A/N: Please be nice as this is my first Harry Potter fanfic, and I don't know if there are others like it but I guess so- please review, as I would really like to know what people think! Snape is amazing, I love him (well, almost), and he didn't deserve to die the way he did. So, again, please tell me what you thought, and here we go! Jazzola :)
I didn't deserve it. Nagini's fangs in my taut neck, the Dark Lord's fingers curling on the end of his wand, the cold words of "I regret it"; there was no regret in there. No, I didn't deserve it. Not after all I went through to protect Potter from the Dark Lord. Not after the years slaving away at Hogwarts, not even allowed to teach the subject I loved and excelled at, forced instead to reside in the dungeons… Not that I really minded. Still, there are better existences.
That said, I felt at home at Hogwarts. I felt happy there. There was no Dark Lord breathing down my neck, not until the very end. Dumbledore was there until his death, which I am not sure I was ever forgiven for (especially not by those who knew of my affiliation with the Death Eaters), and he trusted me. I cannot say he did not as he told me his most confidential secrets and invited me into his every trust. His trust was like a warming sensation in my iron-cold heart. His closeness to Potter was the one thing that ruined what would have been a good working relationship.
That and, as well as me knowing his secrets, he knew mine. He knew of my love for the angel, the red-haired, heavenly, kindred, vivacious, beautiful, bright, selfless, brave, wondrous, talented woman who wove her way into my heart and remained there until it ceased to beat, and past the grave as well. That was the secret I held closest to my heart and hoped beyond hope that she knew.
Lily. My one reason to protect Potter. The boy sprung from my one love and the boy she had chosen, the boy who had taunted and bullied and hated me as much as I hated him, if that were possible for him.
Deep down, I was envious. He had her love, his popularity, his friends and his pure-blood status. Being the Half-Blood Prince wasn't quite as resplendent as being a pure-blood would have been, and I knew it. What I would have given to be that arrogant, stuck-up, devilish, cruel, taunting, powerful, enchanting, clever, defiant, courageous, and, despite it all, loving Gryffindor boy. Everything. Everything, I swear.
But mostly for Lily.
Oh, Lily…
I shall stop now. I have no idea who you even are. You read this as it flows from the screen into your eager eyes, and as much as I hate baring my soul as I am now I tell you, this as I believe it will help. Not me; I am past help. I am with Lily again, but I am without life. Never mind it. I am at peace now.
It will help the people out there who wonder what I thought. The famous Severus Snape. Killer of Albus Dumbledore, slave of Voldemort, lover of Lily Evans and enemy of the Marauders and overall the Death Eaters, in the end. Did I deserve the fame?
I didn't deserve to die the way I did.
My journey was long, it was shrouded in my denial and deception and secrecy. But I kept my pride. Right until the end, I kept that at least. And my love for Lily.
That is why I asked for Potter to look into my eyes. In his eyes was Lily. He was half her. Half the beauty who had stolen my heart and then loved my enemy to repay me. His eyes were hers, in that final moment, as my aged and stone heart beat its last and then stalled, flickered, died.
So do not despair for Severus. After it all, I died with my pride and my love and my soul in one piece, pure and- dare I say it?- happy after all.
Life is not meant for the likes of me. Death and the peace it brings, is better.
