She remembered it happened in a flash.
Sarah Jane was on the verge of closing this investigation, she had actually found herself in space after what felt like an eternity. She didn't know where the teleport went, but in an effort to find out what she had been trying to deal with the past few weeks…she took a risk the Brigadier would most definitely have her head for later.
It had been years since the Doctor left, it wasn't long but to her it felt like forever. She swore the time she spent in the Tardis warped her sense of time so it flowing normally was no longer something she was used to. She wondered if that was why he never stayed still, because if he did he'd feel every second tick away on the clock. She was almost driven insane by the end of month one, and of course there was the fact she was being nagged as to why she found herself in Aberdeen.
At first, she wondered if she dreamed it, perhaps she was a bit mentally unwell. But of course, the evidence of aliens creeped back into her life weather she liked it or not. She started investigating instead of avoiding, and it became her life. She was honestly trying to move on from the Doctor, perhaps he was never coming back like she hoped. After all, he could never properly drive that blasted thing…
So she tried to make a life for herself, it wasn't the life she had planned or expected but she found some sort of fulfilment within it. Helping people, here on Earth…three years ago she would have never have thought she could have gotten used to living on this planet again. However, there were consequences she couldn't avoid, travelling with the Doctor and seeing what you see with him will always change you.
She had drifted away from old friends, the few people in her family felt like she had completely transformed. She saw worst of humanity and now occasionally had a slightly cynical point of view. She hated it sometimes, but she couldn't help but insult the 'humans' for reacting the way they did to completely innocent creatures and people that were merely lost.
'Humans', perhaps she was slowly becoming him. Maybe she finally saw the situation more from his eyes and now knows what this sort of thing does to you. She wondered if he thought of Timelords the same way when they weren't considerate, and she knew that they weren't exactly innocent either.
When she explored the spaceship she had found herself on, she looked for any clues as to where she was. It didn't look Dalek at least, she'd be royally fucked if it was. She then felt an unusual presence behind her, she didn't know if it was because of her current state of paranoia or she was completely correct but she needed to look just in case.
She slowly turned her head, merely looking past the strands of her dark hair beyond the corner of her eye.
Ah yes, she was correct.
In self-defence she got out her makeshift sonic device, it didn't look nearly as pretty as a sonic screwdriver but this was all she could attempt to make from a few scraps of alien technology. She was sure the Brig could forgive her after she got this situation under control.
Raising it in front of her, she was face-to-face with a man. His face was almost intimidating, bright sharp blue eyes, expressive eyebrows and mad white hair. His attire almost reminded her of a magician, he stared straight back at her with his own sonic device pointed in her general direction.
"Who are you?" She asked with strength in her voice, the man's expression however wavered. It was like he suddenly got hit with a wave of what she could describe as guilt combined with depression. "Are you the captain of this ship?"
"No." The man responded bluntly "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked his voice breaking ever so slightly.
"I could ask you the same." She responded with a slight smirk "Are you part of the crew, if so I'd very much like to meet your leader."
His face was stiff and he suddenly became difficult to read. She was now a little confused, this was far from the usual reactions. The room became cold and silent, almost as if they were attempting to read each other, all the while time was ticking and Sarah could feel every second knowing what would happen if she was too late.
"What are you two going to do?" Asked another voice down the corridor "Assemble a bookshelf at each other?" This voice was also male, he was a short bald man wearing a pair of glasses he started adjusting. "Who's she then?"
"Quiet, Nardole!" The man snapped, staring right back at Sarah Jane again his eyes narrowed, as though he was remembering something "Why…?" He asked "Why are you all the way out here? You should be home, on Earth, safe!" His voice started to rise though less out of anger but more concern "Don't tell me I did this to you…"
Sarah's head tilted slightly as she tried to place his face, she had not seen him before but…God something about him felt oddly familiar. "Who the hell are you?" She asked "I'm sorry, but I don't think we met-:"
The ship began to shake and tremor interrupting their strange, confusing moment. Grabbing the sides of the ship, Nardole let out a frightened yelp "This always happens! You always get distracted and we always end up in the way of the bombs! I swear to God, I'm going to kick your arse!"
