Posted: August 15, 2017

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

A/N: This may never be finished, or even continued. I'm posting in the hope that reader responses will motivate me to do more writing, but I can't promise anything. If you want to read more, please LET ME KNOW.

I'm not really happy with parts of this chapter, but I doubt I'll ever be happy with it, so... Just tell me what you think.


"I am Hatake Kakashi," he says, curving his eye into a smile. "My likes and dislikes? Aa, I don't feel like telling you that. My dreams for the future?" He hums, tapping a finger against his chin in the most obnoxious manner possible. "...Never really thought about it. As for hobbies... I have a few hobbies..."

Two of the three children before him gape in disbelief. Kakashi allows a glazed look to enter his lone visible eye, wondering if he should be embarrassed that he's attempting to rile a group of twelve-year-olds.

...Nah.

He ignores the girl's discontented muttering and gestures to the right. "Okay, your turn."

The yellow-haired kid practically vibrates in his seat. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I like instant ramen in a cup, and I really like the ramen Iruka Sensei got me at the Ichiraku Ramen Shop, but I hate the three minutes you have to wait for the ramen to cook. My future dream—"

Ramen chef? Kakashi guesses.

"—is to be the greatest Hokage! Then the whole village will have to acknowledge me and start treating me like I'm somebody. Somebody important!"

Well. The jonin takes a moment to school his expression. He certainly grew up in an interesting way...

"Hobbies... Pranks, I guess," the kid finishes.

Kakashi hums in acknowledgment and turns toward the next brat. Here, at least, he knows what to expect—

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke," the kid says. "I like tomatoes, disrespecting authority, and inappropriately-timed jokes."

—and that. That... isn't it.

"Also, mortal danger."

...Wait.

"I dislike running, especially from threats. My hobbies are maintaining my status as a mediocre ninja and failing at simple tasks."

A sinking feeling appears in Kakashi's chest. He begins to suspect he's been duped.

"My dream for the future is to die at the hands of my best friend," the brat says next. Easily. Like he's just commenting on the weather.

An arm buried in a girl's chest, the smell of ozone, and suddenly, Kakashi hates this kid.

"Or die for him, I guess," he continues, oblivious to his audience. "That's probably close enough, right? I'd prefer the first one, but I'll take what I can get."

Kakashi keeps his face blank as he gives what hopefully passes for a nod and turns to the final team member, the one with pink hair. Internally, he's already plotting. Does the Hokage really think he'll just take this lying down? He's led Kakashi to believe the Uchiha has pride issues and an obsessive personality, not... this. Whatever this is.

As far as Kakashi's concerned, kid and his death wish can drag both their sorry asses back to the Academy, Sharingan or no Sharingan. He is not equipped to deal with this. Keeping teammates alive is hard enough when they're not suicidal, and he refuses to watch another comrade die.

Hatake Kakashi is going to fail these kids, hard.

But now the girl is talking. "I'm Haruno Sakura. I like..." A quick glance toward the black-haired fiend. "Books. And, um, anmitsu. The thing I dislike... is Naruto."

Said boy makes a strangled keening noise that leaves Kakashi reluctantly impressed.

"My dream for the future?" A strange look passes over her face. "I want to... to be strong enough to protect the ones I love." Then her brain catches up to her mouth, and the girl's face turns the color of her hair.

Kakashi just looks at her mildly until she seems to realize she's forgotten something.

"Oh! Hobbies, right. Um. My hobbies are... learning, and—and winning."

Hm. Maybe there is a reason she was top of her class. The jonin suppresses a sigh. "Okay. That's it for the introductions. Tomorrow, we'll begin our duties as ninja."

"Yeah!" the blonde brat interrupts, enthusiasm apparently restored. "Duties! What kinds of duties!"

"Well, first we're going to do something with just the four of us..."


"I was led to believe he was a loner, Hokage-sama." Kakashi keeps his tone mild, but they can both hear the accusation. "Prideful. Angry at the world."

The old man blows smoke from his pipe, completely at ease. "No, Kakashi. I said he reminded me of you."

"Aa, Hokage-sama," Kakashi drawls, "and when I was his age, I..."

He stops. That's the moment the pieces all fall together.

Oh.

"Not you at his age, Kakashi," the Hokage says, blithely explaining what he's just now figured out, thanks for nothing— "The current you."

Oh.

"Oh," Kakashi says.

