Before we begin:
Hello everyone! I'm the KeyboardWizard and I do hope you enjoy my story.
This is admittedly my first time writing fanfiction for Girls und Panzer, even though I've been reading GuP fanfics for almost a year now. I just haven't summed up the courage to publish a story yet for this anime, even though I did publish a story for Fairy Tail once; it flopped immediately. I might have to rewrite that one...
Anyway, the idea for this story started a year ago when I wanted to create my own North American school, but then I realized that there are already a large number of fanfics that are based on this premise, so I started to looked for other ideas, and then ten months later through some crazy thought process, I come up with the idea of writing a fanfic about Ami Chouno's high school tankery days. This fic serves as a thought experiment for as well. I get to imagine what Ami and Shiho were like back in the day, and I also get to express these ideas in the form of a story. Yus!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the canon characters, places, events, and things that are present in this story. I only created a handful of OCs and several (not all) of the events in this story.
Update 15/09/2017:
Looks like I'm back from the dead and back at it again with another go at this story that just can't let me go. I've had some time to think about what I wanted to write and why I had such a hard time to come up with fresh ideas, and fortunately I've figured it out in a quick and timely manner.
The prologue and chapter 1 have been reverted back to what they were before the 06/05/2015 update. They were loaded with problems, but I wanted to keep them because I hope they would serve as a reminder for me about what my writing was like in the day.
I hope you enjoy!
Once every year, Maho and the rest of the Kuromorimine tankery team go out on a retreat, usually to celebrate a job well done in the nationals. Even if she lost this year, she was still permitted to go, and soon her bags were set. She bade her mother good-bye, and left.
Unknown to her, Shiho used these days when Maho was gone as a time of reconciliation and rest from her duties. It was also only on days like these did Shiho grant Kikuyo freedom of speech and the option of calling her "Shiho-san" instead of master or madam. This wasn't unconditional though, as it was mandatory for her to have at least one conversation with her master, which she was more than happy to oblige to; she loved talking to people, which she could not do a lot as a servant of the Nishizumi household, and she knew the older woman was deeply troubled by many things and was married to a man of whom only comes home once every few years.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was the only person Shiho could ever call a friend.
It was a Sunday. Both of them were playing against each other in chess in front of a large window overseeing the the ocean beyond the borders of the ship deck. Kikuyo sighed in content. It was a beautiful view.
"I have made my move," Shiho stated. Kikuyo looked at the board to see the enemy knight on a different square. It was a bad location though. She took the knight with her bishop without the fear of retaliation. Shiho looked abashed.
"It's not like you to make a mistake in a strategic situation, Shiho-san," Kikuyo said. "Is there something else that you're thinking about?"
"It's about the final tankery match," Shiho answered.
"Ah. I'm listening," Kikuyo said. Shiho made her move on the chess board.
"Miho's victory was not based on luck. I realized that much. She has considerable skill and great tactical sense, and led her team to victory even in the adversary of her older sister."
"Yes. That's a good thing, isn't it?" Shiho nodded. "So, what's the problem?" Kikuyo moved a piece into position.
"I always thought discipline and straight up training were enough to build strength and achieve victory. This has been proven for 9 straight years. However, my own daughter who did not even follow the Nishizumi style of tankery managed to be victorious in the tournament."
"Yes that's true," Kikuyo said. Shiho made another move.
"So, what are your thoughts about this? Am I doing something wrong?"
"Hmm." Kikuyo thought for moment. "Well, I've always thought of education as toast and butter."
"Toast and butter?" Shiho repeated as a question. Kikuyo took another chess piece and set it into position.
"Yes, toast and butter. Imagine toast being discipline and butter being freedom. If you spread a whole bar of butter onto one slice of toast, you will have one layer of toast under a ridiculously thick layer of butter. It will be messy, hard to eat, and the butter in that quantity will tickle your throat. At least, that's what happens to me. This is what happens when there is not enough discipline at a school. It will be messy, and the teachers will have a hard time settling the students down."
"Keep going."
"However, if you only put an extremely small amount of butter onto one slice of bread, there will be too much bread and not enough butter. It will be bland. This is what happens when there too much discipline in a school. The school will be boring and just not interesting at all. The students will be bored. Unfortunately, I think Kuromorimine has too much bread and not enough butter."
"So, you think this school is boring?"
"Well, not to that extent. But I believe you should grant Maho some more freedom in terms of what kinds of decisions she can make on the battlefield."
