"I've got my whole life ahead, hell I'm just a kid, myself.
How'm I gonna raise one?"
xxxxxxxXxxxxxxx
There Goes My Life
"Get away from me!" Jude screamed as the tears ran down her cheeks. Her words were a death warning and hit it's marked target, for Tommy threw his hands up in defeat and walked away. Sitting on their chair's a auto man, she watched Tommy disappear toward the kitchen. Definitely getting away from her.
Jude Harrison was five months pregnant. Her belly showed a small bump, and although the hormones weren't visible, they too had been present for some time now. Currently, today was her and Tommy's year anniversary. Currently she had just ruined it. Currently, there she was, tears running down her face, makeup all down her cheeks, not on speaking terms with Tommy.
Standing in the kitchen, Tommy had his hands resting on the counter, looking over the bar at Jude as she sat there crying. He was dressed in a tux, had been ready to take her out to dinner, but it seemed dinner was without doubt canceled. "Jude," he sighed as his head fell down, trying to once again bring words forth.
Her arms were wrapped around her belly as Tommy's voice entered her ears. "Don't." she warned, but he tried again anyway.
"Girl, c'mon." he said, the irritance in his tone noticeable. "This is insane."
Her crying picked up more at his words, throwing guilt his way, but anger at herself. She didn't like fighting with him, but couldn't help it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him getting angry, but before she could say anything, Tommy lost it. His fist slammed down on the sink and he threw his foot back at the dining room chair, breaking the leg on contact.
Startled, Jude threw her attention toward him. Shocked eyes landing first on the broken chair and then deadly ones on him. "Yeah, that's going to be great father features, Tommy!"
Taking his eyes from the broken chair he flew his eyes to hers just in time to see her push herself off the auto man and down the hallway to their bedroom. Watching her walk out making his anger rise even more and to the point that he slammed his foot down on the leg of the chair, breaking it even more.
Hearing the cracking of wood as she walked into their bedroom made her blood boil, yet the second she laid down on the bed, the anger toward Tommy switched to herself, as she stared at the ceiling and cried. Like a dam had broken free, water rushed from her eyes as she reached for Tommy's pillow and clung it to herself. Even though she was mad at him, his scent still calmed her, and she needed to be calm.
Making her cry, and making her upset wasn't anything he was ever proud of. It physically broke him down, seeing her so upset, and as her cries came from down the hallway, he didn't feel angry anymore. Yet Jude was in a mood. She was in the kind of mood that when he tried to calm her down, to make her feel better, she bitched at him. Tonight he did not want to be bitched at by Jude.
Tonight he wanted to take her out. He wanted to hold her hand and open her car door. He wanted to pull back her seat in the restaurant, and bring her home carrying her through the doorway. Tom Quincy wanted to celebrate their relationship of a year together and wanted to do everything in his power to make it special.
Looking around at the apartment he noticed all the boxes still left unpacked, for they had moved in just two weeks ago and thought it better to celebrate their first home together. That actually had consisted of a lot of sex. Sure Jude and he had basically lived together since she gave him her virginity and the need of being with one another definitely intensified. Although also, them starting an intimate life of such didn't only open the door for their need to be with the other, but also to the mess they were in now.
Yet, it really wasn't a mess. Not one thing either would change about the fact that she was pregnant. The morning after he had taken off and they worked things out, he took her out and they had a serious talk both admitting that they were excited even to be having a baby. Sure they element that she was pregnant and an abortion was a no go may have some effect on it, but it was still comforting to know that they wouldn't look on a moment that meant so much to both of them could turn their world into disaster. In fact, Jude losing her virginity and getting pregnant to him gave her a solid eighteen years with him. And why wouldn't she be excited about that?
And though the months had passed, word got out, there was still one unhappy camper. Her mother. In fact, the reason they had been fighting had been over a phone call she'd received from her mom. Knowing it was Victoria on the line, Tommy kept trying to hurry her off, and Jude got chewed out about her 'rude boyfriend' in the process, for Victoria had heard him in the background. Jude bitched to Tommy, he bitched back, her hormones brought her to tears and there erupted World War 9. Yes, 9.
She screamed things she didn't mean, digging into him, but he was used to it. However Jude defended her mom for the first time since the fiasco started. Her words still shaking him. "Mom was right. I should've gotten the abortion so I wouldn't be stuck with you." They weren't screamed at him, but said with anger, and although he knew she didn't mean it, it still hurt. He tried to apologize, calm her down and get things going, but they continued to fight until she stormed off into their bedroom.
Standing there hoping she'd be more calm for him now, Tommy was about to make his way to try once again to make Jude feel better, when the phone started to ring. He seriously thought about skipping it, yet the caller ID read his father's name, and if it was his mother, there was no way he wanted to her about not answering his phone. Groaning as he did so, he picked the phone from the cradle, and hit talk before placing it to his ear.
"Hello."
"Tom, sweetheart." Came his mother's voice, "It's not a bad time is it?"
Since Tommy had met his father five months ago in the diner, Tommy had been real good at keeping in touch with both his parents. Unlike Jude's, they seemed to support his relationship with her, and the pregnancy.
