I loved you.
I tried to show you.
I gave you everything.
My love, my heart, my soul, my spirit.
Everything. I tried to make you see, understand
I expected to be burned – the Phoenix Prince? Who wouldn't.
But I had always hoped,
That you cared as well.

When I told you, that evening as the sun set.
I was hopeful.
You shattered me.
I had poured out my heart for you.
I had reached out,
Hoped to touch your heart.
You all but laughed at me.
But you didn't even give me that emotion.

You told me that you were leaving.
Returning to Russia with Tala.
And that, you didn't want me to follow you.
I died a little, on the inside
Because I knew what you meant.
You never wanted to see me again.

I held on, for months.
I hoped you would call. Ask me to visit.
You never did. I was afraid to call you.

I saw, on the news today
You and Tala had gone public.
You looked happier than I had ever seen you.
I had had the phone in my hand,
When it came on
I just dropped it.

It wasn't worth it.
I wouldn't shatter your heaven.
The peace you deserve.
With a man you deserve.
I won't discuss why Tala
Is so much better than me.
That isn't what this is about.

I hope, that you are happy.
That you have found the peace
That you truly deserve.
As for me, don't worry.
I won't bother you
Any more.

I love you.
I have always loved you.
I could never forget the feeling I had
And I won't try.
Instead, I sit alone tonight
Contemplating.

The others all thought
That if one of us would hurt themselves
It was you, with your darkness, and brooding
They were wrong.
For all of that, they were wrong
Emotions, hard and deep
Uncontrollable, and intolerable now
The don't even know
That I love you
Much less
That I told you

Do you ever think of me,
Phoenix Prince?
Do I ever cross your mind?
If I took my life tonight
Would you care?
If someone told you what I was planning
Would you try and stop me?
If someone told you
That the scars on my arms
Were not made by accidents
Would you be angry?
Or would you just let it go?

The knife that sits by the bed
Is the only thing that gives me control
Of the agony found
Within my heart.

I lie awake at night,
Looking at that picture of you
I roll over
And cry myself to sleep at night
When I can't look any more

The others don't know
And I don't think they even care
I've become more like you
In the last month

Tyson comments constantly
On how in my silence, I am too like you
They say I brood like you,
And it's hard not to snap
And tell them that I
Could never be as perfect as you.
They wouldn't understand the point
I know that

But it's still hard.
Maybe, in your vices, I am like you
I have more of a temper than ever
I almost hurt Tyson last night
I'm losing my grip
My control
My patience.

I can't take the pain in silence any more
The scars run deeper than the flesh
Sometimes I can hardly speak
Sometimes, I can barely keep from crying
In front of the others

The blade meets pale flesh
Blood wells up,
But it doesn't help
I don't feel better
I never do.
But somehow
The physical pain
Is easier to handle
Than the emotional

I cry any way
As the blood flows
And I wonder, if this time
I will wait too long
To stop the blood
Pouring down my arm
With my head hanging,
Tears join the pool of blood on the floor
I yearn to let go
To just bleed

But I know better
I don't have the guts,
To let myself bleed out on the floor.
Tomorrow maybe
I will have the heart
To end it, before someone else gets hurt
For tonight,
I will cry.

And I'll think on the memory of you and him
And I'll try and be happy for you.
At least one of us
Is happy.
If I am still here
And Tala ever hurts you
I will destroy him
He may be better for you
But I will not tolerate a mistake
On his part.

If he ever makes you cry
And I learn of it.
I will kill him.
I hope

You will never read this
But if you do,
Just remember
I will always love you

I only want
What is best for you
Don't worry about me
Even if I am never alright again
I am glad that you will be.

Maybe, one day
I can smile for you
Maybe one day
Everything will be alright
Or not.

"Kai." The dual toned teen answered his phone, with an almost concerned tone of voice. The area code was Chinese, he'd memorized it as the one a phone call from Rei, or the Tigers would have.

"Why do you want me to meet you there?"

"If I refuse?"

"Fine. I'll come."

Some days later, Kai entered the small village that he had only visited once or twice in the past. Rei's home village. The people he passed glared at him with a fury that he had never anticipated from those who had welcomed him so kindly less than a year before. Kevin and Mariah in particular seemed vicious in their glares. Where is Rei? I know he had Lee call me, but this is ridiculous. As if I didn't know Lee wouldn't call me on his own. I wonder what he wanted, any way.

A little a head, he saw Lee leaning against a wall, staring at him. "I almost didn't expect you to show."

"Where is Rei," Kai's voice was completely calm.

"You really don't get it. Do you?" Lee said coldly. "I brought you here, because he killed himself. I thought you should know. Also, I thought you should know, that we consider it to be your fault. The letter he left, was addressed to you, though I do not think he intended you to ever read it."

"He...no way. Not Rei." Kai was disbelieving.

"He did. He slit his writs. Blood Everywhere. Mariah found him." Lee said coolly, as he held out several sheets of paper folded together. There were blood stains on the paper, Kai noticed as he took it from Lee.

[The beginning of the letter is the Poem that makes up the beginning of the fan fic.]

I'm sorry, Kai. I couldn't keep going any more. You'll never read this. You'll never care. I know. But I had to write it anyway. I had to say my good bye, even though you'd never know the difference. Hm. Maybe you'll never even learn that I took my own life.

Good bye, My love.

Rei