"Bombs!?" Sarah's eyes widened, before she could get an answer the man roughly grabbed her by the arm. "Let me go!" She tried to struggle but his grip was tight, he dragged her in the direction Nardole came from as the explosions came closer and closer to whatever floor Sarah ended up on.
"Long story short: A Mistress is blowing us up. Now you shut up, and come with me if you don't wish to die." His words were as sharp as his eyes. It was a little colder than she expected somehow, and it wasn't long before her eyes fell upon a terrifyingly familiar sight.
A blue box, the windows gently glowing with a gentle hum. For a moment, everything was slow-motion for her and the man's words made sense. As she was thrown quite roughly in and the strange short man followed, she was greeted with a sight she was unfamiliar with. The interior was completely different, somehow…it felt far bigger on the inside than she remembered.
She wondered if she was dreaming again, she was dreaming if a different face and perhaps the miracle that he would stumble upon her again but. She even pinched herself, yes…she was awake.
She looked at the man again moving around the console, she suddenly realized why he was so familiar. Even with a different face, he moved around the same he spoke to his companion the same way he would her to Harry in the past. She felt her eyes well up, the tears stung more than she expected.
She was relieved and upset at the same time. Why was that? Why would she be this sad?
She remembered his cold words, how angry he seemed that she was on that ship. Perhaps there was a chance her meddling got too far.
"Are you alright?" Nardole asked pulling Sarah Jane out of her trance "You seem upset."
"I-I'm not…" She responded painfully aware that she didn't look fine at all, the man went silent and stayed that way. It was the cold shoulder she always feared from this man…
The Doctor, though not hers.
…Who was she kidding? He would have always been her Doctor, no matter what face or body he changed to, she already accepted that on the first regeneration she witnessed. It was still him, inside if she looked deep enough she could always see the face she once knew within his smile. Even with this one she could bet, she could see even those two faces if she tried.
But he wasn't looking at her the way he used to, not gently and not affectionately. It was the sight of guilt, she had already guessed why. It was leaving her, at least for however long he did. She could take it if he just came wandering in, she would probably get mad at him for worrying her but at least he would be looking at her, he would be talking to her…
"Doctor…" She said his name, Nardole suddenly seemed to feel awkward about the situation.
"I think…" Nardole began "I should fetch a nice cup of tea, anyone want one? No?" He glanced at the look between the two "I'll…come back in a bit and just leave you two uhm, alone."
He walked at a speed that he was sure he never walked before in his life. The tense air would get to anyone.
All the while the Doctor was silent, he stared at the scanner. That was until he finally spoke "What were you doing there?" He repeated his earlier question.
"I was investigating…" She felt like she could barely breathe.
"You could have died if I didn't find you…" He voice was low like a growl "You could have died…you could have…" He was no longer stern, his voice was almost as though he was on the verge of tears himself "I was hoping you got on with your life, perhaps you gained one where you had no room for me. But at least, you would be happy, safe."
"As if it would ever leave me." She replied, she could hear his hands shaking on the metal of the console "I guess I couldn't resist…"
What a reunion this was, it was awkward and far darker than she had imagined. She thought he would be far bouncier like he used to be, but now it was almost as if…some light had vanished since then. Whatever he went through, it pained her to see the result.
He moved away from the console, still not making any eye contact he approached her steadily. He stopped merely a few inches from her before looking at her face finally. "Your eyes…" He paused "They're sadder."
"So are yours." She responded looking directly into his own.
"I missed you." He commented "I wish you weren't so reckless, I'm still mad about that by the way."
"Reckless?" She asked wide-eyed, he looked as though he timidly jerked back "Me, the reckless one? A bit hypocritical, don't you think?"
"We've been together again thirty minutes and you're already lecturing me…of course." He brushed away some of his mad white hair "I…missed that too."
She felt her heart pound for a minute, perhaps she wasn't entirely over him after all. "Your new face…" She pointed out "I like it."
Finally, a weak smile began to spread across his face "Good." He simply responded "It was a bit of a rough regeneration and…at first I was a bit off-put by how old it was. The other me wasn't too pleased either."
