Because of Small Things
Chapter 1

Author Notes: This is my remake of the story I had started a most three weeks ago. I didn't like how it was going so I revised it. So, please erase all memories of that last one and focus on new things this time. Thanks! Please let me know what you think of this version! :)


The walls were pure white and the bed was small, hanging up on the wall about two feet high. There was a single window in the square room and it shone the sun's ray in my eyes. My grey eyes winced instantly when the dawn's sun raised high in the sky, shining brightly in the brilliantly glowing white room. I was doing what I did everyday in this white room: sitting on the edge of my small bed and dangling my feet as my fingers danced together. My head was always swimming and my fingers usually felt numb, and they currently did. My blond hair was greasy like it has been for a couple weeks, but it was messily pulled into a ponytail. I only got a real shower every two weeks, I reminded myself before glancing out the window.

The door opened and I looked over, eyeing the nurse in the white nurse's outfit that had a red lining with the words State Side Penitentiary across the top of the pocket on her right breast. I looked down as she crossed to me, laying her cold hands on my burning hot skin. It felt nice. "Etsuko, ready to go outside," her small voice stated as her fingers rubbed my skin gently. I didn't answer and she helped me stand. God, I hated these drugs, I thought as the lady led me out and toward the hallway. Laughs were echoing through the walls and I looked around, frowning. I wasn't a nutcase, I reminded myself constantly everyday. People around me usually had a mental illness. I was here because of something more serious that I really didn't want to get into right now.

My feet slid across the linoleum floor with a scuffing sound because of my white slippers. They didn't trust me with shoes, like the other inmates. I was currently wearing the uniform of this hellhole, which consisted of white pants and a white shirt. That was it. I wasn't allowed underwear or a bra, in case I could figure out how to use them for "destruction". I wasn't the only one without a bra. Most of the female inmates didn't have them as well. I think I'm the only inmate who wasn't wearing underwear though, I don't know.

The main lobby was full of the nutcases rocking back and forth and mumbling incoherently about something abnormal. I was crossed across that lobby and toward the two sliding doors. I was moved to a wooden bench and the lady gently eased me down, smiling at me. "I'll be right over here," she stated, pointing to the table with the doctors and nurses sitting on it. I watched her walked over and sighed. I was allowed an hour of outside time since I really wasn't that dangerous… Anymore, I thought. When I first arrived, I had been thrashing and tearing at people because of what happened two years ago. I clenched my eyes shut and let my lips quiver. The memory still haunted me, but if I were to cry right now I'd be rushed back to my room and strapped down. I always turned dangerous when I cried.

The sun felt warm on my light skin and I could almost feel my skin soaked in the vitamins the sun provided us people. I reached down and took off my slippers, letting the sun warm up my ice cold toes. My toes were always freezing cold. It was weird, I always thought. The nurses said it was normal since of the drugs I was given. I looked ahead of me and watched as a "normal kid" (as they'd call it, the nurses and doctors anyways) ran by with a bright red ball, giggling and laughing as the mother walked by as well, laughing. The mother looked over and I felt my heart twitch with pain as her eyes looked over at me, saddened. Her smile faded into a frown as she looked at me and I allowed my lips to curl downward, my fingers fidgeting as my toes curled around the edge of my slippers. I saw her shoulders rise and fall with her sigh and she looked away, vanishing around the corner with her child.

I sighed and allowed the single salty, warm tear to fall from the corner of my eyes before I wiped it away. I saw the nurses look at me, worriedly but I narrowed my eyes at them and looked away, letting the warm continue to warm my toes. After a while of my endless thinking, my usual nurse came over and went to slip on my slippers, but some compulsion came over me and I shoved her away, putting my slippers on myself. She narrowed her eyes at me and went to call two heavy set guys but I stood, shaking my head with a frown. She eyed me and grabbed my arm, leading me inside, a little more forcibly I might add. I had almost stumbled a few times, but I guess me shoving her made her a little angry.

I was sat on my bed in my room again and the door shut behind my nurse with a loud snap, followed by a click. I sighed and lay down, staring at the blank ceiling. Everything was so melancholy here and the drugs put some weird effects on me at times. At times, I had this involuntary movement in my right arm. My forearm would sometimes just shake rather scarily. It usually put me on edge as I tried to make it stop. I wasn't sure what things they were giving me, but I knew it wasn't good for my muscles if they were having compulsions like that.

