The Epic HSM Fanfiction

Troy through a lamp at Gabriella. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

She reeled back. "Da faq Troy!I just asked if I could borrow a sweater."

Troy's face was a storm of fury and humiliation. "That sweater…" He breathes a shuddery breath and covers his eyes. "That sweater was given to me by the basketball lord himself, Larry Bird. He… he gave it to me before he died."

Gabriella's face softened. "Oh… Oh, I'm so sorry, Troy."

"He was like a father to me."

"What about your real father?"

"Who cares about that douche, we're talking about Larry Bird here." Troy sniffled and sat down on his bed.

Gabriella sat beside him. "How did he die?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Troy wiped the snot from his nostrils and began to tell the tale….

It happened three Summers ago, It was the biggest game of the year, and they were sure they were going to win—

Wait, did he die on the court or something?

Gabriella, please, I'm telling a story here. Anyway, they were down by two points, and there was five minuets left on the clock….

"Hey, Bird, pass me the ball! I've got a shot!"

The Bird was piling down the court, threading his way between the enemy team like a needle through fabric. He was like a speeding rocket, like he was the ball himself, bouncing—

Is he a needle, a rocket or a ball, Troy?

Gabriella! Please!

Sorry. Continue.

Thank you.

He was like an automaton, programmed since birth to basket balls, quickly, and efficiently. He refused to pass to his teammate. He had this. He had to have this, lest he disappoint the Court of Balls, consisting of none other than the Harlem Globetrotters.

Larry Bird positioned himself in enemy territory, arched his arms to net the ball…

But made a fatal mistake.

What was the mistake?

For the love of god Gabby, will you put a sock in it?

As I was saying, he made a mistake. Instead of shooting for the hoop, he aimed It at the other team captain's head!

Oh goodness gracious! Oh my Lordy loo! Heavens to Betsy to Jesus to Mother Teresa to what the shit?

I know, I know. Anyway; the other team captain was so enraged, he ended up punching in the face…..

..AND?! What happened next?!

Oh, he died.

Gabriella leaned back in confusion. "What? Just like that? I thought you said he gave the sweater to you before he died!"

Troy raised his brow. "Oh, is that what I said? I meant I snuck into the funeral and stole it off his dead corpse before they wheeled him out. No-one even noticed!"`

"Troy, that's… that's…"

"Theft? Burglary? Immoral? Unethical?" Zac shook his head, laughed, and pulled a knife from his bedside table. "He was my father, Gab."

"Zac, what are you doing?"

"You know too much, Gabriella. You won't take me to jail for this. You won't, because I'm going to kill you."

"Zac, no!"

"Yeah!"

"Aaaaah!"

Zac Efron chased her around the house for ten years, until Troy Bolton – Yes, not Zac Efron, but TROY BOLTON leapt through the window and karate chopped Zac into a million pieces of sushi.

Gabriella reeled back. "Holy mother of the Son who is a father of the person who's his son! Troy? That wasn't you?!"

"No," Troy answered. "He was my evil twin, Zac. Obviously, though, I got the looks."

"Oh Troy, you saved my life!" Gabriella gushed.

"Course I did, baby."

She then punched him in the balls. "Well it took you long enough! He was chasing me with a knife for ten years until you showed up!"

"Sorry, I had to stop along the way to sing about my feelings, like I always do," Troy explained.

The end.