"It suits you, I think…" She tried to give a weak smile herself "For a man your age you look rather good."
It was quiet for a moment before they both let out laughs as weak as their smiles. "I missed you too." She then commented "By the way."
It was then only the sound of the TARDIS humming played through the room. His sharp eyes however seemed to change to more softer ones for her, for a moment she could swear his forth body was hidden within that sad smile, trying to show her he was still him even if he was more burdened by the past than he once was.
"My Sarah Jane." He finally said in a gentle tone, she could feel herself quickly blush at the merely touch of his hand on her cheek.
A part of her wanted to pull away, she feared him flying off again and she had to go through all the work in trying to 'forget' what they once had.
But there was nobody else, he probably raised her standards in men more than the average human could achieve now.
It was then a crashing came from the Tardis halls, the Doctor rolled his eyes "Oh for fuck's sake…" He grumbled, she rarely heard him curse this casually so this was…definitely new. "Nardole!" He called behind him "When I come in there you better not have fucking broken anything!"
He wandered off, giving a gesture than he'll back in a minute. She wanted to sit down, it was a lot more to take in than she thought. She found herself stumbling towards a chair and almost collapsing on it. She heard some more cursing, crashing and she wondered how long it had been since she had been in a place this lively.
She let her head rest against the chair as she closed her eyes for a moment, just letting what happened there sink in. Somehow, she was still a little upset…perhaps it was all the stress and anxiety over those three long years finally overflowing in the presence of someone she trusted. A part of her just wanted to have a small breakdown and tell him how she really felt lately. How afraid she actually was.
It was a bit of a cruel thing to do this quickly however, she just wanted to enjoy being back here again either way. "I'm glad to see you again…" She murmured to instead, the TARDIS itself. She wondered if she could hear her speaking, sometimes on occasion she felt like she did and even occasionally reacted. "I missed you, too. The nights were always far too quiet without your engines humming away."
For a moment she could have sworn the console glowed a little more brightly, and welcoming feeling that seemed to rise in the room. It felt almost like home.
The Doctor came back and looked down at where she was sitting "We might have to return to Earth, Nardole is a bit of a pudding brain and may have turned on the blender instead of the kettle."
"How does that change anything?" Sarah asked, he scratched the back of his head.
"The blender is a rather…unique blender and I may have left something inside that set alight." He explained clapping his hands together "Nardole tried to put out the fire by using some very expensive tea towels and I may have thrown and bucket of water over the top."
She was amused, that was certain. "So, we're going to Earth so you can replace your kitchen supplies." She said and he gave a nod in confirmation.
"Alright, you might as well come around to my place then. I might have something spare." She offered "I mean, that isn't an invitation for anything else or anything."
"What else could it be for?" He asked almost cluelessly, no matter how many times she said it, he seemed to completely miss that. It was a blessing in disguise in situations like this.
"Well, it isn't an invitation to set my home alight." She jested as he went back to the console. She was able to stand herself up once more in order to watch him work.
He better get it right this time.
He was more accurate than she remembered, he missed by a few miles but the Doctor decided it was a chance to go on a small road trip. Well, he called it a road trip it was more like they ended up borrowing a car and he sat there trying to remember how to drive while asking Nardole to stay in the Tardis since he'll be fine.
She ended up taking the driver's seat.
He kept rambling the way he used to, he kept telling her of adventures and he seemed rather determined to make her laugh. When she asked what all the bad jokes were for, he simply responded he thought she needed them…he was more observant than she thought. Perhaps as the years passed, he became more aware of human emotions.
When she managed to get them home safely he seemed to be unwilling to go inside straight away, he took her by the hand and dragged her off into town. It was almost as though he was flirting. When did he start flirting? He wasn't amazing at it but he got the message across. It was difficult to tell herself she got over him when he was stupidly charming.
He didn't let them return until it was late, and by then she was exhausted in the best way. She hadn't been able to just…relax in a long time. She hadn't been able to spend time with someone she trusted in a long time either.
"Nardole will be mad you left him." She commented as she casually went through her kitchen drawers.
