A/N:
Many thanks to everyone who's put this story on the alert or favourites' list and/or has given me a review. Frankly, I've got more reviews for my A/N than I've ever got for one chapter of my actual stories.
You're so great people. Please read and enjoy and - do not forget to review it.
A future haunted by the past
1. All the King's horses and all the King's men
Arthur turned gracefully on his heels, avoiding his opponent's determined thrust while he brought his own blade up in an attempt to hit the other's neck. The young King swore angrily under his breath when his sword was parried by the other knight, if just barely.
The blades slid off each other with a heinous sound. Arthur feigned a retreat and as his opponent came forward in pursuit, the royal side-stepped quickly and let his blade cut in a horizontal blow across the other man's stomach. The knight yelped in angry surprise and pulled back, instinctively forgetting about his strong armour, trying to protect his sensitive lower body with his blade and a side-step of his own. To slowly die with one's intestines flowing out was every sword fighter's nightmare.
With a triumphant roar, Arthur went in for the kill. A vicious kick against the already slipping feet destabilized the attacker even more and Camelot's King used his own momentum to slam the hilt of his blade against the other's sword-hand to push it aside. It was a classical move, meant to breach through an enemy's defence and aim for his heart or throat.
The two sword hilts connected forcefully; Arthur put his full weight into the clash and for the blink of an eye it was a fight of sheer strength. The outcome was inevitable though, as the other knight was unsteady on his feet while parts of his strength were caught up in a frantic attempt to regain his footing.
And yet, Sir Leon recoiled in horror when his King stumbled and fell forward, his sword glancing off the knight's blade. Once rid of the opposing weapon's resistance, Leon's sword jerked upwards until it was stopped by Arthur's throat; a spot that was, as always, the weak point of the armour.
Nausea made Leon's head spin when he saw his blade cut into the soft skin of Arthur's neck, drawing blood immediately. The horrified knight screamed for help at the top of his voice, the King's blood spilling over his hands while he tried to keep Pendragon from falling to the ground.
Little good it did Gaius that he was by the King's side in an instant; Leon was terrified out of his wits and he needed someone to vent this terror on. "Damn your eyes, where have you been you old fool?"
For once the Court Physician let it go unchallenged. He was himself scared almost witless. It had been for very good reason that either he or Merlin had always been present during Arthur's frequent 'exercises'. Well, most of the time they had, naturally by one miraculous coincidence after another, both been somewhere in the vicinity as soon as their King had as much as touched a weapon on Camelot's training ground.
"No need to yell like that. The cut isn't that bad" Gaius now said after a short examination.
"I am glad to hear it" Arthur chuckled, albeit a bit awkwardly.
Leon closed his eyes briefly. His knees were still wobbling. "With Your Majesty's permission, I'd rather call it a day" the knight said, and he knew better than anyone how shaken his King was as Arthur just agreed that it 'had been enough for one afternoon'.
"We have to bandage that, Sire" Gaius insisted. "Even a harmless wound can get infected." Sighing angrily but without resistance, the King followed his physician to the infirmary.
It took almost an hour before Gaius allowed Arthur to leave it again, and when the young King came out, his face did not bode well for anyone who came into his way.
Leon nodded, as if the sight had confirmed an earlier thought, and sneaked into the infirmary. "Gaius, please I have to know if it was my fault. My Gods, I thought I'd killed him..."
"You very nearly did" a very pale and nervous Merlin answered in Gaius' place. "I'd thought you'd know how to handle these 'training lessons'!" The warlock slammed the brush he was using to scrub the table on the wooden surface with a vengeance.
"I know that scrubbing the infirmary is no longer a part of your duties, my boy, but I'm sure ruining my furniture is neither" Gaius growled.
Again, Merlin banged the brush on the table, his face flushed with hot anger. "Fine. If that's all you care about right now, I might as well leave you two gentlemen to your discussions. Talk, talk, talk. That's all you can do!" He swept by the appalled knight and behind him the door almost came off its hinges.
"So it was my fault after all?" Leon asked, but Gaius comforted him "it was the King's own mistake. Arthur just can't stand the thought..."
That was all what Merlin heard before he was out of earshot. At top speed he made for the Queen's chambers, bursting inside without so much as thinking about a knock. He recoiled when he saw Morgana in a flimsy underskirt and nothing more; and even this almost made-of-nothing dress was only half way up her body.
