Title: Adrift in Turmoil
Author: rooster dawn
Classification: Harm/Mac
Spoiler: Lifelines, Adrift, season 7
Disclaimer: The characters of JAG are the property of Donald Bellisario and Bellisarius Production, Inc. Used without permission. No copyright infringement intended. May be reproduce if unchanged, author given full credit, and no financial transaction is involved.
Summary: Harm goes down at sea and Mac reevaluates her feelings.
Author's note: A shipper's view of how season seven should have transpired.
Good feedback is good for the soul and my happiness.
part one
2000 hours
Monday
21 May 2001
Mac's Apartment
Sarah MacKenzie sat in her apartment in front of a roaring fire. It had been a long tiring day. Mic had called her several times at work about their wedding plans. It was usually about something small and trivial.
After the fifth call of the day she grew tired of him constantly interrupting her. She told him that the Admiral wasn't too happy with all the personal telephone calls she had been receiving recently.
She told him if he had any more problems he should take care of them himself. The only response he could give her was that he wanted to hear her voice, to which she could understand and thought was very sweet.
However when she went to work she needed to work, it was not to play silly teenage games about who miss whom more.
The roaring fire in the fireplace was a symbol of her life. Up until a few weeks ago her life was finally calming down. She could see the light at the end of the tunnel. She was marrying Mic Brumby or Bugme, as Harm would say.
They were going to be married this coming Saturday. But she wondered if it was the wedding that she really wanted. It seemed to be a very nice wedding, but was it what she wanted? Was it really with the man she wanted?
Mic had wanted the wedding to be special for her as it was going to be for him. He was on cloud nine. He wanted her to be as happy as he was. It was hard for her because he didn't listen to her and she had a lot to take care of at work before they left for their honeymoon.
She was glad that Mic had taken on most of the planning. She was happy and was looking forward to getting married. She was looking forward to starting a new phase in her life with the possibility of children in the future.
But that got her to thinking about Harm was their five year baby deal. A deal that meant they would have a baby together, a dream she had been dreaming about for the last two years.
Now she was even more confused after the events of the last few weeks.
It seemed like Harm was the only person she could think about since the engagement party. He had mentioned that some people were in love with her.
When she asked him whom, he said nothing, but she knew he meant himself. He also said he didn't want to lose her. Did that mean he loved her? She did say it could have been their engagement party, not just hers.
Damm! She was doing it again. She should be thinking about Mic and the wedding, not Harm, but she couldn't. Her thoughts were now in a constant state of turmoil. And all she could think of was Harm and the kiss. Her turmoil began at her engagement party at the Admiral's home.
The man, whom she had fallen in loved with on the day he asked permission to come aboard, had finally told her that he had been in love with her for a very long time. She couldn't remember a day when she wasn't in love with him too.
She had thought she was meant to be with him for rest of her life, ever since the day that she let him into her heart. When she had pressed him further he had admitted to her he never wanted to lose her.
That he wanted her in his life. Why Lord, was he telling her all this now? Why couldn't he have told her he love her a month ago, six months ago? Why did he have to wait until two weeks before her wedding to tell her that he loved her? Why lord, why?
She had finally resigned herself that Harm didn't love her. She had finally moved on with her life. She had found someone else to love and who loved her. She had done all this. She had finally opened herself up to loving someone else.
She had allowed Mic into her heart, to woo her, to treat her like a queen, it had taken a long time, but she had finally developed genuine feelings for him, and now she was happy to be marrying him.
She had thought Harm was happy being involved with the Video Princess. Only God himself could understand what he saw in her. Her hair was dyed an awful shade of blond. She wore way too much makeup.
Chloe thought she was the painted lady. And her clothes, who taught her how to dress. They were awful colors for her. She shuddered. Why lord, why?
But then again in a way Harm's confessions of love was her fault. She had been the one who pushed him to confess his feelings to her at her engagement party. She needed to know if Harm loved her or not. She needed closure with Harm.
Instead she just opened a new can of worms. They had talked about how they met in the Rose Garden, their adventures together, and finally they talked about the ferry where it had fallen apart.
Two people who loved each other, but were afraid to take the next step. Harm told her how he was really feeling. He told her what he meant to say on the ferry. He meant to say he wasn't ready to love her the way she wanted to be love.
She was ready for a life time commitment and a family. He was still disorientated from returning from flying and he was still grieving for his father. What he had meant to ask from her was a little more time.
He needed more time to deal with these issues before he could give her the love she deserved. He was sorry that he had hurt her. He was surprised that she had misunderstood what he was trying to say.
She had ran to Bugme a couple days later, not waiting to talk him about what was between them until they returned home.
She had then admitted to Harm that she had only taken the ring because she didn't want to hurt Mic's feelings. She had intended to take the ring off when she returned home. She only wanted to make him jealous.
She had wanted to let Harm know that if he didn't want her, that there was someone else who did. She wanted him to know that she wasn't going to wait forever for him to decide that he wanted to be with her.
She was going to mail the ring back to Mic, but when she saw that he was going to be seeing Renee more often, she decided to keep the ring and wear it until Harm decided it was her that he wanted and not Renee.
She had pleaded with her eyes for him to do something when Mic returned to the states. She hadn't asked for Mic to come. She was as surprised as he was that he was there.
She hoped that the realization that he could lose her would cause him to do something, but he didn't. She thought any chances to be with Harm was finally over. She had decided to kiss him goodnight one last time.
She was surprised when he took the kiss further. It was a hungry, longing, passionate kiss. It was like he was making one last plead. It was like he was trying to tell her he loved her and not to marry Bugme in one final effort.
She had been waiting for a long time for him to kiss her again. Ever since that night in Norfolk when she showed up in Harriet's uniform looking like Diane she had wanted to kiss him again.
She had initiated the kiss that night. It was suppose to be a simple good night kiss, instead he took her into his strong arms. Boy did she like having his arms around her. He made her feel so safe and secure.
Then he leaned in and gave her the kiss of a lifetime. Mic had never kissed her like that. Mic's kisses were usually a wet, sloppy, and clumsy in effort.
He always thought a deep French kiss was desired, where he did as he wanted while not allowing her to respond back was all that was needed. His kisses were not of love, but of conquest. He took what he wanted not caring what she wanted.
But the way Harm kissed her was different. His kiss was a shared experience of passion, a kiss between two equal and hungry people, two people who not only wanted to show their love, but to be loved in returned.
She had never been kissed liked that before. Why Lord, why couldn't he have had told her he loved her before now? It was too late now. She had committed herself to Mic. She always honored her commitments.