"I left him in Glasgow once, he'll be fine." The Doctor responded casually. She was so distracted looking to replace the burnt objects for him she didn't notice him coming up behind her until he grabbed her hands. She was pulled towards him without even a second for her to process the situation "Do you remember when we returned from that adventure? After I had almost died?"
"Which time?" She asked "We almost died a lot, sometimes I swear we were both borderline adrenaline junkies."
"You know what I'm talking about, Sarah." His expression was more serious this time "You cried for so long, you asked me how you knew I was going to survive next time, that you felt selfish but you didn't want me to leave you. I knew why you kept saying you wanted to go home, Sarah Jane…you were testing me."
As the topic approached something that included her past or her own feelings she seemed to get visibly nervous.
"You wanted to know if I would just…leave you. It was an inside joke, and one time I actually did." He stated, his face fell "But that's not the night I'm talking about. I'm talking about what you asked. Do you remember?"
She glanced away from him "To prove you had reason not to leave me."
"So, I looked into your eyes." He paused only to brush some hair out of her face "It was something I couldn't say with words, I always had trouble saying it. But I knew there was one way you would know, I wouldn't have needed to say anything."
She knew what he was recalling, but she almost felt inclined to let him continue, he had a different face and yet…it felt so much the same when he spoke of what happened outright.
"So" He leaned in "I did this."
When his lips pressed against hers, she almost pulled away. She couldn't let herself suffer from him leaving again, especially when she had more than enough on her plate. But the familiar cold of his skin and yet the warmth that overtook her had made her throw away her fears for a second.
Just a second.
He pulled away before she could, leaving her disappointed? Confused? He seemed to be waiting as though he wanted an answer, or at least a reaction that told him what situation he was in.
Fuck it, she didn't want to think about everything today. She gripped his coat and pulled him into another kiss, however he pulled away slightly so he could speak "Well, I didn't exactly expect that." He spoke against her lips as she kept him close.
Then she started crying, great. How awkward.
He suddenly looked really worried, he started giving a gentle 'shh' as he pulled her into his arms "What's wrong? What happened? Was it too soon?" His questions were being shot at her like bullets.
"I don't know…" Her voice trembled "I'm j-just stressed I guess."
"You know what? Nardole can just go sleep in there. Come along." As he said this he lifted her up like she was completely light to him, he seemed to seek her bedroom before dropping her on the bed. "You look like you haven't slept in weeks, stress-crying is normal when you've been doing nothing but chase alien threats all the time." He started rambling in that thick Scottish accent of his. "Get ready for bed, tonight you're not going to think about any of that."
She heard him rummaging around, she now wondered of this Nardole wasn't the only one that broke everything in the TARDIS. She decided for now to obey what he said, he was right she was incredibly tired and she could sure use being comfortable right now.
When she was dressed for bed she found herself simply collapsing on top of her bed. It was so soft…
She looked up when she heard him return, she sat back up and rubbed her eyes to see what he was doing. He was holding a hot cup of what appeared to be tea. "Open wide." He said, she looked a little suspicious but she did so either way.
He popped a jelly baby into her mouth.
"I know you liked the orange ones so…" He looked so sweet to her right now, one day he was already trying his best to make her feel better. After she had swallowed it she gave a quiet thanks as she glanced towards the cup on her bedside table. He sat down quickly at the end of her bed, she couldn't help but stare at him for a while.
"What number face is this, by the way?" She was mostly asking to distract herself.
"Twelfth…" He answered "You could say I died quite a bit."
She gave a gentle nod with a look of concern, he leaned in to press his head against hers. She could almost feel him telepathically asking her not to worry, please. The words however were floating and were a little more static than they used to be. Perhaps his aim was off today…or he was indecisive on whether or not he wanted to send the message.
She let her head fall to his chest, she was now feeling the exhaustion from earlier and she found herself enjoying the comfort of the Doctor. "Thank you." Her voice was muffled against his chest, she felt his hand gently stroke her hair in response.
"You never have to mention it." He gently replied almost in a whisper.
