The sight of him hurt more than anything. The memory of his face when she had rejected him, their goodbye that she knew would be their last. Sometimes she could imagine the feeling of his lips against hers. In that moment she raised a hand to her lips, her calloused fingertips feeling the chapped broken skin. How could she continue with her life only knowing war?
He would argue that it wasn't all she known, she had a family, those who loved her and whom she loved back. Love was a weakness, she concluded in a shuddering breath. How could someone be so willing to give up their life for another? She moved to take a glimpse of her sister. Sansa, beautiful with auburn hair that seemed to have a life force of its own. She thought about how delightful it would have been to kill anyone who had caused her pain, bury her sword through their chest or slit their throats with her dagger. She then turned to Bran, he seemed lighter lately. After the Night King was defeated, he had shared a few words with her, letting her know in his own way that he was still there. Her brother who once made her jealous that he could train to be a Lord and she couldn't. She knew if anyone tried to risk his life she would murder them for it. No one could convince her that they weren't her pack.
She walked over to walk down into the depths of the Dragon pit, her feet quiet as they hit the sand and dirt beneath her. Her hand reached out a touched the stone wall before thinking about her brother Jon.
He had done it. He sacrificed his love for his duty to his people. Jon deserved to be King, not locked up awaiting trial. Sansa and Arya had talked at lengths about it and Bran tried to tell them not to worry, that everything would work out. Her heart beating in her chest betrayed her calm demeanor as the flashes of war bombarded her mind.
The smell came back to her. The smell of death, of charred skin and rich smell of blood. She doubled over as she retched onto the ground.
"Are you okay?" His words rang in her head for a moment as she moved to wipe her mouth with the sleeve of her clothes. She looked at him with blank eyes, if anyone could get under her skin it would be him.
"I'm alright, still reeling from the war some days." Arya's voice was cool, something that should have been emotional just wasn't.
"It's definitely not as grand as the songs." Gendry replied and Arya shrugged, he was right. He shifted, looking uncomfortable in his grand clothes. "We are entering a world of peace soon."
"I suppose so. Those who can find peace that is." Arya pointed out and she noticed the tense muscles in his jaw. "There are some of us who are too far gone. Monsters who can't hide behind the veil of war anymore."
"You are not a monster, Arya"
She looked at him and noticed then the softness in his eyes, the worry he wanted to share with her. Her heart began to beat faster, wanting to enjoy that look for a moment longer.
The moment was over and Arya blinked before looking away.
"You still see me as a girl," Arya mumbled before moving to leave Gendry and go back up to the open air. Gendry's hand reached for her, wrapping around her forearm gently before leaning close to her.
"I see you as Arya Stark. Just promise me you will say goodbye to me before I leave for Storms Ends?" The question caught her off guard and she let out a shaky breath, she leaned closer to him. The warmth of his breath hitting her face. She raised her hand to touch his cheek, the sensation of his skin under her hand, gave her the piece of mind that they were alive.
Arya pulled him closer to kiss his chin lightly before pulling away.
"I promise to say goodbye."
Then she was moving away from him, her heart aching in her chest as she went.
She stood on the docks, her hands clasped behind her back. Gendry was moving on the deck, Davos talking to him in low voices when finally Gendry looked up from the equipment he was moving to meet her eyes.
Arya fought back a smile and the sensation that filled her chest. She tried not to think anything about it.
"How did you find me?" Gendry asked as he walked up to her.
"I saw you when I said goodbye to Jon." Arya turned to look out towards the water.
"Are you leaving today as well?" Gendry asked and Arya shook her head. "Another day then?"
"Another day. I'll be sailing, I am assuming you'll be taking the King's road?" Arya asked and she glanced at him to see the nod confirming her words. He took a step closer to her, facing the water as well before she felt his hand touch hers that she had dropped to her sides.
"Why is this so hard?" Gendry voice sounded and Arya bit her tongue, her heart aching in her chest. "I never wanted this, at least not without you." Arya let his fingers intertwined with hers before she moved to look at him. She felt the burning of a couple tears trying to well up, but she willed them away.
"Would it be selfish to ask you to meet me tonight?"
Silence fell between them and Arya worried for a moment he would just walk away. It was selfish, she shouldn't continue this dance with him. They were friends for so long, even after separating she had thought about him often. He was a part of her pack whether she wanted him there or not. Gendry reached up to touch a piece of her hair, Arya closed her eyes instinctively waiting for a familiar sensation.