That's... unexpectedly terrifying.

Still, he feels he must make at least a token protest. "With all due respect, Hokage-sama, I'm not suicidal."

From a darkened corner comes the sound of a laugh being strangled in its crib. Kakashi makes a mental note to track down the ANBU responsible and booby-trap his toilet seat.

Unfortunately, the Hokage looks like he's struggling with his own composure. "Ah," he says, voice a little too even. "Well, then. My mistake."

"Yup," Kakashi says.

The old man coughs a little into his pipe. "Even so, his attitude reminds me of yours. I must admit, I'm a little concerned that he might pick up some of your... less punctual habits."

"Oh, that won't be a problem." Kakashi crinkles his eye in a smile. "He's not going to pass."

The old man doesn't so much as raise an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Nope," he says cheerfully.

"Well," the Hokage says, leaning back in his chair and puffing on his pipe, "we'll see."


When he leaves for the training grounds the next day, Kakashi takes extra care to be late. He spends an extra hour at the memorial stone, and even makes a detour to grab lunch as he finally makes his way to the meeting place. Before he steps into view, he arranges things in his hands so the (now empty) bowl of noodles is plainly visible to any starved eyes.

The girl and the blonde kid yell at him.

The black-haired kid is sleeping under a tree.

Oh, Kakashi thinks. Oh, this won't do at all.

Unfortunately, the other brats' yelling rouses the boy before Kakashi can enact any of his glorious revenge schemes. Later, he promises himself.

He sets the alarm for noon and outlines the rules for his band of midgets.

"Anyone who doesn't have a bell by noon gets no lunch," Kakashi says happily. "And you'll be tied to a stump and forced to watch me eat in front of you."

Two of the kids' stomachs complain loudly. Kakashi narrows his eyes at the third.

Did he...?

The boy stares back at him with a nearly aggressive lack of concern.

...Yes. Yes, Kakashi's fairly certain he did.

He'll never admit it, but he's maybe beginning to see what the Hokage meant about the kid's attitude being familiar. Kakashi doesn't know whether to lecture him for disobeying orders or sit him down and share some tips.

"You only need one bell to pass," Kakashi hears himself say, mouth running on autopilot. This isn't the first time he's given this little speech, after all. "I have two, which means at least one of you is guaranteed to fail. Anyone who doesn't have a bell at the end of the exercise will be sent back to the Academy."

The black-haired menace looks surprisingly focused now. Kakashi is instantly suspicious.

"Feel free to use your shuriken and kunai. You won't succeed unless you come at me with the intent to kill."

The protests of the other two kids wash right over him, preoccupied as he is with trying to figure out what the Uchiha might be up to.

"Start when I say," Kakashi says, instantly silencing the loudmouth duo. "Ready..."

Blondie grins and tenses for movement. The girl crouches lower to the ground, preparing to take advantage of the speed boost afforded by her push-off. Even the dark-haired brat is scanning the tree-line, searching for an optimal entry point.

"Begin!"

They scatter.


Kakashi eyes the tree line. No pink or orange. Good. They're all fairly well hidden. That means he can get straight to readi

"Come here and fight me!"

...Damn.

Kakashi turns lazily to face the orange brat. He blinks.

"I said, fight me!"

The jonin scratches his nose. "Um," he says. "That's... not quite right."

"The only thing that's not quite right is your haircut!" the boy bellows, before proceeding to charge him.

Kakashi wonders vaguely what the others are up to.

"Fighting lesson number one," he intones, reaching into his pouch. "Taijutsu."

And out comes his Icha-Icha.

The brat's face appears to wilt in confusion. Kakashi begins reading. After a few moments, he looks up.

"What's wrong? Weren't you going to attack me?"

The kid splutters. "But... that book! What's with the book?"

Kakashi shrugs. "I just want to know what happens next. Don't worry about it. It won't make a difference against brats like you." He can't help a small smile under his mask.

The kid goes off like a bomb.

"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"

He goes in for a punch, taking approximately forever to wind up. Kakashi almost expects a feint, because the brat couldn't be that obvious, could he?

A kick, a few more hits, and Kakashi has his answer.

Yes.

This is why Kakashi hates working with kids. They're like trains. They're loud and obnoxious. You can hear them coming a mile away. They take forever to get going, their trajectory is laid out for anyone to see... and only drunks or unconscious people ever actually get hit by them.