She didn't know when she fell asleep, she knew for sure however that she was out like a light. It was almost like a second ago she was lying on him and then, the room felt far darker by the time she opened her eyes again. When her senses returned she realized was tucked into bed, the Doctor couldn't be seen anywhere in the room so for a moment she believed she was in her worst fear. She truly was dreaming it up, or he had left while she was still asleep.
After all that, after recalling their first kiss again, after acting as though he was going to stick around he couldn't have just left her, right?
She got up quickly and checked what time it was, 1am…she really slept. When she quickly went downstairs and saw the living room light on however, she couldn't help but let out a sigh in relief. Of course, he didn't need as much sleep. He would be up at this time, wouldn't he? She peeked into the room to find he had decided to look through her book collection, well her aunt's but it would be hers now…
She wandered in slowly, trying not to disturb his focus as he remained sat on the chair near the bookshelf. However, his head snapped up with that rather stern face and all. He probably didn't mean to look that way, she guessed that was how this one was.
It had a charm to it though, she had to admit.
"What are you doing up?" He asked standing to look over her, he was still so tall he could pick her up, pat her head and do all the things he used to if he really wanted. She hated to admit it, but sometimes she liked the feeling of trusting someone so much she would let him simply do that…knowing he wouldn't intentionally hurt her at least. "You should be sleeping."
"Well, I woke up." She responded, her voice was a little weak from the remaining grogginess. "What are you doing?"
"Catching up on my reading." He replied turning to another page "Isn't this your aunt's house?" He then asked, she suddenly got hit once again with the knowledge that she passed away so soon ago. Well, it was over a year now but it still felt quite soon.
"It was, not anymore." Her answer was enough to let the Doctor know the situation, he put down the book. "I inherited everything, I walk around here and I still expect her around the corner sometimes. Sitting in the kitchen, telling me her stories…" She felt herself rambling and stopped, but the Doctor listened to her intently, after all he understood what it meant to lose people, that she knew for sure.
"I'm sorry for your loss, I should have really been around." His voice was lowered by the obvious guilt, however since she was slightly less tired now she had decided she didn't want today to be born from guilt or obligation alone, she wanted to know if he was staying here because he wanted to…
"If this is because of what happened years ago, it's forgiven you don't have to force yourself to stay." She outright said it before she had control over her own words. He gave a strained smile, stood up from his seat and faced her.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be, besides I wanted to lose Nardole and have some me time. Babysitting him takes all the energy out of me." He spoke with humour in his tone, as usual he tended to avoid most emotional talks that were about himself. He was fine if it was here of course, but back in the day she could be as bad as him.
"Why recall what happened back then? It's been longer for you, thought you would have been over it all by now." She was being cynical, he closed his eyes and breathed a sigh.
"I never get over it, I just keep coming back to you. It concerns me that I left for Gallifrey, got lost a few times and even forgot my own name in my eighth body more than necessary. I meet you and for you it's only been a few years, but your eyes have aged about a century and you constantly have that puppy-dog sad look." He began on his ramble, though his last comment may have been an accidental insult "Of course, I have to take care of you. I'm the one who did that to you, on top of it all you lost your aunt and my goodness your family is so stuck-up I bet they don't even send Christmas cards."
"That is probably the most accurate description of them I've heard…" She scoffed "And, puppy-dog sad look?" She then asked, seeming just a little huffed.
"It's your eyes, t-they do that…thing! Whenever you get upset they get all shiny and as though you're about to start sobbing any second." He answered bluntly "And almost every single time you do, you used to cry quite a bit especially when you thought I was dead. You know Sarah, I kept coming back you can save the tears."
"Wow, what put you in a bad mood? Sorry I cried over the possibility losing you." She started to get irritated, where the hell did this come from!? Did she say something wrong!?
"Plus, they're inhumanly cute, when they do that. If you did that I would have taken you to God knows where if you asked." His rant continued as if she never opened your mouth "Of course I knew you would be fine, then you show up on a I spaceship above Earth with the cute puppy eyes constantly activated, I just had to come to Earth and take care of you because bloody hell, nobody else will."
