A typical SI fanfiction because honestly I wanted to try this out. My writing style is all over the place and trust me I am fully aware ! I plan on improving, but also, personally, I feel unstructured writing works for me to express what I need. It might be a little odd ? but I hope you do stick around ! If you don't pick this up from the story, I am incredibly anxious 24/7 so I feel I am doing something brave by posting this !

This is just the 'building blocks' chapter, the real story begins in the next one.


I, Alex Rhodes, did not die.

Psychogenic amnesia, also known as dissociative amnesia, is a memory disorder characterized by sudden retrograde episodic memory loss, said to occur for a period of time ranging from hours to years.

For Tsukimi Takahara this was her reality. It seemingly came from nowhere, there was no plausible explanation that could assure her family and provide insight. One night Tsukimi, no older than ten, had woken her parents to a horrible fright. Screams that put nails on chalkboard to shame, they'd rushed to find the source, the sound leading them towards their daughter's bedroom only to find the girl in hysterics, with no way of calming her.

Five years had already passed since she was diagnosed with a sever and odd case of amnesia. One that was almost unheard of. Even so, little by little she began to reconnect with society. Relearning a language she'd forgotten, much to the doctor's surprise (an odd case indeed), took a lot of time, as did gaining new and old knowledge on the Japanese culture.

Tsukimi couldn't remember what she'd been like before. If she had any friends, she'd lost communication with them. Perhaps because while she recovered she'd been forced into home schooling. A shame. From what her parents told her, the girl had made plenty of friends before. A bubbly, outgoing person who wasn't scared to engage in conversation. The spotlight was always on her.

Amnesia was the best cover up, it fit perfectly even without guidance or influence towards the idea. Perhaps the universe wasn't against her after all. It helped her readjust to her new life and gain the information she needed to pull it off, all without anyone suspecting the truth behind the wall of lies.

Tsukimi Takahara. A young Japanese girl at the tender age of fifteen, one which was smart enough to get into a prestigious high school even while home schooled all throughout junior high.

I, however, was Alex Rhodes, a nineteen-year-old (or was I twenty-four now?) girl who'd one day woken up in an entirely new decade, an entirely new country and, most importantly, an entirely new body.

To start things of I'd like to point out that, no, I did not die.

I was just spirited away, of sorts.

You're right in thinking 'no fricken way' because, frankly, it wasn't true. But it was the best I could come up with, the only plausible possibility to ease my mind at the time, to lessen the anxiety which threatened to consume my every waking moment.

Because I wasn't me anymore. Because when I woke up, I had realised, with a start, that I wasn't in my room. A room, yes, one that was well furnished like any bedroom would be. Normal, aside from the fact it wasn't mine.

Because when I cautiously got out of bed, heart in my throat, I felt long hair fall down my shoulders.

I had cut my hair months ago.

The bed I slept on wasn't mine, the clothes I wore weren't something I'd ever owned, my chest, which I always cursed, was unusually flat.

I can't tell you what I was thinking in those moments. I can't possible describe how terrifying it was. Thinking back, the whole thing feels like a big blur. I couldn't concentrate on my racing thoughts because it had taken everything, everything, to retain control. Control over my emotions, my anxiety and the impending doom which closed in on me.

The moment I had passed a mirror, I lost that control. In that moment, I had shrieked in surprise because I had not realized it was a mirror. I thought it was a window, with a person looking in at me. Even their own shocked reaction registered as normal.

That scare had left me a shaking mess, but had somehow eased the fear. Now that the unknown had showed itself, it was easier to grasp. Like in a suspense horror when the demon finally shows on screen. The fear of the unknown vanishes, leaving you to face the truth before you. That isn't as scary.

That's what I had believed. That the suspense had gone.

Until I realised.

That wasn't my possible kidnapper (she was far too young for that, right?), nor was it the last surprise I expected to have from them.

Because I realised.

As I raised my shaky hand from my chest, so did she. As my expression paled, she did hers.

I had never screamed so loudly before in my entire life. I was never one to express myself through yelling and screaming, but in that moment, I had lost any and all control over … well, everything.

I barely registered the couple who burst through the door, obviously having heard my throat wrenching screams. I had no idea what they were saying and I had no idea who they were. They looked as panicked as I did, if not more, to see me, now fallen on my arse, scooting away as far as possible, until my back pressed against the wall.

