hates how he doesn't think before his speaks. Like now. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Ichigo's lips pulled back into a snarl and lunged at Renji, blade fully released from its white bindings.

Soul society's sixth division vice captain could only dive into another pile of envelope, praying Zabimaru laid at the very bottom.


In less than an hour, Kuchiki Byakuya, captain of the sixth division, decided it was time to put a seal on Renji's reiastu, to limit the damages done to his headquarters. If this kept up, the sixth division would have to negotiate for a larger budget next year.


Rukia's hand froze when she heard sounds of the ruckus emitting from the direction of her nii-sama's barracks. She quietly watched the occasional slash of black light outlined with red as it took to the sky, scattering the cloud of frightened owls. Getsuga Tenshou.

She smiled. It looked like Kurosaki had come to Sereitei.

Tomorrow, she would have her afternoon tea with Renji and Ichigo, in the fourth division health ward.

Casting another glance at the seemingly innocent parchment envelope, Rukia sighed. The contents of the letter had left her puzzled and worried. She would have to discuss this together with the two brawling idiots.

When another resounding explosion shook the air, Rukia silently shook her head before returning to her paperwork. From the bottom of her heart, Rukia prayed Renji's annual salary was enough to cover the damages or his life was sure to be forfeited. Nii-sama would make sure of it.


I have a feeling Renji was extremely OOC. I'll try to figure out what's wrong soon. Please help me out too. If you think that there's something wrong about the others, feel free to point it out.

I'm probably going to set this story in HP's third year.

Thanks for reading.

God speed.