"I don't need to be taken care of, Doctor. I don't want you here if you just pity me." She argued, his finger raised and pointed at her. She was now angry and she had no idea why, perhaps it was because she felt as though all those compliments were just his way of sugar-coating his pity. She was pitiful to him? She didn't want people running around for her anyway.
"There they are again! Sad puppy eyes!" He stated.
"Well, when your hurt someone that is what generally happens, you better leave since my crying annoys you so much."
"It does annoy me."
"Well what are you waiting for!?"
"Because you keep hiding it from me!" He finally rose his voice; the neighbours were not going to be happy tomorrow. "I'm not here because I pity you." He now returned to a softer tone "I'm here because I'm…concerned." His head fell into his hands and Sarah Jane was silenced by his response. "I know it sounded like I only pitied you and felt obliged because of it but, honestly I'm incredibly bad at this."
He gave a sad chuckle as he looked up at a ceiling. Sarah stayed silent the entire time as seemed to gather up his words properly.
"You know when you love someone dearly, and they seem to believe that they're helping you by pretending they're alright. They then break down, so you take care of them…but you can't just leave because you know they'll say they're fine the next day and act like nothing happened." He suddenly looked so tired as he spoke "That's you, you were always like that. You'd get so stressed you'd cry, then you'd feel afraid of talking about it because if you did…you'd probably cry more or worse, your burden the person you're telling." He lifted a hand and placed it on her cheek "I've lived for so long now that anything you tell me, it won't burden me. I can carry a bit more, so please talk to me…tears and all."
It was like those words had a magic effect, she had already relaxed. She could already feel herself choking up as she tried to say what she was thinking aloud. It was strange, when it came to fighting for what was right and speaking her opinions it was easy…but the emotional parts were often quiet daunting.
"I'm terrified I won't come home alive tomorrow, I miss my aunt so much, I feel almost completely alone because how can I be the same after everything I've seen? And God, I was so relieved to see you again you cannot believe." She held back the tears just to say what she wanted to, for so long "I was just so glad I could talk to someone to understands…"
She was pulled into a tight hug "Yeah." He simply responded "I do understand. I'm here now."
She had been there for a while, she didn't know exactly how long. But before she knew it she had found that they had gone back to her bed, she found herself lying with him as he listened to her just…talk. About the things she didn't speak of mostly, and it was strange he returned the favour and spoke of what was happening with him lately as well. Gallifrey is gone in another dimension, everything and everyone he began losing and then…the conversation somehow drove itself away.
It had been a while since she laughed this much at this time of night that was for sure, he spoke of a few of his misadventures, getting arrested, mentioning how he may have made one of his hat stands a legendary weapon and how he forgot how to drive. She told some silly UNIT stories, how the Brigadier was and how boring those UNIT parties were. It was surprising considering they investigated aliens all the time.
"I'm sorry." He then said as they began to go silent "I'm trying to learn to be better at this…emotional thing."
"It's fine." She responded, seeming to fall into a slightly better mood "I actually forgot a little how to do it myself." She then admitted, after all this time it was surprising how little she really connected with anyone, if anything this was a wake-up call to how much she had locked herself away emotionally.
He took a deep breath, looked her in the eyes and tried to pass off a comforting smile. It didn't exactly work the way it should have with this face, but Sarah appreciated the effort he was making "I won't leave for as long as I did again." He then said without even a second thought "I didn't used to control the Tardis well as you know, however I've improved a lot since we last met. I'll be able to see you more regularly, if you wish. I mean, since you have a life hear I figure you may be hesitant in leaving after all."
Sarah shook her head, the way he looked now was almost as though he had become a little flustered. Somehow, he seemed more connected with the 'emotional thing' than he did before. When he was younger, he would have never seemed this embarrassed over asking if he could see her more, or even suggesting that he'll come with her again.
She almost didn't feel as old anymore, it's been only a few years but she did feel as though it had been one-hundred. "You never had to ask." She responded placing a hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down. "You were never this shy around me."
"I-I'm not shy…!" His response made the situation only more amusing "I'm just trying to be considerate! I did disappear from your life and dropped back in with a new, more handsome face it would be rude if I didn't ask first!"
