Parts of my life flash before me as I walk into the lighted stage. My relationship with Edward makes me smile lightly without meaning to. Even though it was over years ago it still made me happy. It wasn't important that it was over, what is important is that it happened. After that I went to live with Renee and Phil in St. Louis and when his time in the minors was done he was recruited to play for the St. Louis Cardinals. Just like that everything started looking up, our life was comfortable and Phil was happy. I started to learn music, playing the guitar and the piano, and then I started writing songs.
My hand wraps around the mic. It's so natural now being in front so many people and on live TV at the same time. Music starts behind me.
"I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,
People would say, "They're the lucky ones."
I used to know my place was a spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on.
Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
So many things that I wish you knew,
So many walls that I can't break through.
[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
Next chapter.
How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy,
And you're doing your best to avoid me.
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us,
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here,
But you held your pride like you should've held me.
Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud.
[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like they care less,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.
[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now.
And we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate 'cause we're going down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
The end."
The song ends and I take seat on a couch across from the newswomen. She has a plastic smile plastered on her face and thanks to the slight high from singing a moment ago I'm smiling too. "Ms. Swan, it's a pleasure to meet you." She says.
"It's great to be here, Stephanie."
"We all know your history in St. Louis from your time on American Idol but you weren't there for long before that. Now I did a little digging and found out that you were born in the small town of Forks in Washington state. What's the story? Why'd you leave?"
I look toward the teleprompter and the streaming video next to it. The girl looking back at me is plain old Bella wearing fancy clothes and make up. She's beautiful but nothing compared to others like Rose or Alice. I look down with a sigh calculating my words carefully. "Some people know that my parents separated when I was extremely young, around two-ish. I grew up living with my mother in Phoenix and I spent most of my summers with my father in Forks. When I was 17 my mother was remarried to a minor league baseball player, who has since moved up to the majors, and I moved to live with my father. While I lived with him I met a guy and we were together for almost a year, maybe more. He broke it off and moved away with his family."
Stephanie gives a compassionate, "Ohhh". The audience follows her example.
"I was a minor wreck." A complete understatement. "I stated to hang out with an old friend who later became my boyfriend, our break up was a lot smoother than my previous one. Still the memory of that first haunted my every moment of my life there in Forks. I went to live with my mother just before my senior year. Surprisingly enough St. Louis is an amazing place to make it in country music." I laugh. "I tried out for American Idol and here I am now."
Stephanie shares my laugh that time. I smile but it comes out hollow. An awkward feeling creeps up my spine and then I get the feeling I don't belong where I sit. It happens all the time in interviews no matter how natural the performances are. What would they say if they saw me now?
We go on talking like we're good friends. She asks questions and I give edited answers about varying topics. I wonder if it's like that for all superstars. Then it comes to it, of course it always will, my bad luck with guys.
"Alright, I have a confession to make. I knew about Forks, I wanted you to say it though because it leads into this, I spoke to some residence in Forks who told me about two relationships you had there. Care to comment?"
"I almost wish I could say no for the sake of the two others involved but since you've mentioned it everyone will be all over it until I answer you so I have to." I sigh. "When I first moved to Forks I had no intention of getting into a serious relationship but he was more than a girl like me could ever want. He was amazing, smart, athletic, and musical. Very few people knew but he could play the piano and he composed pieces that sounded like something written by a professional. We overcame a lot of things together but then as I said he moved away. Later a guy I'd known forever helped me back on to my feet. We started hanging out and restoring our friendship. Our relationship just kind of happened naturally over time. He healed the pain of my previous relationship, though, no matter what I was broken goods and he deserved so much better than that."
"You miss them both don't you?" her voice is softer now more sincere, this wasn't expected.
"Yes," I smile lightly. "I still talk to one of them, but things are different now."
"Thank you, Ms. Swan, that's all we have time for today."
"It was great, Stephanie, thank you for having me." I retain my composure as best I can while still on set. Once the cameras are off and I am in the studio bathroom I was nearly in tears. My phone vibrates in my jeans pocket. "Hello?"
"Hey, I saw your interview, you ok?" Simon asks.
"I'll be ok, I promise. I'm going back." I say running my hand through my hair.
"Why?"
"I need to end it right with him. We both will benefit from this; I know I need to get some things off my chest."
"You'll get through this and I'll be there as soon as possible." He promises. "I love you, superstar."
"You've got it backwards, you're the superstar." I smile. "I love you, too."