The woman, through worried eyes, had tried to calm me down. I don't remember what she was saying, but her hand motions had indicated for me to take deep breathes.

But I couldn't. Like any sane person, who had no idea what was going on, I promptly lost my shit. Until I got myself into a total panic that I passed out.

Yeah. That happened.

Any possibilities of dying and being reincarnated were completely scratched off the list. Losing my mind, however, was not. The biggest fear of mine was just that, which didn't help rationalize the situation. But, come on, how could anyone make sense and logic out of this?

I was someone else.

My 'adjusting', given I hadn't died, just like to point that out again for the people in the back, and I hadn't been given the opportunity to start fresh – no baby problems for me – took me five years. five years before my situation went from worse to straight up problematic with a tm. Spoiler alert, I had not adjusted to my life.

Just like in my real life, my shit was not together.

I figured if I had gone insane, I might as well go along with it until something pulled me out. I kept looking for signs of normality, something that would trigger my mind and erase the illusion. Or if I'd been forced into a coma that I would hear voices calling for me. For many, many nights I listened for them. For my parents, my friends, hell even the damn doctors. Even now, a part of me foolish hoped for such an outcome.

Despite being the mess I was, getting my head in gear when situations made no sense was something I was decent at. I was alone, and for a while that scared me, but life wouldn't wait for me to overcome that. I had to push on with what information I had. I couldn't let doubt and fear consume me this time.

That's how I was able to be Tsukimi. Or … not, but I did play my part as the loving daughter. It was beyond strange at first to have new parents, ones I hadn't formed any bonds with or emotional attachments. They weren't mine. They could never be mine. Sadly enough, I think they knew that too, but for the different reasoning that I had suffered from memory loss. Of course they were very sweet and kind, especially Tsukimi's mother, so I just tried to think of them as my aunt and uncle. Even if I wasn't close to my real extended family, imagining them as such felt right.

I was never motivated in my old life, that's probably why it was a complete mess, but this time around, as Tsukimi, I worked hard. It felt good to have a structured life, even with the setbacks and restrictions of home schooling. Or maybe it was just guilt that I'd taken their daughter's body and who knew what had happened to her soul when I had entered.

That thought was the one I dreaded every night.

I … tried not to think about the what ifs.

Tried.

Oh and when I said a different decade, I meant it. Another reason why I knew reincarnation wasn't a possibility was because usually you'd be born again in the near future. You don't go back in time. Hell, I wouldn't have even been born yet. As someone addicted to the internet you can understand my disappointment. No texting either, which meant facing those dreaded phone calls I tried to avoid most my life.

Writing this all down on paper really sucked, but I still did it every night. I wrote down everything from my perspective. Mine, not Tsukimi's. I was scared I might lose myself and forget my true memories. I never liked writing in a diary, but these days it kept me at ease.

It was a good thing I did. Like I said, things went from bad to worse in a matter of years. When I thought things couldn't get crazier. Reality had torn before my eyes once. I figured once was enough. Reading over the days I first attended high school felt like a messed up fanfiction. I just couldn't believe I hadn't realized in advance, but given I was far from the real action it made sense. There were no warning signs. No familiar faces or events that would make everything click.

This really was a messed up fanfiction. For once I wished for a mary-sue because unlike me they wouldn't screw everything up. Or have an anxiety attack on their first day at school. They could strut their stuff and not give a shit what everyone thought. They weren't like other girls. I just wished I was. The nerd in me screamed in delight that morning. Or would have, if not overshadowed by dreadful doubt, insecurities and the possibility that I could, in fact, die if I dared step foot into their world. Into their adventure.

I would like to point out that I, Alex Rhodes, did not die before.

And I didn't plan too.


You don't know how long it's taken me to write the first chapter, it's always the hardest part !

I've always said I would be the worst person to throw into a series of any kind. I am a coward at heart who relies on self-depraving humor to cope with the unstoppable self-loathing and fear(tm). At best I'd be the comic relief side character, who has no special ability but throws out funny one-liners sometimes. I will be separating myself from .. myself ? in the way that I understand that 'Alex' isn't a perfect person and makes mistakes, and I also need an outside perspective to portray that better.

Anywho ! It begins. I've adored the 'becoming a baby and getting thrown into fiction' trope that is in many fanfictions, I honestly love it ! I wanted to try a different approach though with Alex practically invading someone elses body. The 'not dying' part keeps that attachment to her old life with her, and it is something I want to go into.