Title: A Momentary Lapse of Reason
Author: Josephine
Email: Lovellama@aol.com
Rating: PG
Codes: T/T'P, S
Genre: Angst
Summary: Trip realizes a hard truth.
Notes: Answer to the challenge: Engineer – Furious – Sheets on the Linguistics Database (judy.jteers.net/lingdata/)

Settling into the armchair in the observation lounge, Hoshi gave a sigh of relief. Quiet and comfortable. She turned on her PADD and began reading the latest 'Journal of Xenolinguistics'. A dissertation of hers had been published a few issues ago, and the responses to it would have started coming in.

A flash of light caught her attention before she could start reading; looking up Hoshi saw Trip, half hidden in the shadows. The light glinted off a bottle as he brought it to his mouth again.

Hoshi frowned and turned off her PADD. She made her way over and sat next to Trip, putting her feet up on the same ottoman as his.

"Hey Trip."

He didn't answer, just took another swig.

Staring out the window, Hoshi watched the kaleidoscope of stars go by, waiting for Trip to talk. The minutes passed.

"She's leavin'. Jest like that. Up an' goin'."

Hoshi realized he was already three sheets to the wind. She sighed. "Her tour of duty is up. It's been two years."

"She didn't even ask for an extension. She coulda stayed, if she wanted t'."

The bottle tipped again.

"Asked her t' stay. Nearly begged her not t' go. 'What about us? How kin ya leave m' like this?'"

She said there was no us. That it was 'friendship', nothin' else. That I was too 'emotional an' reckless' for there to be anythin' between us. All that time we spent together, eatin' m' heart out for her, and I weren't nothin' more than a … diversion. Somethin' t' pass th' time while she was stuck on this stinkin' Earth ship."

Another pull on the bottle, this one longer than the others.

Hoshi closed her eyes. She wanted to feel furious for Trip, at the callous way his heart had been broken, but there was only sadness.

"You knew what she was, Trip. You knew that she couldn't return your feelings, that there wasn't a future with her. You're polar opposites." Hoshi met Trip's eyes as he glared at her.

"She wouldn't have been able to give you the emotional support you need. You are emotional and you can be reckless. You'd suppress your nature trying to please her, turning into a shell of who you really are."

Don't try to deny it, it's already happening. The past year has seen you change, and not for the better. You're even worse than Malcolm now."

"Am not!" accompanied another glare.

"Yes, you are! You need to let her go."

"I love her!"

"No you don't! You're infatuated with her! She's beautiful, aloof, exotic; everything you're not. Any reciprocal feelings you thought you saw was her curiosity with humans. You were right about one thing, you were a diversion. Were there any interests at all you shared? Was it ever her idea to spend time off duty with you? Was it your mind that was attracted to her or just your libido responding to that body in a catsuit?"

You're a wonderful man, Trip; a brilliant Engineer and a warm, caring person. I know it hurts to think that you made a mistake reading someone's character. But it's not your fault. We all have lapses from time to time."

Hoshi eased the bottle out of Trip's hand as his head sunk to his chest. "Let's get you back to your cabin. Things may not look better in the morning, but I'll ask you again in a month or two and we'll see how you are."

"Thanks Hosh." Trip dropped a kiss on her head as they walked out of the lounge. "You may be th' best friend I have on this boat. … 'cept fer Jon … an' Malcolm, even though he's a stick in th' mud … 'course, Eddie an' me are pretty tight … but you're definitely th' best lookin' …" Trip's voice trailed off as they made their way down the corridor.