Prologue
BPOV
She left once again another envelope at her doorstep. She shook as she walked away without looking back. That's what she has been doing for the past six months, not looking back.
She still felt somewhat guilty, sad, and even angry, but she already knew how to live with those emotions thanks to her. It was one of the reasons she left anyway. One of the many reasons that plagued her back then, and plagued her now. Not because she regretted it; but because she worried about that woman. The woman that made her be the way she was. The woman that sometimes stirred feelings of hate deep within her being.
And yet she cared, not loved, no. She just cared, deeply. She still didn't know what it really was but she knew she loved her two aunts Adrianna and Claudia and her one favorite uncle Jorge.
~Days Later~
It was the third time she woke up sweating, panting, and crying. Somehow the tears escaped her during the night. She sighed heavily, laid back, and closed her eyes. She knew then, knew she had been right along, and knew it was time. She couldn't hide anymore, couldn't escape what could happen, it just would.
So the next day she woke up silently, dressed, and got her recorder out and started talking. Leaving a message behind for her aunt Adri to listen to for when she was gone. She'd have answers to everything and that was all that mattered. She was resigned to her fate and somewhat content and at peace.
She got into her old 1996 Chevy truck and drove off to school. A litany of words were whispered within the truck. She wanted this to happen; she was tired of fighting and yet she didn't. She wanted to live and go on with her life, but she knew that this moment would define the course of her destiny, of everything. So she drove on cautiously and switched lanes putting on her blinker.
The light turned green and she drove forward and that's when she felt her whole body pulse in pain; her heart thrumming loudly and quickly within her chest. She held herself together with her left hand somehow hoping to ease the pain. And in that moment she knew. Knew nothing would ever be the same; she just knew.
Adriana's POV
She woke up with an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach. But she shook it off as nervousness. Mainly because of the presentation she had to give in an hour at the hospital. She went through her morning ritual getting showered, dressed in pink scrubs, dried her hair, straightened it, put on moisturizers, face tightening cream, some light pink and coral colored makeup, and finally some perfume. She tried smiling at her reflection but failed. She was getting old that much she knew, but then she truly smiled walking towards the kitchen. Where she mostly found post it's of her niece stating cute messages or poetry. She loved her niece so much. Of course, she cared for her since she was born but ever since she grew older especially about a year from now she came to truly love her niece to pieces. That girl of her was so funny, kind, and sweet. Thank God, Bella finally accepted to come live with her at her home. The Lord knew needed the company but mostly the attentions that her Bella took with her. She cooked and sometimes cleaned. She sent her hope-filled, witty, and cheerful text messages. That young girl was the light in her life. She had always loved her other two cousins so much more as if they were her own. Lately, though she had felt sad because honestly, they only called her to ask for money or favors.
Not Bella. Bella called to invite her out or to see how she was doing. She smiled again; she went to the counter to see what message Bella had for her when she saw a recording machine with a post it that said 'Play Me' she felt a little shiver run down her back but ignored it. She forced a smile, "Maybe she now decided to sing for me or something." She told herself. After all Bella had left her sometimes Cd's or other selections on the counter in the mornings. Though she had hoped she had left another post it with more Love you's, To Be or Not to be's, You're my Sunlight!, You look beautiful today like a Chinese Empress, or something similar. But she'd listen to the message, she always did. She hit the play button
"Recorded Message at 6:47 a.m." the electronic voice stated, "Hey tia, this is kind of different huh… (She laughed) First of all I want you to know I love you. I always have, and always will. You have been the constant being in my life that makes me happy and laugh. You listen to me and actually care. You honestly listen to my inner ramblings and give me advice. You're like the mother I wish I could have had. You and of course tia Claudia. She's great too. You both care for me so much and let's not forget tio Jorge. Although, he's been gone for a while but still. He counts. You three were the parents I always needed and could have asked for. You know I've been having these dreams lately, but you know I've always dreamed. Always, since I was young. And yeah I knew some of my dreams are funky and totally weird and some don't make sense, but bear with me. Lately, I've been having the same dream for the past four days. That I'm driving to school and then well I don't know. I'm just gone. But I see this tunnel and there's these three doors. And it's like something is telling me to choose a door. But the door means something. It means what I choose. It means… (She breathed heavily) it means I live or die, and it means I could be stuck in both. Not alive but not dead. Sort of like in limbo but not really. I know you don't believe in that stuff but that's what I dreamed. What I've been dreaming. Tia, I've always known this. I've always known I was going to die young. I know that sounds crazy. And I'm not suicidal or anything. But it's true. I always told my mom I'd die young. I felt it. Sometimes I'd get this feeling and shiver like something was getting closer. Something that was inevitable. I swear it's true tia. But if something happens, If I end up in some coma. Tia, please, please… Just…Let me go. Let me die. It's what I want. I don't want this. I don't want to be here anymore. I guess… I guess I just got tired of fighting.
I guess I never… I mean I believe in God okay and all that stuff. And maybe if I prayed more, read the bible, and participated in church activities I'd be better? Who knows.. But that's the thing. I DON'T want to. I know I'm selfish and maybe I do die well I'll go to hell or something but that's okay. Because then that's where I was meant to be that was where it would all lead. All my life, I know I sound horrible tia. I'm just a pessimist at heart, really. I guess after hearing my mother call me worthless after a while it stuck. I started to believe it even though deep down I know it's not true. But I feel that way, worthless. (sighs heavily)
You know I always wanted to get older and maybe get a boyfriend during my last year of university. Then after graduation I wanted to maybe live together, then I don't know get engaged and then married, I wanted tio Jorge to walk me down the aisle to my soulmate. But I'm impatient and… just not good enough. I can't do this and wait for a future that is still weeks, months, even years from now. You know sometimes when I got sad like this I'd pray. Pray to God to take care of my soul mate, Of the man I'd love. To help him with his goals, to protect him, to give him hope, to look for me… Maybe love just wasn't meant for me.
