Fanservice

Sasunaru. AU. Borders on Crack! This whole idea's ridiculous, but we're bored. So we wrote this! Random one-sided GaaKiba

Warnings: Swearing and weirdness! It's meant to be nice and funny, so don't take it too seriously.

We're HUGE perverts so we dedicate this to the perverts in all of us.

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Then it came off in my hand…!

Sai grabbed the microphone tighter and pulled it closer to his mouth. He ran his fingers through his sweaty hair and slid them down his chest and stroked his exposed lean abdomen. As the song reached its climax he fell to his knees thrusting out his slim hips. The crowd roared louder. His provocative voice became almost deafening as the volume increased. The sound flowed over the mass of people, lulling them into a euphoric state. It filled the room, the stage and made its way backstage. It traveled through the various hallways and rooms until finally it reached the band room of Hashi, the hottest band in the country. The voice reverberated throughout the tiny room, occupied by the band's five members.

Naruto covered his ears with his hands "I can't stand that guy. He's obsessed with penises!" He paced about the room growling to himself.

"Relax." A cool voice interjected 'We're the main act. Not Sai's pussy band."

Sasuke sat on the black leather couch, arms and legs crossed. Normally Sasuke wouldn't talk to anyone before a show but he much preferred to say something, than deal with a complaining Naruto.

Naruto calmed a bit sitting himself next to his dark haired band mate and let out a long sigh "You're right. But I hate that guy!"

Sasuke smiled remembering their rivalry,a few years back when they'd first met. It was almost as bad as Sai and Naruto's, only eventually they had became best friends. He was about to bring this up but Kiba loud as always, screamed across the room. "Hey no time to relax we're on SOON!"

Before a show, Kiba could never sit around like any of the other's, each concert he found a new physical activity to partake in. Today's choice was the treadmill.

"Don't tire yourself out Kiba." Shikamaru said putting down his book 'Clouds.' He lay against the tiny white couch, arms behind his head, picturing imaginary wisps of clouds. Shikamaru was known for his blasé demeanor, before a show he was either napping or reading.

"I need to be pumped man!" Kiba wiped sweat from his forehead with his palm.

"But you're breathless." Naruto stated.

Kiba had been running for so long that he was now down to his boxers. How he managed to take off his clothes while running was something only Kiba could accomplish.

"It's almost time, change into your outfit Kiba." A dark voice commanded. Gaara sat in the corner of the tiny room, legs crossed as if he'd just been meditating.

"Yeah, yeah I'm stoppin'." Kiba lowered the incline and switched off the machine. He grabbed a towel from the table and ruffled his hair with it.

If anyone could make Kiba listen it was the most subdued person in Hashi. Gaara leaned over and reached his toes. "You should stretch Kiba, it gets the blood flowing."

"Yeah yeah, you got your methods, I got mine"

"Don't fight love birds." Naruto joked singsong.

No one noticed the light pink tingeing Gaara's cheeks because just then a big man with big white hair, crashed into the room.

"Alright guys settle down and Kiba…get dressed" Red paint ran down the man's face, and not one of them questioned why it was there, in fact Hashi was used to their manager's odd perverted behavior. That's why they were also not surprised to see two women wrapped around each of his arms. "Hey Hashu…" he slurred.

"That's Hashi you idiot drunken manager." Naruto pointed an accusing finger at him. If he weren't such a great manager with so many connections, there was no way Naruto would put up with all his bulllshit. Jiraya's face got serious for a moment, excusing the women from the room.

"It so happens that I have a brilliant plan that will make you even bigger than 'Roots.'"

"What?! We're way more famous than them!" Naruto boasted.

"You guys may be the main act today, but have you heard the audience? They want an encore and-"

"What?!" Both Kiba and Naruto objected. "They're not even the main act!"

"I know but they're getting more popular every day. Magazines, TV shows, events, they all want 'em! What are you guys doing for the fans? The lead singer Sai wears those little shirts that show off his sexy belly."

"Auuuuugh!" They all complained.

"What? Fans like it!" Jiraya muttered under his breath "I do too."

"G-Gaara wears eyeliner!" Kiba pointed out.

"That's not enough!"

"What? You want us to wear little shirts too?" Sasuke scoffed.

"It wouldn't hurt. But I meant that I want you guys to provide 'fan service'."

"What's that?" Naruto questioned scrunching his eyebrows together.

"Slash, BL, Yaoi!"

They all stared at him blankly. Finally Naruto spoke. "What the hell is that you crazy old man?!"

