Title: Episode I: The amphibian menace

Rating: PG (I do kill a guy)

Author: Me myself and I...oh yeah, and Estelrond aka Elven Dreamer

Disclaimer: I do not own Tolkien, but I pray that I could somehow get

ahold of the elf. Please? ok, I guess that's a no.

Comments: Answer to San's fic challenge "Best Death for a Red Shirt" I actually wrote this a loooong time ago and just dug it out of my archives.

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"Only you would decide to take a short cut through a swamp, Strider." The elf tossed an evil glare at the aforementioned individual.

"How else were we supposed to lose my escort?" asked Aragorn innocently.

No answer, but the king could feel the elf attempting to bore a hole in the back of his head by stare-power alone.

Just then, a huge alligator reared its ugly head propelling itself out of the water towards them, jaws wide. The frogs popped out of the water in droves, attempting to escape.

Aragorn leapt back while Legolas sighted in on the creature with his bow.

But, Aragorn's bodyguard had arrived on the scene, being a little more persistent than their wayward monarch had planned on.

An especially overzealous man leaped at the huge reptile, screaming at the top of his lungs, distracting the Alligator, who almost had ahold of Aragorn's leg.

Then one of the runaway frogs decided that the man's wide-open mouth looked like a safe enough cavern, and leapt inside.

Within a few moments, the erstwhile rescuers face turned red and he dropped to the ground with a thump, the froggy cutting off his airways. He gasped and gurgled, attempting to dislodge the creature, Legolas in the meantime had already done away with the offending Alligator and they turned to the suffocating guard.

The captain of the guard shook his head with a sigh, "I'm afraid he's croaked, sire."

"Him or the frog?" asked Legolas innocently.

"Both I'm afraid." replied the captain sadly.

"Aw, that's a shame." mused Aragorn.

"Yes, but we can always replace him." consoled the captain.

"No! I meant the frog! I've never seen a nicer looking specimen!"

The king suddenly found that his face was covered with mud. Legolas stood there, another mudball in his hand. "ARAGORN YOU ARE THE UTTER LIMIT!!!!!!"

And Legolas chased the ranger all the way home where he hid behind Arwen.

And the captain and the guards buried their fallen companion in the swamp.

Later they decided that it had all been a plot. That the swamp things were planning to take over the world!

Finis

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Stay tuned for Episode II: The attack of the Pond Scum!

J/K! Ok, I was bored, and it's wacky, but the plot bunny wouldn't get its teeth out of my ankle till I wrote it...

Elven Dreamer Child
"I know I gotta die someday, but it's not on my schedule for another hundred years."