"What's the verdict Doc?" I try to keep my voice lighthearted but my voice cracks and I can't get myself to look up at the man.
"All the tests have come back, and I'm sorry to share that we have found several cancerous masses. It seems that it started as breast cancer and began to spread." I stopped listening as soon as cancer was brought into the conversation.
Funny thing is, the first thing I think of is Steve. The beautiful god-like man who has done nothing but shined light into my life. And what do I do? I take a big shit on his front porch and trash the front lawn. And I won't be coming back to clean up the mess once I've gone.
I head for home, ignoring all nurses or doctors that stand in my way.
"How long?" I recall the question I asked once my thoughts caught up with me.
"At most, three months." I nodded and exited the room.
I walk towards my car but then think better and pull my phone from my purse.
"Hey doll, how was your appointment?" Tears build on my lower eyelid and then the dam breaks, but I smile and keep my tone light.
"It was great babe, hey listen, my car won't start so can you come pick me up?" He sighs is an overly exasperated tone and I laugh.
"Headlights again?" I wipe at my tears, making a mental note to clear my face of all signs of crying as soon as the phone call ends.
"You know me, always forgetting those damn headlights." We laugh together for some time but Steve's laughter dies quicker than mine. The brief moment of silence on his end clues me in as to why, as I hear the soft but familiar hum of a quinjet.
"I'm sorry doll, I'm on my way to Wakanda as we speak." My heart drops and tears gush from my eyes.
"I didn't think there were any missions?" My voice is raspy and I clear my throat quickly.
"Yeah, well his royal highness has some diplomatic meetings that he needs me to attend." I nod and pull the phone away for a moment to take a deep breath, one that is loud and rough from my stuffy nose.
"Ugh, come on! All I could think about today is cuddling, and I gotta say, my stuffed Cap doll just doesn't work. Far too small, and no warmth whatsoever." He chuckles and the sound is music to my ears.
"So, uh, when will you come home?" I sound like a lost child, alone and scared.
"Just over a month." I slide down the side of my car until my butt hits the pavement. Passerbys openly stare at the Avenger crying her eyes out on the ground of a hospital parking lot.
"Ana?"
"Ana? Are you still there?"
"Yeah! Yeah! Hey, do you think I can come over there, I just really wanted to see you, ya'know?" He breaths in through his teeth, a hissing noise coming through.
"I'll talk to the king himself, but you probably don't want to be here. Trust me, these meetings are relentless, eighteen hour long days. Most nights I sleep a max of three hours. Trying to keep these guys from declaring a duel over every topic is a lot harder than you'd think." He laughs and I force one out.
"I guess you're right." Silence consumes my soul.
"I'll talk to you later then, okay?"
"Of course." I can hear the smile in his voice.
"Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"You need to tell him." Nat walked in on me taking my pills and I'd be stupid to think I could fool anyone with my wig and weight loss. Not to mention the sickness and pale skin.
Tony knew since day one, when I went to him and cried my heart out to the man that has always been a brother to me. I asked him to invest in me, to save my life. Of course he said yes, and a week later I was placed with the best doctors in the business and starting chemo.
"I can't Nat." She came further into the bathroom and sat on the counter beside me.
"Bullshit." I laugh the most real laugh I've had in awhile.
"When I die, you all have to move on. Now, would you rather I tell him now and he spend the rest of my living days anticipating my death? Or have him be happy? As long as he can be, before he's sad for what I selfishly believe will be a long time."
"I'm sorry Ana, but I've got one more week here." I currently lie on my bed in a fetal position, hearing Steve's soothing voice but not listening to his words.
"That's what you said last week." My resolve to not tell him was growing thin, and last month when I tried visiting his words held true. I got to explore Wakanda, which was amazing, but Steve and I hardly exchanged more than ten words before he was out like a light.
Don't get me wrong! I took full advantage of his inebriated state! There must be a hundred odd some pictures on his smartphone where I make silly faces with him sleeping. As well as me riding a rhinoceros and wearing T'Challa's black panther suit with Shuri in the other one.
"I know babe, but I mean it this time." Every time he made another promise my heart died a little bit more.
"Alright, well tell me stories until I fall asleep. Or my phone dies. Whichever comes last." He barely gets halfway through one of my favorite stories from his life before the ice, before I fall asleep.
Steve didn't make it home that week. In fact, he didn't make it home for several weeks after that. Being pulled into a mission that was thrust upon him by no one but himself. Everyone begged him to come home, no one more than Ana, but he refused to listen.
He could never stay down, could he?
It caused a fight between the couple, one that left Ana in tears and an empty, voidless pit where her heart and soul used to reside.
"It's been three months Steve! When are you coming home?!" Her health was quickly diminishing, but she had held on. Some say because she wanted to see him, one last time in person. To share one last moment with the love of her life, for him and herself.
"I don't get it Ana! You've always supported me! What's changed now!?" He can hear her hyperventilating on the other side of the phone and his resolve snaps.
"Ana?" A loud ruckus can be heard on the other end and he jumps to his feet.
"Ana?!" Her panting his quieter now but the ruckus doesn't stop.
"Steve! Listen, you need to get here now!" He was already out the door, running to the jet.
He didn't make it.
A doctor filled him in on what was happening as he flew home. How she had discovered her cancer a few months back, but actually held onto life longer than she was supposed to. She tried reassuring Steve that Anastasia could pull through, this one last time.
After all, miracles do happen.
But no this time. The luck had run its course.
Steve laid in his bed, the one he used to share with the love of his life. Pre-packaged food sat on his bedside table, untouched since placed there by Nat and anyone else who'd come to visit.
They all said the same thing, but it fell upon Deaf ears.
"She didn't want you to carry the burden of her death until you absolutely had to."
"It was no one's fault, and she wanted it this way."
"You can't do this forever."
The super soldier would do this forever, or at least until he could move on with his life.
But for now, he will continue to lie in his lonely bed and think about his beautiful girlfriend doing the exact same, waiting for him. Slowly decaying in the small homey room that they created together. Crying every time he so idiotically told her more lies about coming home. Missing out on the last bit of life she should have lived like a goddess, rather than crying alone in their room.
Yeah, he'll just lie here for a while.
All while gripping the small velvet box, and holding it close to his heart.