I could usually tell when it was going to happen because my fingers would twitch before moving to my forearm and causing it to move. I was currently feeling that and I sighed as my forearm twitched, bending at the elbow and slapping back down on my thigh. I frowned and used my other arm to hold my arm down, biting my lower lip as I pushed my right arm down. It was just shaking now and I started to count to twenty in my head. It only lasted for twenty seconds, I found out but those twenty seconds seemed endless as I pushed my right arm down. I was glad I was left handed because if I was right handed, my left hand wouldn't stand a chance on pinning it down.

When I stopped counting, my forearm stopped shaking. I released it and sighed, staring down at my perched up knees. I sat up and let my feet hit the tiled floor before standing and walking shakily to the window. I stared out and watched all the insane people walking around, twitching endlessly like my arm did. Unlike me, they couldn't stop it and for some, it never ended. Like the guy five doors down, he was always having muscular convulsions along with loud irritated moans and screams. They usually kept me up at night, but lately he's been giving sedatives (tale from room 234, who was always in on "gossip" amongst the nurses). I was always amused when Room 234 was talking.

The door opened and I looked over, my eyes glazing over as I saw the usual "dosage" man come in. He was a largely built guy and intimidated everyone in this facility, but for some reason every time he came into my room, he had a fearful look on his face. I knew why, too. When I first arrived, I had bit his neck so hard, it bled. I could still see the hideous scar on his neck of seven teeth marks in a horseshoe shape on the left side of his neck. He was on my right, I remembered, and I had lurched forward, biting his neck. His scream had broken my sound barrier and every inmate had laughed insanely, which really pissed him off.

He inched over to me and pulled out a single syringe that had a rather long needle, saying, "You better act nice, freak." I looked at him as he pushed up my sleeve and jabbed the needle in my skin. My eyes watered and my skin felt like it was burning as he put the serum in my body. I winced and he pulled it out, walking out instantly. I reached up and rubbed the sore spot, letting out a slight whine. I hated those shots. They always hurt the most. I looked out the window once more, knowing my eyes did their normal glazing effect. Whenever I stared at the sun, I always felt a sense of peace. And when I looked at the moon, I usually had a very at ease feeling. I never slept here. I haven't slept since the day before I was admitted here, two years ago. I reached up and fingered the dark sockets under my eyes. My eyes were "beautiful" (so room 234 said) but they were always blotched with red from the lack of sleep and the lack of blinking I did.

At times, I wouldn't blink for an hour straight. Like I said, the drugs here did a weird thing to me all the time. I swung my legs back and forth and sighed. I heard a sliding noise and looked over to see the head doctor. He walked in and smiled. "Hello Etsuko," he stated. "How are you feeling today?" I didn't answer. "Still not talking, eh? That's okay! Guess what though? Today, you have your first visitor!"

I almost let out a confused remark, but the fact that I really haven't used my vocal cords for a year made a small squeak come out instead. I watched the doctor walk out and I heard mumbling before a strangely dressed man walked in. I thought him peculiar, but I figured this was an insane asylum and freaks were allowed to visit other freaks. He had on a pair of yellow kimono pants with a blue over type thing (that I really didn't know how to explain) that ended well to his ankles with a red obi tied loosely around his waist. He had on a white puffed shirt on under and the sleeves cut sharply at his wrists. He had a red scarf around his shoulders and he had an air of royalty around him. He had brunette hair that hung lazily in front of two honey brown eyes and a tattoo of Jr. on his forehead, right in the middle. The thing I thought was the strangest was the blue pacifier in his mouth that seemed to wiggle slightly. I had to admit though…he was handsome for a tall guy that was well a foot taller than me.

He waited until the door closed before sighing and staring at me. I stared back with my blank eyes. I could read the disappointment on his face. I had always been good at reading expressions. I watched him for a second as he moved to the window and stared out, his hands dug deeply into the pockets I hadn't noticed one bit. I blinked and narrowed my eyes, the burning sensation happening as my eye lids tried to put moisture in my eyes once more. He turned to me quickly and stated, "Etsuko LeBlanc, my name's Koenma and I can help you…"