His hand went to the back of his head as he gave a short, "Kinda. Jude's a little upset right now."
He heard the sympathy in her voice, "Oh, honey, what's wrong with her?"
And like every good son, he fulfilled his mother's wishes of spilling how his night had gone. "She's just…" letting out a frustrated sigh, Tommy took a seat in one of the bar stools. "We were on our way out, and I made a stupid crack about her mom, and she's just… She's just hormonal Mom." He said quickly, not wanting to go into details.
"Oh, she's just pregnant honey."
Tommy had to shake his head at the stupidity of his mother's comment. "I know Mom. But you and Dad got those directions here, right?" he asked, trying to change the subject.
"Oh, yes. That's why I called, I just wanted to make sure it's off the freeway right? I don't go through too many streets."
"Off the freeway, and take that one road all the way up." He clarified.
"Excellent." His mother replied. "Okay, sweetheart, go make up with Jude, okay."
Nodding his head, he told her, "I will, Mom. Tell Dad I said hi."
"I will. Bye sweetheart."
"Bye." And before she could peep out any kind of last minute chit chat, he threw the phone on the cradle. Looking down the hallway, Jude's cries were at a lower volume, but he could still hear them.
Loosening his tie as he exited the kitchen, Tommy made his way through the crowded living room and down the small hallway to their bedroom. The first door on his right, the room just before his put a pause to his walk as he peaked inside, the door already open, and he overlooked the nursery for the baby they would be bringing home in just a few short months. A smile came over his face as he let Jude's words play in his head once again. No way could those words be true. She was looking forward to being a mom just as much as he was to being a dad.
With all the confidence he needed, Tommy walked into his bedroom, pausing only to shrug off his suit jacket and toss it aside before lying down beside her. It was a normal routine by now. Every time after one of their fights, she'd storm in the room, and he'd come in after her. Just like every other night, Jude felt him lie beside her, and removed the pillow that covered her face to look up at him. Seconds didn't even pass before she reached for him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her as her crying picked up.
"I'm sorry," she cried, muffled into his shoulder.
Lying on his side he smirked at her words as he held her in his arms best he could. Being as pregnant as she was, she wasn't able to lie on anything but her back, but that couldn't keep Tommy from finding someway to wrap her up in his arms. "I know, babe."
"I didn't mean it." She said once again, her words almost making him chuckle. "I don't give two shits about what my mom thinks."
That did make him laugh, as he pulled away to lay on his elbow and stare down at her. "Girl, do you think for one minute that I would think you'd take your mom's side on this? After all these months of baby shopping, and building that nursery—c'mon, give me more credit than that."
Sniffing, her crying calmed down as she felt Tommy take her hand and intertwine their fingers. "But I sound really angry when I yell at you."
"Jude…" but words left him as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.
"And I know you were mad. The dining room chair speaks for itself…" she added. "I just… I don't mean it, and I hate how I talk to you when I get like this."
His head bowed, because he didn't like it much either. The sadness over how she would scream and yell at him—how it affected him was shown in his features that very moment, and it broke her heart knowing she put even that much pain in him. "I'm sorry, baby." She told him sincerely.
Tommy looked up to her nodding his head. "Hey, I'm not perfect," he started before glancing down at her belly. Keeping his eyes on the bump he added with widened eyes, "And I'm certainly not pregnant." A chuckle from Jude brought his eyes back to hers as he squeezed her hand a little tighter for assurance. "But what is perfect is you and me. And what I certainly am is crazy in love with you."
Her eyes started to glisten before she mumbles out a teary, "I love you too."
It still did him over to hear her say those words, and to show his appreciation for it, he leaned down pressing his lips over hers. "We can do this." He told her, but when she didn't respond it definitely worried him.
"Tommy…" but her words trailed off, yet his expression showed her that it was too late to go back. She had to voice what was going on in her mind. "How do you know? I'm nineteen years old, and… I mean look at us… We're celebrating our year anniversary only now. Didn't you want to get out and do stuff before you got saddled with me and a baby?"
He chuckled, "First, I'm not ever getting saddled with you, and the baby… Yeah, there's stuff I want to do that having a kid will definitely put it aside, but Jude… I love you, and…" his hand rested over her stomach as he went on, "I love this baby already. If it means putting stuff off for a while… It's worth it. Trust me in the long run it'll be worth it."
However she still looked uncertain, and Tommy thought of a different way to get her to grasp the concept that having a kid does mean sacrificing a lot right now, but will definitely mean more to her as time goes on. And he was going to show her through music. The one thing that would always get her to connect to the situation at hand.
"Come here." He said pushing himself up before taking both her hands with his. "I want you to listen to something."
She eyed him curiously, but didn't fight him as he helped her up and off the bed, intertwining their fingers once more as he dragged her out into their living room. "Go take a seat." He said while stopping in front of their stereo, crouching down to rifle through their CD collection to find what he was looking for.
Watching him from the couch, she smiled at his actions, "What are you looking for?" she asked with a giggle.
