I inhaled deeply and opened my eyes. My surroundings haven't changed in the few hours that I've had them closed. A few hours. I'm so tired. What I wouldn't give for a few hours of peaceful sleep. To dream my way back to her, to feel her in my arms and taste the sweetness of her skin, for just a few hours. How I long for the sweet releast of my sleep. I would surely sell what's left of my soul for it.
I'm not here by choice, nor am I here by my own hand. Here, in this place, where the stench of human suffering hangs in the air like a blinding fog. This isn't the life I imagined living when I was a child. It's not the life I intended to live. It certainly isn't what I wanted. It simply... is. What it's not, is living. I stopped living when she was violently ripped from existance.
I met Isabella Swan while we were attending Forks High School, in the timy metropolis of Forks Washington. She was truly the most exquisite creature I had ever laid eyes on, even at the tender age of thirteen. She was terminally shy and quirky. She was incredibly clumsy and had the intellect of Frued. Bella captured me with her beauty, and held me with her gentleness and compassion. The minute I saw her, she became everything to me. After we graduated college, I gave her the only thing that was mine to offer - my name. She accepted it proudly, and wore it like a badge of honor.
We had been married almost four years. Bella was a free lance journalist, and I was into my third year in medical school. We'd moved to Seattle the year before, to be closer to school and Bella's job. She had just finished a big assignment, one that kept her away from me for days at a time, and we were preparing to celebrate. Life was good. I left class early so that I could stop and get a nice bottle of wine for our dinner. When I pulled into the drive, I noticed that the front door of our home was open. As I approached the door, I heard Bella's raised voice, and then, I heard nothing. I had started to enter the house when someone hit me with enough force to knock me off of the porch. I didn't see who was running away, but then he just stopped. He turned long enough for me to see him. Jacob Black. Bella's childhood friend. The man who pursued Bella relentlessly during her teens. The man who adamantly refused to accept that I was Bella's choice.
My dislike for Jacob wasn't a secret. He blatently disregarded my and Bella's relationship every chance he got, and he mocked me continually. Bella became disenchanted with him on her fourteenth birthday, during some adolescent game, when he tried to force himself on her. She ended their friendship, and tolerated his presence in our lives out of respect for her father, Charlie, who was considered the best friend of Jacobs father. The last straw for Bella and me - and Charlie, for that matter - was when Jacob arrived at our wedding reception. He was extremely intoxicated, and decided that then was the best time to unleash a barage of nasty insults and inuendo - all of it, directed at Bella. Not a smart move, considering Charlie was the police cheif in Forks. Jacob was arrested, thrown in jail, and we never heard from him again. Until the night that he killed her. His logic was simple. If he couldn't have Bella, then neither would I. It worked out quite nicely for him. Isabella Cullen, my wife, is dead. And I, Edward Cullen, will soon be, too..
Bella was very close to my family. My sister, Alice was her best friend. The dynamic of their relationship was one that only they undestood. It was amusing to watch, really. Alice considers herself to be some sort of fashionista, and she was always hopeful of converting Bella. And of course, Bella fought her every step of the way. Emmett, my very large brother, lived to embarass Bella. It drove her crazy. He would tell her, ' Now Bella, it wouldn't be any fun giving you shit if I didn't love you so much!'. He gave her alot of shit, but they adored each other. My parents loved Bella as if she were theirs, and Charlie became a second father to me. We were happy, and now it's gone.
So, here I sit. Death Row. A horrendous place. Unfortunately, I have alot of time on my hands. I try not to think about how different our live would be, had Jacob just stayed gone. I have no doubt that Bella would be a brilliant, award winning journalist. I would be a doctor by now. And we would have a family. The idea of Bella and I never knowing life beyond our own sickens me. Even now, I can see Bella with a little girl and she's beautiful. She has Bella's chocolate eyes and pearly skin, and long hair that lays in little ringlets at her waist. It's the exact shade as mine. Yes, things would be different.
My family knows of my innocence. Innocent in the sense that I didn't have a hand in Bella's death. As does Charlie. He visits twice a month, and still treats me like a son. He knows that I still love Bella, as much as I ever did. And he knows that I could never intentionally hurt her. They don't understand how I could just give up and accept the situation. Well... I don't. I never have. I never fought for my freedom, or tried to defend myself. I couldn't. Someone else took her life, but the guilt I feel for her loss has never abated - not even a little bit. I was her husband. It was my job to protect her. Something that I swore I would always do. I failed her miserably. It's my debt to Bella. A debt that I willingly and gladly will pay with my death, my sleep, because I can never, ever accept a life without Bella in it.
As for Jacob Black? Other than myself, and Jacob, of course, there are two other people on the planet who know what Jacob did. Charlie and Emmett. It's not hard for a police officer - namely the chief of police - to find someone. My brother owns a large construction company, and God love him, he's not afraid to get his hands dirty. I was surprised when Charlie came to visit me today, he was here last week and didn't plan on coming back for a few weeks. He shook my hand like he always does, except this time, he handed off a small chunk of concrete. I was perplexed. He wasn't surprised when I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He simply nodded at my hand and said, "Jacob Black is now resting under tons of that very concrete in the parking garage of Emmett's new building. Isabella Terrace Luxury Suites." And then he smiled, and whispered, "Opening Soon."