Tia… I don't have anything to give you after this. I don't have a will or a house or money. But if you want you can sell my books, my clothes, anything and everything. (Laughs)
Maybe I'm just crazy maybe I'll drive to school and it'll happen or maybe on the way back or maybe… Maybe I'll come back home… in one piece and I'll be embarrassed. Maybe I'll live and I'll see how silly I was and you'll knock some sense into me. But maybe just maybe… I'll die or go into a coma. If that happens. If it does happen. Tia… P-please… please let me go…Let them take me off of the machines, I don't want that. I either want to live or die. But not be stick there. Please…. It's all I ask.
(sigh) I want to tell you that this was all a big joke but I can't shake off the feeling. The feeling that I've been having for years… You feel it too don't you tia? I know you do. Somehow.
Tia, I love you…so much. I know this isn't the messages I usually leave you but I needed to leave this. For you, needed to let you know that I love you before I'm gone. I do. I know you'll feel sad but don't worry tia. Because unlike me you have favor with God. I don't know the bible but I remember a scripture that said something about that there was a time for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:4 "A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance."I remember in my freshman year at the fine arts magnet school there was a teacher named Mr. Buckley. We read something but there was a message that said, "This too shall pass.." Your sadness will pass tia. I love you…
Maybe I'll see you later and maybe not. Bye. Love you"
"End of recorded message 6:55a.m."
She cried and shook and prayed that whatever this feeling was that she felt would pass. That Bella was fine. She never knew how much sorrow her Bella felt. How worthless, after this she'd try harder she'd show her she wasn't alone. But she couldn't shake off that bad feeling and she prayed internally as she grabbed her car keys that Bella would be safe. In that moment she heard glass braking. The sound echoing throughout the living room. She turned suddenly too afraid to see what fell and broke; slowly she turned and walked towards the broken glass. That's when she saw it and let out a loud sob; it was her picture. It was a picture of her beloved Bella smiling… with pieces of broken shards all around her face…
BPOV
That's when she heard it a loud honking, bright headlights lighted her from her right side. She tried to swerve, to prevent the collision, the impact. But it was in vain. All she knew was that she saw those headlights, heard that loud honk, saw that car drive of without a fucking scratch, and she collided with something. Then just pain, pain, pain… Pain was what she had lived with all her life; she could deal with it. Even with this pain. Physical pain so great that it made her cry out, and whimper like the fucked up girl she was. She could barely feel anything but she saw it. Saw everything stained in red; and then it clicked in her mind. Everything was stained with her blood. One of the few things that kept her alive. When she came to she saw a face and heard a distant voice say, "Stay with me…Goddamnit stay with me… Open…Eyes….." It was all jumbled but she got the message.
With all her strength she looked into those green eyes that somewhat kept her anchored here, alive, for a few seconds and said in a barely adauble voice, "Let me go…"
EPOV
I woke up with a good yet bad feeling at the same time. I felt like, like maybe today of all days would change everything although I thought that was absurd. Who knows, maybe a patient would die on me, but I immediately erased that thought. No, I'd focus on the good feeling. The minutes ticked away quickly and then all too soon I was snapped out of my thoughts by an emergency call. It seems there was a collision accident. My partner and I climbed into the ambulance and rushed to 455 Love Road. For a minute I smiled as I thought about the name of the road but I soon sobered up as we were called there because of an accident.
We got to the scene and that's when I felt pain rip through my whole body that I shook. I wanted to scream in agony and loss. I panted and quickly ran to the driver's side of the car. The car was mangled since it hit a brick wall. I looked inside and in it was a young woman maybe in her early twenties with pale skin, and dark auburn colored hair. She had her eyes closed and I checked for a pulse but it was very faint. Emmet my partner helped me carry out lightly and we placed her in a gurney and into the ambulance. Emmet drove quickly seeing my panic.
I felt myself tremble as I saw her whole body covered in blood and I hooked her up to an IV machine and was looking for a respirator mask. She needed to stay alive.
I don't know why but this woman was important to me. She had to love she just had to. Her pulse and heartbeat were faint and I knew she was close… "Emmet! Hurry! Drive faster!" I shouted. "I'm going as fast as I can! Just relax we're almost there!"
I held a towel to her chest hoping to stop the bleeding and I wanted to break down when I saw her eyelids flutter open and reveal dark chocolate brown eyes. They looked so sad and resigned and then they fluttered shut once again and I shouted. I couldn't help myself, "Stay with me! Goddamnit stay with me! Open you eyes…please open your eyes… Live come on fight! You have to live! You just have to… please.." That's when I almost jumped in relief when her I saw her eyes once again but the relief was short lived as I heard her soft raspy voice, "Let me go…" and those eyes closed away along with her heart and life because all I heard was a constant beeping noise in the background.
A/N: Well what do you think? Too dramatic, to angsty? I know it's too much but I like it. I hope you do to. I don't know didley squat of medical terms or EMT's but I'll do research and get the other chapters somewhat right. This is only the beginning…. We haven't even gotten to the good stuff although I'm still thinking and putting the pieces together mentally. This story will be kept alive by reviews so REVIEW! Please.
~Themysteryofjade