Shiho sighed. "Well, I can't do that. The Nishizumi style puts many restrictions on the movements that the commander can do. It's for the best. Are you telling me, the head of the Nishizumi household, to break the rules that I have followed all these years?"
"Not break them. Bend them. Remember what you did for Ami Chouno and the old tankery team?"
"I broke the rules, not bended them, and you know I can't break my rules a second time. If I do that, I'd call myself a disgrace to the family. I'm sure there is another way."
"Well, if you can't do that, then at least bring back the old you."
"The old me?"
"Yes! The you who would always tell tales of old victories of way back when you were the captain of your tankery team. Bring back the you who would always kiss them on the forehead before they closed their eyes and went to sleep, and the you who would always take them to the garages to have a peek at the tanks, and the you who would always find time to spend with the people who you truly cared for." Kikuyo took a deep breath. "Please, return to them the person who you were before your mother's death." To finish her statement (and to avoid eye contact, as Shiho's mother's death was probably a touchy subject - they've never talked about it), she moved another piece.
"All I ever wanted was to raise my daughters so they would be the best tankery commanders in Japan."
"Yes, I know. You told me that many times before, and I don't doubt that you want the best for Miho and Maho," Kikuyo said. "But I know there's another reason for your sudden change in attitude, and I would really like it if you told me. All I want is to help you."
Shiho hesitated, looked out the window, then said, "I just want to atone my keeping secrets against Mother. That's why I want to follow the Nishizumi style as diligently as I can, and that's why I want my daughters to be the best. So I can make amends with Mother. So I can get rid of my guilt. I hate this feeling, and all other emotions. They hinder my ability to make rational decisions."
Kikuyo agrees that emotions can get in the way sometimes, but they can also be empowering. Love, for example, is a powerful and empowering thing.
She knew what the secret Shiho was keeping was all about, and, to be honest, she didn't think of it as bad thing. In fact, it was quite noble of her. However, she never understood just how Shiho felt about it until now. But she knew the remedy for this feeling that was been plaguing her these last several years.
"Then I think it's time for you to forgive yourself, Shiho-san, not just for yourself, but for the people around you as well," she said. "Maho realized you weren't the same person you used to be before your mother's death. She realized that you were working longer hours and that you would scowl all the time. She once asked me about your sudden change, but I said I don't know anything about that, and that she's probably just imagining things. Yet, she persisted, but never figured out why. That's one of the reasons why she wants to keep on doing tankery in the Nishizumi style, to please you and to see your smiling face once more. There was another, equally important reason, but I forgot it, though I know it had something to with Miho."
She took another breath. "In any case, I think it's time for you to forgive of what you did 11 years ago," she continued.
"How should I do that?" Shiho asked.
"What would your mother say if you did have the chance to tell that you kept a secret from her for the sake of others?"
"If it was for the sake of others, my mother would forgive me that one time. She would half-heartedly give me a punishment, just because the Nishizumi code says so, and then she would pretend like it never happened."
"Then, it's settled. If that's what your Mother would say and do, then so be it. She would have forgiven you, so you should be able to forgive yourself now. Now that you're the head of the Nishizumi School, you can change the rules as you like, even if it's against the tradition. Just think of it as adding more butter to a bland slice of toast."
Shiho looked thoughtful for a second, then reverted back to her perfect poker face.
Kikuyo smiled. Of course Shiho wouldn't be convinced by one conversation. She just wasn't that kind of person. Changing the rules of the Nishizumi style was an alien idea, even by Kikuyo's standards, and she knew Shiho would first calculate all of the pros and cons of this action. Tradition, reputation, motivation, love and duty for daughters and mother, and strategic opportunities and setbacks from changing the code would all be factors in Shiho's decision. Even then, it was nice to see her master at least considering that option.
However, it was the willingness of forgiveness that bothered Kikuyo the most. Was Shiho really ready to forgive herself? The younger woman hoped she would choose to do so instead of the misery she had caused for herself and her family. Well, that wasn't in her hands anymore, and so she decided to give it a rest.
She glanced at the chess board, and made her final move.
"Checkmate."
"Yes. Checkmate," Shiho said in agreement. "You know, Kikuyo, if the circumstances weren't so unfavourable back then, you would have grown up to be a fine tactician."
"I guess," Kikuyo said. "However, I can't change the past, no matter how much I want to." She started to put everything back in the box. "If you ever come clean with Miho and Maho, shall we play again?"
Shiho grinned. "Perhaps."