"It's the new wave in Asia. For some reason girls go all gaga when they see guys acting gay."

A moment of silence followed. Kiba and Naruto had to think for a second before they yelled at the same time.

"What!"

They heard a small sound come from Gaara's corner, Sasuke was one hundred percent shocked, but only for a moment, Shikamaru muttered under his breathe "sick girls."

"So all we need is for two of you to act gay." Jiryia added nonchalantly.

Naruto stood up and waved his arms around hysterically. "What the hell?! This is probably for you old man pervert!"

"Yeah" Kiba agreed "If I had to do that I'd quit."

They all retreated back to their own seats, disregarding their manager's idea completely.

The music stopped suddenly and a woman with a headset came in. "You guys are on in fifteen minutes."

"I'll do it if it means being number one." All eyes darted to where Sasuke was sitting. He sat impassive as ever, unaffected by his own words.

Hashi looked around confused, wondering if maybe the loud music had affected their hearing.

"Uh…Did Sasuke just say…"

The door opened again, revealing a flushed and sweaty Sai. He stood proud in the doorway, the same exact smile he always wore plastered on his face. His exposed midriff was moist with beads of sweat. His short black hair looked liked he'd just come in from the rain, it was drenched and glued to his scalp. His black leather outfit, though ridiculous, somehow suited the pale boy. He wore tight fitting black pants that accentuated his slim figure and long legs. But his pants were nothing compared to his famous small black chemise that exposed his entire stomach. The shirt was lined with red cloth around the shoulders, one sleeve was long coming down to his gloved hand, while the other arm was fully exposed, no sleeve at all. He walked in chin up, sporting brilliance as if he was entering a room of adoring fans.

His presence caused everyone in the room to grumble and mutter. Naruto was the only one unable to mask his distaste. "Don't walk into other people's rooms you megalomaniac!" Naruto screamed. He stood up, ready to take on the bastard.

Sai simple walked past Naruto, disregarding him as if he were a bug. From their past experiences Sai knew the best way to get to Naruto was to ignore him completely.

"Awww" Kiba covered his ears "Not this again! You're last fight made the tabloids…and it was actually real."

"It was his fault! That weirdo put his finger into his belly button and then put it in my ear!" Naruto shuddered, trying to repress the memory of last year's music awards. Yes it was just last year that Sai thought it would be funny to do such a disgusting thing on national television. That was of course retaliation for Naruto's behavior a month before that, when on a photo shoot covering local bands, Naruto used his signature move 'a thousand years of pain' on Sai, resulting in a visit to the hospital.

"Did you hear the fans calling for US, not Hashi?" He looked around smugly, not noticing most of them weren't even paying attention to him. After all it was Naruto who was bothered by him the most, occasionally he would get a rise out of Kiba but when that happened Gaara would interfere. The other three members were simply used to Sai and Naruto's disputes. Shikamaru had said it best when he called the guy "troublesome."

"Psshht!" Kiba snorted "Big deal, you guys were performing, Mr. State the obvious."

"Shut up dog lover!"

"Watch it Baikan." Gaara threatened. He stood, finally finishing his stretching, and slowly made his way over to the smirking Sai.

"You don't scare me" Sai stood on his tippy toes, now towering over Gaara. "Unlike you, I have a penis."

"Laaame" Kiba mocked.

"What the heck is up with you and penises?!" Naruto yelled throwing his hands up in the air.

"You're not worth my time." Gaara stated darkly, proceeding to the restroom.

Jiraiya finally interrupted "Alright lets break it up. You guys are on soon."

"See you 'has-beens' later. I mean, you 'never-have-beens'." They all stared confused, including Sai. Without another word he walked out, not sure if he won the argument.

Naruto, madder than ever, slammed the door shut. "Alright I'll do it! As long as it means I don't loose to that bastard. Hold me Teme!" he ran toward Sasuke with open arms.

Sasuke stared at the smiling Naruto running closer and closer.

"We don't have to do it when we're not in public idiot." He swatted him away, Naruto fell to the floor and rubbed his face.

"But, you have to get used to it Sasuke" Naruto whined.

"What do we have to do?" Sasuke murmured.

"Well based on these pictures I printed out." Jiraiya pulled out photos from his red jacket and held them out.

"Wah!?" They all shamelessly gathered around.

"AAAAHHHH! It's two guys!" Naruto cried out "what are they doing?!"

Jiraiya smiled "Fanservice."

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