That never came which caused her to open her eyes again and stare at him, he had the saddest smile as he tried to search her face for anything. He wanted to see the love, the care she had for him. Arya's heart lurched in her chest, she wishes he could see her heart, feel her heart as it beats for him.
"It is selfish, but I will come find you. I'm just as selfish as you" Gendry murmured, and Arya swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat before she nodded. She went to move away, but there was a slight tug on her hand that made her fall back against him, his lips seeking hers. She gasped lightly into the kiss before relaxing. Her free hand bracing her against his chest.
When they pulled away, their cheeks with flushed red and their breathing erratic. She gave a curt nod before finally walking away, leaving Gendry behind on the dock. Davos gave her a strange look as she passed him, but she refused to acknowledge the exchange, not with someone she barely knew.
She headed towards the ruins of the Red Keep, her heart still beating fast as her feet took her to a place she could be alone, even just for a moment. There were talks of rebuilding the castle and she had been offered a place on the small council but she declined. Bran had just smiled at her knowingly when she had and it bothered her for a moment before she realized that it was Bran. Her brother who wouldn't wish anything upon her that she didn't want. He was also very understanding her wish to sail West. When she told Bran, she didn't think she would return Bran had just shook his head and stated, "but who else would return the maps here?".
Arya pressed her back against the stone, her hands shaking slightly as she tried to calm her breathing. Every so often she would experience fits, she called them, which consumed her mind and body. Sam the Maester assured her it normal for what she went through but she didn't want it to be normal. Arya wanted to be her own version of normal, the one who would slit someone's throat without thinking. Now the feel of her weapons was a heavy burden most mornings.
Her hand fell down to rest on the hilt of the dagger, fighting the urge to throw it across the room. Arya let out a sigh before removing Needle, letting it rest on the ground before she moved to sit down, letting her eyes drift close.
He was on the way out of his tent when he ran into her. Arya refused to meet his eyes when she hurried past him into the tent.
"I was about to find you. Davos says that I'm due to leave tomorrow" Gendry's voice sounded and silence lingered between them before he reached for her arm, "what's wrong?"
Arya looked at him and Gendry was taken back by the tears clouding her eyes and watched as one fell to her cheek. He moved closer to hold her face between his hands, his thumb reaching to rub the tear away.
Arya reached to hold his hands, tugging them tight against her face.
"I do not want to cry. Just let us be together tonight" Arya murmured, and she closed her eyes before she tilted her head to kiss his palm.
Gendry stepped closer, kissing her forehead gently. The kiss lingered as she moved her arms to wrap around his waist.
It was just them for several long moments before Gendry began to undress her, his hands first undoing the braid in her hair. His fingers massaging her scalp light, shaking the hair loose. Then his hands were on her belt, Arya let out a sigh when the weight of her weapons fell away from her.
The weight was replaced with his hands, she began to work on his own clothes feeling the buckles and needing to get them off. Arya felt her clothes begin to fall and she pulled away for a moment, looking at him. Her Gendry, how did she say no to him?
Except it wasn't a question, she had said no to him and he wasn't hers. Not anymore, except tonight, perhaps.
He laid her down on the bed in his tent and covered her body, his kisses now consuming her thoughts as she began to breathe in his scent. The memory of their life together, coming to her in waves as she felt his hands roam and explore her body slowly.
She let out a moan when they finally joined, Gendry's body pressed against hers as she arched her back, letting one of his hands pressed against her lower back. He moaned into their kisses, pulling her tightly against him.
"Don't stop" Arya murmured, her feet digging into the bed under them, her eyes closing to embrace the sensations as he sat up a little, allowing cool air to wash over her. His hands gripping her legs, then her hips. She moved her hips to his rhythm, meeting him thrust for thrust. She heard him mumbling her name. What a glorious sound, she leaned forward to kiss his chest as a response.
His thrusts slowed down and Arya looked at him. Watching him as he kissed and nipped at the skin on her throat. His hand on her hip moved to their joining and Arya moaned out when he rubbed at her. He kept the pressure firmly against her until he felt her thighs shaking against his sides. He looked at her with a smile before thrusting deeper into her.
Arya let out a cry, her nails digging into whatever flesh she could find and she pulled him to her with her legs. She recognized his own cries of pleasure and let him bury himself deep inside her.
Moments passed in silence, Arya sensing that Gendry wanted to say something to her, but failing to come up with the words. He slipped from her, but kept his arm around her middle as he laid down beside her.
