Beware the Blankets
Blankets are psychotic.

Did you know that?

I'm sure you didn't. But it's true. Blankets are psychotic.

Take my blanket, for instance.

It's warm, fuzzy, soft, and green.

Oh, and did I mention that it tries to kill me?

See, whenever I go to sleep, the blanket comes to life and tries to strangle me.

I'm sure it doesn't sound too scary to you now, but if *YOUR* blanket tried to strangle *YOU,* I'm sure you'd feel the same way.

Anyway, so the blanket tries to strangle me. So I have to wear garlic around my neck, to ward off the blanket.

That's because it's a vampire. How my blanket *BECAME* a vampire, I haven't a clue. But it's a vampire.

The sad thing is, then the blanket can't keep me warm. And I live in Alaska. It's cold. So if I don't have a blanket, I freeze to death.

What I find especially frightening is, if I freeze to death, my evil blanket would tell a bunch of psychotic Mexian kids that I'm a pinata. No offense to anyone that happens to be Mexican.

Speaking of which, that would be an excellent way to kill Barney, dontcha think?

You dip him in liquid nitrogen until his entire body is frozen solid... then tell a bunch of Mexican kids that he's a pinata.

It would work, really!

It's always fun to tell the obnoxious Kindergarteners that if they don't stop messing with me, I'll dip 'em in liquid nitrogen and tell a bunch of Mexican kids that they're a pinata.

For the best effect, say it really fast.

"Ifyoudon'tshutupIwillimmerseyourentirebodyinliquidnitrogen. AtwhichpointIwilltellabunchofpsychoticMexicankidsthatyou'reafreakingpinata. Nowgoaway."

If you're lucky, their brain will explode from the complete and total overload of lightning fast complicated words.

And then you won't have to convince your science teacher to let you use the liquid nitrogen.