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Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, and these are not my characters :(
BPOV
It had been weeks since Jacob stopped talking to me. And even longer since I've heard Edward's voice. I feel like I'm falling apart all over again. The two most important people in my life left me. I didn't think it was possible for one person to feel so much pain. It hurt, it hurt really bad. The hole in my chest was aching more and more each day, ripping me apart. I needed to do something to numb the pain. Jacob had been able to that for me once, but not anymore. There was only one other option. Be reckless and stupid. Problem is, I don't know how to do that anymore. Motorcycles are out obviously, cliff diving too. What else could I do? I needed to think of something soon though. I don't know how much longer I can live through this pain without some relief.
It was Friday morning, I was still in bed and I needed to be at school soon. I rolled over to look at my clock, 8:00 am. Crap. Okay so I needed to be at school really soon. I got up, grabbed my toiletrie bag, and walked to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, threw on some clothes, and brushed my hair, leaving it down and wet. Then I grabbed my keys and headed outside to my truck. I didn't bother with breakfast, it would probably just fall through the hole in my chest anyways.
When I arrived at school there were only a few minutes left until first period began. I didn't really care about being late, I just didn't want to have to explain to the office aid the reason for my tardiness. I didn't want to explain anything to anyone. It hurts too much to talk, it makes my throat ache, and I can hardly breathe.
But of course right when I reached the main door of the building, Mike Newton caught up to me.
"Hey Bella", he said a little too loudly and I cringed away from the sound of his voice.
He smiled at me apologetically and then lowered his voice. "So Bella, me and Jess and Ben and Angela are heading up to Port Angeles tonight. We're just gonna grab some food and catch a movie or something. Do you wanna come? It'll be a lotta fun."
My God, it was times like these when I was forced to question Mike's mental status. Could he really be that dense? I've barely talked to him in months. He's seen what I've been like. Did he really think I was up to a reunion with all my old friends?
What I really wanted to do was yell at him for being such an idiot. But instead I just smiled at him politely and and shook my head. "Sorry Mike, I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight. A lotta studying to do you know?"
This obviously wasn't the answer he wanted to hear because he just frowned at me and started to beg.
"Oh come on, please Bella? We never hang out anymore. It really will be fun. Just a group of friends hanging out and getting into some trouble" he laughed.
I smiled as wide as my lips would allow at his last sentence. Of course I knew he only meant it as a joke, but trouble was exactly what I was looking for right now, what I needed. After all, I'm sure I could find way more stupid and reckless things to do in Port Angeles than in Forks. I could get there early, find something to do to cause my hallucinations, and then hanging out with Mike and company wouldn't be nearly as bad.
Mike took one look at my face and I could tell he knew he had won. What he didn't know was that I wasn't doing this for him in the slightest.
"So you'll come then?" he asked excitedly.
I nodded my head, "sure".
His smile got even bigger. "Great! So do you need a lift? I'd be happy to pick you up".
'Of course you would' I thought to myself. "No it's okay Mike, I'll drive. What time do you want me to meet you at the theater?" I asked him, needing to know my time limits.
"Uh, how about 7:30?" I could tell by his voice that he was upset I turned down his offer.
I nodded my head again. "Sure, sounds good Mike, see you tonight." And with that I opened the door and ran towards my first class, entering the room just seconds before the bell rang.
The rest of the school day went by in a blur. I decided that I would leave for Port Angeles right after last period. I still wasn't quite sure what I was going to do to coax Edward's voice into my mind, but I had a few options lined up.
1.) I could jump into a public pool and stay under even after I run out of breath.
2.) I could break a few empty bottles and walk on the shards of broken glass.
3.) I could play chicken with the traffic on a busy road.
I was leaning more towards number three. It sounded less painful than number two. And if I was going to die, I would much rather get hit by a car than drown. My goal tonight was not to kill myself, no. I simply wanted relief from the constant pain I was in. But if I were to die, hey, that would just make the relief permanent, and I would have no complaints.
I looked up from my desk when I heard the bell ring, signaling the of the day. I grabbed my bag, keys in hand, and practically jogged outside to my truck.
When I got inside I took the cell phone I never use out of the glove compartment. If I was going straight to Port Angeles I wouldn't be able to leave Charlie a note. So I decided I should leave a message on the machine.
The line rang five times before I heard Charlie greeting me and telling me to leave a message, then the beep.
"Hey Dad, it's Bella. I'm not coming straight home from school today. And I won't be there for dinner either. I'm going up to Port Angeles with some of my friends. See you later tonight. I love you."
I tried to put some liveliness into my voice whenever I spoke to Charlie. But I was sure that message sounded just as lifeless as every other time I spoke.
I put the phone away and started my truck, pulling out and starting my hour long journey to relief.
The only time I could eve think about him, hear his velvety voice, see his god-like face, was during a hallucination. That was the only time it caused relief. And time I thought about it when I wasn't hallucinating, was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The air gets knocked out of my lungs and the edge of the hole in my chest sear as if they're on fire.
So right now, as I drove I tried very hard not to think about him. I just focused solely on the relief I would feel, how the hole could be temporarily closed up, and I could live the rest of this day pain free.
As I drove past the sign telling me I was in Port Angeles, I started paying more attention to my surrounding, looking for anything familiar. I passed the bookstore and the dress shop I had been to just a year before. But when I passed the restaurant that he took me to, I clutched my chest and involuntarily slowed my truck to a crawl. I couldn't breathe. I needed to look away. I decided it would be better if I didn't look around. So I just drove straight to the movie theater and parked.
I got out of the car and started walking. It had been about an hour and I wrapped my jacket tighter around my waist, it was freezing out. 'What the hell happened to global warming?' I thought to myself. I was frustrated that I still hadn't found a busy enough street for chicken to actually be considered reckless and stupid. I looked around and noticed it was starting to get dark. 'Dammit, I should have parked somewhere else'. I didn't want to be late for the movie. And it would probably scare Mike and company if my truck was there and I wasn't. But I wouldn't be up for our outing without hearing his voice.
I decided it would be better if I just turned around and went back to the theater. It was already going on 6:30, giving me an hour to get back to the truck and drive home before Mike got there. I would call him and cancel.
It was full blown dark out now. I had to depend on the street lamps to see where I was walking. I missed Arizona, where it rarely got dark before 10:00. It never stayed light out in Washington passed 7:00.
I was just turning the street corner when I heard a voice that stopped me dead in my tracks. And my heart beat furiously in my chest, that was very much there at the moment.
"Bella, stop". It was him. It was Edward.
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