"I need to wait to build my ships" Arya stated and Gendry nodded, his face pressed against her arm.
"Davos is being named Master of Ships. I'm leaving without him tomorrow" Gendry mumbled and Arya looked at him.
"You'll be okay?" It was only half a question but Gendry nodded again.
"I'm used to being alone. Doesn't make no difference to me" Arya stiffened beside him. "He taught me a little about reading. I'll have a Maester to help me even more. Soon I'll be writing my own messages for the ravens."
"Would it be okay if I visited you at Storm's End? I figured I would travel and see Dorne once before I leave." Arya asked and Gendry stayed quiet but nodded his head, "You understand why I can't stay?"
"I know that you won't stay. It's not a matter of if you can or not." Gendry went quiet after that. Arya almost thought he had fallen asleep before he moved and ran his hands across her stomach to settle more comfortably.
"You're not alone" Arya whispered and she wanted to say more, but she couldn't bring herself to.
"Not right now. Not tonight. But tomorrow I'll be surrounded by people with claimed loyalty to me and I'll be utterly alone"
Her heart ached for him, remembering how she used to feel so misplaced as a lady. She always wanted what her brothers had, freedom to choose her own path. Gendry had that now and he wanted something else.
"We have tonight" Arya whispered and after the words settled between them, she felt his kisses return to her skin.
"You plan on coming back within the year?" Gendry asked quietly and Arya looked up at him as she strapped her belt on.
"I don't know, I don't know what is out there." Arya shrugged and she looked out the window down to the courtyard of Storm's End. "Thank you again for helping with the ship."
"That was all Davos." Gendry moved to sit on the bed. "What are we going to do?"
"What do you mean?" Arya asked, glancing back at him for a moment before looking back out to the courtyard, watching the bustle of people.
"Davos is going to want me to marry" Gendry pointed out and Arya stilled in her movements. She thought back to her first night in Storm's End.
"Would you marry me if I didn't ask anything else from you?" He whispered against her skin. Arya turned towards him and grasped his face, explaining to him once more that she couldn't be a lady. "My family then.. just marry me"
It was plea and Arya's heart broke before Gendry was wiping those tears away.
"I love you, I can't imagine marrying anyone else. I won't even ask you to stay. I'll find a way to build your ship." Gendry began to babble until he pulled away from her with a frown, "we don't even have to tell anyone"
"I love you too." Arya whispered, her hands gripping him as if he was her lifeline. Gendry's eyes widened and he shook his head.
"You don't have to say that because I do."
"I'm not." Arya assured and Gendry buried his face against her chest. Arya's hands moved to rub his scalp. "Let's do it"
Gendry glanced up for a moment before shaking his head and hiding his face again.
"Don't have another round in me"
"I know that's a lie, but that's not what I meant stupid. Let's get married" Arya then pushed him off of her and began reaching for her clothes. "The Godswood is a nice walk from here, let's go"
They found themselves there an hour later, their hands grasped together as they said the words. No witnesses except the old gods and the new if they were watching.
Gendry placed his cloak around her shoulder before kissing her like his life depended on it.
They barely made it back to Storm's end before they took each other in the stables.
"You can't marry" Arya mumbled and Gendry let out a heavy sigh. "Tell him."
"You did not want anyone to know." Gendry pointed out and Arya turned to him and grasped his face.
"Do you regret it?" Gendry shook his head and Arya leaned down to kiss him, gently before pulling away, letting her nose rub against his for a moment. "Tell Davos, he will understand"
"Before you go, let me have you one last time." Gendry asked and Arya noticed the tears now, the ones he couldn't wipe away because her hands were on him.
"It won't be the last time. You hear me?" Arya hissed and Gendry closed his eyes. "I'll be back."
"I know" Gendry murmured, and Arya felt her belt fall to the ground, she climbs on his lap and settled down for a moment before moving her hands to grasp the hem of his tunic. "Thank you"
"I wouldn't be able to leave without having you regardless, my lord," Arya kissed one of the tears on his cheeks and gave him a sad smile.
"Don't call me that, my lady," Arya pushed at his shoulders, letting him fall back against the bed. His hands immediately going to her.
They took their time before finally getting dressed in silence. Their goodbyes being rushed, but when Arya moved to leave the room Gendry pulled her in for a bruising kiss, his desperation reading clear to her before they separated.
Gendry watched the ship set sail, his heart aching but his hand gripped the wooden toy in his hand. It was a direwolf she had Davos make for him. Gendry knew they would survive this. They had been separated before.