"Not altogether satisfied with knowing my brother from head to toe, must you now know my naked body as well?" Morgana's voice was steel in a velvet glove. Gosh, how she loved to tease this man, it never ceased to amuse her.
"I had no idea you two had advanced to talking about nakedness" Gwen said mockingly, while she rummaged through the heap of accessories on a nearby table.
The warlock blushed and stared to the door helplessly, a sight that incited the Queen to even more mischief. "Oho ho Gwen, dear Merlin and I have advanced to many interesting things."
Guinivere laughed out loud. "I shouldn't wonder. Even Arthur comments on the amount of time you two spent together."
Merlin blushed even more and Gwen felt remorse almost instantaneously. "Not that I meant that he's averse to it. Or that you two are doing something untoward or such..."
"Some people would think our doings very untoward" Morgana stayed on her prey's hot track mercilessly.
"Yes, especially Your Majesty's sister" the warlock hissed
The one sentence wiped all amusement off Morgana's face. "I'll get dressed and then we can go. We've not much time, Arthur's scheduled a Council meeting for tonight, we all are to attend; that includes you, Gwen."
Guinivere's shoulders sank. "So I take it there's no need for me to go over my fineries" she said. "No great ball for the King of the Orkneys and the rest of the damned lot."
"No" Merlin replied. "I shouldn't think so. Rather a big battle."
Gwen shook her head despairingly. "Why can't things be easy for Camelot? Just once?"
"Because, while they're after the Crown for their own bloody offspring, these so called noblemen style themselves as close friends of Uther Pendragon. Since when has my dear father caused anything but trouble and unhappiness?"
For all her brazen behaviour, the Queen was taken aback by Guinivere's crestfallen looks and she hugged her former maid tightly. "Don't fret like that; it's bad for the child."
"Who gives a damn?" Gwen was all burned up in an instant. "I never wanted the darn thing anyway. Nothing good will come of it, I know it, I just know it..."
"I wait outside" Merlin said. In the corridor, he leaned against the wall, suddenly exhausted. He could not get rid of the thought of what Arthur would say if he knew about his wife's latest spleen. For Gwen's husband, this child was a joy and beacon of hope. For the mother, it was nothing but a burden, she had said so frequently and it was a small miracle that so far Arthur had not witnessed her outbursts.
It took Morgana a while to calm her sister-in-law. When she finally joined the warlock in the corridor, she looked strained; all her former light-heartedness vanished into thin air.
Silently the two magicians made for the stables and their favourite spot in the woods; a clearing with the ruins of an ancient hunting lodge and the last shambles of a once magnificent terrace garden.
"Shall we begin?" Merlin asked listlessly, but instead of the usual "of course, what are you waiting for?" he earned only silence.
He met Morgana's intend stare defiantly. "What?"
"You tell me" the Queen replied. "What on earth has happened to put you off our little outings?"
Merlin shrugged, his fingers played with the bridle. "Arthur's wrist broke during today's exercise."
This took some swallowing on Morgana's part "How many times is that now?" she finally asked. "Thrice in four months?"
"And it would have been even more often if the prat hadn't been that busy." Merlin's shock was still audible in his voice. "Leon couldn't stop his blade. Your brother was very nearly killed."
"I don't get it, Gaius could heal Morgause's spine, but he's clueless about treating a broken wrist?"
"Don't look at me for an answer, Gaius always says that I won't make a healer, not in 200 years. He also says that Morgause had suffered a clean fracture of the vertebra. It's curable. But Arthur's wrists were… crushed. The executioner brought the iron club down with such force and afterwards…." Even now, the wizard shuddered at what Gaius had told him about Osric's ritual "Arthur must have tried to break free from his bonds while he was tortured further and that didn't exactly help matters."
"So there's only so much even Gaius' magic can do about the damage and that the wrists are continuously strained and overtaxed isn't helpful either" Morgana finished the sentence for him. "Has anybody thought about enlightening my brother on that score?"
"You know him. You know how he is when he wants to ignore a fact."
"So Arthur Pendragon's days as a great warrior are over."
"Leon says that we do not have a better leader, or strategist, only if it comes to wielding the blade himself…" Merlin shrugged again, embarrassed and mortified by what he was saying, as if he was betraying his friend's trust by merely discussing the obvious. "Yes, these days are over and they won't come back."
