Hello ladies and gents it is I, your faithful writer, hoping to get into your good graces once more by writing yet another fancfic for you all. This is actually a prompt from the lovely Jameson Rook that I was asked to do about a month ago - right around the time I went on my little hiatus. So Miss Rook - and the rest of the Castlefic community - I present to you "Vigilant", a Post 3x24 fic based on the song 'Always' by Bon Jovi.
Enjoy 3.
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, ABC or any of the people associated with these franchises.
He couldn't stop staring at her. She just looked so different. Her hair – those brown ocean waves that he had only felt a handful of times – was thin and oily, bunched up underneath her head and neck, softening the stiff pillow she rested on. As he held her hand he felt her skin dry and ashy in place of the soft, smooth, creamy state it was usually in and he stared at the top of her hand in contemplation. She seemed too frail and lifeless to be real do he decided that this was just a scene from one of his books.
No; he would never cause harm to even the fictional version of her – he would never put Jameson through that – so it would be a scene from someone else's book. How would someone else handle it? Someone else wouldn't be in this situation because he wasn't madly in love with someone else's girlfriend. That's right, he had admitted it. He had already said it out loud so why not say it over and over in his mind? Probably because insanity was repeating the same thing and expecting a different result. No matter how many times he said it in his head she would still be with her boyfriend, she still wouldn't return his feelings and he would still be without her.
This sucked.
This situation was made worse by a very attractive doctor in a white lab coat entering, looking at her chart and then looking at her with such sorrow and love that he almost felt sorry for him; almost. He reminded himself that this man was the enemy when it came to his romantic life and so he must do everything he can do stay in her life without making her unhappy. If he made her happy, so be it. It broke his heart but he would accept it.
When the doctor came to her side and held her other hand he let him.
"How is she?" He asked solemnly. He knew how she was – he had just read her chart – but asking rhetorically felt nice.
"She's better." In reality nothing had changed but they both needed so hope right now, no matter how false. Both men nodded finding nothing else to say. For being o close to the same woman, the two men hardly ever spoke to each other. There was never a reason to. The only thing they had in common was her and she was in the territory of the unmentionable. It just didn't seem right to talk about her. So they sat in silence watching nothing but her body as her chest barely moved up and down; the only sound in the room was the steady beating of her heart.
Oh, how he wished he could make her open her eyes and smile at him. He would do anything to see those emerald gems shining as they worked through a mystery together. He often wondered if her boyfriend received the same look of intense joy that he often accepted when he provided a vital piece of the puzzle. Did her boyfriend know all of her little secrets? Granted he didn't either but he would bet that he knew more of them. He hoped he knew more of them. Did her boyfriend even know what happened to her mother? Sometimes, it's alright to not know the little things about a loved one but life altering events? That was a big one; one that should be a deal breaker in the relationship department. Maybe that meant that he did know and he still chose to leave her when she needed him the most.
Not that he could complain. Every time her boyfriend left, he got to step in and be the emotional hero. It felt good to know that she needed him as more than just someone to remind her to eat and sleep. He liked being her friend and he liked that there was potential for more.
He wasn't stupid; he felt the passion in their kiss a few months ago – The one that was supposedly undercover. He had believed that for about a second before he felt her tongue graze the roof of his mouth; that was around the time he lost all coherent thought. It had bothered him greatly that they wouldn't talk about it afterwards and it had bothered him even more that she pretended as though she didn't feel anything.
He knew she did but he was too chicken to call her on it.
It's not as though he had been forthcoming when it came to talking about his feelings for her. He had been so close so many times over the last few months but he just couldn't do it - until he held her life in his hands; literally.
Realizing that she might not survive forced his carefully held hand and he had confessed his love for her. Why? Was he hoping that she would say it too; was he taking the coward's way out, knowing that she might not remember it should she survive; was he secretly imagining that his love would save her life? Whatever the reason, it was all pointless now because she was in a drug-induced coma and her boyfriend was right there beside her.
It had been nearly twenty minutes and finally her boyfriend stood, preparing to leave her side – again – and return to work – again.
Then they both heard a groan and the slightest movement of her head and they were back by her side in an instant. They watched as her face came to life and the room regained a ray of color at the sight of her green, bloodshot eyes. She squinted, readjusting to the change in light before turning her head and focusing on one of the men at her bedside. She smiled weakly but happily and squeezed his hand before sighing in hazy contentment.
"Hey." She whispered, her voice dry from lack of use. He responded with a 'hey' and reached for her side table to retrieve a cup of nearly melted ice chips. Every few hours since she had been brought out of surgery, he had placed a fresh cup of ice just in case. He wanted to be able to keep her comfortable no matter what.
"Thanks." She sucked on the ice chip almost sheepishly. Was she nervous or embarrassed about something? He wasn't sure what it could possibly be but he waited until she was ready.
"I need to tell you something." Should he really be talking to her while she was still obviously high on the pain medications? Was it worth it to wait and not ever know?
"What?"
"I love you too." She squeezed his hand again.
Josh stood at hearing Beckett's confession to Castle and shook his head before leaving the room. She still hadn't noticed him but he saw the sorry, guilty expression that the other man offered him before refocusing on his girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend.
The one who stayed vigilantly at her side won her heart in the end, he supposed.