Kakashi sighs internally and lets the next punch carry the kid past him.

"A shinobi isn't supposed to get caught from behind... idiot."

He goes to make the tiger seal... then remembers the Hokage's face the last time he used this "technique" on an academy brat.

Oh. Huh. Is that why the Hokage stuck him with these three?

No way to know for sure, but just in case, Kakashi decides to forgo it this time. The Hokage could be a devious bastard when he wanted.

Seizing the kid's leg, he swings him around and sends him flying in a long arc to land in the river.

Then goes back to reading his book.


"A shinobi must be able to see what's underneath the underneath," he tells the dangling kid.

"I know that!"

Kakashi eyes the flailing orange jumpsuit. "Um... I'm telling you because you don't know."

The brat groans and flails some more. Kakashi turns and walks away, going back to his book as he waits for the next attack.

And waits.

It doesn't come. Either the others are too smart to fall for his opening, or something else is going on. He would've expected at least the Uchiha brat to take the offensive... But then, his estimation of the kid's mental state turned out to be way off.

The Uchiha's introduction from the day before echoes in his head, and a dark suspicion begins to take root.

Surely not. But he'd better check, just in case.


Kakashi crouches on the branch above the unconscious girl, seething in disbelief. Maybe he went too far with the genjutsu, but at the moment he just can't bring himself to care.

That little bastard! He isn't even here!

Kakashi made sure to scour the entire training ground. He even brought out Pakkun, just to be absolutely sure.

The Uchiha is gone.

He must have taken off the second he was told to start. Just... left the area. But why? Who does that?

Someone who really, really wants to fail.

Kakashi thought he understood some of the kid's attitude, but now he's not so sure. The jonin may be lazy, but he's never let that extend to his training. No matter what his other habits, when it comes to being a shinobi, Kakashi is one of the elite.

It's not arrogance or bragging. It's just the truth.

So he's finding it hard to comprehend the Uchiha kid's actions. To understand someone who apparently doesn't want to be a good shinobi.

In fact...

Does he want to be a shinobi at all?

The Academy is voluntary. With no family left to pressure him, the boy could have left any time he wanted. So what does it mean that he stayed?

Kakashi thinks he needs to pay another visit to the Hokage.

But first, he'll need to find the kid.


Kakashi waits for the bell to ring, signaling noon. He collects the other two brats and sits them down in front of the posts. The blonde is stewing. The girl just looks despondent.

"Where's Sasuke-kun?" the girl asks. "Is he okay?"

An idea strikes him, then.

"Actually," Kakashi says, "that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

The girl pales. Kakashi hurries on before she faints again.

"I'm sure he's fine," he says, waving his hand. "But he's gone off somewhere and I need you two to find him."

"Gone off...?" the girl asks.

"Wait! What about the test?" the blonde whines.

"Oh, you failed that." He smiles at their stricken faces. "But," he says, drawing the word out, "I'm giving you another chance. If you can find your teammate and bring him back here within the next two hours, I'll..." He taps his chin. "Well. I'll consider passing you."

The orange brat whoops. "Woohoo! Don't worry, Kakashi-sensei!" he brays, giving a thumbs-up. "We'll find him in no time! Dattebayo!"

And he's up and running.

The pink-head looks after him in bewilderment, then scrambles to her feet. "Wait, Naruto-baka! Wait for me!"

Kakashi smiles at their retreating backs. Two birds with one stone.

He pulls out his Icha-Icha and goes back to reading.


It takes them one hour and forty-three minutes. They return together, two orange clones carrying a trussed Uchiha while the girl alternates between smiling with the original and casting guilty looks in the direction of her crush.

Kakashi passes them, and he's not sorry.


"I'm surprised, Kakashi," the Hokage says, not looking surprised at all. "I thought you'd need a bit more persuading before you agreed to take them as students."

"Aa," Kakashi says. "Well... I changed my mind."

"Oh?"

Kakashi just hums.

"Very well, then," the Hokage says.

Kakashi makes a hand sign and shunshins away.

Later, he will wonder what compelled him to pass his team. Their teamwork during the second test had been imperfect; at times, nonexistent. The Uchiha had abandoned his teammates and would not willingly return. They were ignorant, selfish brats, all three of them. By anyone's standards, they failed to meet the specifications of Kakashi's infamous test.

But there had been promise, there. A start. A challenge.

And Kakashi can work with that.