"The plague over my father, may he find no peace in his grave" Morgana swore fiercely. "For this deed alone he should suffer in the deepest hell."
Merlin winced when he felt her magic stir and lash out at him unwittingly, roused by the anger and hatred that filled her mind. It was like a conscient being, her magic; always in tune with its mistress' state of mind and heart, and yet with a will and purpose of its own. Not a mindless tool she could use; if anything it was a servant who sometimes remembered how to make his own decisions.
And, other than the mistress, the servant had no gentle sides. As a seer, Morgana's ability strove for the dark and haunting parts of the future; as a magician, it did the same.
To distract the aggravated sorceress before she could notice her magic's misbehaviour Merlin added hastily "Speaking about not finding peace, what the hell is the matter with Gwen? I hardly recognize her. One second she's as gentle and kind as she always was, the next she flares up like a small devil."
"Merlin, our enemies are gathering an army against us, large parts of Camelot are still deeply distrustful of the Old Religion, of my sister and of me, until the next harvest is brought in we completely depend on the deliveries from the Ravenclaw and Branguard stocks and they're running low by now. Arthur is overworked and he is scared, very scared. Luckily nobody else knows, but if I can see it, she can too. Would you want to be pregnant in such dangerous times?"
"Frankly I wouldn't want to be pregnant at all, thank you very much" Merlin stated drily. "Having watched Gaius fighting disaster at difficult childbeds, I know too much about it for my liking." He waited for a small chuckle that did not come.
"I should not waste our time on describing our predicament" Morgana said instead. "After all it is why we are here, is it not."
The warlock gulped down a disgusting bout of apprehension. It was now or never. If he wanted to go on with this, he had to do so now. "Yes" he said. "I think it's time to give up on taming your magic."
Morgana bit her lower lip to hide the rare joy that sprang up inside her. Instead she did her best to look intimidated and overawed. "Do you think you can hide that from my sister? Won't she feel that big a surge of magic?"
"We won't know unless we try."
In silent unison they brought the horses back into the woods, where the animals would presumably be safe. Coming back to the clearing, Morgana took her usual position opposite the ruins and Merlin in her back. Effortlessly the witch called her magic and it rose obediently, causing Merlin to gasp when it reached his body, stirring up his own gift in the blink of an eye. As they had done many a time during the last four months, since their return to Camelot and the coronation, they harmonized their magic energy flow, channelling the raw power that was Morgana through Merlin's mind and body.
But this day was different. For the first time ever, Merlin did nothing to suppress the aggressive energy. Instead he called for it to rise even higher, to do what it had come to do, without holding back.
And the witchcraft obliged. It ran through the warlock's every vein, through every shred of his being, hilarious at having found such a vessel for its power. It was seductive, overwhelming, like fire and ice, marvellous and utterly fascinating. Merlin laughed as he raised his arms, never before had he felt such strength and might at his command. He gave himself to it, willingly and without restraint.
He never noticed when he lost his own will under the onslaught of Morgana's euphoric mind. His own magic combined with hers, they both acted as one being, incredibly happy, self-centred, thoughtless of anything but their union and how it felt. Almighty. Boundless. No limits, not of morals, not of fear, not of consideration, nothing. They could do whatever they wanted, for no other reason but that they just could do it.
They both screamed with joy without knowing it and when the climax was reached, when the power engulfed them completely, Morgana let go of her power and it surged forward.
Lightning flashed through the forest, a wild tempest raced through the clearing from all sides at once, thunder crashed deafeningly and blinding rain flogged the trees and ground of what a minute ago had been a peaceful forest. All hell broke lose; pieces of the old ruins raced through the disturbed air, it sounded as if heaven itself would scream with pain and terror.
Merlin had no idea how and when it had all ended. Somehow the rapture and the all-consuming fascination went away and left him numb. Exhausted. And more than a bit bewildered. What on earth had happened here?
He looked around and was disoriented. What was this place? He was sure he'd never seen it before. All right, it was something like a clearing, surrounded by dead trees, dashed to shivers. The ground was ….. flattened. No buildings, no animals, no plants; even the soil had apparently been washed or blown off. The rocky ground looked like a body whose clothes had been ripped off by a brutal hand. Death and destruction, everywhere.
"Oh Merlin, can we do that again, please? Tomorrow, will we? Please." Morgana hugged him fiercely from behind, her body trembling with happiness and utter fulfilment, her eyes and face radiant, more beautiful than she had ever been before.