"I know, I know." She said with a slight giggle, honestly teasing him like this was far more fun than it used to be. "But really, don't be."
"I mean, I even hugged you…" He then said, almost saying something off-topic "I don't hug often these days, but uhm…you needed it. If I truly lacked confidence, I wouldn't have hugged you. I know what face you're probably pulling anyway. You always looked at me with slightly lovestruck-: HEY!" He was suddenly playfully hit in the arm by Sarah as he tried to redirect the situation onto her.
"Don't bring this back to me, that only makes me believe I'm right~" She commented "You tend to do that."
"Or maybe, you made this about me because you were shocked at seeing me as I am now. Losing the stupid scarf and hate and bringing in the fantastic fair and minimalist dress sense." He began to tease himself "Admit it, you were just as shy when you figured out this face was mine."
"Minimalist…?" She asked, tilting her head almost as though she was thinking "I thought you were going for magician this time around." The words seemed to leave him in a state of shock.
"So, I was right…?" He asked "I DO look like a magician." He spoke to himself, Sarah had to hold back a laugh at his sudden realization that he had went for something completely different than intended.
"I'm not complaining, though." She decided to quickly make a comment to make sure he didn't actually feel bad now. She didn't want to make it seem like she implied that she didn't like it either "Like your face, I think it suits you."
"Well." He tried to hide the smile on his face but it was clearly breaking through "Of course, I grew out of my awkward phase."
"I kind of liked the scarf, though." She said, unable to not smile back at his current expression.
"Of course, you did." He winked, it was clear what kind if joke he was making and she honestly forgot about it for a moment before realizing what she walked into "You definitely did. I can still get it out you know-: Oh, come on that won't work twice." He watched as she playfully hit his arm again gently, of course it didn't actually hurt the first time either. It was just a bit of a shock until he knew her usual response to being quite flustered.
Sarah's cheeks were slightly pink yes, but she refused to back down on him in this playful bickering "Yes of course you would bring that up." She gave a slight smirk "However there was that one time-:"
"No." He simply stated "Don't you dare."
"…You tangled your own hand in it and we had to spend at least 30 minutes setting you free." She continued anyway, making him roll his eyes.
"Again, why I got rid of it. That was embarrassing." He then finally admitted "Honestly, it was a good way to get out of trouble sometimes but the old me didn't predict how much of a pain that thing was."
"Nice to see you change the topic to general annoyances when I get close to bringing up things that will make even your face turn red." Sarah however, recovered from earlier and seemed almost no longer bothered by certain memories that were brought up. Because goodness, how dare a Timelord do something so very lower-Gallifreyan-y. Maybe some of the pride of his class didn't help him speak about it unless she was of course, the more submissive in the situation.
It wasn't exactly being sexist for him, gender never mattered to the Doctor. After all, he several times implied his own gender could change (which she did state, didn't really matter to her anyway. So, it wasn't an issue) but it was more about how easily shamed he was thanks to the way he lived at home. She tried to be patient, but she wished honestly that he was more able to admit such things. That their relationship was always on equal terms and it didn't always matter in the end, it wasn't like he could be shunned anymore for having such relations with a human. Never mind the fact he could be vulnerable in front of one.
"Well…" He said, running his hands through his own hair "I guess I still feel guilt." He was talking about his feelings, which was a start anyway. He'd normally keep deflecting at this point.
She wondered if all this time made him able to open up a little easier, it was probably for the best. "It's alright." She reassured him "I was joking around, you don't have to push yourself. I think one of us having a breakdown today is enough."
"Although…" He said in a lower husky tone "If it's alright with you, can I stay here for the rest of the night?"
"Of course…" She replied, he took her hand and held it gently.
"It doesn't have to be that but, I just need to…" He paused.
"That's fine." She placed a hand on his cheek "We'll meet Nardole extremely late tomorrow and keep is guessing either way. From the looks of it, you'll have a lot of fun with that."
"Oh, most definitely." The Doctor seemed almost exhausted by this point, emotionally more than physically. But at the same time, he seemed to be rather relaxed where he was.
"Maybe I could even leave him guessing for a few more days…what do you think?"
