Note: This is crap I make up for my wife to entertain her. You might know her as "yunakitty", the, uh, the smut queen. Anyways, the following is extremeley stupid and will probably lower your IQ. So enjoy it. The parts in italics are our conversations to each other in between the story telling. I'm a big Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and 80's fan, so you'll see that in there too.

Her: Tell me a story, bits.

Me: Huh? What kind of story?

Her: One about Harvest Moon.

Me: Uh, okay.

Once upon a time there was a place called Mineral Town. There was this one farmer, and he was planting seeds and hoeing and shit all day. All the other townspeople came up to him and said, "Whatcha doing, Charlie?" Then he was like, "You'll see...heh heh." Well, time passed and the plants grew. They were poppies! Charlie got all the townspeople hooked on heroin, and the women had to become hoes to make more money to buy drugs for him.

Her: ... ... That was stupid.

Me: Well, I'm not really a storyteller, you know.

Her: Try harder! This time, put people that are ACTUALLY in Harvest Moon in the story. You know, like Cliff and Claire.

Me: Ugh...

One day, Cliff was...doing farming stuff on his farm. But suddenly, this Chinese kid ran up. "You gotta help me, mister! My best friend hurt real bad!" Cliff put down his seed bag or whatever and went with the kid. The kid took him to a tree, where Indiana Jones was sitting and bleeding.

"The name's Indy, kid," Indiana Jones said, holding his hurt arm.

"But you call him Doctor Jones!" the Chinese kid, who was named Shortround, screamed at Cliff.

Her: ...Where is this going? And is there going to be sex in this?

Me: I don't know...Shortround's only nine.

Her: No! Not with Shortround! Between Cliff and Claire!

Me: Ugh...

Cliff went in the house and fucked Claire real quick, then he...uh, got some bandaids and shit and fixed up Indy. So then, Indy was like, "Kid, I'm in Mineral Town to find the...lost Golden Monkey Idol of Ancient Mineral Town. It's buried under the mayor's house. Let's go!"

Cliff dragged behind them. "I don't want to be mixed up in this," he whined, because he was an emo kid.

"You already are, kid," Indy said smugly, as he tore up the mayor's floor. They got the idol or whatever and the END.

Her: ...That sucked hard, honey.

Me: Well! I tried.

Her: I want more.

Me: Uh...I'm not really sure what else to say...all I know about Mineral Town really is that you grow crops there, cows and chickens, and Cliff and Claire fuck a lot.

Her: *gives me a brief rundown of Mineral Town and its inhabitants, which I only half listen to. I'm trying to grope her under the covers instead.*

Me: Okay, I got it.

So, one day, Zack the gay mayor and Goat the log man were on an adventure...

Her: NO! That's not right!

Me: It's cool, it's cool. I got it.

Her: But...

Goat was tired from building log cabins all day, and he wanted to get some kicks. So he and Zack, who was a gay mayor, went kayaking or something. Anyway, they found a crystal skull. "Let's take over the world!" Goat yelled. They went back into town to show it off. Suddenly, THX-1138 stepped out of the crowd.

Her: Who is that?

Me: You know, from THX-1138. It's a George Lucas movie. Aw, Google it tomorrow. Anyways...

THX-1138 spoke. "I know I'm a simple man, and I keep to myself. I don't often give my opinion, but this time, I have to. You need to get rid of that skull and forget about taking over the world. Trust me on this." Everybody shrugged, and Goat and Zack threw the crystal skull down the well or something. THE END. Now go to sleep.

Her: Yay, I guess.

More to come soon! There is lots more of this...she typed it up on some message board a few months back, but lost it. We have to try and remember it all, then we'll put it up. Sorry it's so stupid...it gets funnier, I promise.