"The darkness to your light. The hatred to your love." The words echoed through his mind but he had trouble to grasp their meaning.
"It's all dead" he muttered instead, suddenly chilled to the bone. Awe? Disgust? Or fascination? Who could tell it apart? "Dead" he repeated. "Just like that."
"Och, it'll grow back. It always does, bad weeds grow tall." Morgana smiled happily into his face. She looked like life itself, no hair out of place, no exhaustion, no regret or second thought. "Don't you see what this means, Merlin? For you and me? For my brother? For all of Camelot?" She laughed breathlessly. "Who cares if Arthur can wield a sword? With the two of us at his side, he doesn't have to. All Albion will tremble with fear before the power of Camelot!"
"Was that me?" Merlin thought, barely listening to her. She was, after all, just repeating his original thoughts. "Am I responsible?"
"Isn't it just perfect" Morgana continued. "One Pendragon to carry the flag, one to actually fight our enemies. Like two sides of the same coin. And we have you to thank for it."
"Thank me? For this? How can anyone be grateful for creating a desert?" Merlin thought he'd said it. Fortunately, he had not.
Even without it, Morgana's face lost a bit of its radiant happiness and surety. "What is the matter with you?" she frowned. "Are you sick or something? It was what you wanted, wasn't it. And it was a success."
"Let's go back" Merlin replied hoarsely. "It was enough for one day."
She shrugged callously. "You know, you're a bit fragile, for all you being the warlock born of legends." Purposefully she strode towards where they had left their horses, only to jump back with a soft yelp when she reached them. Her white stallion was well enough, although scared witless. Morgana tried to calm the wretched beast; all the time avoiding the sight of Merlin's horse. The warlock's black mare was clearly dead. Her legs and neck were twisted and torn. Her mouth and eyes still showed her suffering before death had released her from agony.
"I'm sorry" the sorceress said nervously. "I have no idea how this could happen."
"It doesn't matter" Merlin replied harshly. "It was a beginner's mistake. Next time we will take better care."
"But you loved the animal. You took such pride in her." Only silently she added "because she was Arthur's gift to you. The day we came back. The day we thought we'd already won."
"I said it doesn't matter. We will learn to handle these things. At least we know now what you are capable of."
"I think there could be even more. Enough to blow an army off the battle field."
"Perhaps."
"It's what you wanted. Something to make my brother invincible, without a sword, without a warrior's glory and to hell with all the noble tittle-tattle and empty talk about the knight's code." Morgana raised her hand as if to slap the warlock's face. "Damn you, you bloody hypocrite, can't you just admit it?"
"You're right" Merlin yelled back. "It's what I wanted. It's what I still want. Because it is necessary. That doesn't mean I've to like it, does it."
They shared the horse for their way back, saying little or nothing at all. Until the citadel's gates came into sight. "Merlin, I wanted you to know….. whatever the consequences, I'm glad we did this. I wish I could tell you what this means to me. I'm no longer just a guest." Morgana smiled, albeit it wavered a bit. "It's what I always wanted. To really belong. To be needed. Arthur always was. Now he needs me."
Merlin winced when she suddenly grabbed his hand painfully. "I never knew what my magic was for. It only scared me, drove me away, from Uther, from my home, even from my brother. Morgause gave me a first impression, but now I know it is my destiny to fight with it, for what is dear to me. Don't you understand?"
Spontaneously he squeezed her hand back "I understand, Morgana. Believe me: I understand all too well." He smiled ruefully. "It was the same for me. I only wish I'd told you years ago. It would have spared us all an awful lot of trouble."
It was a thought he'd often had in the past. What would've happened if he and Gaius had introduced Morgana to her magic? Would she have turned to Morgause then? One word, just one word in the right moment, and Arthur would never have seen Devil's Claw.
It was a humiliating thought. In the end it might have been his cowardice, his fear for his own life and future in Camelot, that had brought all this misery and suffering about.
"If only I knew what is dear to you now, Morgana" he thought wearily. "Your brother? Camelot? Morgause and her schemes? Or just yourself?"
And yet, through all his doubts, something nagged its way into his thinking. A small, in normal times thoroughly restrained part of his mind – or so he preferred to think - was determined to have a say in that. "What I would give if it were me."