Just as the words left her mouth, he found the correct disc and quickly slipped the CD out of it's case and into the stereo. The CD powered on, and Tommy skipped to the right track before hurrying over and sitting on the coffee table across from her. "Just listen to the lyrics, Jude, okay?" he asked, and before she could say anything soft guitar playing filled the air.
With her eyes still on him, she smiled and gave him a small nod before mouthing okay. Turning her ears to the music, she noticed the genre being country, yet the song wasn't familiar at all, and when the lyrics finally came into play, the voice didn't register in her head either.
(All he could think about was, 'I'm too young for this. Got my whole life ahead, hell I'm just a kid myself. How'm I gonna raise one?')
She looked up to Tommy curiously, the lyrics so far not sounding promising, but as the music played, Tommy just sat there, softly holding her hands with his and staring down to the ground.
(All he could see were his dreams, goin' up in smoke. So much for ditchin' this town, hangin' out on the coast. Oh well, those plans are long gone. And he said, there goes my life.)
The music had picked up, transitioning from the verse to the chorus as percussion joined the acoustics of the song bringing a stronger vibe as the man sung on about the situation all too familiar to Jude and Tommy's.
(There goes my future, my everything. Might as well, kiss it all good bye. There goes my life.)
At this point, Jude was seriously hoping the song would do a complete turn around, for it was supposed to be making her believe her and Tommy would be okay, and this guy was singing at how becoming a father was ruining all the plans he had.
"Tommy," she said as the music slowed back down to it's original tempo, but she couldn't finish her thought before he shushed her.
"Just listen Jude." He said, before letting his gaze wander away from hers. His hold on her hand remained, definitely soothing her as he lightly held on, using his thumb to draw small circles on the top of her hand.
Smiling she nodded once again before turning her attention back just in time to hear the second verse come into play.
(Couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later. That mistake he thought he made, covers up the refrigerator. Oh yeah, he loves that little girl.)
Now smiling toward the lyrics, she started to understand what Tommy had meant about giving up doing the things they still wanted to do would be replaced with memories they were about to create with the child growing inside her stomach now. Eager to listen on, she didn't say anything to Tommy, but she did squeeze his hand, bringing his eyes to hers and seeing that smile on her face was enough to do him over.
(Mama's waitin' to tuck her in, as she fumbles up those stairs. She smiles back at him draggin' that teddy bear. Sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncin' curls. And he smiles, there goes my life. There goes my future, my everything. I love you, daddy good night. There goes my life.)
The song that had started out for Jude thinking all her thoughts were mixed in this song, had proved her wrong. It had brought her to the brink of tears at just how much the baby she was going to have was going to be such a joy to her life. Feeling Tommy lift her hand, she looked just in time to see his lips kiss her knuckles. A self conscious act that made her heart rush, and she was so happy she got to share this experience with him.
(She had that Honda loaded down. With Abercrombie clothes, fifteen pairs of shoes, and his American express. He checked the oil, slammed the hood, said 'You're good to go.' She hugged them both, headed off to the west coast.)
The song that had started off, making Jude think, 'here goes my life,' now brought her to having tears in her eyes as the tempo slowed down to the final verse of the song.
(And he cried. There goes my life. There goes my future, my everything. I love you, baby good bye.)
It was a quiet hymn, as tears fell from her eyes before the song brought the acoustics back up, just to close out the song. Tommy took the remote from beside him and stopped the CD before turning his attention to his crying girlfriend. Thankful the tears were an emotion of happiness, and not anger or from being sad.
Nodding her head, with the hand Tommy wasn't holding she wiped at her tears while saying, "You were right. We can do this."
The sympathetic smile stayed across his face as he reached up and cupped her cheek with his hand. Gently pulling her close to him, he brought their foreheads together as she finished what she started to say. "Whatever silly thing I have to give up will definitely be worth it, because…" pausing she gripped her hand around his and brought it over her stomach. "Because this little baby's gonna be the best thing that ever happened to me. To us."
Looking up from her stomach, he pulled back, just enough to look into her eyes and smile. "I'm glad this is happening with you." He confessed. "I wouldn't be able to do this with anyone else."
She laughed through her tears, "I hope not." Seeing him smile, Tommy leaned his forehead back onto hers once more, just taking in the moment they were in. "Ya know this whole having a kid thing has another plus to it, Quincy."
He nodded his head slightly against hers, not moving his forehead from her own or opening his eyes, as he silently asked what the plus was. Carefully pushing him forward, she got on her knees before him, being about eye level with his shoulders as he was still sitting atop their coffee table. Looking up to him, she smiled, watching him look down to her before she wrapped her arms around his torso and placed her head over his chest, listening to his heart beat.
"I have a solid eighteen years with you. Eighteen years where you're stuck with me."
Smiling at her words, his arms wrapped around her as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Though he knew her words held a teasing matter, both knowing he'd stay with her regardless, his next words weren't one of a joke. They held all seriousness as he promised in a voice full of emotion, "I ain't goin' no where girl. Baby or not… I love you. And I'm gonna love you a hell of a lot longer than eighteen years. That's for sure."
Another kiss was placed on the top of her head as she let more tears surface, falling down her face, and in that one moment… She realized there was nothing that she would want to do other than start this family with Tommy.
